Brand New Girl!

GingerJess

GingerJess

New member
Hey! I'm new to this board and thought I'd introduce myself and such... My name is Jessica, I'm 23 (24 in a couple of weeks) and I live in Charlotte, NC... I have a fantastic boyfriend (TRAVIS!) who is my world! My weight loss story is kind of long... I dated a man named Sean for two years, and in August, 2006, we broke up and I began a journy that took 45 pounds off of me in the span of about 8 months... that's just a little intro, but here's an exceprt from one of my blog entries... it gives a little background:

I love Travis. I love him more than I've ever loved a man before. He's the polar opposite of Sean, and I can't even begin to express how happy that makes me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was completely miserable when I was with Sean... TWO YEARS OF A DEAD-END RELATIONSHIP! He never really cared about me, and I'm actually kind of glad that I had that experience, because now I know what NOT to look for in a man...

After Sean and I broke up, I was in a bad bad place. I was depressed as all hell, especially when I found out he had a new girlfriend (who is now his WIFE, by the way... he told me he never wanted to get married... whatever). I couldn't get out of bed... I cried for over a week straight... it took my best friends busting in my house and dragging me out of bed to finally start pulling myself back together... This was in October, 2006.

The next few months were very difficult. Filled with moments of extreme sadness, moments of happiness, and having my ass kicked by Kendal. During those months, I began to lose weight (45 pounds total) and my mood changed from depressed to confidence and happiness... You read that right, I finally got confidence in myself!

Then I met Travis. He is my everything... He has managed to capture my heart. It's weird, he'll look at me and all of a sudden I get butterflies, my heart begins to pound, I can't breathe or speak, nor can I look away... I think he was sent to me on purpose... The two of us keep joking that our being a couple is a fluke... how the hell did it happen????? How did I find the man of my dreams??????? I don't think we'll ever really know, but I can honestly say that I have never been this happy. Not only that, but I've never been able to just look into my boyfriends' eyes and tell that they love me. I see it in Trav's face everytime our eyes meet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Travis and I began dating on April 5, 2007 and since then I have slowly begun to gain weight. My pants are beginning to be tight, and I have that feeling of wanting to wear knit pants (so my tummy is more confortable)... and this is a sign that I need to lose weight again!

My best friend (the one who kicked my butt to help me lose weight) used to live in my neighborhood, so she could walk to my house and pull me out... well she moved to Raleigh a few months ago, and I have been slacking like crazy... I'm ready to get back my old body, become a thin girl, and make Travis proud. He's not pushing me to do anything, in fact he's extremely supportive, but I know he hates that I'm unhealthy.

I have a question, but I'm probably going to search the forum first and see if I can find the answer before posting it :)

I do tend to drift while I type, so if anything sounds weird, I apologize... ok, that's all for now!
 
Motivation comes from the inside, not those around us...or it should, because if we are doing it for anyone else other than ourself, then we are bound to fail.
 
She is internally motivated. She's motivated by her desire to please someone else. That is internal motivation. Being personally motivated need not be self-centered.

This 'do it for you and only for you' type mantra is relatively useless in the real world. There is a reason why kids succeed in structured classroom settings with teachers and peers vs. correspondence school. We are all motivated by our desire to please others, to achieve extrinsic benefits (money, grades, sex) and to achieve what we deem to be socially/morally important (which is often constructed by others).

If you want to get in great shape because you love your boyfriend and want to be his world forever, do it. No guy, being the visual creatures we are, is going to complain about having a hot g/f. :)

Michael
 
Michael, you're just too cute, you know that!

I think that you have to be able to please yourself before you please others. You don't want to lose yourself in what others think about you.

You must be young, that's for sure.

That being said, it's ok to look good. And it's ok to want to look good for those around you, but you still have to do it for yourself.

The boyfriend might not always be there.

A class reunion might come every 5 or 10 yrs - what do you do in the meantime?

It's just that doing it for reasons other than yourself wanting to succeed is setting yourself up for failure. Unless you reach that point, and realize you did it all for "yourself" and want to continue being in that mode of healthiness.
 
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Curious, do you attempt to please yourself before you please Jesus?

I would consider Jesus an other...albeit...a fictitious other.

Michael
 
Actually that's not what I was referring to. Though I do have to give myself to God first, then to myself, then to others. You can't lose yourself for others. That's a co-dependent way of thinking.

Been there done that.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be there for others and follow the examples as Christ did. But when it comes to a reason to lose weight - it should be about you. It's your body, it's your mind.

I'm not going to get all wrapped up in this with a psychological discussion, unless you are a counselor, then I would love to chit-chat with you about such matters. Because this would fall into a co-dependent/interdependent discussion - which is what I'm just now studying - and if you want to take it off board to continue that discussion, that's great!

And this isn't a theological discussion either - it's about the body.

My point was simply that you have to do it for yourself. It can't get any more simple than that.
 
ExercisePhysio said:
Curious, do you attempt to please yourself before you please Jesus?

I would consider Jesus an other...albeit...a fictitious other.

Michael
Click to expand...

BTW, Jesus wasn't a fictitious person - he was a genuine real person. Look it up in your history books!
 
I'm glad you picked up a Dr. Phil book.

However this is not a interdependency discussion...it is a motivation discussion, and the sources and theories behind it are quite different.

And you made it quite clear that you view Jesus as a living God...not just a person. That is where the fiction aspect kicks in.

As for a person? Sure...the legend of Jesus is quite well known. He is quite the romantic character, an ideal constructed around a Messiah construct. If only King Arthur could do so well. :)

Michael
 
FYI - it's not a Dr. Phil book.

You brought it up that her motivation to look good was geared towards her boyfriend. Which btw would be an external motivator, not an internal one.

You are going to turn this discussion into something ugly if you don't watch it. It's not about religion, that's where you are stepping on toes.

I'm sorry but I'm sure from my age and perspective I've had a lot more experience at what are internal motivators and what are external ones.

Love is all gooshy-goo at the start, but what happens when real life takes over? Where is the motivation then? That's why I'm sticking to my opinion that motivation to LOSE WEIGHT and get healthy must come from within. No external motivators are going to keep it going, unless a person realizes that.

Do you stay in shape for those around you?
 
Wow... I don't know whether to be flattered or not....... My motivation to lose weight is internal. I love Travis, and would like to look good for him, but I'm beginning to notice changes in my body that I really don't like, and plan on doing what I can to lose weight and become a healthier person. My love says he doesn't care if I'm thin or not, he loves me for who I am. I just feel that it's time to make myself happy again.

After losing all the weight last year, my confidence was visible, I had good self-esteem, and for the very first time in my life, I loved myself and who I was. Now, it's beginning to go down again, and I need to get back to working out so I can make myself happy again. Does that clear anything up?

:)
 
Jess that's good to hear. I was thinking the same thing - if my husband only wanted me cause I looked good, I'd be in trouble. :p

I mean I want to look good for him and I do the best I can with what I've got.

I'm glad that your self-esteem is back up. I've been down that road too. It makes it easier to care for yourself when your esteem is up.

Good luck!
 
It's been clear from the start GingerJess that you were internally motivated, which is the whole reason why I disagreed with Sweetpea. And I wish you luck!

You'll get there I'm sure. If you have any specific diet/exercise questions, just ask.

Michael
 
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