~*~ Confessions and Thoughts of a Girl Looking to the Future~*~

Thanks Jay!!

I cleaned so much today and the apartment is still so dirty... it was a great workout though. I'm determined to get this place spotless ... it really is the last link to my old lifestyle.

Food today: kashi tlc crackers this morning, carrots, one slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter, two hot dogs, carrots, no sugar added fudge pop.

Have a good night
~Jenna
 
Goooooooooooooooooooooooood Mooooooooooorning everyone,

I still can't believe I dropped another 10 pounds! I'm sorta shocked. I never thought I would be happy for weighing 260 pounds. Its really a motivator:)

I got really bad sleep last night... but I'm still going to the gym and putting my time in!

Breakfast: peach and cheerios (no milk)

Have a good day everyone
~Jenna
 
Today's Quote

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts ~ Winston Churchill
 
way to go for being down 25lbs :) that's wonderful! and for going to the gym even though you're rather go back to bed... attagirl!

Lovely quote today :)
 
Thanks for the support Mal!!!

I greatly need and appreciate the support that I receive here. I'm not sure I could have been as strong as I have been without this forum:)

Horrible day at the gym. I now know why I was sick and awake most of last night... precursor to a migraine. It hit me like a earthquake... I started feeling woozy after 15 minutes on the treadmill... so I got off and started to do my abs routine and then all of a sudden a wave of pain came over me... its horrible... I'm not shaky and in pain... and I had a really shitty short workout:mad: :( I took this medicine that's supposed to relieve them... hopefully it kicks in soon

After gym snack: kashi tlc crackers
 
I feel like I've lost apart of myself. I long for the days when I used to drown myself in creativity... art and music used to fill my life. Even my college entrance essay was about creativity...

I sit and stare at my watercolors... the paints and the paintings... I even sometimes start an outline but I never seem to finish...
I hold my paintbrushes and feel the connection to my soul... i feel the hairs that make the brush... but I don't put them to use...

I don't know why... theres a roadblock... I wish I could figure it out...
maybe its because I'm soo unsure... of life, of myself, of my future, of my present... I want to feel free again... right now I feel so lost

This whole journey...this lifestyle change... is about more than losing weight... I've realized that I'm trying to find myself again... I'm trying to be happy... to be able to express myself...to understand myself
I've lost the understanding of myself... even through all the rough times... the hard times... the miserable and painful childhood and experiences have had... I understood it or at least came to an understanding... I was aware of it... I've just lost myself and now I'm trying to find myself once again...

I want to be sure and confident... I want to know me
 
My head is still pounding... I hope it has disappeared when I wake up tomorrow morning. I hate these Migraines I really wish they'd go away. I go to the neurologist in a month. The meds my primary care gave me barely work... it just sucks :(

Food today: Lunch was turkey and provolone on a whole wheat role (i ate less than half the roll) with onion and lettuce, I had watermelon for a snack, dinner was steak tips with onions.

I hope everyone had a good day and has a goodnight
~Jenna
 
aww Jenna! I'm so sorry you've got a migrane that just won't quit! I used to get those all the time, so I feel your pain. hopefully you'll get the pain meds for it sorted out soon. but in the meantime, congrats on the awesome weigh in!!!
 
Airmanwifey Thanks for stopping by:)

Last night was a much better sleep. I felt very refreshed this morning... well at least from yesterday... today I have what I like to call Migraine hangover.
My father makes fun of me and says all the effects of being drunk without the fun... I don't find it too hysterical:)

Today I hit the gym hard as hell... 70 minutes and 3.5 miles on the treadmill hill setting plus 70 minutes of weight training... I feel great:jump: ... I felt like such a bum yesterday after not getting a good workout in

Too much time at the gym plus a half hour wait at the bank just to make a deposit puts me way off schedule.... I gotta rush to get to school now... I'll be back later

Breakfast: plum and a yogurt
After Gym Snack: muenster cheese and kashi tlc crackers

Have a great day everyone
~Jenna
 
Quote of the Day

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
 
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Sitting in my really horrible class today... I can't believe this is my last undergrad class :(... I came to some realizations:

1) I havn't eaten any junk in a month and a half
2) In the same time I havn't drank any alcohol or gotten high
3) I am going to the gym consistently
4) I'm about to graduate from college
5) The scale is consistently going down
6) I have a family who loves me who I've never been closer too
7) a great boyfriend who is going to go through law school with me
8) When I see commercials for crappy food it actually makes me sick... not to say I'll never have crappy food ever again (just for a treat) but for now it makes me naseous to look at... does this happen to anyone else?

It would seem from these things I have my life completely together. Yet I'm still conflicted... I've never been prouder and more in control of myself (the eating and exercise) yet I'm still kinda an emotional wreck. Why does life have to be sooo complicated?

Lunch: Garden salad with turkey (no dressing)
Snack: Watermelon
 
Hey Tru... Thanks for stopping by.. and you're right it is a positive list.

I didn't even think of it as a positive list just "realizations" :rotflmao: I guess I'm just not used to positive... i should try and get used to it... maybe make more positive lists...whadduya think?

I really want to thank everyone on this forum... if it weren't for this forum I dont' think I could have made it so far... I've never actually stuck to this for so long... I've never felt so understood and supported... there's so much advice, inspiration and support... Its quite an amazing place:jump: So THANK YOU!!!

Dinner: Baked flounder, a potato, and spinach (I left most of the potato over and fed it to my human garbage disposal a.k.a my b/f):)

I think I'm starting to feel slightly positive about myself... what is happening... I'm probably the most pessimistic person ever:rotflmao:

Good night everyone
~Jenna
 
Hey Jenna, you are doing great. I am especially impressed with your workouts. Keep that up and it will pay off. You CAN do this.

Griff
 
Griff: Thanks for stopping by:) You're right I CAN do this. This is the first time in my life where I truly believe I CAN do this:jump:

I slept well last night ...2 nights in a row yay! I was at the gym for almost 2 and a half hours again today
- 70 minutes on the treadmill... only 3.15 miles today though
-10 minutes stretching (my muscles were getting so tense I decided I should be stretching some)
-30 minutes abs
- I'm up to do 3 sets of 60 crunches for each of 5 different positions on the ab bench plus a bunch of the weight machines:)
-30 minutes legs and arms

Breakfast: plum and yogurt
After gym snack: kashi tlc crackers and muenster cheese

I hope everyone is having a good day
~Jenna
 
Hey Jenna!
Wow it is sooo awesome to hear such great news and your loss and discipline is AMAZING! You go girl!! When are you graduating college? Look at all the postitive things you accomplished....I love your "positive" list and all of your inspirational quotes. Keep it up girl!!! :cool:

~Rebecca~
 
Hey Rebecca thanks for stopping by. I am graduating August 30th... its sooo close:) I hope to be down to 240 by then:jump:

I soooooooooooooooo don't want to go to class... it makes me want to gouge my eyes out... It's a 200 level sociology class...and she doesn't even teach any sociology in it... we just talk about gender in extremely relative terms...its so horrible... she's a new grad student who has obviously never taught a class before and she's really bad at it:mad: :mad: :mad: Its so hard for me to go there when I've completed the major already... I just needed a diversity class so they would let me graduate... but off I must go because of her attendance policy... its a really bad one LOL

Maybe I have a slight touch of senioritis too HAHA:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Well I'll be back later...I'm sure I'll survive... I've had a slight time crunch today but I'll put up my quote of the day when I get home from class
 
Quote of the Day

“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” ~Don Williams Jr.
 
Today was a really good day... besides my bitching about my shitty class:)

I like good days ... its been a logn time since I've escaped the complete doom and gloom attitude and perspective.

Tonight I spent awhile talking to my dad on ims ... it was nice... I don't get to talk to him much.. he's always busy in the office. Now that I havn't lived at home for a long time I've gotten closer to my parents... its really nice... especially since all the crap i've been through in my house growing up.

I get scared both of them are going to die early... and its really scary. Especially since I'm finally getting to have a relationship with them. I hated them or at least resented them and was hurt by them (all extremely long stories) and now that we're much closer... I'm scared there going to die. There still young ... both will be 48 this year (my dad on saturday)...but they both have health problems

My Dad: gets no exercise, smokes 2 packs a day, is overweight, eats like shit, has a constant high stress level (Partner in a CPA firm and both of my brothers have issues... one a whole lot of them).

My Mom: a little over 4 years ago now my mom almost cut off two of her fingers at work. She had surgery and all that got fixed but she developed something called RSD. So she's in constant pain and her arm is pretty much unusuable so they have her doped up on all these hard core meds which cause her other health problems... she can't work she can't exercise... she used to be the skinniest little things but the meds just make her gain and gain and she's still in constant pain with all the meds. Plus she has to deal with the stress from my brothers.

It makes me so sad to think that I can lose them now that I'm older and we're actually closer now. I guess its cause I'm graduating and thinking about my future. I have a life plan and I really want them to be apart of it... law school... 3 years of 1st level associate... and then start a family... my b/f and I have it all planned out... I really want them to be around for a long time for when I have children... I can't imagine my life without my grandparents.

I'm sorry this is going on and on and on... I just needed to get that off my chest because I worry about it a lot.

Lunch today: chicken cesar wrap with most of the wrap ripped off and a bunch of the dressing wiped off

Snack: plus

Dinner: chicken stir fry

Snack: no sugar added italian ices

Well goodnight everyone... sorry I got doom and gloom after I said I wasn't :rotflmao:
Typical of me... I guess I'm not toally out of it yet

Hope everyone is doing well
~Jenna
 
You are going to law school? Lucky duck. That's my dream! To go into child advocacy law...

Most schools won't let you work for at least the first year, though, and my husband and I cannot survive without my income. I make significantly more then him, so it would be hard for me to quit.
 
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