Boyfriend ... bad day already :(

S

SkinnySomewhere

New member
I know this has nothing to do with weight loss but I just need to vent and get this out. My boyfriend, well ex now I guess .. and I dated for 2.5 years and it was very serious, talked about marriage, all tat stuff .. and this past 2 months or so we just started fighting and getting on eachothers nerves about EVERYTHING. I mean we never fight about anything that is a big deal - just tonsof little stupid unimportant things. Last week or so ago we decided we needed a break and some time apart so that we can clear our heads and try to make this work for the future rather than continuing to fight so we ruin our chance together ... so we've tried not talking but one of us always end up calling & the convo starts out great - then we always end up fighting. It was never like this before & we both still love eachother sooo much ... we both want it to work but just can't seem to get along? Sounds crazy I know. I think I know one of the reasons I have been so crabby & moody though - my birth control. I am on ortho tri cyclin lo for about 3 years and latley I have been SO emmotional and soooo moody , even before we started fighitng & he's noticed it big time. I have an appointment to switch it - has anyone gone through anything like this? Ughh Im just so frusterated because last night we hing up the phone mad and now my day is just ruined already :( I need to be stong and just not call & make him miss me ... I know that. I need to do it - it's just so tempting so I'm trying to keep myself BUSY!!!! Any advice or just anyhting would be great. I know I make it sound like w e are both a bunch of nutcases lol* but we were the couple that everyone woiuld ask for advice, ask when the wedding is, tell us how perfect we were --- so we once were very happy! What happened!? He is a terrific guy - SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sweet. Just obviously not all the time. GRRR
 
ooohhhh, I'm sorry to hear about the man problems.
I think it stems between both people when things like this happen in a relationship. You will always love each other, but sometimes you're no longer "in"-love. This may not be your case.
It may be the birth control. I too am on Ortho Tri Cyclen. For the first 2-3 years of my relationship with Phil we fought ALOT. I was a moody B**** and was too tough to cry when I felt depressed so I took it out on everyone around me, mostly the person closest to me. We started fighting so much that he would leave and go out with his friends and his ex would be there so we would fight about that.
I was also going through post partum depression and had been off of my prozac, zoloft, paxil for a year or so, so I know most of the problem was me.
Once I started to calm down, by slowing down all together, not letting things bother me so much, being at PEACE WITH MYSELF, I noticed a change in the relationship. He was still in the swing of us fighting, but I would stay calm, and just take the blame and appologize. He noticed right away that I was no longer up to fighting. I stoped trying to explaine my feelings, I stopped trying to "talk about it" and just tryed to make it better on my end. Thats the most you can do.
You can try to change the way you handle things (without changing you) and with out trying to change the other person, this you should never do, because it almost always comes out bad.
I hope this all make sense to you. I wish I could explaine it better but my mind is kinda full of everything I have to do today.
I know when you love someone you would do ANYTHING for them....
You want to call them every min and they are on your mind all day long.
I would call Phil like 35 times a day! LOL and he would take the phone off the hook, nothing hurts worse than that shit! Let me tell you!
You already know, that you have to make him long for you. You can do sweet things like send him and short and sweet message, real simple, like a pic of yourself and say "missing you"... thats it...nothing more for a day or two, then maybe put on some nice clothes and make youself look unbelieveably irresistable and stop by to drop something off that he may have left at your place. Dont stay long, smile the wole time. Tell him you have other arrands to run, and that will be that last pic he has of you in his mind, and he'll want you to come back over. Wear some good perfume too. Maybe spray it on whatever you bringing back to him, he may smell it and think of you... DOnt go back to his house if he calls. Keep him hanging for a day.
Make him miss you, make him be the one to call you.
You have to find this strength along with the peace in yourself, and when he sees how strong and independant you've become, he will come crawling back to you.
I have no gaurantee to this, it's only from my own experiences....
I hope the best for you.
 
This is Tantra...... It works for me......

1) Learn to love yourself. Before you can love your partner completely, you must love yourself. Tantra first means taking responsibility for the quality of love that you can give. If you lack confidence or are frequently emotionally demanding in a relationship, you risk becoming overly dependent on your partner; if you feel distant, you are likely to push your lover away. In order to be truly happy in a relationship, it is necessary to be joyful when you are alone.

To begin with, you may find difficult looking after your needs and nourishing yourself. If you are used to pleasing others at your own expense, you need to learn to take the space to do what YOU enjoy what pleases YOU. Explore you particular passion in life and live them. Let go of the negative aspects in your lifestyle and/or relationships that hold you back, such as any compulsive or self-destructive elements. All the time you spend nurturing yourself will ultimately enrich your relationship as well.

"My self destructive element was BINGE EATING and now its just eating! LOL "

Rather than relate to one another on the basis of your personalities, learn to see your lover as energy-body with whom you bond at heart level. Personality traits act as surface distraction, which get in the way of love energy. When we become irritated with our beloved’s traits, this creates additional blocks to intimacy sound familiar?

Speak your truth ~ This means speaking your truth and being heard, but remaining open and being willing to hear the truth of others. Look at the ways in which these truths are manifested in your life and love.

Surrender the need to control ~ Drop your defences and pretences. Frustration in a relationship can arise through attempting to impose your will or to make things happen. This creates a high level of tension. You may need to stop doing –to stop trying so hard- to make your relationship work in the way that you want. Being too pushy creates rigidity, stress and suspicion. Being too passive crates a lack of focus and a tendency to escape daily life through daydreaming. Find your centre of balance and maintain it.

I believe with this info in mind, any relationship could be mastered.
 
Christina - I don't know even where to begin. You told me everything I needed, and not necessarily wanted, but what I needed to hear & what I truthfully knew deep down & didn't want to admit.
Number one - I NEED to love myself. Completely and totaaly just love myself & take care of me & my needs for a while. I need to know deep down who I am & love that person, before I can love Jayson fairly. I do love him, but yes, it is sooo hard to admit- but I feel as if I may be not as "in love" as we once were. I think, know actually, that this has a LOT to do with me. I am so excited to get my birth control switched and hopefully that ups my moodiness sometime soon. I have been feeling better with working out and am getting happier with myself the more I do for me.
I know that if I can just love myself and get back that easygoing, fun, energetic person I was when we met - thins will be great. Hearing about your experiences, the fighting, hanging up the phone, not answering ... all of that. Been there. It SUCKS!!!
I know you are right and I felt like something had been lifted off of me when you said that you need to be at peace with yourself. 100% right. I need to get to that point where I just don't even bother with the fighting and yelling anymore ... just am past it. Because that is how he is right now - we were still fighitng BUT he was getting to the point where he would just say whatever because it was getting so old ...
We have decided to not see eachother this week and not talk on the phone but I think after a few days I will call while he is at work & just leave a short but sweet voicemail - saying "Hi - Hope you're having a great day". Just like you said, I need him to see the me I want to be again. Make him miss me, because Im sure its hard for him to miss someone who is basically turning into a bitch! I am on my way to becomming the person that I want to be, the person that I know I still am somewhere inside. Losing weight & getting in shape will be a huge help for me, I know that. (I'm in the 100's as of today!!!! sooo thrilled hehe)
I have talked so many people about the birthcontrol issue and soo many have said that they can bet that is what a lot of my problem is. So lets hope.
I read your post on Tantra - I had to read it twice, the second time nice and slow. This is amazing. It makes perfect sense. That is going to be like my mantra during this whole finding-myself process.
All I can say is Thank you - I know this sounds cliche, but you turned my life around in a way. I needed to hear this from an outside person without me influencing what you say. Thank you so much. I just habe so much more motivation right now to just do what needs to be done - I need to make myself happy & love myself completley. I am dedicating however much time it takes to just getting to that place.
Thank you sooo much - have a great day :)
 
I know how it can be when the relationship is on the rocks. Phil and I have been together for over 6 years now! And the past 3 years have been the best. When I see him I still get butterflies in my stomach. We've been living together for 5 years, and it;s still like a new relationship. It's hard to explaine. I treat him like he's my everything, I treat him like a king. He takes care of my daughter and I and I take care of the house and the family. And in the end I get treated like a princess and get what I want! It's almost a reverse psychiatry thing when it comes to men. They think they are having it their way, but we get our cake and eat it too! ;)
I hope I helped you. I am not a therapist but it's nice to know I helped someone!
Hugs!
Best of luck hun!
 
Well it sounds like you have a fabulous relationship with Phil. That is great - I am very happy for you :)
I loved your advice & took it very seriously ... I just needed that so much & I thank you :)
Have a healthy day ;)
 
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