Blueberry's Diary

Summary

Sooo, that time of the week again. after gym the scales said 142 pounds, which is interesting. im thinking i should start just using the home scales cause i dont always get to go to yoga.

mon: 20 minute walk
1830 calories
tues: 1 hour step class, 40 minute walk
1650 calories
wed: 45 min spin class, 45 min aerobics class, 6 miles walking
1740 calories
thurs: 1 hour walk
1510 calories
fri: half hour quick walk, 3 hours normal walking
2220 calories (binged allllll day)
sat: light cleaning work, played saxophone for 5 hours
2450 calories (after 9pm binged but otherwise fine)
sun: light gardening work for couple hours
1450 calories
mon: 1 hour walk, played saxophone for 1 hour
1440 calories

I've managed to do something everyday, no matter how small, which is good. and looks like my diet is getting a bit better
 
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Diary

Step class yesterday was cancelled so i ended up just going to the gym.. i did great.. found my new favourite machine, the "Top XT".

topxt.jpg


Went to spin class today, and had to do a bit of walking around. got fatigued again around 5pm and ate more then expected to try feel better. in general ive not eaten too great today. booked myself in for a skin care class next wednesday which should be fun.

Foody Stuff
breakfast, 10: cheerios, banana, milk
binge ate, 11: raisins
still a bit tired, ate more, 12: 2 slices of bread with peanut butter/nutella
went to class: 3 bottles of water, then a banana in the park
got fatigued walking, on bus: a sesame snap
got home, 530: rest of yesterday's meal, half can of spinash, half can of tuna
still not right, edit: binge eat 6-7: about 200g of a fruit/nut mix, apparently about 800 calories.. had to nap for an hour to calm down, however im not feeling so fatigued anymore which is great.
tried to satisfy my need to eat a normal meal, 8pm: half tin tomato soup and a piece of bread, then piece of bread with nutella
binge eat, 11pm: ok i didnt need to eat at all, but oh well, like 100g of chocolate

in total about 2700 calories. i wasnt aware enough yesterday of what i was eating, i ended up not eating enough at all. right now i feel like throwing up, but i still want to eat.

Yesterday's Foody Things
breakfast, 11: cheerios, banana, milk
after class, 3: banana
got home, 4: rest of other day's dinner
snack, 5: apple
dinner, 7: same as before but with rice instead and a green pepper
watching film, 9: 4 digestive biscuits

:( barely anything, like 10-1200 calories, rubbish.. no wonder im so tired today..

tomorrow is a rest day, so, i should be able to recover a bit better.

i think 1500 may be too low.. im not sure.. im going to wait until i stable again then if im still having problems ill increase it to 1600.

i havent had any dinner today despite the extra calories. makes me feel a bit bad, though i suppose all the nuts/fruit should be enough fibre to keep things going digestion wise. i reckon ill end up eating something else, but as its already 9pm, who knows.

people in the living room, cant go out my room, dont want to see anyone. housemate is complaining about having to put recycling in a bin now instead of in piles of large crates he leaves above the fridge for months. yuck. it's not worth it, really.. smells like shit and wastes a lot of space.. it takes 7-8 minutes to walk with a binliner and empty it and walk back..

yeah, im not in a good mood today, feeling snappy and paranoid, and dont like being talked about, definitely about something so simple as 'lets put rubbish in a bin'.
 
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Diary

im not sure what's ailing me. still just want to eat. it's weird.

i know it'd prob be a bad idea but im considering going to a class this evening.. i know that today ill probably just not go out at all and eat a lot, and it wont be very balanced.. however, it would of been over 24 hours since i last exercised, and it may not knacker me too much? *sigh* i dont know.. i dont want to get into an exercise cycle of purging, it should just be able being healthy all round.. though the amount that i ate yesterday was pretty bad and ive had two portions of cereal today.. and i think ive stored most of it as fat.

im thinking about food too much, and thats why i keep trying to eat. could also be because i almost always exercise in the afternoon where i find myself with not enough time to do other things. solution: time for some good olde fashioned mind-numbing pc gaming.

food stuff
breakfast, 11: banana, cheerios, liveyogurt
again.., 12: same
more..,1230: ~50g fruit/nut.. finished the packet now, pretty much! ironically the mix is called 'detox sprinkle'. it has peanuts, apricots, dates, brazil nuts and goji berries
more..,1-3: 7/8 biscuits

dunno what exactly im trying to achieve by feeling physically like shit

*sigh well, i managed it, just been playing games, havent eaten any more and am still not hungry, so, good sign. im going to make myself a good dinner in an hour or so..

ok well in total ive eaten about 2700 calories again today. dunno what's wrong.

dinner, 7pm: a bulgar wheat mix i love making.. coconut milk, lots of beans, sweetcorn, mushrooms, peppers..
8-midnight: 140g bag of honey roasted nuts, small bowl of cereal with sultanas and nutella
 
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Diary

I started making plans for my gap year today. I've started feeling a bit better food wise, though from the eating and so on ive been feeling a bit ill and unhealthy. i suppose i feel pretty overweight and ugly.

im wondering if 'binge' should be replaced by 'compulsive' eating. i am trying to lose weight after all, and my eating never feels in control, i just continue on and on and on..

foods:

ive made one of my favourite cheap meals. it involves bulgar wheat, coconut milk, red curry paste, sweetcorn, gungo peas, kidney beans, chilli pepper, bell pepper, sliced mushrooms, lots of lemon juice.. it tastes good with chicken as well.. shredded or on the side marinaded.. same for fish, too, or with a salad. i usually make it with mixed dried beans but forgot to soak some the night before. it lasts for a few days.

going to try be less obsessive over what i eat, be more based on when i feel hungry, and to just remember what kind of portions to eat.

foody things:
breakfast, 930: yogurt and banana
breakfast, 11: apple
lunch, 12: half can of spring veggie soup and piece of brown bread
lunch, 1: crumpet with nutella/peanut butter
dinner, 3: half portion of bulgar wheat mix
dinner, 4: same thing
for energy, 5: pack of sesame snaps

i dunno if eating nearly every hour works. i suppose it works cause ive been on my arse in front of my laptop all day and eating small continuous things is pretty alright.. i dont want to feel bloated all the time. im drinking a lot of water and tea at the moment to hopefully flush the bad stuff out from the last days so i feel less lethargic. i feel so much better, now.

im thinking about going swimming later to start my 'on 2 days, off 1 day' regime. since ive started planning, i feel like i have something to work towards a bit more. if i go swimming then it'll be for around 630pm, after 730 it's closed on fridays.

edit: i didnt go out, just fell asleep, but i did eat 2 bowls of cereal afterwards =P
 
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Diary

Seems all this overeating/sitting around has damaged my health more then expected. i went out for first time in ages, my heart was beating too fast.. wasnt well.. couldnt do as much of the LBT class as i normally do and was very achy, and a bit disorientated. i also went swimming afterwards as well (with 3 steam room visits as well). after that i felt a lot better, i think i just needed some more time to get into exercising again in a way that wasnt stressful or very social. i did some interval training in the pool for the first time, it was good. it's a 33m pool, here's what i did for the record:

4 lengths breaststroke to warm up
10 lengths of BS in 2-length chunks: one way sprinting, one way 'walking' pace.
6 lengths of front-crawl arms only
6 lengths of front-crawl legs only
1 length breast-stroke to go to steam room
4 lengths of breast-stroke, then went out

i did it in roughly 35-40 minutes.. soo, cause im curious.. ~1.5km/hr? i guess thats pretty average?

food stuffs
breakfast, 9: yogurt, banana and dried fruit
more, 11: brown bread and jam
lunch before exercise, 1: 2 slices of bread with peanutbutter and banana
before swimming, 230: an apple
dinner, 6: bulgar wheat mix, a turkey steak, green beans, a large tomato
feeling sad food, 9: 3x cheerios, dried fruit, milk, nutella and one with some nuts as well
 
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Diary

again not well, think something is happening actually. couldnt go out today to exercise.

food things:
breakfast, 10: yogurt, dried fruit, banana
lunch, 1: two pieces of brown bread with a mix of half can veggie soup/bulgar wheat mix
snack, 330: scone+jam then a bit later bread+jam
then, i fucked up again feeling like shit and nawred through food quickly to distract myself from it, 4-6: 6/7 biscuits, ~150g dried fruit, ~40g salted nuts, an orange..
right now, 6-7: 2 cups of calming herbal tea

given ive had too many calories now i dunno if i should eat dinner or not. *sigh health over calories.. but 2800 calories and a lot of fat and sugar.. i suppose some veggies wouldnt hurt
 
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Diary(written yesterday)

OK, well ive decided calories counting the way i have been is creating an unhealthy relationship with food, so im going to stop and try a different approach. it is making my binges worse.

I'm going to just take it easy and note down what i eat once a day instead of always writing it out whenever im near my pc, and get an intuitive feel for it instead. better yet, noting down what i eat the day before, if i can be bothered to do it that way anyway.

Today's stuff:

on the go, was late for bus, 930: apple
got back, 1: half can lentil soup with slice of bread, and slice of bread with one squished up boiled egg on top with worchestershire sauce
at some point around 3/4: 2 bowls cereal
went out, got back, 8: 2 veggie sausages, half small packet of frozen stir fry veggies/noodles, some frozen greens
 
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