Chelle's Confessions ...
Well, alas whilst i was internet deprived... You guessed it... yes , yes, thats right.. I deviated..... There i said it.. it is now out there... Well i got down to 77.5 kg in my underwear.. oops tmi...ha ha ha...
Do you know i was 76kg after the birth of my first son... he will be 14 in july... that is how long it has been since i was this size... Technically the last time i was that size was last week because i am 81 kg now.. ha ha ha ha...
Anyway my dilema started last week, my tom was and still is overdue, 4 weeks now, sorry if its a bit tmi .. but forgive me.. anyway hubby was due back and i decided i would use some contraception to delay its already delayed arrival... bad idea... Now there have been several theories put to me as to why i fell off the wagon... here they are:
- My body is shocked at my weight loss and as it has been nearly 14 years since i was in this weight range , my period is awol..
- The unexpected addition of contraception (Nuva ring) i havent used this for about 12 months, since hubbies snip snip...
- Im pregnant
- I needed a mental health break....
Ha ha ha ha..
Well i know i am not expecting... three tests, yes 3.... so sad.. well they have all proved negative, but that would make such interesting chatter for the family, as i have stated hubby has had the snip... he he he... would have made the weekend with his family very very interesting...
Anyway, it has been a very educational deviation, i now know i have no desire for pizza, or creamy sweets, Really in all honesty i have no desire for any take away, creamy alcohol is out of the question too, lollies and so so many things i didnt try but now know i do not like regardless.. and that is sincere.. The only thing that tasted any good was CHOCOLATE...
I got such bad tummy cramps with non cohens food and my tongue is sore..i think from all the salt in the llittle amount of proccesed food i ate. Any one else experienced a sore tongue after deviating..? Or am i just a Freak....
I also know that i will have a hard time deviating again, i felt awful, it wasnt enjoyable, and as i said the cramps were bad and i felt sick on the days i deviated thursday night when we had pizza for dinner, i actually felt ill all night and at one stage tried to talk my self into being sick... i just wanted it out of me...i felt so ill, i wondered if i had food poisoning, but alas it stayed down, regardless of my trusted accomplice the toilet bowl smelly ( always worked when i was expecting.... nothing like toilet cleaner to set me off) oops sorry more tmi......i actually ran home friday afternoon just to have a cohens lunch so i would feel better...
This deviation however has renewed my determination and given me a refreshed and rejuvinated feeling.. I was so terribly exhausted before this, i mean, it was so bad, I ached all over, it also crept into the bedroom.... I felt that my husband may as well of had a blow up doll.. ha ha ha..
Now as all cohenites know once on the program and committed 100% things are pretty easy going, habits and social events are the hardest hurdles.. but you would think after 5 months deviation free nothing could sway me... But something had changed, i wasnt having self sabotaging thoughts, it wasnt because i was unable to connect with all you darling people on the forum, something changed, i was so miserable and depressed, i tried to go shopping with my hubby but it was a disaster, i changed my multi vitamins a few weeks back but that hadnt helped, I just wasnt myself, My new slimmer self... my husband eventually told me to listen to my body.... maybe i should have removed the contraception but that connection didnt occour to me until after i deviated...
So here i am, contraception free, deviation full and happy in mind... My body will feel 100% once the program has cleansed me again... I dont regret my deviation and i shant dwell on the delay it will cause on my journey... I shall remember my experiences and learn from them... So now my cohens journey continues..... i have many things to keep me occupied over the next few days and the biggest help is having power to the laptop...yay..
Once again thank you all for listening and i see i have lots of new names and many many posts to catch up on... Be strong and be kind... Be good to yourself, you deserve it...
TTFN
Chelle