LuckyColleen
New member
Sorry for the pretentious title. I've been watching a lot of Masterpiece Theatre lately, lol.
Well alright it is Saturday night and I can't sleep so I thought I'd begin a diary. This is such an excellent idea for a site like this, and I like that folks write about their life beyond dieting as well. Makes everything so much more personal and "real." I warn ya'll, I am verbose, so anytime you feel your eyes starting to roll back in your head just visit again another day, lol. I'll try not to spiral too much into the wah, wah, wah, though it has been a difficult month indeed! Heck, a difficult three years!
But to start . . . my stats, goals, etc.
I am 44, female, 5'6" and 177 pounds. My highest weight has been about 188. That was pretty shocking as before last year I'd never passed the 165 mark. Next I'll answer the suggested initial questions:
-- How much weight do you want to lose? About 52 pounds. I am 177 now.
-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight? Nothing too specific. I’d like to be in my 130’s for my birthday in November, but that would mean losing pretty fast so I’m trying not to put too much pressure. My ultimate goal is 125, perhaps by the New Year?
-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)? Lower calories, far less alcohol, walking and eventually jogging (again.)
-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal? This place seems ideal!
-- How realistic is your goal? I’m trying to keep it real by not setting a strict timeline.
-- When will you start? I already have.
I can't promise to be specific on my calories from day to day, but I'll try to be honest and thorough enough to give some idea of what I am eating day to day. Today I slept in, as I tend to be thoroughly worn out at the end of the week. I am an insomniac, plus I have very early days due to an hour and ten minute commute to work (70 miles one way.) So anyway, I woke early, lay in bed stressing about a few things, and finally fell back into an exhausted, neurotic doze. Woke again around 10am. There was absolutely nothing edible in the kitchen so I went shopping ($125 for me, single me, eeeesh!) and had a large salad around 4pm.
Yes, I know, way too late for the first meal, but if you read my intro you might remember I'm depressed over a break up and I don't tend to get hungry, just weak and peevish. So this salad had lots of good things and some bad things calorie wise (bacon bits, cheese, olives, croutons and I tend to overdo the Lite dressing.) But I didn't finish it, at least, so little guilt involved. I had the salad and some tea sweetened with Splenda. I'm pretty sure I came in at under 1200 cals. For right now I'm just trying to feed my body when the crisis alarm goes off. I could just as easily go the other extreme and binge, and I am determined NOT to do this. I'm trying to keep food as a very casual friend at this point. Not my saving grace, not my enemy. Does that make sense? Basically I'm trying to focus on other things, like healing this damn heartbreak.
I didn't do the treadmill today. Instead I wallowed in self pity, which probably burned 5.2 calories over all, lol. Tomorrow I have some marathon housecleaning to do. I just couldn't get motivated today. Ya'll please be gentle with me for awhile. I'm coming into this very shaken and sad, but I shall rally. Thanks for being here!
I'll close with this. Today I got a voice mail from the artistic director of this Equity Theatre I'm on the Board for. It's a small theatre and I know both founders well. He was inviting me to a company party tomorrow afternoon, although he said he knew I don't live in town (he's right, with commute costs no way I can drive back into town tomorrow, I'm barely making it as it is!) But he said something that struck me. He said, "I really hope you come, cause you, well you are just a party in motion!" I realized then what a front I put on. Intensely social, bouncy, flirtatious, engaged in people to the point I draw them out and make them comfortable. Just last month I was at a reception introducing my scruffy musician (ex) boyfriend as if he were Gordon Frickin' Lightfoot. I come across as so positive about the world, when in reality I'm feeling so downtrodden, so alone. But I never let it show, except to a very select few. I know a large part of my depression is the way I've let my body balloon up. I used to be SO vain about that. Oh, I'm always curvy, but never like this. Never with my skirt waists pinching and rolling, or looking 9 months gone in a baby doll dress! How did I let this happen?
Ah, geesh, not a good way to end. I'll be more chipper tomorrow. Fake it till ya make it right?
Best to all,
Colleen
Well alright it is Saturday night and I can't sleep so I thought I'd begin a diary. This is such an excellent idea for a site like this, and I like that folks write about their life beyond dieting as well. Makes everything so much more personal and "real." I warn ya'll, I am verbose, so anytime you feel your eyes starting to roll back in your head just visit again another day, lol. I'll try not to spiral too much into the wah, wah, wah, though it has been a difficult month indeed! Heck, a difficult three years!
But to start . . . my stats, goals, etc.
I am 44, female, 5'6" and 177 pounds. My highest weight has been about 188. That was pretty shocking as before last year I'd never passed the 165 mark. Next I'll answer the suggested initial questions:
-- How much weight do you want to lose? About 52 pounds. I am 177 now.
-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight? Nothing too specific. I’d like to be in my 130’s for my birthday in November, but that would mean losing pretty fast so I’m trying not to put too much pressure. My ultimate goal is 125, perhaps by the New Year?
-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)? Lower calories, far less alcohol, walking and eventually jogging (again.)
-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal? This place seems ideal!
-- How realistic is your goal? I’m trying to keep it real by not setting a strict timeline.
-- When will you start? I already have.
I can't promise to be specific on my calories from day to day, but I'll try to be honest and thorough enough to give some idea of what I am eating day to day. Today I slept in, as I tend to be thoroughly worn out at the end of the week. I am an insomniac, plus I have very early days due to an hour and ten minute commute to work (70 miles one way.) So anyway, I woke early, lay in bed stressing about a few things, and finally fell back into an exhausted, neurotic doze. Woke again around 10am. There was absolutely nothing edible in the kitchen so I went shopping ($125 for me, single me, eeeesh!) and had a large salad around 4pm.
Yes, I know, way too late for the first meal, but if you read my intro you might remember I'm depressed over a break up and I don't tend to get hungry, just weak and peevish. So this salad had lots of good things and some bad things calorie wise (bacon bits, cheese, olives, croutons and I tend to overdo the Lite dressing.) But I didn't finish it, at least, so little guilt involved. I had the salad and some tea sweetened with Splenda. I'm pretty sure I came in at under 1200 cals. For right now I'm just trying to feed my body when the crisis alarm goes off. I could just as easily go the other extreme and binge, and I am determined NOT to do this. I'm trying to keep food as a very casual friend at this point. Not my saving grace, not my enemy. Does that make sense? Basically I'm trying to focus on other things, like healing this damn heartbreak.
I didn't do the treadmill today. Instead I wallowed in self pity, which probably burned 5.2 calories over all, lol. Tomorrow I have some marathon housecleaning to do. I just couldn't get motivated today. Ya'll please be gentle with me for awhile. I'm coming into this very shaken and sad, but I shall rally. Thanks for being here!
I'll close with this. Today I got a voice mail from the artistic director of this Equity Theatre I'm on the Board for. It's a small theatre and I know both founders well. He was inviting me to a company party tomorrow afternoon, although he said he knew I don't live in town (he's right, with commute costs no way I can drive back into town tomorrow, I'm barely making it as it is!) But he said something that struck me. He said, "I really hope you come, cause you, well you are just a party in motion!" I realized then what a front I put on. Intensely social, bouncy, flirtatious, engaged in people to the point I draw them out and make them comfortable. Just last month I was at a reception introducing my scruffy musician (ex) boyfriend as if he were Gordon Frickin' Lightfoot. I come across as so positive about the world, when in reality I'm feeling so downtrodden, so alone. But I never let it show, except to a very select few. I know a large part of my depression is the way I've let my body balloon up. I used to be SO vain about that. Oh, I'm always curvy, but never like this. Never with my skirt waists pinching and rolling, or looking 9 months gone in a baby doll dress! How did I let this happen?
Ah, geesh, not a good way to end. I'll be more chipper tomorrow. Fake it till ya make it right?
Best to all,
Colleen
