ThunderThighs1
New member
I'm fat. I've always known that. I've looked at the scale, I've seen the numbers, and I know they shouldn't be that high. I see myself in the mirror, notice the love handles, the belly, the start of a double chin. I walk up a couple flight of stairs, and I'm winded. I'm fat. I know this with every fiber of my being, and yet... I don't feel fat. That's not to say that I have any sort of self confidence in my physical appearance whatsoever, but more so in the sense that... I look at other people - larger people - and tell myself, "At least I'm not like THAT."
But the truth is, I AM. And I've been in denial a long time, but recent events have brought me to the conclusion that, if I carry on this way, I'm only digging myself an earlier grave. In the span of (less than) 6 months, my mom found two blockages in her heart (one that, theoretically, should have killed her) and then was diagnosed with breast cancer only a few months later. If this isn't a wake up call, then I don't know what is.
About three weeks ago, I joined a gym and have been working out pretty consistently almost every day. I eased my way into it, starting with 30 min cardio which I've now increased to 45 min, and recently started weight training 4x a week (alternating days between upper/lower, core every day). I got a free training session, so I had the trainer help me out with the routine. I lift low weights with high repetitions (12-15), with very slow, controlled movements. It's obviously too early to be seeing any results, but I find myself really enjoying my time at the gym. I usually spend 1-2 hours, and it's very therapeutic, which has also been helping with my depression and anxiety (I was diagnosed in my early teens). There's just something very... relaxing (?) about throwing on your favorite tunes, and being in this high energy place where everyone is working towards the same goal. I'm not sure what it is, but it's quickly become my favorite part of the day.
I wish I could say I was doing as well with my diet as I am working out, but alas, it has by far been the most difficult part of this journey. To quote Oprah, "I love bread." I love food in general, but I don't have a great relationship with it. Food is fuel, and instead of premium grade gasoline, I've been filling my tank with the lowest quality sludge simply because it's cheap and easy. Not only that, but I see food as a source of pleasure, and am guilty of "treating" myself to things even if I've done the most mundane thing to "deserve" it.
I'm not going to try and do everything at once. I've done the "cold turkey" thing in the past, and it lasted a glorious five days before I was lining up at the nearest burger joint. Instead of taking things away, I'm trying to incorporate healthier choices into my diet, so it feels less like I'm punishing or denying myself things I like. I'm eating a lot more vegetables, and replacing bread with things like wraps; cutting out soda was actually pretty easy, and though I still indulge in my coffee, I've reduced my use of flavored creamer to just a splash.
There is still plenty of room for improvement, but like I said, I don't want to do too much at one time. I do think some of it will just come naturally over time; for example, since I started working out, I found myself actually craving things like fresh fruit and veggies, without any sort of conscious prompt. It just sort of pops into my head, "oh, I could really use some yogurt and berries," or "hummus and veggie sticks sound so good right now."
I think my body will tell me when it's ready to make more changes... I just have to be willing to listen.
But the truth is, I AM. And I've been in denial a long time, but recent events have brought me to the conclusion that, if I carry on this way, I'm only digging myself an earlier grave. In the span of (less than) 6 months, my mom found two blockages in her heart (one that, theoretically, should have killed her) and then was diagnosed with breast cancer only a few months later. If this isn't a wake up call, then I don't know what is.
About three weeks ago, I joined a gym and have been working out pretty consistently almost every day. I eased my way into it, starting with 30 min cardio which I've now increased to 45 min, and recently started weight training 4x a week (alternating days between upper/lower, core every day). I got a free training session, so I had the trainer help me out with the routine. I lift low weights with high repetitions (12-15), with very slow, controlled movements. It's obviously too early to be seeing any results, but I find myself really enjoying my time at the gym. I usually spend 1-2 hours, and it's very therapeutic, which has also been helping with my depression and anxiety (I was diagnosed in my early teens). There's just something very... relaxing (?) about throwing on your favorite tunes, and being in this high energy place where everyone is working towards the same goal. I'm not sure what it is, but it's quickly become my favorite part of the day.
I wish I could say I was doing as well with my diet as I am working out, but alas, it has by far been the most difficult part of this journey. To quote Oprah, "I love bread." I love food in general, but I don't have a great relationship with it. Food is fuel, and instead of premium grade gasoline, I've been filling my tank with the lowest quality sludge simply because it's cheap and easy. Not only that, but I see food as a source of pleasure, and am guilty of "treating" myself to things even if I've done the most mundane thing to "deserve" it.
I'm not going to try and do everything at once. I've done the "cold turkey" thing in the past, and it lasted a glorious five days before I was lining up at the nearest burger joint. Instead of taking things away, I'm trying to incorporate healthier choices into my diet, so it feels less like I'm punishing or denying myself things I like. I'm eating a lot more vegetables, and replacing bread with things like wraps; cutting out soda was actually pretty easy, and though I still indulge in my coffee, I've reduced my use of flavored creamer to just a splash.
There is still plenty of room for improvement, but like I said, I don't want to do too much at one time. I do think some of it will just come naturally over time; for example, since I started working out, I found myself actually craving things like fresh fruit and veggies, without any sort of conscious prompt. It just sort of pops into my head, "oh, I could really use some yogurt and berries," or "hummus and veggie sticks sound so good right now."
I think my body will tell me when it's ready to make more changes... I just have to be willing to listen.
I loved your intro & love the attitude you're taking. It sounds like you are making good solid changes & setting yourself up to succeed. It will be good to follow your progress- go you! Cheers, Cate.