BmOhearn's diary

my work in inventory is boring. very boring. i just stand there and scan every single thing with a little gun. i had my interview at victoria secrets (the lingerie store) and i told them i was fired from uno's..(the restaurant i worked at) and i dont think i'm going to get the job because of it. My step mom works there, and she's gunna stick up for me. i dont feel very well. i got my period today, and i'm just really really achy. Hopefully i'll start to feel better soon. i'm gunna watch a movie and play a game or something. i ate well today. For breakfast i had an orange with a glass of apple juice, for Lunch i had sweet and sour chicken(i guess thats not the greatest but whatever) some rice, and for dinner i had a piece of steak. No rice with dinner because i already had some that day. No need for extra carbs. i didnt drink anything with calories today. I usually dont now-a-days. water, fresca, diet soda, or diet snapple icetea. I think about 350 calories for the steak and 65 calories for the orange. 110 for the apple juice. just a bit over 500 calories for everything except the chicken and rice. I stayed within my limits. i'll update again later when i dont feel completely drained. i might exercise tonight, if i start to feel better.
 
Hi! It's so good to hear from you! :) I'm sorry to hear how boring the inventory work is. At least there's still some hope with the other job.

Good on you for trying to keep your eating on track. :) I suppose you already know about keeping your calories over 1200 a day.

This sounds like a pretty crappy time. :( *Hugs* I hope tomorrow is better. :)
 
thanks felici. You're always so uplifting. i look forward to seeing your posts, and reading your comments. *smiles* I know i have to keep my calories over 1200 a day. i'm sure i went over. With the snack i ate, i think i had 700 calories excluding that yummy lunch. And with rice and chinese chicken (sort of like general gau's chicken but with a sweet and sour sauce) i'm sure it was over 1200.
 
I made myself a snack at about 11:30pm. I had a turkey sandwich on wheat bread. 205 calories. I never exercised like i was hoping. i was just trying to feel better. I needed to lay down. I feel better now though. Not completely... but enough. I'm worrying myself sick over getting a job. I need to meditate tomorrow or something. I'm thinking that i'll feel a lot better tomorrow. So i plan on doing lots of sit-ups, and maybe playing some DDR. I know that sit-ups wont bother cramps or anything (sorry boys who read this. lol) but ddr might. Sit ups with the ab chair work so well, and doesnt make me feel so achy. I want to set up the bike peddles and calorie counter onto the ab chair tomorrow so i can keep track of those things. I cant believe how late i'm up. i really need to get my sleep back on track. i shouldnt be going to bed at 2:00 am. I think after the temporary lapse of weight loss skills... i'm getting back on track. Yay for me.

At work the other night a group of girls (who totally looked anorexic) who were pointing out people to make fun of. They of course chose me to call fat and huge and all such things. it was obvious that i could hear them too. I am over-weight...but i do a decent job hiding it. i dont wear skin-tight clothes that dont fit.. therefore leaving myself open for ridicule. I kept my emotions together at work, but cried all the way home. i havent been made fun of since grade school. And what did i do? i went home and had 2 scoops of icecream. I feel like crying just thinking about it. it was so stupid.

But i have this under control now. I have pictures of a model named adrianna lima. And i think she is beautiful. i'm not attracted to her...lol... i just think she is pretty, and has a confidence that i want to have. Inspirational sorta.

My goal tomorrow:
Eat under 1500 calories
set up the extra's on my ab chair
exercise
go for a walk if its nice out


i better get myself to sleep.i want to have some energy tomorrow.
 
:mad: :eek: :mad: Oh I want to send dagger vibes to those girls!! or make skinny dolls and stick pins in them!! Only then that would be bad karma to me eh? They will probably grow into fatter wiser women in a few years and look back and be ashamed of how shallow and mean they used to be. I will wish that on them, and also wish that in the meantime, they fall flat on their faces in the mud on the way home from work. While a bunch of hotties they're interested in are watching, and their skirts fly up, and a TV crew is going past at the same time and films it - as part of a story about mud - and then it gets posted as a youtube, and all their boyfriends dump them from embarrassment. Meh. *Sends extreme embarrassment vibe to mean girls* I reckon I'm in high karma credit - I can handle a little bad karma.;)

As for you. Well, you are brave, and back on the bike once more. :)
:) Congratulations to you once again. :)

I know, you know, that this crap will pass, and that you will still be here when it has, and will be a bit thinner!! :D
(Especially onceTOM has gone and you are getting a hormonal boost instead of a downer. :cool: )

Thanks to you too. You know, your posts have helped me also.
 
You are some damn awesome felici. Its funny how all your posts make me smile. thankyou.. i hope the bad vibes got to them. lol.
 
I just woke up about a half of an hour ago. I've had a killer headache, and i was forcing myself to sleep...hoping that i would feel better once i did. WRONG!!! it still kills. I havent had anything to eat today..so i am not worrying about calories. In a little while i plan on going upstairs and having a turkey sandwich on wheat bread. 205 calories. i dont know whats for dinner. Lately...(very lately) i havent been able to eat much. my hunger levels have gone down. Except for the day before my T.O.M was here. Last night i only had a small sirloin steak tips strip. no rice... no nothing. I just didnt want it. i knew that i had a lot of carbs with lunch, and that i needed more protein. Yey for the diet. It has had some type of impact on my mind.

I have to clean my room today. its a mess. Then i will have room to set up my ab chair and do some exercise maybe.

I'm nervous about weigh-in day. i want to be at my goal, but i dont know if i will be. All that i will expect is that my weight remains the same. And i continue doing my best.

I want to start eating the right foods for energy. it will really help me during the week that Ant Flo is here. (;) )

I'll update later on, maybe after dinner or something when i know what i've eaten.
 
I ate some lunch. Very good lunch. i'm proud of myself. And i realized how happy i feel when i eat healthy. I had a turkey sandwich on wheat bread ( like i said) with a diced peach fruit cup. Total of 285 calories. I'm not full, but content. I weighed myself... and i still weigh 195. I know i gained about 3 pounds over the holidays...but i lost it now. yay! I'm so excited, that i'm even more determined right now. I will lose it this time. But i need to be not so hard on myself.
 
I think eating healthy does make you feel better. I can't say to eat only flax seed or grape leaves. I was raised on a way different type of food lol. Start small; turkey instead of roast beef, mustard instead of mayo, light mayo over full fat, low sugar peanut butter, wheat over white, turkey over beef........ soon it will feel more normal and It seems you get more out of the food. caution.......... going back to eating a full fat meal later will do some ummmm unusual things to the body lol.....
 
Calorie count for the Day::
Lunch: turkey sandwich and fruit cup.
Dinner: Pizza, fruit cup, 4 stalks of celery

Turkey-45 calories
bread- 80 calories per slice. = 160 calories
Fruit cup- 80 calories

Pizza- 420 calories
Ranch dressing- 140 calories
Fruit cup- 80 calories
celery stalks- 6 calories per stalk = 24 calories
Ranch dressing- 140 calories per serving- 280 calories


total of 1229 calories for the day. Amazing for me.

I'm happy for myself. i havent drinken anything but water.

Good news: I almost have the job at the Lingerie store. (victoria secrets) I am very happy. The manager talked to my stepmother (who's last day working there was today) and she told her that she has to check my references, and then i have the job. i am happy. It doesnt pay very much, but oh well.

I havent set up my ab chair extra's yet. I want to do that tonight. First i'm going to play my game. (world of warcraft) then i'm going to set it up, and do 100 or more situps. I'll do it while i watch tv. And maybe i'll set up my bike attachment and do that for a little while. I would be happy just burning off the 29 calories today.
 
Oooh, working at Victoria's Secret! That would be some dang good motivation for me! haha :D
 
Calorie count for the Day::
Lunch: turkey sandwich and fruit cup.
Dinner: Pizza, fruit cup, 4 stalks of celery

Turkey-45 calories
bread- 80 calories per slice. = 160 calories
Fruit cup- 80 calories

Pizza- 420 calories
Ranch dressing- 140 calories
Fruit cup- 80 calories
celery stalks- 6 calories per stalk = 24 calories
Ranch dressing- 140 calories per serving- 280 calories


total of 1229 calories for the day. Amazing for me.

I'm happy for myself. i havent drinken anything but water.
Click to expand...

^5 on a great day keep it up........
 
It's hard to give adivice without being there but I left home at 16 and it was a rough few years now we all get along fine. It just comes to how bad you want to leave. your 18 so it's up to you either way......
 
I agree with hillbillylee. If the thing you want to do is move out and be in control of your own life then know what are the consequences of that might be: if you lose the money for college for example. If moving out is worth that risk then take it. There is always financial aide to help get you through and you may be eligable for scholarships. Talk to your financial aide advisor!
Maybe sitting down with your dad and talking about the situation and letting him know that you want to be responsible for your own life and finances.
I don't know the situation so it is hard to give advice but I hope this helps. My parents are divorced to and I am 29 now but it still makes me cry when I think of all the arguements and fighting over money:( Stay strong! and also I have heard that parents can't take eachother for court if child support isn't spent on the child. If I remember right you don't have to prove what you spend it on. He can be using it to help for mortgage and because you are supposedly residing with him then that means it goes to you. Make sense? I am sorry they are fighting like that. It makes it so hard! we are with you! *big hugs*
 
BM
School is important to you so thats a good thing. This is the kind of decision it's hard to say, "I'm just gonna leave." Maybe it is something for the courts. What I found out is when I left home is you start all over. School you can get financial aid. Then you have to be working around your school schedule just to support yourself or at least have money. Moving in with someone doesn't always work out so just be prepared. It could work out great or could turn into a nightmare. Whatever you do, Just think it through as much as you can.
 
I have had a great past couple of days. i reached my goal for this week. YEY!! 16 lbs gone since i started my diet. i have quite a ways to go, but i'm happy. Yesterday i dont remember how many calories i had... but it was 1300 calories or less. I did 150 sit-ups, and used the bike attachment on my ab chair for 30 minutes. Today i had about 1300 calories. I counted 1236, But i didnt measure out my food, i just estimated. I was pretty close though. I'm going to use my bike attachment and do some sit ups again. It will make me happy. I ate very very well today.

Breakfast/Lunch (when i woke up around 12:30): Grilled cheese Sandwich- 290 calories

Snack- Homemade garlic toast with cheese. ( i toasted a piece of bread, put butter on, and a bit of garlic powder. Then melted a piece of cheese, and just A dash more garlic powder) 110 calories

Dinner- Some chicken (estimated 5 ounces. No more than that. 231 calories) Some stuffing (110 calories per serving, i had about 2.) 220 calories. And some scalloped potatos (90 calories per serving, 2 servings i believe) 180 calories.

After work meal- A bowl of salad with Ranch dressing- 145 calories. (salad dressing kills the healthiness, but i'm so picky about them) And a piece of homemade garlic toast with no cheese- 50 calories.

See... pretty good. I didnt have any fruit at all.

I'm going to exercise now, and then go to bed. Tomorrow i'm going out to eat at a sandwich place tomorrow, so i'll have to be careful about what i eat.

This week's goal is 2 pounds. The 15th is my weigh-in day. I hope i make it!!
 
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