~*~ Confessions and Thoughts of a Girl Looking to the Future~*~

Hey Jenna!!!

Hey Jenna!!
I see you read Harry Potter!
I love those books, she is such a great author. So spectacular in her writing, so enthralling.. love it..
I have not bought the last book yet... but people were outside of Barnes n Noble that day ..just ..waiting for twelve am to arrive and they would get their book ..lol
did you do that? lol
its pretty neat, but I didn't do it... I will wait ...

but anyway ...
I hope your doing good today ...
I went climbing ..and than had a three scoop ice scream with my friend ...we shared ...
I am weighing the same and keep working at it ...

hope your doing good hun, you sound like it!

always
natalie jooooooo :hug2:
 
Hi Natalie it is sooooo great to hear from you:hug2: I hope your doing really well!

I ordered the special edition one online months ago and didn't expect it to come till Monday but yesterday the doorbell rang and it was here! I was soo excited.
Great job on your climb:)

So yesterday I attempted to eat dinner... I went to the supermarket to get something and I had a breakdown... I started to want to cry... I held in the tears but they were there. This is nothing new it happens sometimes... all the food I see makes me feel sick... I want junk I want healthy things I go on overload and end up wanting nothing... I feel llike crap after and end up not eating.

Brunch today (since I didn't get up till after noon): We went to Ihop ... I got two eggs scrambled with american cheese (only ate a little more than half) whole wheat toast and fruit.
 
Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.
 
...

I know how you feel about your whole breakdown thing. That has happened to me before, and Im so sorry that you have to feel it's crappiness at times too. :( Ive been feeling like that in general lately. I have a problem that few people in the world know about, and my stress level lately has left me struggling. I almost had one of those food breakdowns the other day when people were eating white spagehetti with tomato sauce that was loaded with hamburger meat and parmesan cheese, garlic bread, and all kinds of junk that I couldnt have. I had spaghetti today.. except I only had one cup, it was wholewheat and it was tomato sauce with veggies ONLY. No meat, no cheese. Rawr. So yes, I know that it can be frusterating at times. I also have some light frozen yogurt in my freezer.. I try to only eat 1/2 cup at a time only a couple times a week, but the other night I just wanted to eat it all. I didnt. But I wanted to very bad.

Okay, I DO have a point, give me a second. haha.

I read this quote by "2skinny" somewhere on this forum. I try to think of it everytime I get frusterated with food and not being able to eat what I want to eat, when I want to. Here is the quote:


"I think too often we remember the feeling of satisfaction of scarfing down yummy stuff,
and we forget the feeling of satisfaction of rising above and being strong.
It seems small but it's actually big and we build on it."


Keep your head up Jenna! Youre doing great!

xo
 
Thank you Kari!

I get into funks... a lot actually... when I started nwo I started feeling great. Yesterday was my first overall bad horrible feeling day since I started... I have had days where I feel fat, or sad, or in pain... this is different ... its like the world is gonna fall in on me I can't take it get away from me feeling.

I used to be diagnosed with depression, panic attacks... I used to cut myself a lot... a lot ... a lot... to deal with things like that... when I felt like there was too much on my plate that it was gonna implode on me. I used to not deal with it...

Now I don't deal with it great... I don't eat after... but I don't cut myself ... Now I just cry a little... crying used to only be a little part of it...

Yesterday was probably because I'm tired, I havn't exercised in a few days (no endorphins) and other things...

I just always feel worse because I'm in the store and I don't know what to do ...I almost feel like I'm under attack... Its just weird
 
Boam46 said:
Thank you Kari!

I get into funks... a lot actually... when I started nwo I started feeling great. Yesterday was my first overall bad horrible feeling day since I started... I have had days where I feel fat, or sad, or in pain... this is different ... its like the world is gonna fall in on me I can't take it get away from me feeling.

I used to be diagnosed with depression, panic attacks... I used to cut myself a lot... a lot ... a lot... to deal with things like that... when I felt like there was too much on my plate that it was gonna implode on me. I used to not deal with it...

Now I don't deal with it great... I don't eat after... but I don't cut myself ... Now I just cry a little... crying used to only be a little part of it...

Yesterday was probably because I'm tired, I havn't exercised in a few days (no endorphins) and other things...

I just always feel worse because I'm in the store and I don't know what to do ...I almost feel like I'm under attack... Its just weird
Click to expand...

Hey hun,
I used to cut myself too ... I understand where you are coming from ...

I hope you feel better soon and the grocery store doesn't seem so scary soon ...

always
natalie jo
 
Hey Natalie,

Thanks for coming by. When I would cut myself I was probably at my emotional low. I have had a few slip ups... since I stopped... now if I ever get tempted I usually use my nail to slowly dig into my flesh (that was probably TMI). But I used to use a razor blade and would most often cut between my toes, my stretch marks, and I even became so proficent that I could just stick the razor in my arm so straight that there would barely be a mark.

I'm sorry you've had to feel like that before... because Its just a horrible feeling... to hurt yourself to feel... I used to beat myself up to, dislocated my fingers, punch through walls, punch myself till I got deep bruises.
Boy was my family really Fucked up back then (excuse my french)... and it really screwed me up.
 
...

you'll have to get msn soon! I dont have aim.

Itd be fun to talk sometime.

Okay, I PROMISE, Im going to shave my legs now.. hah
 
Hey Amba... Thank you I think:)

I'm 21 with too much life experience... that I think I'm finally starting to be grateful for:)
 
I understand that! I am 27 and felt 30 before I graduated high school! I actually feel younger now than I did at 18. Too much pressure on my shoulders in the house at that age...actually from age 7 on...

Going to college actually lightened my stress load, compared to everyone else who was feeling pressure like they never had before.

Getting married lowered it even more. Someone finally helped me shoulder my burdens...it is a big part of why I fell in love with him.
 
Amba that is exactly how it was for me... I still cna't go home for more than a few days... its too stressful there... to much was expected of me... too much happened

I couldn't wait for college it was my change for freedom from it all:)
 
I can go home now that my dad is no longer in the house. My mom somehow doesn't stress me out the same way he did. I visit him, but I leave as quickly as I can justify, because he still puts a rock in my stomach.
 
My whole family is just.... i guess "screwed up" is the only way to describe it!

Food today besides my breakfast: two hot dogs

I really need to get back on track tomorrow. I don't know why I havn't been too hungry. I'm all of a sudden hungry now... may have some fruit...but I can not eat too much before I go to sleep... I feel crappy when I wake up... of course now is when i'm hungry :/
 
If you aren't lactose intolerant or vegan, try milk. If I am hungry before bed, I drink 8 oz. of skim milk (sometimes with a bit of nestle quik) and it makes my tummy think it is full. Holds me til morning without having to actually eat at bedtime. It fills you up more than water, but still has relatively little fat/calories/ etc.
 
Thanks Amba... I'm not a milk fan but I can get it down... and its better than stuffing myself with food:)
 
Woke up very sick...NOT GOOD

I have the chills, feel like I have to throw up and sore throat... its gotta be this stupid fluctuating weather!

Gotta bring my boyfriend to work... ttyl

I hope everyone is having a better morning than me
~Jenna
 
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