Byebye Big Bum!

[jjjay]

Hey guys! I've been a-lurking around for a while and posting a little bit here and there, and decided that it would be a good kick up the ar$e (to use a delightfuly british word, am I allowed to write that here? Should I say ass instead?!?) to start a diary with some before, during and hopefully ever-after photographs at a later stage.

I'm 31 years old and fat! Not as fat as I used to be...but still considerably fatter than I want to be. I used to be super-active. Cycle everywhere, judo 4 times a week, lacrosse 4 times a week and a bit of tennis in between. God knows how I found the time but I know how I found the energy - I ate everything in sight! I guess you need to when you are fuelling that much activity. I was never skinny - always "athletic and curvy" so I guess, a size 12-14 (UK) and probably around 150lbs. Fast forward a few years, rock climbing and ice climbing at university, then had my daughter...here comes the cliff edge...by this stage I'm still eating as if I'm doing all that...but I'm now a lazy-ass. Well, less lazy-ass, more exhausted mum. Throw in a few years of professional qualilification exams and you have a great recipe for going straight to 240lbs. Probably even more at some stage if I'm truly honest. I have maybe 4 photographs of me with my daughter from those years and I still can't bear to look at myself. One of the worse things (and sorry to sound a little vain here), but I'd never struggled to get attention from guys - just the little smiles as you walk down the street, being asked for coffee etc... but at this point in my life
I realised I was just truly invisible, as if I'd been completely desexualised.

However, lets get positive! In 2008, I slapped myself around the head a few times, threw in a few episodes of kicking myself for being so stupid and decided "PHASE 1" was starting. I went a bit manic on the exercise, ate strictly but healthily and went from 240lbs to 195lbs.

Sorry, just have to pause and shout "YAY ME!" at the top of my voice.
Ok ready to continue now.

I moved offices, went into a new specialism in my job (which I love but didn't have the confidence to do before) and am now the fun gal who gets asked out to the group lunches and nights out (getting less invisible here). Gosh. some men have even started flirting with me again! I guess I am now in the "kind of over-weight but somethign about her is attractive" catagory.

Throughout 2009 I stayed around 195 - 200lbs, but Xmas 2009 I dashed up to 210lbs and got the fright of my life. NEVER EVER NEVER going there again! Its just a downwards (well upwards) spiral! Big sign that it was time for "PHASE 2"! I saw some photographs of myself from a friends wedding in an outfit that I was quite pleased I'd fitted into and that was a bit of a moment of realisation. Sure, I didn;t look obese like I did before, but I still looked really fat.

So I'm now 201lbs and a UK size 18. Ideally I want to get down to a size 12 (US 10 I think) as I don't think I have the bone structure to ever be a tiny little skinny minny and I'm worried I'd end up being one big loose bag of skin (eek!). But I'll just play it by ear when I'm anywhere near that kind of goal size. I'm guessing that that's around 140lbs. Really, I'd like to be able to rock climb again and go mountaineering without feeling unfit. Oh yeah, and I'd like to take up canoeing again without being worried that my bum is too big to fit in the canoe (HOW embarrising would that be>!>!?) And I'd really really like a guy to be able to pick me up. Not as in chat me up (jeepers, I'm
hoping that's not going to be too difficult to achieve!!!) but I mean like...lift me up without suffering from a heart attack.

I'm having to rethink my relationship with food. Nice food isn't a "treat" to cheer me up after I've had a rubbish day. I got to cheer myself up! The fridge isn't a cure for boredom. I got to find somethign fun to do. The gym isn't a place to make me feel tired. Its a place to come out of feeling re-energised and good!

So some mini goals:

End of April - 195lbs
End of May - 190lbs
End of June - 185lbs
End of July - 180lbs
End of August - 180lbs (two week holiday here so staying the same would be an achievement!)
End of September - 175lbs
End of October - 170lbs
End of November - 165lbs
End of December - 160lbs

The three pics are:
2007 at 238lbs

2009 at 195lbs

2009 at 195lbs

So, I'm half a stone heavier than the last pic but getting back there fast!

 

[disneymomof4]

Congrats on starting your weight loss diary!!!! It has really helped me sort through some things and hold myself accountable. Just think, in less than a year you can be a whole new person! It is really exciting and I wish you nothing but success. Do you have a game plan for your diet and exercise?

 

[jjjay]

Thanks for the good wishes

At the moment, when I got to the gym 3 times a week I walk to warm up/warm down for 5 mins and in the middle run for as long as I can - I started out at 5 mins and can now run for 10 mins without stopping. I also go on the cross trainer for 15 mins - so around 200-300 cals in total. I'd like to build up to be one of these people that just runs for 30 mins or can do a 5k or 10k run. At home in the evenings, I cycle for 25 mins (around 8-10 miles) most evenings, so 150-200 cals. I also play lacrosse once a week and am going to try and fit some tennis in as the weather gets better.

In terms of diet, I am cutting out chocolate/snacks/crisps as this is my downfall! I don't eat fried food, and am not ordering any takeaways anymore! I have a decent size breakfast - around 400 cals, then a mid morning piece of fruit or raisins or yoghurt, then lunch tends to be a 200 cal soup, another healthy snack in the afternoon, another healthy snack on my drive home, then a 300-400 weight watchers (or similar supermarket branded one) meal. My real downfall is too many skinny lattes in starbucks as I have a lot of business meetings that tend to be "meet for a coffee" so I'm trying to drink tea instead. Every time I am tempted, I try to think of the last time I walked into a social event and felt rubbish about how I looked and translate that into "I'd rather not eat this really nice thing, but not feel like that one day".

 

[jjjay]

Urgh not a great couple of days due to being given an Easter Egg and having no will power! I should have given instructions to not be bought any!

So, 800 cals of chocolate each day on Sat and Sunday but ate 180 cal soups for dinner to try and compensate so overall my cals for the day were under 1800. I know I know, swopping bad calories for good calories and still eating more cals than I should of. I think that should be literally the last bit of chocolate that I eat for the whole month though. That should put any sweet cravings out of my mind. I was doing so well this week re avoiding sweet things all together. I find it takes a good 5 days of cold turkey to stop me craving chocolate.

Been talking about getting a treadmill too - its the thing in the gym that I use the most and having one at home would be fantastic. I've been looking at the I-Run plus by Reebok as it folds up well but am worried that the running space on it seems small (120cm by 40cm). I only have a small space to put it in though so weighing up the inconvenience of having it taking up space v the convenience of being able to run a few miles before work in the morning or in the evening before bed in front of the television. I guess i could always sell it on ebay if it didn't work out after a few months but given that I DO use the spinning bike I bought (and I don't regret buying this at all now), I'm thinking that it would be a good idea.

 

[disneymomof4]

I feel for you! Luckily, sweets are not really my downfall, but after three weeks without cream cheese mashed potatoes I am going crazy! I could have them if I wanted, but the amount of daily calories they would use up just is not worth it for me. Try eating just a bite or two of the treats you like. Today I had a jelly bean and three bites of strawberry cake. I still got to taste the yuminess but without feeling bad about it.

Tomorrow is a new day though and you have a great plan worked out, so I am sure you will be back on track in no time.

 

[jjjay]

Thanks Disneymom. I just ate a 130 cal vegatable soup for dinner (but it was actually really big and filling) so hopefully haven't done too much damage and had a subway low fat lunch even though we went to a theme park for the day...no Burger King!! I'm having the whole family round for roast lamb easter dinner today so going to prepare a side salad for me to eat rather than loads of roasted vegetables (my dad is also on a diet to lose weight before heart surgery) and going to go easy on the roast potatos and roast parsnips. Its all about forward planning!

I've been thinking about getting a home treadmill so that I can run and walk everyday rather than just when I manage to get down the gym. Its not so much the cost, but more whether there's the space for it... Plus I'm a great one for "buying all the books and equipment" so I am all prepared to get started andthen going "huh? howcome I didn't lose weight". Although since i bought a spinning bike, I have proved to myself that I use it regularly and I do find it really convenient to have somethign at home to exercise on in front of the television - I tend to be in work by 7am and leave anytime between 5pm and 7pm plus my daughter goes to bed at 8pm...so the housework starts after that!! I don't have THAT much time for gettign to the gym unless I leave home at 5.30am, get there at 6.30am, work out and get into work for 7.30/8.00am. I can't manage this more than 2 or 3 times a week!

 

[doubleclick]

Thanks Disneymom. I just ate a 130 cal vegatable soup for dinner (but it was actually really big and filling) so hopefully haven't done too much damage and had a subway low fat lunch even though we went to a theme park for the day...no Burger King!! I'm having the whole family round for roast lamb easter dinner today so going to prepare a side salad for me to eat rather than loads of roasted vegetables (my dad is also on a diet to lose weight before heart surgery) and going to go easy on the roast potatos and roast parsnips. Its all about forward planning!

I've been thinking about getting a home treadmill so that I can run and walk everyday rather than just when I manage to get down the gym. Its not so much the cost, but more whether there's the space for it... Plus I'm a great one for "buying all the books and equipment" so I am all prepared to get started andthen going "huh? howcome I didn't lose weight". Although since i bought a spinning bike, I have proved to myself that I use it regularly and I do find it really convenient to have somethign at home to exercise on in front of the television - I tend to be in work by 7am and leave anytime between 5pm and 7pm plus my daughter goes to bed at 8pm...so the housework starts after that!! I don't have THAT much time for gettign to the gym unless I leave home at 5.30am, get there at 6.30am, work out and get into work for 7.30/8.00am. I can't manage this more than 2 or 3 times a week!

I'm really enjoying reading your diet diary.
I'm sure you will succeed.

I'd love to have the money for my OWN treadmill. Oh man.
You do cycle regularly on your spinning machine it seems so why not invest in a treadmill too.

Let us know what you decide.

 

[jjjay]

Thanks for the post Doubleclick! Its great to know that people are reading - makes me feel supported!

Good day today so far!
Porridge for breakfast (130 cals!), running and cross trainer at the gym from 6.50 - 7.30, apple, pear and 3 jacobs crackers at work, jacket potato with baked beans and salad for lunch, 3 slices of roast lamb as a snack when I got home, oh, and one 30 calorie girl scout cookie! I've also swopped tea for green tea apart from one or two cups a day.

I was very pleased with myself - the friends I went for lunch with had chips...and shared a pudding platter with profitoroles, eton mess and chocolate tart...and I had none! Score - temptation..nil...JJJay one!

I also went to the fitness store to look at treadmills and although the Reebok I-run folds up lovely and small, I-ran (geddit?!) on it and was terrified I was going to either catch my feet on the sides or fall off of the back. It was just too small for anything other than light jogging where you watch your feet all the time or dwarfs. Sigh. All the bigger ones don't fold up completely horizontal and we don't have enough space.

So, back to plan A....get to a point where I am happy running outside in the park at home and in the gym at work. Plus I got to keep motivated enough until the first real poundage starts dropping off then it will all seem worth it!!

 

[jjjay]

hmm. Sort of an ok day yesterday - went to the gym in the morning and ran for 11 mins without stopping on the treadmill...a new record for me! Then some walking and 10 mins on the cross trainer.

300 cal bagel for breakfast, 160 cal soup for lunch, 200 cals in snacks throughout the day then met some friends for dinner before going to a football match. It went a bit pear shaped...had about 300 cals of nachos from a shared plate, a salad for main course and then probably about 300 cals of fries (sigh ). Managed to just drink lime and soda though so no beer or wine. No snacks or chocolate at the football though - small victories!

I think I'm going to have to be much stricter with myself plus not weigh in every day - the small fluctuations up and down get to me too much. I also know from the past that when I start an exercise regime, I FEEL better for the first couple of weeks but there's a time lag until when the weight starts to go and this is the tough bit to get through.

 

[jjjay]

A good day today! Woohoo

Porridge for breakfast - 130 cals
2 cups of tea at work - 20 cals of milk
3 jacobs crackers -105 cals
Soup for lunch - 160 cals
1 apple -50 cals
1 snack bag - 97 cals
Grilled chicken breast, plain salad and steamed greens - 400 cals I guess (at a restaurant but very very plain and healthy)

Had to meet my parents and aunt and cousin at a restaurant tonight but managed to stay on the straight and narrow in the face of big tempatation! I drank lime and soda rather than wine, said no to pudding (when everyone ordered one!) and played an hour and half of tennis before I met them!

I was also quite pleased that I didn't feel out of breath that much playing tennis - managed to run around a fair bit and serve without feeling tired. The gym time is definitely paying off. I just want to start seeing a reduction in weight!!! I FEEL better, LOOK better but don't weigh better!! It does kind of get me down when I step onto the scales and am the same plus or minus a 1lb. I know logically that not weighing for a week and then checking would make a difference so am going to have to try and stick to that. However given that I am eating SO much less than I was a month ago and exercising SO much more, its going to have to kick in at some point! ISN'T IT?!?!?

Only 4 1/2 weeks til my important meeting - I'm guessing that losing 7-10lbs by then is realistic but I'd love to be down to 190lbs if I could...just thinking of all the nice clothes in my wardrobe that would fit me...

 

[jjjay]

Feeling GOOOOOOD today! Nice and tired from playing tennis yesterday but thinner and more toned (probably just the aching muscles LOL)... Plus Ihave the day off of work (YAY!) so going to do lots of chores and walk around town, go to the gym and then out tonight to see friends (must resist temptation!!).

It also feels nice to be under 200lbs again although the first time I stood on the scales it said 200lb this morning, then when I stood on again on one foot it changed to 199.2lb...I'll take that thank you very much!! Got to get your motivation where you can! Another few lbs and I can start digging out some smaller tops that I used to wear that didn't fit any more.

I think I might start recording my measurements as I feel that I've got smaller more than I feel that I've got lighter.

I was thinking about the dinner last night with family. One of my family members has always also battled with her weight but goes to the gym 5 times a week (she doesn't work - stay at home mum and the kids are at school) and is currently complaining that she isn't losing weight very quickly (she's probably a size 14 UK down from size 16/18 at her heaviest), yet she didn't order pudding for herself but tucked into everyone elses - not that they minded, but it did make me think if I am like that. What is it that I eat during the week that I can DIRECTLY link to not helping with losing weight? And that, its the little daily choices that make all of the difference. I didn't have to have any nachos on Wednesday. If I hadn't, I might have lost a bit more weight - not only because of Wednesday's nachos, but becuase of all the times I made that choice. It just made me refocus I guess on what I really want.

 

[jjjay]

An ok day on Friday - I knew I was heading out for the evening so I didn't eat that much during the day - 140 cals of porridge and a 350 cal subway sandwich for lunch and 200 cals of snacks. The evening wasn't great in terms of calories but would have been far worse before - i.e. I ate one poppadom rather than 2 or 3, had a small starter, ate half a naan bread, a spoonful of bombay potatoes and 4 chunks of chicken/lamb tikka. Then I found I was rather full. 3 glasses of wine and an archers and diet lemonade. Not going to count up the calories but I know it was half of what I would have guzzled previously.

Today (Sat) has been ok too. 160 cals toast for breakfast, 2 small ham rolls with salad for lunch (aprox. 450 cals), 300 cals of liquorice, 350 cals of chicken and veg stirfry for dinner, 100 cals of grapes. I'm generally feeling full very quickly which is good because its making me eat far less in terms of portions.

Plus, when I went out on Friday, I fitted into a pair of new jeans that had been too tight previously so something must be working!

 

[jjjay]

My ring fell off my finger today - just slipped right off!

I think I'm going to ban myself from buying any new clothes until I get into the 180s, as I'm looking at relatively new stuff in my wardrobe now that are getting baggy and thinking that I'll have to have a sort out soonish.

 

[HHackney]

My ring fell off my finger today - just slipped right off!

Congrats on that! I'm using the fit of my wedding ring to help gauge my losses. Unfortunately, I still have muffin top over my wedding band, I can't wait until I can at least just slip the thing off without involving soap to get it off.

 

[disneymomof4]

You are doing so awesome and how jealous of you am I!!! Congrats on getting in under 200 pounds and you better get something for the ring before it is lost lol. Keep up the great work. You definitely know what your doing and it is only a matter of time until you reach your goal!

 

[jjjay]

Thanks for the messages of encouragement HHackney and Disneymom

Pah. For some reason I am back up to 201 which has really narked me as I've been really good for the last 3 days re eating (i.e. 1200 cals per day of healthy stuff) and have been going down the gym or playing tennis...Surely it should have started to have an effect by now!??! Haven't got the heart to alter my ticker just yet in case it is all just a bit of a dream or I have temporarily lost the cognitive ability to read numbers properly.

Feeling a bit rubbish about it all. Especially as I have under a month to my weight loss mini-goal date. PAH!

On a positive note though, yesterday at the gym, I ran for 13 mins without stopping. Yes. 13 mins. That's like nearly enough time to be considered a proper run - by people who are runny. and say things like "I'm just hopping on the treadmill for a quick half an hour run hoho ho"

 

[HHackney]

I wouldn't be too worried about that little of an add. Especially if it's getting close to...you know...THAT time of the month. That's kind of why I'm dreading my weight at the end of next week. I'm doing good right now, but it'll probably jump a little then.

Obviously you're doing something right if your getting closer to being more like a runny person (BTW, I choked on my water when I read that.)

 

[luzdafuzz]

That's like nearly enough time to be considered a proper run - by people who are runny. and say things like "I'm just hopping on the treadmill for a quick half an hour run hoho ho"

This gave me the giggles!! Seriously though you're doing great, keep it up and the numbers will keep dropping. If you've been really good it's most likely you're retaining fluid.

 

[jjjay]

hehe
Yeah, i have a theory that the world can be split into people who are runny and those that aren't. To shift from one side to the other seems an awful lot of hardwork!!

Only a small weight loss this week - down to 198, which lets face it, isn't much BUT at least its in the right directly. I'm kind of hoping that I have been losing weight but as I get closer to ToM that I'm retaining water etc... and that once that is over and done with, the weight loss figures will SHINE THROUGH! Hahahah, wishing thinking maybe?

Played tennis again last night and definitely feeling fitter. I have to sort out some gym arrangments in my town though as my gym is next to work (an hours drive away) so unless I'm in the city for work, I don't go. I need to get into a pattern where I'll pop in to a local one on a sat or a day off.

What else? Clothes are starting to feel a bit baggier. I'm going to sort out a pair of old jeans (from my smaller days) and try them on every week as an alternative measure to the scales because I FEEL trimmer.

Looking back though, when I was around 210-212lbs at Christmas time (the last time I saw this guy that I'm seeing at the start of May ---> the motivation) and now I am high 190s, that's nearly a stone gone so I must look different. If I can just get another half off before May, I'll feel really great about myself. We've been talking on the phone - probably once every couple of week since (we're opposite sides of a deal at work but negotiations have been...fun...in a flity kind of way) and there was always a spark when we met, but I'd like the physical image to be a bit closer to the "phone" persona that he now thinks of me as. If that makes sense? I don't want to come across as big headed, but I know that when I was slim (not even THAT slim, like a size 12-14 UK), I was attractive in terms of face shape/features/body shape - I used to get a lot of attention from guys, and I feel like I've really messed up and let myself go in the last 6 years. So got to beat myself up about it and DO something about it. Particularly if this is the last time I'm going to get to see Mr X professionally unless I get the courage up to say I think we should keep in touch periodically and have a coffee once in a while to keep a good business relationship (ironically I'd just go ahead and do this with any other of my contacts without a second thought but I'm really nervous hahahah).

 

[HHackney]

I actually have a pair of "goal jeans" hanging over my dresser. They are also my "reality jeans" since I bought them in the size I've always been only to find out that I couldn't even pull them up over my legs properly. I know I'm getting results because it's taking a little less to stuff myself into them lately. I still don't fit them properly yet, but once or twice a month I shove one leg into them just to see how I'm going.

210/212 down to 198 FEELS like more of an accomplishment than it looks like. That's about where I am too and I feel like I'm doing more than it looks like I'm doing. Just don't give up, you're doing wonderful so far.