Better Second Life Diary

Food Addiction

:waving:
reluctantcabbie said:
People don't always understand addictions, regardless of what they are. Most who are addicted, never even realize it themselves. Even fewer people seem to really get that food can be a tougher addiction than ANY of the other ones. I mean, think about it, could a heroin addict have just a smaller portion of heroin? Of course not!! But we all need to eat...
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Hello reluctantcabbie, I couldn't agree with you more. I too just realized that I was so addicted to food. And it is a tougher addiction, because like with drugs or alcohol, you could completely cut them out of your life, however we need food to survive, just not so much of it!!! I also had a grandfather who died of cyrhosis of the liver and my grandmother died of lung cancer, and my other grandpa on my dads side also died of lung cancer and my dad used to be a really bad junkie and alcoholic, so addiction definitely runs in my blood, mine just happens to be food. Well, I think we can beat it if we just stay focused and try our hardest. Like I said, it's gonna be harder than any other only because we can't completely cut it, but we can push on. Best of luck to you, and if you need support, I'm here.:waving:
 
Hey Lisa!!! I'm back!

douknowjello said:
That's ok but I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time...been there for sure. Just wondering if you're body isn't causing the cravings cuz it's missing something? Are you making sure you eat enough?



Oh I also meant to ask, I don't know what you're ok with having on your diet but I do know of some low carb desserts using splenda. I don't know if that would help you or just make it worse but let me know if you need any substitutes. Hang in their girlie :) And don't worry about the slip ups....you can count on those happening for sure.
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Hi Lisa,

Sorry to have worried you so, but I went into isolation. Family issues. I reconnected with my very toxic food addicted family and it sent me wanting to eat. I had to white knuckle it and move through the pain of being around very, very sick people who don't recognize they are sick. All holier than thou types. But I am trying to work the steps of OA out of order and forgive those that have harmed me before I'm ready I found.

You know, you hit the nail on the head!! I'm not eating enough! I was trying for ONE low carb meal per day! Once I read your post, I stopped that and the cravings went away. I'm a bit better for wear with the family and all. There are some you have to love from afar. My family would be in that category.

I've lost a bit more. Happy about that. I am touched by your concern more.

XOXO
Berta
 
Recovery Meditation for my day 31

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 13, 2008

~ ABSTINENCE ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

"It’s a funny thing about life. If you
refuse to settle for anything less than
the best, that’s what it will give you."

W. Somerset Maugham

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

When I first came to program, I was in
the diet mentality. After a few "slips"
I had to face the facts: I was in
relapse, and I had never really
surrendered. With the help of the
program, I gained an increasing
awareness of this progressive
disease. Did I really want to recover?
Was I really willing to go to any
lengths to find relief from compulsive
eating?

When I finally surrendered the food and
began working the Steps, I didn’t know
what to expect. All I knew was that food
could no longer be the answer. With
seven months’ abstinence, I now know
that I have a long way to go in my
recovery. However, one day at a time, I
am willing to find my answers in the
Steps instead of in the food. Thank you,
Higher Power!

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I choose abstinence and will listen for
God’s calling in my life. God’s will for
me is the safest and most loving place I
can be, and I know God wants me to live
a life free from the compulsion to eat.

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~
 
Hey Lisa Again! Yes we swapped states!

douknowjello said:
Hey Roberta, that's hilarious that we just swapped states...when did you move cuz I wonder if we passed eachother on the road? lol Anyway gotta run as usual, chem class this morning. I'll try to check in on ya later. ~Lisa
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Good luck on the chem class.

I've only been in California over a year or so. I moved here after my divorce. It's been hard rebuilding, but I am doing it. I enrolled in school and school for me begins in a week or so.:willy_nilly: I'd rather go through the insanity of the first few weeks of school than to diet, let me tell you. And I'd rather diet than ever divorce EVER again. But he was abusive, so I had to go. Took it too long as I did.

Thanks for checking on me. I can't say how much this means to me.

XOXO
Berta:hurray::waving:
 
There's a chatroom?

douknowjello said:
Dang missed you by an hour...was eating my subway sandwhich. Well you must be busy the last few days...hope everything is goin good. Last night a few of us were all on and went up to the chatroom which was fun so if we're on same time again sometime we should meet up :) Talk to you later~Lisa
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I didn't know there was a chatroom? I would love to attend! I'll have to check into that. You are a wealth of information my friend. Hope all is well with you.

XOXO
Berta:hurray::waving:
 
Recovery Meditation for my day 32!!!

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 14, 2008

~ SLOW SUICIDE ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

"He who does not use his endeavors
to heal himself is brother to him who
commits suicide."

Solomon

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

Rather than a regular, sudden suicide, I
have subtly entertained the idea of slow
suicide. I have neglected myself: my
health, my vision and my gifts. I have
either taken actions that have harmed
me, or I have neglected to take actions
that would have helped me to live a
longer and more productive life. I have
stuffed my face with garbage, accepting
that as my fate.

Today I have a program that teaches me
that I can’t take care of myself alone
and that I can, and will, receive
help. I accept that help with humility,
taking the Steps I am shown and using
the tools I am offered. I begin to see
that I have something to offer others
and my life takes on new meaning and
purpose.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I pray that I will say "yes" to my own
life today, and take actions which
represent that "yes."

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~
 
Hi Mandie!!!

Nibbit said:
Hey there Robertalee :)

I've been reading up on your journal and I have to say, the mediation passages are really sweet.

How are things going? I'm Mandie, by the way!

Take care :) *hug*
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Hello Mandie!

I'm so honored to hear from you! I'm glad you like the meditation passages. They give me a lot of room for thought and introspection. I'll keep posting.

Things are a lot better since I added more food to my diet. I was trying to starve myself! That's not the way to do this at all!

Hugs!!!

XOXO
Berta:hurray::waving:
 
Hi Reluctant Cabbie!

reluctantcabbie said:
Robertalee, first, let me say that this is the first time I checked out your diary, but I'll be a regular here from now on. Don't lose faith, you're going the right direction!!

People don't always understand addictions, regardless of what they are. Most who are addicted, never even realize it themselves. Even fewer people seem to really get that food can be a tougher addiction than ANY of the other ones. I mean, think about it, could a heroin addict have just a smaller portion of heroin? Of course not!! But we all need to eat...

My mom was a drug addict (pain killers), my dad is a recovering alcoholic. I have lost two uncles to alcohol related illnesses, and both my brother and sister are well on their way to becoming alcoholics.

I chose not to be a drinker, but found solace in food and cigarettes instead. I have been cigarette free now for a month, and I'm losing weight (slowly, it has it's ups and downs). I'm not sure where I got the willpower to do it. Every day is another battle. Some days I win, other days... well you get the picture. As long as I win more than I lose... So far, the cigarettes have been easier than the food!!!

I just want to tell you, if you fall, come on back here, we'll help you get back up! There are good people here.
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Hey Cabbie!

How are you? Your post really lifted my spirits! Congratulations on a month without the cigarettes.

About addictions, there is nothing more that I could possibly add to your reflections. You hit it spot on. Until someone is in the grips of addiction, they will never fully get it.

My siblings, although they have chosen not to drink, have chosen food as their drug of choice. But they don't realize they are sick, as sick as the alcoholics in our family. They pride themselves on avoiding alcohol, all the while sinking deeper and deeper into the food addiction. I had begun to separate myself from them as they are toxic and don't want help. They think they are alright, but in making amends in my daughter, I needed to reach out to them AGAIN (been here many time), but I was wrong. I almost allowed them to send me back to the food. I worked the steps out of order. I'm only on step one but tried to skip steps. Once I did that I was lost.

I've learned some valuable lessons about addictions..most especially my own. As you said, one can choose smaller amounts of alcohol, but we all must eat.

Thanks for stopping by. You are right, there are good people here. I count you as one of them.

Thanks

Berta:hurray::waving:
 
Hey there!
Congrats on making it to day 30!!! That is such a big accomplishment. Please don't feel discouraged enough to give up. I have been completely MIA for the past 2 weeks, and now I feel like crap and like I have to do double time to catch up.

You truly are doing great! Keep up the good work.
 
RobertaLee said:
I didn't know there was a chatroom? I would love to attend! I'll have to check into that. You are a wealth of information my friend. Hope all is well with you.

XOXO
Berta:hurray::waving:
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Hey Berta, SO glad you are back. Things have been so hectic for me with work and school but if you hadn't posted today I was going to call you. I figured something was up and was worried. Glad you survived the family...I have some like that too. Luckily though my mom are long past that destructive part of our relationship...she's a much happier person and has gone through alot of her own healing as did I so we both have worked some stuff out. But then there's still much of my other family that I can only take in small doses.

And as far as information if I helped you I'm glad :) But honestly everything I learn seems to be the hard way, lol. I'm getting so much help in this forum but even though I'm doing great the last two weeks it's still scary with the food, ya know? I'm still watching carbs but eating more of them than I was and still can't believe I'm losing weight.

Anyway missed ya and glad you are back :) I have to make it to Wednesday, which is when my exams are but maybe depending on your schedule we can talk later this week. I get out of class at noon and then have Wed. and Thurs. off...maybe even Fri....that's another story, lol. Ok well I'm off to go study but just checked to see if you'd posted. Good job for hanging in there :) *hugz* ~Lisa
 
Hi Berta :)

I enjoyed reading your journal and look forward to seeing your progress! Keep up the great work!

(If you ever get Wii Fit let me know if you like it! I've been itching to get one too. But first on my list is an exercise bike and then I def. want to get the Wii Fit. Sounds like everyone that talks about it has enjoyed it.)

See you around!
 
Recovery Meditation for my day 33!!! I made it!!

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 15, 2008

~ STEP SIX ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

The Spiritual lift, the nearness to our
Creator that is experienced from humble
invocation of His help, and our
willingness to be freed from old
willfull thoughts and habits are
essential to successful attainment of
these steps.

The Little Red Book

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

I am a compulsive overeater. I eat three
moderate meals each day without
exception. In between, I have nothing
except sugar-free gum, water, diet soda,
and black coffee. Today I am working
hard to allow my Higher Power to remove
my imperfections. The focus is on the
removal of blame, resentment, fear, and
self-pity. I want to blame. I do
resent. I have a lot of fear, but with
surrender it is not paralyzing. I easily
feel sorry for myself and cry about
it. All of this threatens my abstinence,
which is about sanity. The weight loss
is an extra reward. The ability to
approach responsibilities and feelings
is the life force which I cannot take
for granted.

When food was my higher power it was
hell. I take my disease and recovery
seriously. It's choosing life over slow,
torturous death. All my problems are the
same, yet somehow they are
livable. Continually asking for removal
of my defects results in a decrease of
anxiety. I believe fully that my Higher
Power will remove my problems in a time
and way which I have no control over, as
long as I remain willing. Today I am
completely willing. I am grateful to
have been chosen for recovery.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I can eat three weighed, measured and
committed meals without exception. I
enjoy my meals and feel satisfied by
them.

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~
 
Hey Lisa!!!

douknowjello said:
And you forgot to say "POLO!!" Ok I'm silly :D Just thought I'd point out what I was goin for in case you looked at that and were like "what the?!?" Ok ...I really am going to study now....no more putting it off....:waving:
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Sorry I didn't know the code. Please do study and bring home those good grades. School starts for me soon and I'm worried about how I'm going to handle the food issue there. There is so much of it around. And the food court is where the study lounge and wi fi network happens to be. I think I'll pack a lunch and breakfast, along with a snack so I will not be compelled to go for my usual. Plus, when I am stressed, as in classes, I tend to eat a bit more. I really don't want to do that now. I want to be able to resist. Now that I realize I have a food addiction, I want to say away from my trigger foods...chips, soda, sugar in all forms. I'll take my splenda for decaf coffee and my lowcarb creamer. I'll have the coffee but I think that's the limit for me. I'm there to study, not to give in to my addiction.

But how to handle the stress?

Hugs

Berta
 
Hi Pastelroses!

pastelroses said:
Hi Berta :)

I enjoyed reading your journal and look forward to seeing your progress! Keep up the great work!

(If you ever get Wii Fit let me know if you like it! I've been itching to get one too. But first on my list is an exercise bike and then I def. want to get the Wii Fit. Sounds like everyone that talks about it has enjoyed it.)

See you around!
Click to expand...

Thank you for visiting my journal! And thank you so much for the encouragement. I was at an all time low recently and the love shown me on this forum is beyond compare.

I'll let you know how I like the wi-fit once I get it. It may take a bit because I have to plan it in my budget, but it is defintiely on the agenda.:driving:
 
I go to the doctor today for the official weigh in! Today is day 34!!!!! I never thought I would make it.

About to go into an on-line meeting. I'm so happy for these meetings. They keep me sane.
 
Recovery Meditation for my day 34!!!

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 16, 2008

~ REDISCOVERY ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
“When you come right down to it,
the secret of having it all is loving it all.”

Dr. Joyce Brothers

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

In dealing with compulsive eating issues, we tend to lose ourselves to the darkness of low self-esteem and self-criticism. We are our own worst enemies and we don't know how to nurture ourselves. We don't like who we have become. We feel like failures to ourselves and to all of those around us.


In working through the program, we learn to surrender and to accept the things we cannot change. We gain wisdom and strength. As we learn to take care of ourselves, we begin to feel good. We become self-aware. We recognize our needs and work aggressively to make sure they are being fulfilled.


We realize that we can choose how to react to the things around us. We accept our true selves, we voice our opinions, and we make changes. We realize that people do accept us the way we are and we don't have to hide anymore. For the first time, we are able to re-discover our true identity.


ONE DAY AT A TIME...


I learn something new about myself. I accept myself for who I am as I surrender myself to my Higher Power. I prioritize my needs and all of the responsibilities in my life. I find the courage to change the things I can, and I accept the things I cannot. I look in the mirror and, with each passing day in recovery, I like who I see.
 
Recovery Meditation for my day 35

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 17, 2008

~ AGING ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

We turn, not older with years, but newer every day.

Emily Dickinson

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

I used to think that being young was
good and being old was undignified. But
then, I found program, and program
helped me find the natural wisdom that
comes from living over time without my
drug.

Now, middle-aged, I feel a power, wisdom
and dignity I've never felt
before. Youth was good. This is good,
too. For me, in fact, it's better. I
know myself at last. I have so many more
resources inside me. I am grateful to be
in my middle years.

As I get older, I seem to be getting
more innocent. I have less of a need to
fit in or please others or do things
because everyone else is doing them.

Somehow or another, this has cleared my
vision, and it is easier for me to see
things the way they really are, and to
appreciate things for themselves.

In the end, it is easier, every day, to
see myself for who I really am and to
accept and to love myself.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I am willing to be innocent and new, to
follow wherever my Higher Power leads me
next.:driving::seeya:
 
It is confirmed! I've lost a total of 8 pounds since I cut back on carbs. The real test begins next week when I go back to school. I have more contact with my toxic family, and that does not bode well for me. If I let them, they will drive me to eat. Two sisters have had surgeries for weight loss and I make three. What does that tell you about my family?
 
Recovery Meditation for my day 36!!!!!!

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 18, 2008

~ OVERWHELMED ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

Dear God, be good to me.
The sea is so wide and my boat is so small.

Sailor's Prayer

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:


When I first came into the Twelve Step
program, I felt overwhelmed. Life
overwhelmed me. My eating disorders
overwhelmed me. My inner pain
overwhelmed me. Before I walked into my
first meeting, I felt very alone.

My Higher Power has been good to
me. When I entered my first meeting, I
learned I was not alone. As I began to
work the Twelve Steps, I learned that,
while I had a lot of healing and
learning to do, I would not be doing it
alone. I have many friends who help me,
but most of all, I have a relationship
with my Higher Power that assures me
constantly that I am loved.

:party:

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I will remember
that even when I feel alone,
I have the love and help of my Higher Power.
 
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