.?~{Cheiri's Diary}~?.

These Victoria's Secret swimsuit models are killing me, ugh. I hate how sometimes I just want to eat. Instead of ice cream and chips and who knows what else, I binged a little on a banana and some pretzal sticks. I didn't have that many, but I was still disspointed in myself. And I just realized it's almost been two months since I 'started'. I've been working out 6 days/wk except for two/three weeks in february, and I have sh*t to show for it. that's why I stopped in the begining of February (well I didnt really stopped, just slowed waayyy down), because I was so excited to see my results since working out and eating right the whole month of January and then... it didnt happen.

Ughhghghg. I worked out today, though, and felt good about it. I just wish the feeling of wanting to eat even though Im not hungry would go away. It's uncomfortable.
 
Wednesday is evil, I swear. I never feel like working out on Wednesdays. My dad's in the hospital and the doctors don't know what's wrong with him. He hurt himself in the gym a few days ago and went to the doctors today and it might be anything from a pulled, inflamed muscle to a brain tumor... I pray to God it's just a pulled muscle. So I ate ice cream and donuts and only did half of my workout today =(

Everything is all messed up =(
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, good luck to you and him!

And don't worry too much about not seeing results. With all the hard work you're putting in, your body composition has to be changing even if the scale doesn't show it. And hey- even if by some medical miracle it were impossible for you to lose weight, you're still improving your cardiovascular system by leaps and bounds. Your heart will be healthier, arteries clean as a whistle, blood sugars evened out-- you're doing your body a huuuuge favor. Just be patient and your body will repay the favor. :)
 
awww sweetie...

just keep doing what you can...
exercise also helps to brighten you mood...


i wont be around for a while... like 30 days...
but when i get back i will be excited to see
how you are doing. good luck!
 
Stasia, aww, thanks for that-- it's true and it sounds so good! I had a really bad day yesterday, though. I ate a ton of pizza and messed everything up, but I still excercised, even though that won't do any good now. Oh well, today is a new day. My dad is still in a lot of pain even though he's home now; the doctors didn't know what was wrong with him and are supposedly "working on it". AngelicaHope, aww, you're leaving? I can't wait for you to get back! You know what, you've just become my new challenge! To lose at least 5 pounds by the time you come back! (From today-- currently I am 148 lbs) I know that's not very much, but I keep yoyoing and procrastinating and pouting and I just need something to kickstart my motivation, you know? So, yay! Haha. I'm gonna miss you though, come back soon! <3

And I think maybe today or next week I'm going to take the test to get my driving permit/temps. I'm a late starter, I should've gotten them 7 months ago. I don't really want it, but I guess it's nice to have anyways.

Wish me luck... no, wish for me to be strong ;) Haha.
 
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Hmm, I'm going to set up a 14-day-plan-thing to see if all I need is structure to lose weight. I'm using a food/excercise counter at webMD.com. I'll weigh myself after 7 days and then 14.. and if I lost anything, I'll stick to this plan! I'm so excited, I can't wait to start losing. Oh, and I got this most adorable Joker (Dark Knight Version) tote bag at Universal Studios the other day. It's too cute. Now whenever "he looks at me" I feel more pressured/motivated to do well!

Anyway.

Day 1: (148 lbs) I overate a little and only did half of my cardio video, but I did a lot of other things. Overall, a so-so day.
Day 2: I did good today! Didn't overeat, but didn't do my cardio video, though I did have ballet. Overall a good day!
Day 3: I'm proud today- ate well, did workout. I'm pretty bloaty and crampy from "Auntie Flo" though. Gah, I hate codewords. I GOT MY PERIOD!!!! I GOT MY MENSTRUAL CYCLE TODAYYY~!!! And it HURTS.
Day 4: Didn't really excercise. Felt dizzy and my eyes were burning all day. Ate okay. A "3 out of 10" day.
Day 5: Ate well, no excercise again. Ugh. Still sick.
Day 6: Took a nice brisk walk and I think I ate well. Good day.
Day 7: Damn it. I weigh 147 lbs, but I weighed around 146 for a few days and then today I had a little ice cream binge and even though I excercised, I managed to screw everything up. Oh well-- at least I lost a pound! That's something, right? But I'm just diappointed in myself for not excercising more.
Day 8: Went to the beach. Didn't eat healthy really, but I didnt eat a lot. Im sunburned, haha.
Day 9: Ate fine, went to ballet by no other excercise =( Damnit. I was so sleepy today.
Day 10: Didn't eat much today but it wasn't really healthy at all. I overslept again. No excercise. Though I did clean my room really well and I feel so much more at peace now. I think it's getting too hot to excercise, haha.
Day 11: Same as usual... no excercise, ate okay.
Day 12: Same as usual again! I want to just lose =(
Day 13: Not much to say except my scale is mocking me. Next week, I want to do so much better,....
Day 14: I weigh roughly 146. My scale is messing up though =/ Ugh. I need to excercise.

Goal: Lose 3 lbs
Amount lost: 2 lbs =(
 
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I don't want to feel like I'm "cluttering" my journal, but still, people who post a few times a day are so motivated and have a lot of support. I just don't like having a million pages, I guess. Hmm. I dunno.

Okay guys, I'm not really a cat or a dog person persay, but these kitties are just too adorable: !! They're tiny kitties that generally stay no more than 9 pounds and no less than 4. I want a tiny fluffy kitty =) But I know my parents don't want another one and I'm going to be too busy once I go to college and my boyfriend is allergic -___- (Doesn't stop me from trying, though!)

I'm kinda proud of myself today. I was this close to binging on chocolate and ice cream-- THIS CLOSE!! But I didnt! =D And I was also very, very close to skipping my workout (got my period today =/)... but I didn't skip! I mean, I didn't give 100% the whole way through, but at least I didn't skip it.

I just can't wait to see those numbers start dropping!
 
I've felt pretty terrible all day =( I haven't been able to sleep much (about 3 hours a night) in the past week, and today, I couldn't even take my after-school-nap. My eyes were watering and burning all day, my throat feels like a potato skinner is slicing the insie of it, my back aches, and I feel just generally terrible-- not helped by the fact my boyfriend isn't picking up his cell phone and hasn't talked to me much the past three days.

Sorry for doing the whiny self pity thing. I really have no excuse for why I didn't excercise much today.


:banghead:
 
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Dont beat yourself up for that. You are allowed to have your bad days. So no worries. Once you get over them you will be right back in that Motivation mode.

I once heard that you actually burn more cals when working out while you are on your period :bigear: So I dont know if that is true. But I try to work my ass off when I am on my cycle :smilielol5:

Sorry to hear about all your bad days. And why isnt your man anwsering your phone calls. I member when me and my hubby were boy toy and girl toy. He wouldnt answer my calls for a few days. So I gave him a taste of his own medicine and never happend again :)

Well, You have a good night and dont stress. Keep your head up and your feet moving. Plus, If you drink more water it clears you From stress.... Okay I lied. LOL! Dont forget your WATER!!!!

 
Aww thanks. It's not really that I have a lot of bad days, it's just I naturally look for the negative side of things first before I look for the positive, haha.

Oh my goodness. That would be amazing if it were true! I wonder if it is? I still have yet to work out today though =/

LOL. The thing is, I don't think I could not answer his calls xD He usually calls me more than I call him, but I talked to him (finally) yesterday and he said he's just been really busy with school lately, studying and all. I believe him. He's a hard worker ;) I just was really needy lately, too, because of all the hormones.

Speaking of, I'm still sick -___- Ugh.

So, in school, since I'm only a freshman, I'm in the Foundation Academy, to get me started. (Side bar: Please don't think "oh, teenage boy problems" now that you know I'm merely 15. My lover and I have been together for three years and I like to think we're pretty mature. Well, at least I am =P He's a junior, by the way. Proves women are more mature than men. Anyways...) Well, today a few people from a couple academies (academies are groups, basically, filled with classes that fit your interests) came and presented to us to help us decide which academy we will go to next year. The Business, Arts & Communications, and this Health/Nursing one came today. 3/4ths of my classes righ tnow are in the direction of the Arts (acting, journalism, art class) and I am most interested in art. The thing is, the academies set you up for what you want to do with your life. If I wanted to pursue an art career, then I would join the Arts and would already have a portfolio and such nessisary to make the transition between high school and college/career easier. Business doesn't look good at all. But I was particulary interested in the Health/Nursing one (Sorry, I'm not sure what the exact name of the academy was.). First off, I am terrified of doctors/nurses/anything to do with hospitals/patients... even a doctor's note gives me chills. Not afraid of needles or getting hurt or anything. Just of those things.... I don't know why. But, I would like to be a psychiatrist (possibly in the criminal subcategory). So anyway, how this plays out with the Nursing one. Well, it was mainly set up for students who want to become registered nurses. I would get lots of hands-on experience in this academy (which is good for me) and be able to observe a surgery or a child being born, have my own patient unit that I have to take care of just like a real nurse, and do many little things out in the community to better myself. The school would also pay for all the students in this academy to take a test liscensing them to become a lisensed practical nurse (LPN) I believe. The test would be $150 dollars per student if I took it on my own. This means that right out of high school, I could be working as an LPN making $17-$20 an hour. That's good money for right out of high school. The thing is, I'm not really interested in nursing/health, though I want to prepare myself for... well, for life. We also get college credits if we take advanced courses. It would probably be smart to gain that experience and set myself up for a job, even though I don't want to be a nurse forever. But I don't even know what the other academies are.

I don't know. Just thinking out loud. Sorry for the wordy post =P

I've just opened a new water bottle, Jelly! Hahaha. Thanks for reminding me. You have a good night, too!
 
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We got our ballet costumes in today and they're gorgeous! Flowing white tutus and gorgeous silky/velvety purple tops.... I look pretty good in it, too! It's a big motivator for me, too.
 
I have no motivation =( It's too hot, already....

It's so sad, because I feel like I want to exercise, but I don't just do it.


I disappoint myself so much =(
 
So, I've put up my scale and switched my ticker to inch-mode. I'm now going to work on losing inches from my waist rather than pounds, because I think it might trick myself to losing more. I just don't know when I'll see results. I really need a weight-loss buddy, haha. I've exercised two days in a row now, like planned, and I feel so happy =)
I liked these charts, I think? I want to make one for the next month.

Rating: 0-100% on productivity (mostly as far as eating).

F the Chart.
Day 1 - Monday, 3•23•09: (37 in, 147lbs) 30 mins cardio. 60%
Day 2 - Tuesday, 3•24•09: 30 mins cardio. 65%
Day 3 - Wednesday, 3•25•09: 60 mins brisk walking. 53%
Day 4 - Thursday, 3•26•09: 60 mins brisk walking. 65%
Day 5 - Friday, 3•27•09: 90 mins brisk walking. 80%
Day 6 - Saturday, 3•28•09: 50 mins BW. 85%
Day 7 - Sunday, 3•29•09: 60 mins BW. 75%
Day 8 - Monday, 3•30•09: 60 mins ballet. 45%
Day 9 - Tuesday, 3•31•09: 23 mins run/walk combo. 90%
Day 10 - Wednesday, 4•01•09: 23 mins run/walk combo. 77%

Day 11 - Thursday, 4•02•09:
Day 12 - Friday, 4•03•09:
Day 13 - Saturday, 4•04•09:
Day 14 - Sunday, 4•05•09:
Day 15 - Monday, 4•06•09:
Day 16 - Tuesday, 4•07•09:
Day 17 - Wednesday, 4•08•09:
Day 18 - Thursday, 4•09•09:
Day 19 - Friday, 4•10•09:
Day 20 - Saturday, 4•11•09:
Day 21 - Sunday, 4•12•09:
Day 22 - Monday, 4•13•09:
Day 23 - Tuesday, 4•14•09:
Day 24 - Wednesday, 4•15•09:
Day 25 - Thursday, 4•16•09:
Day 26 - Friday, 4•17•09:
Day 27 - Saturday, 4•18•09:
Day 28 - Sunday, 4•19•09:
Day 29 - Monday, 4•20•09:
Day 30 - Tuesday, 4•21•09:
Day 31 - Wednesday, 4•22•09:
Day 32 - Thursday, 4•23•09:
Day 33 - Friday, 4•24•09:
Day 34 - Saturday, 4•25•09:
Day 35 - Sunday, 4•26•09:
Day 36 - Monday, 4•27•09:
Day 37 - Tuesday, 4•28•09:
Day 38 - Wednesday, 4•29•09:
Day 39 - Thursday, 4•30•09:
Day 40 - Friday,5•01•09:
 
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I really need a weight-loss buddy, haha.

I'll be your buddy. Fuck, we'll all be your buddies. You should join our contest and lose weight with everyone. We're all here to help eachother, so just consider us all your weight loss buddies.

Anyway, it seems like you're doing well. I do see that you have a thing with motivation though. But, that's an easy fix...

FUCKING LOSE WEIGHT OR I'll BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!!! :cuss:

No, no...but seriously...I'll mess you up. :smash:

But, honestly, I'll be a weight loss buddy if you want me to be. I know I can't lose weight by myself, so the more the merrier.

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/club-challenges/29225-super-awesome-mega-challenge.html

Good luck and keep up the good work!
 
hey hey hey sweetie!!! =]
i misssed you =P
how did your making me a challenge go?! xD
i kinda was bummish... bf drama and mom drama =P
but im back and ready to recommit to my lifestyle change!

haha i got lucky... no gaining and i actually lost... just
1-2 pounds off my monthly goal but i will make up for it^^
im going to work harder than ever now =D

woooh and chef is awesome i need to join that challenge!
i was looking and thats about the timeframe for when i
want to go to basic training =D

much love!!! <333
 
Aww, you guys! <3 <3

Chef Thank you so much for telling me that challenge! I'm definately going to join. Woo, swimsuit, here I come! ;)

I'm a talkative person, really. I lose motivation easily because I work for a week, see a little/no results and then either get depressed/cocky and mess up my next week. Ugh. I need to communicate with people so they can tell me, "No, don't mess up!"

Ang Awwww!!! *super-hugs* I missed you so much!! I lost 4 pounds while you were gone... not quite five, but still. Hehe. (I just kept it 147 up there to make me feel better when I lose, lol) Ooo, congrats with not gaining. That's always a plus xD Angelica, I hope you join that challenge, too! I'd love to compete with you. Sorry for all the drama, too. Anyways, though, I really missed you and I'm glad you're back and ready to go! ;)
 
I just got out of the shower from a run/walk with my dad. We walked a minute, ran 30 seconds and sometimes 45 seconds for 23 minutes. I wanted to do a whole half hour, but I had bad cramps, and we were close to home, so I was like, alright. So, we're going to do this nearly every night (or at least, I plan to). I joined that challenge Chef posted and want to WIN!

Actually, my big inspirations right now are:

•In June sometime, I want to look good for my ballet recital
•In June after the recital, I want to get my belly button (navel) pierced
•In the Summer months, I want to go to the beach with friends and not feel like a lump of cottage cheese
•I want to look gorgeous for my 16th birthday in September (not a fan of celebrating birthdays, I just want to look good for myself)
•I would LOVE to be Harley Quinn for Halloween!! (Harley wear a skintight spandex fullbody suit... no way could I sport that NOW!)
 
Fail. Fail. Fail.

That's all I can say about today. It's been too stressful to reiterate right now.
 
I am having issues and it isn't even noon yet.

After failing miserably last night at running, I tried to go to sleep at about 9:30. My dad came in to see if I was okay and I was trying to get some sleep so he left, and then my mom came in just I as was almost asleep and woke me up and was talking about random crap, and then she finally left and I ended up not falling asleep until about midnight.

Not only do I have troulbe falling asleep, I am a light sleeper. My window was open so I heard when the sprinklers went off at 4:30 AM like always, and I woke up again in the middle of the night when my cat meowed before that, so I was getting maybe two hours of sleep at a time before It was inturrupted. Then, my mom comes in before the sun even rises (probably 6 AM) and is just staring at me. I wake up, of course, and she says she's seeing if I was awake so I could go watch the fucking sunrise. I told her I dont know and went to sleep. It seemed like just a few minutes later, and I woke to the early sun that has just risen, and my mom came in again saying that I never went with her to watch, so I was like Okay then... and tried to go to sleep. (This was about 7ish now) Then, at 7:30 my mom called her mom was was talking to her for forever in this really loud voice and I couldn't fall asleep. I tried again, and then at about 8Am she woke me up again to go to the store, then when I fell asleep, she woke me again at 8:10, then once more at 8:30 to tell me she was going by her self. WTF mom. I mean, I love her to death, but a girl's gotta have her sleep! Then, at the store (I decided to go because the sun was too bright to fall asleep again at this point) she was complaining the whole time I seemed "unenthused" about things, like she wanted to buy a chair for me that I had wanted for forever but my little brother had pointed it out and she couldn't just get one of us one so she wanted it to be "mine" and just have me share, which I didn't want to do so she went off on me for that. (That would have meant my brothers would have access to use it anytime they want, being able to go into my room and just take it and get it messed up and then throw it in my room to store because that's just what I need, more useless fucking crap to store in my room). And she yelled at me again when I didn't want to try on a swimsuit. I know she's just tring to make me happy, but she didn't realize, I'm happy just to go with the fucking flow. I didn't care, at that point (we'd spent 2 hrs in that damn store) and of course I wasn't the most bubbly happy person-- I was tired. But, oh, it gets better. Since I am starting that Super Mega Swesome challenge on Monday, we bought lots of fruits and veggies and healthy things. Now, my other little brother loves to eat. When we got home, I went aside to my mom and said, "Can you tell him to not eat all my crap?" And I know that sounds horrible, but that's not what I meant to say at all-- I meant to make sure he doesn't wolf down all the healthy things we have in two days. I didn't mean he can't have any, or that they're "mine", Its just that I don't want processed snacks and ice cream and shit and if he eats all of it, then I;ll go for the unhealthy stuff. You see, my little brother is 4'11 and weighs 135 lbs at the least. I weigh 147 and am trying to lose weight! He's fat. He'll sit there and eat Honey Buns and donuts and chicken and then go and eat a whole damn cantaloupe and strawberries before I even start eating!! But I wasn't given time to explain that's not what I meant, because she went off on me again for being so selfish. Well, yes mom, I'm selfish. You raised a fucking selfish bitch, then. I don't even care anymore.

I'm under a lot of stress, I have so much homework to worry about and baking my dad's cake because I know sure as hell that my mom won't bake anything from fucking scratch, and then ballet and my boyfriend taking the ACT AND I CAN'T SLEEP AND EVERYONE WANTS SO MUCH FROM ME WHEN I REALLY JUST WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP A LITTLE!!!

=( I dont mean to be dramatic. I'm stressed.
 
You are doing so great!
I love your diary, I love to read about how people are handeling their struggles and their successes it gives me a really big boost in confidence and in hope to see that many are in the same boat as me and that this weightloss demon can be beat.
 
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