Breezyy's First Diary!

Today went pretty good. I did wake up a bit late and was pretty tired when I first got home from work, but still made myself go to the gym and of course now I'm not tired at all! If I didn't go to work so early (or if I was a morning person hehe) I wouldn't mind working out in the morning. These evening workouts are keeping me up all night! Tomorrow is Valentines Day and dreading it all the same. Feb 20th last year is the day I became single again so V-Day last year wasn't all that exciting ... it was pretty much worthless gifts with nothing behind it. I admit I'm nervous that in these next few weeks some of those old feelings of depression, insecurities will start to creep up again. I don't want to eat my way through it so I must be aware of feelings and deal with them as I have for nearly a year now. The last thing I want is to slip off my routine of getting more healthy and loosing my last 40lbs. These next few weeks I feel will be my true test of will power and all of the things I have learned and changed in my life. I cannot let my past hurt my future :)

I went to the gym tonight and did 45 mins of cardio on the eliptical doing my set of 1 min running 5 mins walking. I feel pretty good and liked the ability to push myself and then cool down.

Calories were up today which is a good thing for me! Finishing off the day 1490 which is really high for me actually (but I had a piece of chocolate :eek: damn those Valentines Kisses!)

I got some roses from my Mom with a very nice card telling me how proud she is of me and how beautiful she thinks I am inside and out. It made me cry :( but feel all the better at the same time knowing she's proud of me.

Ok well I'm off to do some reading and hopefully sleep at some point :)
 
oh you're posts touched me so much. it is amazing how strong you are, and maybe you don't even realize it. i don't think you'll have too much trouble with the upcoming days, just look how different you are - probabily much more as a person.
as for that friend if you'll meet him, just tell him. maybe he will say something that he notices some difference since october... and then you just say...well thank you, i'm trying, i actually weighed 300 a year ago. or just give him the link to your blog...it made me cry. i can tell you are a beautiful person.

have a great day :) Lena
 
Hope you have a fabulous day & night celebrating the most wonderful love there is, the love of yourself! Besides how can you realistically love anything else if you don't love yourself some first?

Heres to us single gals having the times of our lives... OUR WAY!!!
 
Maybe it's just the way I think, but Valentine's Day is basically just a day they made up to force people to buy each other crap and cards. Yes, I buy my hubby a card, but that's all we do. Of course, he and his ex filed for divorce on Valentine's Day 6 years ago now, but even before he and I got together and he got very anti-Valentine's Day (who could blame him? LOL) I never really thought about Valentine's Day. I've seen several people abbreviate it online to VD. How appealing is THAT?? LOL.

Don't let the day get to you - it's all Hallmark's fault anyway!
 
breezy

I was going to say you're a beautiful person! There is so much to admire about a person with your brand of determination.

You'll find the right moment to tell your friends.

Way to go on the gym workouts. You must feel pretty excellent to be working your body like that.

Special moment with your mom. That's really nice.
 
Thanks guys for the support :) I'm actually heading "out" to dinner with my parents and sister. Woo hoo family on Valentines Day lol owell its a day to show people you love them right, regardless of who they are :)

Nervous about eating out tonight lol tomorrow is weigh day for my challenge!! Hoping I can squeeze in the gym after, if not a video at home, something! hehe

I'll get to telling my friend soon.. soon.. ok no procastinating! hehe and hey if he thinks bad of me then he wasn't really a friend to begin with right ;)

Happy Valentines Day all :)
 
Breezyy said:
Thanks guys for the support :) I'm actually heading "out" to dinner with my parents and sister. Woo hoo family on Valentines Day lol owell its a day to show people you love them right, regardless of who they are :)

I'll get to telling my friend soon.. soon.. ok no procastinating! hehe and hey if he thinks bad of me then he wasn't really a friend to begin with right ;)

Happy Valentines Day all :)
Click to expand...

EXACTLY!!!

Hope you had a wonderful time. If not just crank up "Single" by Natasha Beddingfield or Beddington whatever it is & dance around. I know I am & its making me feel fantastic!
 
186 Today!! :eek: :eek: :D :D :D

1.5lb loss this week. Even after my dinner out and my valentines candies!

Just had to post since I didn't get a chance to this morning, off to the gym:)
 
ugg im so pisst off right now! So about 4 months ago I wrote a check to what seemed to be a shady company.. I was right and a few days after giving it to them they say I have to come and pay cash because they can't process the check. So.. I did.. only because I bought an item from then and knew I had to pay for it somehow.. I put a stop payment on the check, gave them the cash and went on my merry way. Today i check my account since its pay day.. and its negative! I call the bank and yep that check is processing electronically and they are not sure if it will go through, it all depends if they gave the check # since they submitted it electronically... Takes up every penny I got on my check plus will leave with me with a ton of fees.. Ugg i hate banks.. anyways I just want to eat I don't even want to go to the gym.. I have things to do I can't not have money!!! All I want to do is cry :mad: :confused: :(
 
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr damn those banks!!!! i can totaly relate to how you feel. but this is not the reason for eating...eating won't solve the problem. you'll just end up feeling even worse. throw something at the wall, break a plate, yell at someone randomly express that anger!! hey, you can yell at me if you want :D Lena
 
I used to work at a finaicial institution, so i have a few suggestions:
If you are tired of banks, look into credit unions in your area. They generally have lower fees and higher rates(dividends).
Also, threaten to dispute this with the shady company. If you give them hell in a professional way, alot of times they will refund the money. If you did put a stop payment on the check, it is my understanding that it is the bank's error that it went through, and they should credit your account for the full amount of the check, and the fees that were assessed.

Also, I wanted to say that I am new here, and I think you are very inspirational. Look at how far you have come...it's something to be proud of!
 
I don't suppose you have a reciept for the cash payment do you?
Also, I hope you won't ever write checks to anyplace shady again, with that information they pretty much have everything they need to commit ID theft and really wrack up some headaches for you.

I feel bad for you on this one; I really hope it doesn't undermine your determination. The fees at the bank are what really causes problems for us when something like this happens, but Britta Bear is right about the Stop Payment; it should have resolved all of the other issues.

Stay strong!
 
Thanks Guys, last night was a bad night but I got through it and have finally figured out what holds me back.

About the check story, it cleared today I had put a stop payment on it but apparently I have to put stop payments on every possible way for the check to process. Since it was done electronically without a check # being submitted, it went through. I agrued with the bank countless times today saying they should have told me that there was a risk of this so that I could have done a stop payment for the electronic too, not much I can do but wait. I requested dispute forms from the bank, but that doesn't help that it is a 3 day weekend and my account is negative and getting fee's like crazy, $-200 so far.. So I'll be staying home this weekend when I had plans to go visit some friends. :(

Here is what I have finally figured out due to this happening. Feb 20 is the day I became single throwing me into the depression that lead me to realize I had to make changes. Now during this last year I have done so much soul searching working on who I want to be, what goals I wanted to achieve, but all of these were about my weight loss, my health, my happiness within, my social life, men, but never about finances. That is the one thing that can still drag me down like nothing else. That is the only thing I don't have closure on from my past relationship and there is nothing I can do about it. I went from double income to single, he left me with bills you wouldn't believe, he has a truck in my name that is somewhere in Florida not being paid for because I refuse to pay it. Its in the process of being repo'd for the last 8 months but no one can find him or the truck, I have no control, no rights to even report it stolen. It has been a stumbling block for me all this time and for some reason it never kicked in until now. So I have my weight loss goals I'm achieving pretty well, my spirit is great. Now its time to loose the last hang up that will prevent me from reaching my goal.

1. File bankruptcy to remove my name from the truck. This will stop all my harassing calls that cause me to get upset and eat.

2. I have worked for the same company since I was 19, I'm 32 now its time to make changes. I am worth more then I am paid, so much more its ridiculous I've let it go on this long. I no longer let people walk over me in life and I must take the same attitude towards my job. I have learned not to hang on to things that hurt me, that don't make me happy, to deal with problems as they come, but this one is like leaving all I have ever known.

3. My yearly review is next week I will speak my mind and simply state that if I'm as valuable to this company as they say then I deserve the pay. If I am turned down and given that lousy raise my decision will be made, that I need to move on, and I will being my search for something new.

So it seems I'm at another rough spot in my journey. Its time for my life to take yet another change. Its time to decide where I want my future, where I want to live, I've contemplated moving out of state for some while now. My family will be leaving Arizona in just a little over 1 year and once that happens I have no reason to stay either. My dream has always been to live in San Diego since I was a little girl, maybe its time I try to make that dream possible. (Yeah its expensive place to live!) I can no longer hang on to things in my life that interfere with my success and happiness, whether it is professional or personal..

I think I have a headache now :confused: hehe I knew that this would be coming soon I guess I just didn't expect it to me like a ton of bricks. Complacent at a job, Complacent in a relationship, I got over one, time to get over another..
 
Ok when reading this, the first image that popped into my head was ...oh you lil caterpillar feeling sluggish & cranky wrapping yourself in that nasty looking dark cocoon ready to shut out all that makes it hard... but you & I know what comes next. The butterfly fluttering around in the sunshine!

Hang in there. Just take it day by day. I know it must be extremely hard to make those life altering decisions, but you will know what is right & when the timing is right.
 
Thanks moon, I'm not having a very good day.. I'd love to shut it all out but I learned that doesn't do me any good as it will haunt me later. Its Friday night, I'm bored as hell but I have no money! lol so I'm stuck here.. thinking about everything! I gotta find something to do..
 
Yeah I had a hellacious day too! I am hating a few people I work with & wondering what I need to be doing with my life.

I'm staying in to save cash too & its COLD! Part of me is dying to eat salty pringles & chocolate cake & drink loads of Dr Pepper.... but I know its because I am in such a mood.

So I'm online reading & keeping myself from the kitchen.

... course I didn't work out today... & I have no desire or energy to go do anything now. Sometimes I just wish I could crawl into my own cocoon. Not that I want to come out anytime soon...

Hope your night gets better. Atleast you figured out a plan to make things better. Just will take some time.
 
Sounds like your having a night like mine.. what the hell do we do with our lives! I'm not sure about most of you but as each pound slips away I begin to change. My wants, fears, all of it. Its like I'm afraid to make a decision about my life because who will I be 40lbs from now when I reach my goal? Will I even know that person? I watched an inspiring movie for me tonight which was a good pick me up, I was slipping into .. hmm I think I'll eat some ice cream.. I thought about it, but I know now that doesn't make me feel better, just worse and fat. I'm really starting to think of what direction I want my life now to go, all those dreams I had when I was young where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, or even the simple things like what I liked to do with my free time, what made me happy.. how do we loose all those things when we get older.. why do we forget those things we had such hopes and inspirations for..

Well obviously I'm doing some heavy thinking , writing, I'm starting to feel alot better.. Hope yours is going good Moon :)
 
i hope you feel a bit better breezy :) you know how people have defining moments in their lives...this might be another one for you. you know what they say...after rain there will be sunshine. it just has to come eventually :)

*hugs* and have a great weekend. Lena
 
thanks Lena :) I'm feeling better also finally told my friend about my journey. He didn't think bad of me! :)

I did cheat on my food yesterday a bit, not much but I had chips and a sandwhich for dinner I didn't the whole bag! and ended up giiving most of it to my dog. I just don't like that kind of stuff anymore regardless if I crave it hehe

So off today to do whatever, been hanging out outside its finally nice out there :)
 
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