Byebye Big Bum!

LOL Ecky...maybe that's where I'm going wrong!! I should have asked for the foot massage!

Oh Cabbie, ALWAYS a hint of mischief in my eyes!! In fact, a certain chap told me not long ago to "Go away and be mischievous about somethign else today!" - with a smile of course!

176.6lbs on the scale this morning but when I stepped back on, it went up to 177 LOL so I'm not officially recording it...still quite chuffed though! 176 is the target I put on my ticker first of all - when I was 238lbs and it seemed impossibly far off and I could not imagine being this weight - just goes to show how far I have come and I am feeling very quietly happy with the changes I have made and how I now feel about my body.

I was talking to friend today about still having diffiuclties believing deep down that men would find me attractive. I know they used to, before I got fat - used to fight em off all over the place!!! But its been so long, that I still feel very invisible and unattractive deep down and getting shed of those feelings is taking longer that getting rid of the weight! Strange isn't it? This week is the first time in SO long that I have walked it a room full of poeple/meeting and not worried about them all looking and thinking that I am overweight. It wasn't even a thought in my mind...ok, so I was worried about my shirt riding up or my silk camisole showing or sitting properly but NOT about specifically looking fat.
 
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WOW Jay - you've got a serious WHOOSH going on there girl!

I know what you mean about not being able to wrap your mind around the fact that you really aren't fat and invisible any more. I'm the same way. But we'll get there!

Just think of all the fun you used to have beating the guys off with a stick - you're going to be doing that again, and maybe already are!

For the last several years every time I'd think back to all the fun I used to have and the different times when guys would hit on me back in my skinny days it would make me so depressed. It's almost like I was mourning the death of a life that would never be again. But now that the pounds are melting away I can think back on those memories with fondness. And dare I hope? That the life I used to have is slowly rising from the dead and will live again!!!
 
The scale is still headed in the right direction - woohoo....you should definitely still count it as a loss.

Sorry you've not lost the invisible feeling. I've struggled with mixed feelings about the beating them off with a stick to being invisible to where I am now - the very large lady everywhere I go (with the last one being one I def don't want to deal with).

Your upbeat attitude certainly lifts my spirits and reminds me that I can do this! Thanks for that.
 
Thanks for the comments guys!!
That's actually the thing that made me turn it all around Tig - I was a "used to" person - I found I was saying to people ALL the time "I used to do a lot of rock climbing" "I used to ride a classic motorbike and take it to bits!!" "I used to kayak" "I used to go mountaineering" etc.... and I sat down one day and realised that I really missed that life I used to have and that every time I said that stuff to someone, they must look at me and think "yep...and you're really fat now". I wanted to do it whilst I was still young and not wait until later on - I felt I had this limited window to "sort it all out" before I got too old to look back and say why did I never do that and wasted so many years of my life feeling rubbish about myself. That corporate picture was another big stage. I was proud that it went out with my article and that all those guys I met this week, saw that picture before they met me and therefore had this idea of me in their heads as a nice lookng woman before meeting me. That gave me so much confidence before I even met them.

As for the whoosh...W00H000! 177 again this morning so I'm not fussed...176 will come in time! I'm back in that place that says "nope, don't eat that, its not worth it". I think the next stage is to get back into the rhythm of going down to the gym as the whole outdoor exercise thing isn't happening with the cold and snow at the moment!

IN fact, what I need is for work to stop being so manic and for me and my boss not to have to do the work of 4 people. Then I might have some time for other stuff!
 
Do M&S still do those knickers with zips? I couldn't find them on the website. They would have to work miracles for me to buy them at that price but I will take a look.
 
I'll have a look Ecky.

Sunflower - its fine actually, I had a couple of chocolate buttons the other day and it didn't make me rush out and buy lots of chocolate to eat immediately. I fancy it now and again but not the irresistable urge to eat loads each time I feel a bit tired or mad or overworked! I guess its just about breaking the cycle. Plus, strangely enough, the month I give up chocolate...is the month I break into the 170s and start to move downwards at a fair pace - not hard to see where the extra calories were coming from!?!

Good day today - mad mad work day and neither my boss or I are particuarly happy with the amount of work we are having to do without support, but I sent someone a cheeky text and got a phone call back and, Ekcy, you would have been proud of me...I flirted on the phone! Foresure! At least, I think I did....
 
Good on you for giving up the chocolate jjjay :) I'm happy to hear that you are on a downward trend with weight loss :D Keep it up!
 
Do you find that chocolate doesn't taste quite so good now? I don't get the same buzz out of it now which is a bit dissapointing but means that it's easy to stop after only eating a little bit.
 
Urgh. Stress with work at the moment = somewhat overeating as I've had to pretty much work the whole weekend at home which I am not happy about. Its not too bad AT work as I end up too busy to even snack, but at home, if I'm working at the weekend, I seem to fuel myself with tea and food. I'm trying to limit it but its difficult.

Chocolate...hmm, had a bit this weekend. Not as enjoyable or addictive as before so I know what you mean Ecky. Weight loss seems to have slowed now - I'm just hovering at 177-179.

Nice to see you Xenon!

Oh well, nearly time to go back to work...at least Mr X is probably going to call me on Monday which will be nice :D I'll have to take my moments when I can as I won't see him now for ages - won't suggest meeting for coffee for at least another 3 months.

Oh and I bought a couple of suits on ebay with size 14 trousers and they look great! Really happy with them as they were dirt cheap but practically unworn and far better than wearing clowns clothes to work or spending a fortune on something I'm going to grow out of in a few months.
 
You should buy some going out on the razzle clothes instead of more suits! Suits are lovely but maybe you should treat yourself to a pretty dress or a party outfit! Might be motivation!

Hope work calms down xxxx
 
heh. Oh don't worry...I've got a few party clothes stashed away that I've been waiting to fit into! We have some really great Xmas do's coming up as well over the next few weeks so got to get in party mode for them! It's only that i have to wear suits most days for client meetings at work so its nice to feel slim and curvy in fitted suits as opposed to wear kind of baggy or more shapeless ones! PLus the now-obligatory high heels of course!!! I wore like 3 inch stilletos for my client meeting on Friday!! hehehehe Felt great in those!!

Although I did chicken out on the stilletos for the Mr X meeting - the weather was so bad I thought I'd look really really stupid if I fell over on the ice between the car and the front door, so I wore some more sensible (but still patent shiny black) cuban heels. Its strange. I was thinking about that day today, on one hand, really nice to picture where he is each day, and the people he spends all day with, even the route he cycles to work; on the other hand, I won't get to see him for ages now and will back off a bit in terms of phoning etc... However, there is certainly a new sense of even more familiarity between us if the phone call at the end of last week was anything to go by. Ahhhhhhh...(content sigh....).

You'll all find this amusing. Part way through the big meeting, one of his colleagues said "Well, for example, if Mr X does this...blah blah blah" and I nearly freaked out - I mean, he actually said "Mr X" and I was like...is that a secret sign that they have all been reading this forum and laughing!??! Is it?!?! All behind my poker face of course!! Then I calmed down and told myself that its just a phrase we use in the financial sector for an anonymous person...calm down Jay...calm down!!! LOL!
 
HaHa, that made me laugh, you must have totally freaked out!!! I can just imagine what was going through your head LOL.
It will be interesting to see how long it takes him to ring you and even if you don't see him for a while you are going to be even hotter by the time that you do.:)
 
LOL on your little panic attack at them knowing your pet name for a certain someone! Made me chuckle.

Hope your week goes well and isnt's too aweful crazy!
 
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Morning boys and girls.
Hmm, yesterday was busy-o! I didn't have time for any lunch but put my foot down and left work at 4.45. Then it all went to pot a bit because I was starving so I picked up a chicken select meal from McD on my way home (330 cals for teh chicken and 380 cals for the fries, with diet coke so could have been worse I guess)....then got home, went to bed and my mum dropped my daughter and a bowl of spaghetti bolognaise for my dinner off...so I woke up, watered washed read and cuddled her whilst chomping my way through that!

Food yesterday:
toasted bagel - 220 cals
3 cups of tea - 30 cals
bag of potato snacks - 97 cals
4 small slices of ricecake - 125 cals
chicken selects and fries - 710 cals
spaghetti bolognaise - 450 cals

Total - 1632

Urgh I have a presentation this morning to like 50 people and have not had time to prepare....hmm..I feel a "wing it" moment coming on!
 
You still managed to keep the calories reasonable even with McDonalds food. When I go shopping with my daughter we often go to McDonalds. I don't know if it's the same in other places but here the calories of everything they sell is written on the back of the paper that they put on all the trays so it's easy to work it into the daily allowance.
 
Hope you are able to pull something good out of the air for your presentation! I tend to do that as well. They tell my my initials are B.S. for a reason - cuz I'm good at making it up and dishing it out spur of the moment if I have to!
 
Thanks guys. The presentation was fine. It was all stuff that we know like the back of our hands so more like chatting to a room of 50 people! Bloody early start though and I snuck off work at 3.00 to go Christmas shopping so by the time the shops shut I was cream crackered!

Weird - this morning I'm 182 on the scale when I didn't eat a huge amount yesterday at all - bagel for breakfast, 200 cals of snacks at work, Yo Sushi for a late lunch but only had a couple of chicken dishes and 2 pieces of nigiri so nothing bulky, then a roast pork roll for dinner. Not the best food in the world, but not really over 1800 cals I would guess. Plus, I walked 3-4 miles round all the shops - or so the GPS tracker on my iphone says.

I NEED to get back to the gym / running / using my spinning bike at home. As work has got busier, I have got out of the habit of regular exercise and I'm sure this will make a huge difference over Christmas.

Still no call from X which is a shame as he said he would. Must be busy or out of the office I guess. Going to try not to call him for a couple of weeks. Too much to do at work to be thinking too much about it anyway.

Have a good day everyone!
 
Glad to hear the presentation went well jjjay! I totally know what you mean about the exercise...I'm trying to get some in any way I can these days. :)
 
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