Breezyy's First Diary!
- Thread starter Breezyy
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Breezyy
New member
187.5 I'm still in shock I was looking at some old pictures that are in the office at work from when I was probably oh early 20's.. I think I was heavier then than I am now, so seriously I can't really ever remember being this weight. So I'm gonna guess it was sometime in high school. Even the pictures of me in my early 20's I saw today I look so different. My body has changed so much from all the ups and downs in weight and then the final 300lbs. I never had a belly like I have now It embarrasses me really and I hate it. Loose skin ugg I remember dieting sometime in my 20's (yeah i'm only 32 but still was a long time ago hehe) and my Dr told me I was young enough that my skin would tighten.. Damit! Why didn't I do this when I was younger! For pretty much most of my life I have always been ashamed of my body. I guess thats something I'm going to have to work on, gaining that self confidence of my not so perfect body Always had a complex about people seeing me naked Other then all those confusing thoughts today was a great day! I got to the gym tonight full of energy and did 45 mins on the cross trainer ( I think you guys call it the eliptical? the ski machine/stair stepper combo thing hehe ) went a little under 4 miles, 450 calories and 45 mins so I'm proud! Also did some of the circuits but only on my arms/back/belly! That was the first time I went a full 45 mins. I remember my first day on it as I had "graduated" from the bike and treadmill I made it 5 mins lol So I went one week 5 mins on cross trainer, 25 on treadmill, eventually worked my way up and I only use the treadmill now every once in a while for some variety. I really need to get into looking for a new gym. There are sooo few classes at my gym and the good ones always seem to be in the morning when I'm at work. Anyone have any suggestions or go to a gym they really like? Really out growing mine and need some new things!
I bought the Bob Greene book today "The best life diet" for something to read. I've heard good and bad things about it but I'm gonna go start it a bit before bed. I need to do some more stretching too I might be a little sore tomorrow
Total Calories: 1250 (going to grab a glass of OJ before bed to sneak that up a bit)
Exercise: 45 mins cardio, 20-30 mins circuit training.
Thoughts: Overall positive, motivated, excited, working on the body esteem.
Good Day I'd say
Time to relax and sleep.
MoonGoddess
New member
Hope you got some good sleep last night. Thanks for stopping by my lil corner in this space. We do seem to have similar stories only that you are an inspiration at having lost what you have already! Impressive. It is hard having the younger sister that "has their life on track".... WHAT track? lol Like there is only one correct way to go through this world. I think some of the best sites are found off the path, so why go the way everyone else is? We are strong enough to find our own way. Brave women we are.
& that 180 club is under the weight loss groups section.
Good luck with today! Hope you have a ton of energy & lots of just plain great luck!
& that 180 club is under the weight loss groups section.
Good luck with today! Hope you have a ton of energy & lots of just plain great luck!
Breezyy
New member
Just in from work, stressful today as usual so I can't wait to get the gym and burn some of it off! Tomorrow is the february challenge weigh in day hopefully it still says 187.5 lower is good tho too
Foods today
Banana
peanutbutter
whole wheat tortilla
(Yep stole that idea from this site!) Wow was it filling!
Snack: Orange
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Pizza and salad
Snack: Yogurt
Going to have a pria bar now before the gym then come back and have dinner and hopefully get some relaxing time in, its been a busy week and those short nights of sleep catch up to me every once in awhile. Foods have been at least 1200 calories this week I still want to get them up just a smidge but gotta start small! I was barely getting 1000 just a few short weeks ago so maybe in a few weeks after sticking to 1200 i'll get it up a bit more. I just have this mental thing now where I'm not interested in food, I rarely think about it.. I have to make myself eat, this is a new feeling that I've only had the last month. I just plan forget about eating.. So this is helping me get those calories back up to a healthy range. Time for me to slow down a bit too, I think thats how I forget about food, use to be why the drive thru at McDonalds was my best friend and now why I keep some snacks in my purse! haha, my life is pretty busy I need some me time. I think this weekend will be all about me and I wont run all over town but maybe watch a bunch of movies!
Anyways if you can't tell by the lack of smileys in my message, I'm soo tired but gotta get to the gym so I can come home and relax and sleep!
Bye for now!
Foods today
Banana
peanutbutter
whole wheat tortilla
(Yep stole that idea from this site!) Wow was it filling!
Snack: Orange
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Pizza and salad
Snack: Yogurt
Going to have a pria bar now before the gym then come back and have dinner and hopefully get some relaxing time in, its been a busy week and those short nights of sleep catch up to me every once in awhile. Foods have been at least 1200 calories this week I still want to get them up just a smidge but gotta start small! I was barely getting 1000 just a few short weeks ago so maybe in a few weeks after sticking to 1200 i'll get it up a bit more. I just have this mental thing now where I'm not interested in food, I rarely think about it.. I have to make myself eat, this is a new feeling that I've only had the last month. I just plan forget about eating.. So this is helping me get those calories back up to a healthy range. Time for me to slow down a bit too, I think thats how I forget about food, use to be why the drive thru at McDonalds was my best friend and now why I keep some snacks in my purse! haha, my life is pretty busy I need some me time. I think this weekend will be all about me and I wont run all over town but maybe watch a bunch of movies!
Anyways if you can't tell by the lack of smileys in my message, I'm soo tired but gotta get to the gym so I can come home and relax and sleep!
Bye for now!
Last edited:
Breezyy
New member
Also a little frustrated apparently my sister had some "procedure" done today at the her ob/gyn and my mom went with her. But yet NO ONE told me?? I still don't even know what it is or what its about, my dad just called and asked if I knew apparently she's been bleeding for a month. That really hurts that neither my mom or my sister said a word and I just saw them 2 days ago.. Sometimes I feel I'll never be good enough no matter how much weight I loose or how I'm getting my life all back together from some ass ripping it apart. Long story, but on the finance issues about that I'm going to end up having to file bankruptcy because he took "our" truck to florida and not me or the finance company can find it and they have been looking for 4 or so months now. So... since they can find me they want $30,000 plus .. it hasn't had but maybe 4 payments the entire year of 2006.
Anyway I still feel my parents and family look bad upon me because of all my trail of bad relationships and choices I made in my life. I have changed so many of them and this time I'm a completely different person, but will I ever get them to look past my past...
Ok now I really need the gym, debating if I'll call my mom or sister or wait for them.. I'll think about that at the gym..
Anyway I still feel my parents and family look bad upon me because of all my trail of bad relationships and choices I made in my life. I have changed so many of them and this time I'm a completely different person, but will I ever get them to look past my past...
Ok now I really need the gym, debating if I'll call my mom or sister or wait for them.. I'll think about that at the gym..
Breezy, keep up the good work. What you are doing works!!!
It seems you are caring and compassionate, but you can only be responsible for you. You can't change your past, but you can create your future, which you are doing one day at a time! Be the best person you can be and if you are needed for support from your family members, be there to support them.
Who knows, the reason could be something as small as the mom thought the sister told you and the sister thought the mom told you, or maybe it's something that sister is embarrassed about or didn't want you to worry if it's something small, however, I digress.
Keep up the good work and congrats on your loss thus far!
It seems you are caring and compassionate, but you can only be responsible for you. You can't change your past, but you can create your future, which you are doing one day at a time! Be the best person you can be and if you are needed for support from your family members, be there to support them.
Who knows, the reason could be something as small as the mom thought the sister told you and the sister thought the mom told you, or maybe it's something that sister is embarrassed about or didn't want you to worry if it's something small, however, I digress.
Keep up the good work and congrats on your loss thus far!
Breezyy
New member
So.. back from the gym, talked to my mom, and feel much better. Sorry for the vent but you see those emotions that I tend to "overdue" is the reason I became overweight to begin with, I use to let them control my life. I have now learned to recognize them. I'm a highly sensitive, emotional woman the smallest things can set me into a stream of emotions, from sadness, feeling unloved, feeling I'll never be good enough, all around insecure.. but all of that is my own thoughts getting the best of me. So while doing my 45 mins on the cross trainer I had time to think and realize the same thing, it was probably something small or my sister was embarassed (as she isn't the most expressive person about her life) and that it had absolutely nothing to do with me.. that they don't think bad about my past, they have been there to support me, and they love me no matter what bad choices I have made with my life and proud of me for my new choices to better myself..
Amazing how things like that use to eat me up inside that I would go running to the store for that pint of ice cream, or that fast food restaurant to eat my thoughts away. I've come along way in the last year but every once in awhile those old fears and insecurities come back. The important thing is I have learned to recognize them and deal with them in other ways then food.
All and all everyone is ok it wasn't a planned procedure and my sister had kept the secret from all of us until this morning when she woke up covered in blood. It was just a small tear (probably from the pregancy there not sure) but she will be ok
Whew.. damn I hate all those insecurites coming back! My only hope is that I will continue to be strong enough to make it through them and not let it ever take over again.
Actually going to sleep early, what a draining day
Thanks for the support
Calories = 1324
Exercise = 45 mins cardio, 30 mins circuit training
Thoughts = Another obstacle I have overcome, and learned how to handle to help me with my change of my life, the change of myself.
Tomorrow is weigh in day for the February Challenge can't wait to see the scale again!
the smallest things can set me into a stream of emotions, from sadness, feeling unloved, feeling I'll never be good enough, all around insecure.. but all of that is my own thoughts getting the best of me. So while doing my 45 mins on the cross trainer I had time to think and realize the same thing, it was probably something small or my sister was embarassed (as she isn't the most expressive person about her life) and that it had absolutely nothing to do with me.. that they don't think bad about my past, they have been there to support me, and they love me no matter what bad choices I have made with my life and proud of me for my new choices to better myself.. Amazing how things like that use to eat me up inside that I would go running to the store for that pint of ice cream, or that fast food restaurant to eat my thoughts away. I've come along way in the last year but every once in awhile those old fears and insecurities come back. The important thing is I have learned to recognize them and deal with them in other ways then food.
All and all everyone is ok
it wasn't a planned procedure and my sister had kept the secret from all of us until this morning when she woke up covered in blood. It was just a small tear (probably from the pregancy there not sure) but she will be ok Whew.. damn I hate all those insecurites coming back! My only hope is that I will continue to be strong enough to make it through them and not let it ever take over again.
Actually going to sleep early, what a draining day
Thanks for the support
Calories = 1324
Exercise = 45 mins cardio, 30 mins circuit training
Thoughts = Another obstacle I have overcome, and learned how to handle to help me with my change of my life, the change of myself.
Tomorrow is weigh in day for the February Challenge
can't wait to see the scale again!
Beagle1
New member
I must say, first of all, congrats on loosing so much weight and coming such a long way! Maybe once the truck thing is taken care of and you can get back on your feet, you can treat yourself to a tummy-tuck once you get to your goal weight to get rid of all the extra skin. I don't think they're nearly as expensive as they used to be, or as traumatizing (in regards to healing time).
Secondly, DOUBLE congrats on recognizing the reason you over eat, and treating the problem rather than just the symptoms. Many people who are emotional overeaters might diet and lose weight, but they don't recognize the root issue and because they don't fix or at least address it, they're bound to gain all the weight back again and just go up and down (Hm, Oprah?).
Keep going, we're all proud of you!
Secondly, DOUBLE congrats on recognizing the reason you over eat, and treating the problem rather than just the symptoms. Many people who are emotional overeaters might diet and lose weight, but they don't recognize the root issue and because they don't fix or at least address it, they're bound to gain all the weight back again and just go up and down (Hm, Oprah?).
Keep going, we're all proud of you!
You really seem to be going through a big phase mentally and emotionally. Self-realization or whatever you want to call it, and I think it's great! You are looking at how you used to be and how you are now, and liking the difference.
One of the things you mentioned, the extra skin, I was looking at info with Wishes in one of her threads, and there are plenty of teenagers who had to get the excess skin removed, as well, so don't feel like it was a mistake, ever. Some people never have to worry about it, other folks never even lose the weight. The surgery reports I read showed that the person had to keep a stable weight for at least 3 years before the surgeons would remove any skin anyhoo, so consider looking for alternate methods while the weight is still coming off. That way, you might not even need any help in the end.
Consider doing some research into Vitamin E, both the vitamin and the oil for your skin. I have seen studies showing that it helps stretch marks, and skin condition, so it might be better to start on it now, rather than later.
It's just a thought, but you never know how big of a difference it could make (if any ).
One of the things you mentioned, the extra skin, I was looking at info with Wishes in one of her threads, and there are plenty of teenagers who had to get the excess skin removed, as well, so don't feel like it was a mistake, ever. Some people never have to worry about it, other folks never even lose the weight. The surgery reports I read showed that the person had to keep a stable weight for at least 3 years before the surgeons would remove any skin anyhoo, so consider looking for alternate methods while the weight is still coming off. That way, you might not even need any help in the end.
Consider doing some research into Vitamin E, both the vitamin and the oil for your skin. I have seen studies showing that it helps stretch marks, and skin condition, so it might be better to start on it now, rather than later.
It's just a thought, but you never know how big of a difference it could make (if any
).well i was wondering about stretch marks. and about skin thing. don't have it now, but i've been obese all my life so it will probabily be like that, so thanx QJ for the advice. i know most lotions have vitamin e in them, but will try to find something more
hope you're doing great breezy, i really like reading your diary.
have a great day today! Lena
hope you're doing great breezy, i really like reading your diary.
have a great day today! Lena
Breezyy
New member
187.5 this morning for the February Challenge !
Was hoping it would be a little less like even 187! hehe but it was just 2 days ago when I weighed so can't see too much of a drop in that short of time
Feeling pretty good this morning, and thanks for all your support I'll have to look into VitaminE see what I can find, thanks Qjay
Was hoping it would be a little less like even 187! hehe but it was just 2 days ago when I weighed so can't see too much of a drop in that short of time
Feeling pretty good this morning, and thanks for all your support
I'll have to look into VitaminE see what I can find, thanks Qjay
Breezyy
New member
Just in from the gym and having a turkey wrap Nothing dramatic today, was pretty tired still didn't get much sleep in last night. I almost didn't go to the gym since it gives me energy and then I stay up all night but.. I couldn't pass it up! Going out tomorrow right after work with some friends so I knew I wouldn't go tomorrow and I don't want to feel guilty about those drinks I'll be having
Going to actually relax tonight and watch some TV I hardly ever sit down on the couch and just ahhhh... ya know what I mean
Food - 1050 (low but I'll get a few more in before I sleep)
Exercise - 45 mins cross trainer
Thoughts - Happy oh and treated myself to a new pair of jeans still size 14 but there not stretch!
Nothing dramatic today, was pretty tired still didn't get much sleep in last night. I almost didn't go to the gym since it gives me energy and then I stay up all night but.. I couldn't pass it up! Going out tomorrow right after work with some friends so I knew I wouldn't go tomorrow and I don't want to feel guilty about those drinks I'll be having Going to actually relax tonight and watch some TV I hardly ever sit down on the couch and just ahhhh... ya know what I mean
Food - 1050 (low but I'll get a few more in before I sleep)
Exercise - 45 mins cross trainer
Thoughts - Happy
oh and treated myself to a new pair of jeans still size 14 but there not stretch! 
Happychubette
Banned
breezy
Commin after ya.
Loved your post on how you feel better after 110 pounds.
Commin after ya.
Loved your post on how you feel better after 110 pounds.
Have fun tomorrow out with the friends! Enjoy it enough for me too!
Breezyy
New member
Friday.. out with friends, drank way tooo much, did ok on food it was the drinks that put me over! Saturday.. sick and hungover haha that will teach me that I can't drink like I use to when I weighed 300lbs.. I rarely drink anymore because it just doesn't fit into my new changes and I can see why!
Breezyy
New member
So the weekend was pretty much a bust at exercise and eating right. But I had some good conversations with a few personal trainers at the party I went to on Friday night. So I have came up with a new plan for exercise that I posted in the harsh truth I'll see what our profesisonals have to say!
Today was a mild day, nothing exciting or dramatic. Apparently Monday night is the new "family night" for my family so it was over to Mom's again where she had chicken (baked this time!) as neither me or my sister eat red meat, salad, and veggies. I resisted the pasta yay! I won't get into the gym tonight because of the time but I did a pilates video that I have here. Man that makes my stomach muslces hurt! It feels good tho.
Avoiding the scale till Thursday for the Feb Challenge. Weighing everyday just upsets me when I don't see a loss so I try to only weigh once a week. It felt good to be at the party on Friday and meet new people who were in shock when they found out about my weight loss. My friends and Co-workers seem to like to tell everyone..
Something I'm thinking about lately.. how do you tell an old friend you haven't seen, or maybe a new friend about your loss. It embarrases me but at the same time I feel proud of what I have accomplished and sharing it with others. For instance.. I have a long time friend (its a guy too btw) that I hadn't seen in a long time so he never saw me when I was at my heaviest. He realizes I'm trying to loose these last lbs but has no idea on the amount I've lost so far. How do I bring it up? Do I even bother? He is someone I care about and yet I don't want to hide it.. these are the things pondering my thoughts lately!
Anyways off to do some girly things before bed. That always makes me feel better to take care of me
Hope you all had a great weekend! I'll have to catch up on some diary reading!
I'll see what our profesisonals have to say! Today was a mild day, nothing exciting or dramatic. Apparently Monday night is the new "family night" for my family so it was over to Mom's again where she had chicken (baked this time!) as neither me or my sister eat red meat, salad, and veggies. I resisted the pasta yay! I won't get into the gym tonight because of the time but I did a pilates video that I have here. Man that makes my stomach muslces hurt! It feels good tho.
Avoiding the scale till Thursday for the Feb Challenge. Weighing everyday just upsets me when I don't see a loss so I try to only weigh once a week. It felt good to be at the party on Friday and meet new people who were in shock when they found out about my weight loss. My friends and Co-workers seem to like to tell everyone..
Something I'm thinking about lately.. how do you tell an old friend you haven't seen, or maybe a new friend about your loss. It embarrases me but at the same time I feel proud of what I have accomplished and sharing it with others. For instance.. I have a long time friend (its a guy too btw) that I hadn't seen in a long time so he never saw me when I was at my heaviest. He realizes I'm trying to loose these last lbs but has no idea on the amount I've lost so far. How do I bring it up? Do I even bother? He is someone I care about and yet I don't want to hide it.. these are the things pondering my thoughts lately!
Anyways off to do some girly things before bed. That always makes me feel better to take care of me
Hope you all had a great weekend! I'll have to catch up on some diary reading!
Happychubette
Banned
breezy
Just tell him! You just have to say, "I wanted to tell you something" or "I've got some news" if you're talking on the phone, and he'll say "what's that?" and you'll say, "you know, I gained some weight, but I've lost it" and he'll say, "oh yeah? how much?" and you'll say well, you won't believe this but I went up to 300" let that sink in. And he'll say, YOu're kidding! If he's with you, he'll know you've lost A LOT. If you're on the phone, you'll get to tell him. It will be a fine moment. That's one way you could tell him. He will marvel at your amazingness.
That was so exciting to read how you reached a twelve year low. I'm so excited.
Okay, I'm going to bed now. Good night.
Just tell him! You just have to say, "I wanted to tell you something" or "I've got some news" if you're talking on the phone, and he'll say "what's that?" and you'll say, "you know, I gained some weight, but I've lost it" and he'll say, "oh yeah? how much?" and you'll say well, you won't believe this but I went up to 300" let that sink in. And he'll say, YOu're kidding! If he's with you, he'll know you've lost A LOT. If you're on the phone, you'll get to tell him. It will be a fine moment. That's one way you could tell him. He will marvel at your amazingness.
That was so exciting to read how you reached a twelve year low. I'm so excited.
Okay, I'm going to bed now. Good night.
Breezyy
New member
Thanks Happy I do just want to tell him but its so hard to bring up! I will soon as its been eating at me for a while now. He has seen the weight loss somewhat already as I ran into him around October last year when I was still above 200 there is just a bit of a difference between 20lbs and a 112
Its hard tho, I have a few other friends I recently rekindled relationships with that I haven't told either.. and there girls .. I guess sometimes it just embarasses me to share with other people how I let myself get out of control. I suppose you could say I don't want them to be judgemental of me and since because I was fat and still chubby that I will let it happen again .. ya know?
I do just want to tell him but its so hard to bring up! I will soon as its been eating at me for a while now. He has seen the weight loss somewhat already as I ran into him around October last year when I was still above 200 there is just a bit of a difference between 20lbs and a 112 Its hard tho, I have a few other friends I recently rekindled relationships with that I haven't told either.. and there girls .. I guess sometimes it just embarasses me to share with other people how I let myself get out of control. I suppose you could say I don't want them to be judgemental of me and since because I was fat and still chubby that I will let it happen again .. ya know?