Beth's Diary

B

BethR

New member
I turned 33 in September. I have been at least 100 lbs overweight for at least 5 years. At some point, i decided that my weight was o.k. since i didn't seem to be gaining any weight.

During a Christmas visit to my in-laws house, i used their bathroom scale and realized that i have gained at least 20 pounds in the last 6 months. Suddenly i realized i have to really do something about my weight, or someone will have to cut me out of my house when i die.

So here i am. On Christmas Eve, i weight 280 pounds. My first goal is to lose 100 pounds, and to do it by next Christmas.

My initial goals are to establish a food/exercise journal and to get a realistic system for exercising twice a day for 30 minutes each time. Tomorrow is day one. Provided it isn't raining, i intend to take my bike for a ride after my husband leaves for work.

Suddenly i believe i can do this, and i know that i have to.
 
YOU can do this, good to see you started your diary, I will drop in to check up on ya from time to time :)
 
Well, let's see if i can answer some of those questions everyone else ventured out on.

What is your current height and weight?
*I'm 5'3" and 280 lbs.
If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?
*Ideally, 135, but realistically and totally happily, 145-150
At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?
*Well, my goal is 2 lbs/week or 1/3 of 100 lbs lighter, so that's about 240-250
Why do you want to lose weight?
*looking better is a nice perk, but the real reasons are health, desire to have children and the ability to chase them
Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?
*not really, but i did set first big goal for next Christmas, so it will be nice to be very surprising to my relatives who i don't see all year
What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?
*hmm that's a good one. i think maybe a lack of planning is the answer. i have to think ahead about the things that might throw me off my exercise plan (like weather and holidays) or my diet plan - and then have a plan to cope with those obstacles
Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?
*well, i know when it really started. after my family moved in highschool, i got very depressed and used food for my comfort. i think i gained 50 pounds in about 6 months. PCOS has complicated the issue, but mostly i think i've never really gotten off my butt and decided that i AM going to do this. i've always just decided to see what happens.
What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?
*one big change is from sweet tea to plain water. my husband and i usually drink at least a gallon of sweet tea per day between us. i bought a water purifier with some Christmas money, and now i'm drinking plain water. it was easier to get used to than i thought. i'm on my first glass, but it tastes good. another is exercising twice a day. after i lose the first 100 pounds, i will probably change to once a day, which is a more realistic daily lifestyle system.
Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?
*the only time i can say that i really made a concerted effort to lose weight and did lose weight, i was a teenager, and i was desperate to go from 135 to 130. i don't really think that counts in relation to this, but my method that time was extreme calorie control and running and weight training. =)
What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?
*I have tried some fancy plans a couple of times. I tried Eat Right for Your Type and Fat Flush. I really liked those programs, but they both require a constant financial commitment in order to continue to follow the plan. But sometimes we have the money, and sometimes we don't. I think i need a lifestyle change that works with every budget. I've learned a lot from the books i've read, and i want to apply the principles as much as i can, but i think that rigid plans like that are not realistic for me.
Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?
*yes, and that is what i am doing now. i've been a little reluctant about that in the past, but i'm for it, and i understand the benefits.
What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?
* i want to pay a lot of attention to my portions. the calorie counting will help a lot with that because i will become more aware of the number of calories in the portions. i also want to make better food choices like fruit instead of buttered popcorn. and for the third thing, i guess i just want my life to not revolve around food, and i want to realize that lack of food is not the end of the world.
Do you eat when you are not hungry?
* not as much as i used to, but yes, definitely.
Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
* not really. i just eat too much all the time.
Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
* i don't hide my food or eat in secret, but i do catch myself not wanting people to see me eating when i know i shouldn't be. like they don't know from looking at me that i eat too much.
Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
* yes sometimes. usually, it's when i feel like giving up.
Do you eat as a reward?
* yes, my husband i usually eat as celebration. that can be dangerous.
Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?
* yes.
Do you have rewards for certain goals?
* well, about 50 lbs from now, i'll be forced to buy clothes that fit. that will be pretty dang awesome!

Later i'll post my real journal for today. i'm keeping track of everything on paper.
 
Great job answering the questions honestly! I have found out that through be honest with myself real change happens. Big changes don't come over night, but they come with honesty, dedication, and hard work over time. You have a great mindset, and good luck! For the first step of portion control, measure EVERYTHING. You won't believe how small 1/4 c is or HOW BIG 1 tbsp is! haha

Good luck and welcome to the board!
 
Day 1 = Success

Thank you, friends for your encouragement! And thank you for reading my journal!

Here's how today went.

I got up at 7 am to exercise, like i planned, but when i discovered that it was below freezing outside, i decided against bike riding and decided to stay inside. I found an exercise program on t.v. and did some low impact aerobics for 30 minutes.

At 8:30, i finally got around to breakfast, which was 1/2 cup of meatless chili. Estimated 100 calories.

I had a 1/2 cup of whole milk at 10:45 - 75 calories.

Lunch was a slice of cornbread -230 calories with 1/3 cup of pinto beans with bacon - 100 calories.

After lunch i felt like going for a ride, but was cut short because my tires weren't aired up right. I did a little yard work for about 15 minutes and went back inside.

When i totalled my calories and saw how few i had eaten, i decided i could afford a cup of coffee - 150 calories.

Around two, i snacked on a little leftover thanksgiving turkey -250 calories.

From 3:00 - 3:30, i walked down to the end of my road and back, which took me exactly 30 minutes. I kept a decent pace but didn't let myself get too winded. I'm not sure how far it is, but it seemed like a good walking distance, and it was a very enjoyable walk.

I finished my second glass of water about 4:30 and then had a small apple about 5:30 - 60 calories.

Dinner at 7:30 was pretty big, and i was ready for it.
Baked chicken quarters, rice-a-roni, peas, and 2 cups of sweet tea. - altogether 647 calories.

All day total - 1612 calories.
My target was 2000.
~~~~~~~~~

All in all, i'm pretty happy about today. I didn't eat when i wasn't hungry, and i didn't leave myself hungry either. I'm a little concerned with my water intake because i'm dehydrated now, and i'm working on another glass. I'm also a little concerned about the imbalance of morning and evening calorie intake. I think i'll feel better throughout the day if i eat a bigger breakfast, but most mornings, i really have to force myself to eat a decent breakfast. Most days, i don't eat until lunch. Perhaps i can trick my body with a light dinner tomorrow so that i'll feel hungrier when i wake up the next day. I know that i wasn't at my best today because i didn't go to bed until 3:00 this morning. That lack of sleep really ate at my energy all day. I don't plan to repeat that mistake today.

The other thing i'm doing right now is correcting my spiritual focus. i've spent a lot of time in front of the t.v. in recent week and months, and that is really bad for my spirit. i don't want to let my body or my spirit suffer, so i'm trying to establish routines and lifestyle changes in both areas at the same time. So far so good in that area, but i really want that to get a whole lot better.

Please feel free to offer advice or tips. I don't want to get caught off guard or give up when i don't feel it anymore. :)

Love to all my new friends. :beating:

Beth
 
Sounds like a great day! To see how far you walked, try mapmyrun.com It is awesome and it really helps me see how far I go on my runs, and it is much cheaper than Garmin!

I love doing the exercises on TV. I usually do the AM yoga every morning for a wake up. Some days I don't want to do it, but it really feels great after I'm done and I feel like I can tackle the day. Try doing stretching in the morning to combat fatigue for the rest of the day. See how it works out!

Sounds like you are on the right track, and don't sweat the small stuff. It sounds like you are making a concerted effort and that is half the battle! Keep up the great work!
 
Sounds like a great day! To see how far you walked, try mapmyrun.com It is awesome and it really helps me see how far I go on my runs, and it is much cheaper than Garmin! ​


Thanks for the idea about the map. I actually used google maps 'cause it's free, and it showed the route i took yesterday is exactly 1 mile round trip. This afternoon i'm hoping to actually ride my bike, and i mapped out 3 mile route to try. Sadly i missed my workout this morning. I'll have to do better tomorrow.

More this evening.

Beth
 
It looks like your off to a good start, a mile is not a bad walk, good luck and enjoy your ride.
 
Day 2 ~ I've Seen Better

Well, the ride was ...... short-lived. I got on my bike and rode for less than five minutes before i was so winded, i decided i better go home. It was kind of embarrassing, even though i was the only one there.

About my day:

My day started off in an anti-routine manner. My aunt (who i've known was coming today for months) called and said she and my other aunt would be here for a visit around 10. I had planned to do the 8:30 work out with the show i found yesterday, but when my aunt called, and i actually looked at my house, i realized i really needed to clean. The rush i was in did actually get my heart rate going pretty good, but i'm not sure that counts as a work out. To make matters worse, when my aunts got here, they brought fudge and other Christmas goodies. However since i had eaten nothing, i had just a few goodies and stayed inside my calorie limit.

Here's the run down.

2 donut holes: 104 calories
4 fruit gourmets: 200 calories
1 extremely small piece of fudge: 25 calories
1 slice of pumpkin bread: 50 calories
**not too bad, but certainly not the ideal breakfast

After they left, i decided to have something healthy, and i ate...

a full 8 oz of leftover Christmas Turkey: 600 calories

Later in the afternoon:

1 cup whole milk: 150 calories

Then i went for my anticlimactic bike ride, but when i got back, i wanted to keep my heart rate up, so i finished the hour working out in the yard. I actually kept working in the yard for 2 hours, but the 2nd hour didn't involve very much exercise. =)

Dinner was carefully measured.

2 cups sweet iced tea: 150 calories
<1/2 cup green beans: 20 calories
1 cup chili mac: 340 calories

Dessert:

one large sweet and wonderful orange: 100 calories

TOTAL CALORIES: 1740

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's more calories and less exercise than yesterday, but considering the Christmas goodies, and the fact that i'm still way under my target calorie intake, and all the work i got done in the yard, i think it came out o.k. I was kind of discouraged for a while, but now i'm starting to feel the desire to exercise in the morning again, so i think i'll make it through the week.

Goals:

-I still need to drink more water. I drank more today, but i'm still dehydrated.

-Biking is great exercise, and i don't want to give up on it. The goal is to keep taking the bike out every day and try to go further each time. Also, this bike doesn't fit me very well, so saving up for a new bike might be a good idea.

Concerns:

-I have a history of starting out really well and finishing abrubtly without success. i don't want to do that anymore. i really have to keep perspective and continue with a good plan one day at a time.
 
Holy Carbohydrates, Batman! Girlfriend get some fruit and/or vegies into that diet asap!!! Hahaha I'm a carbs girl too (oh and cheese, delicious, cheese.mmmmmm) but force down some fruit and you will instantly feel fuller faster than anything else!

Great job with the bike, even though it doesn't seem like it! You really are pushing yourself and that is great! Sounds like you had fun with the aunts!!

Have a good new year's eve!
 
Buckeye21 said:
Holy Carbohydrates, Batman! Girlfriend get some fruit and/or vegies into that diet asap!!! Hahaha I'm a carbs girl too (oh and cheese, delicious, cheese.mmmmmm) but force down some fruit and you will instantly feel fuller faster than anything else!

Great job with the bike, even though it doesn't seem like it! You really are pushing yourself and that is great! Sounds like you had fun with the aunts!!

Have a good new year's eve!
Click to expand...

Dear Robin,

Thanks for noticing my carbs. Thought i'd let you know i've just walked 1.5 miles and finished it off with a delicious apple. I've actually been keeping my fruit to one a day because i like it so much, but it's expensive, and i don't want to run out. haha

Sincerely,
Batman
 
Day 3: New Year's Eve, One Hurdle Jumped

Today had its ups and downs, but i'm pretty sure i won.

I got up this morning and did a 10 minute low impact aerobics work out with a t.v. program. It looked pretty simple, but that girl kicked my butt. I know i'm out of shape, but she really made me hurt! It was a good hurt, and i think i'll keep following that same program.

For breakfast:

2 eggs scrambled with roughly 1 tablespoon oil: 260 calories
.87 oz turkey summer sausage: 39 calories
1 cup whole milk: 150 calories

Lunch:

1/2 cup chili mac : 170 calories
mixed with 1/4 cup beanless chili: 50 calories

I was extremely groggy this afternoon and very cold. I wondered if i was fighting off a bug or maybe my body is trying to adjust to the twice daily exercise. Since i read some other forum comments, i wonder if i need to be planning a snack for right after i work out so i don't get too tired.

coffee: 150 calories

From 2:30 to 3:00 i went for a walk. This time i pushed it a little further and walked 1.5 miles in only half an hour. That's the same amount of time it took me to walk 1 mile on Monday, so that's encouraging. It was a really nice walk, and i enjoyed it.

snack: small apple: 60 calories

I worked in the yard for just a few minutes this afternoon.

Here's where the hurdle is. It's New Year's Eve, and as is tradition for my husband and i whenever there's a holiday or.....you know just a weekend, my husband brought home fried chicken and ice cream. Normally, we finish off an 8 piece bag and 2 quarts of ice cream before the evening is over. But i carefully calculated my calories and fit our holiday splurge into my calorie allowance.

Dinner:

2 fried chicken thighs: 430 calories
1/2 cup cookies and cream ice cream: 170 calories
water to drink

Then more than an hour after dinner, i was still hungry, and i didn't want to end up snacking after 8:00, so i had some carbs to curb my hunger.

coffee: 150 calories
2/3 cup Rice A Roni: 214 calories
1/2 cup broccoli/cauliflower: >50 calories
1 cup whole milk: 150 calories

TOTAL CALORIES: 1980

I'm was much happier with my calories before i had that final snack, but i'm glad it was rice and veggies at 7:00 instead of buttered popcorn at 10:00.

Tomorrow is New Year's Day, and i'm planning to take the day off exercise-wise and to keep a little less track of every calorie when we have dinner with family. I'll be exercising again on Friday though.

I have to say that i'm feeling so good about how things are going. I feel like i can establish these good habits and mindsets for the long haul. I'm not sure about one thing. My target caloric intake is 2000 calories. I picked that number because an online calculator i used said that i needed 2400 calories per day to maintain my weight. I know my metabolism is slow, so i picked 2000 for weight loss. The thing is, it really hasn't been hard to stay under. Today was my highest intake at 1980, and that was because i had fried chicken and ice cream. I'm just wondering if i'm thinking this out wrong. Should i cut it down more? I guess that scale will tell the tale in about a month after i've lost the water weight and can kind of tell what my body is actually doing - how it's responding to my current system.

Thoughts anyone?

Also, how do you calculate how many calories you're burning?I haven't seen that formula.
 
Happy New Year!

Well, i didn't keep my intake written down today, and i didn't calculate calories, but i think i did o.k. for a holiday.

Breakfast:

2 scrambled eggs with cheese

Lunch:

2 slices of turkey without the skin
very small serving of cabbage
medium serving of stuffing
about a half cup of dr. pepper

Dinner and evening gets sloppy:

1 piece of leftover fried chicken
a couple bites of ice cream
2 donut holes
several pieces of pumpking or banana bread
hamburger patty and a half - no bread
glass of sweet tea
some leftover cheeseburger macaroni

I know i ate more than i should have, but i'm not miserable, and i don't think i went much over 2000 calories.

Tomorrow, i'll exercise with the t.v. and then go visit a friend. She has been inspired by me to start working on her fitness, so i'm not too worried about her tempting me to overeat. Also, we'll likely go for a walk together in the afternoon if we haven't already walked ourselves silly while shopping.

Oh, a note: it's weird, but after only 3 days of watching my calories and exercising, i can actually see and feel a difference in my body. It's easier for me to see my feet, and my fat in the mirror seems a little less substantial. And my pants fit better. That's encouraging. I'm remembering what everyone says about initial water weight loss, but it's still very encouraging to see a difference that quickly - especially when i have 130 to 150 pounds to work through before what i see in the mirror will be "o.k. this is great! let's maintain it!" I look forward to that day a lot!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!:blush5:
 
Hey Beth Good luck with your weight loss :) Im going to cut and paste those question and answer thingy you did at the start and answer them to :) Here I go lol
 
Busted - So busted

Yesterday, i found another contributing factor to my weight problem. I was sick. And since i was sick, i kept wanting to eat something to make me feel better, and when i realized i was busting my diet, i didn't have enough energy to care. So i kept track of what i was eating, but i didn't count the calories until just now. I only exercised in the morning and not in the afternoon. I just kind of vegetated.

Here goes...

large orange: 100 cal
2 soft boiled eggs: 140 cal
1 slice dry toast: 70 cal
~~~i actually was doing well at this point~~~
1 fruit delight (candy): 50 cal
1 donut hole: 52 cal
1 piece baked chicken: 190 cal
2 cookies: 100 cal
~~~now it starts getting kind of out of control~~~
3/4 cup chili with ranch: 220 cal
cup of hot tea with sugar: 75 cal
~~~and then i lose all will to care~~~
7 donut holes: 364 cal
1 tortilla chip: 20 cal
6 oz pork steak: 420 cal
1/2 cup cheesy rice: 125 cal
1/4 cup corn with butter: 82 cal
2 cups sweet tea: 150 cal
1/2 c ice cream: 170 cal
1/2 c whole milk: 75 cal

TOTAL: 2403 calories

argh!

i have to learn to keep my head. i think i should give myself some slack if i'm sick because i have to get my body better, but there's no way 8 donut holes was helping me feel better! i was just being lazy. i actually wouldn't have been too horrible awful if i had just not eaten the donut holes or candy. wouldn't have been good, but not quite so shameful.

i'm still not feeling tip top, but i'm better than i was yesterday. i think maybe i'll get dressed and go for an easy walk.

happy day friends!
Beth
 
clean all of that stuff out of your house! out of sight out of mind! start making healthy goals for the day that are easy and manageable to achieve, and try to stick with them. even if it is "i won't eat cookies today" or "i'll only allow one cookie today" try it. you'll start feeling more accomplished and more in control. i know you can do it!!

have a great day!
 
Thanks

Thanks Buckeye!
It's really nice to have feedback. Makes me feel like i'm not alone. I actually never buy things like donut holes for myself. My aunt brought them over right before Christmas. I should've had her take them back home with her when she left.

Today was better, but i didn't keep track. I spent hours in the yard until i was so tired i could barely walk back to the house. And i ate reasonable amounts of decently healthy food.

So i'm marking today down as o.k., and i am willing myself to start my aerobics back again tomorrow. It feels really good to have exercised, but it doesn't always feel good to exercise. I'm having a little flare up with a lung problem, so i guess i'll do the moves but take it a little easy and maybe go for half a walk. I don't want to make it get worse, but i also really want to stay active.

I should feel better soon.

Thanks again

Beth
 
Hi Beth (I hope you don't mind me excluding the R, lol).

I thought I'd take a look at your Diary, since you've left me a couple messages in mine so far.

Sorry to hear that you're not too well right now. If you're not feeling well, don't push yourself to excercise. A walk is enough I think. Just so you can say that you were active, but you took it easy enough to hopefully get better soon.

I hope you cheer up and things pick up a bit. :) I know it'll take time, but you can get the weight off, and you'll learn alot along the way. Just take it one day at a time, and take care of yourself.

Hope tomorrow's a better day for you!

Oh, and I got your friend request. I tried to accept it, but it doesn't seem to want to let me. Anyways, thanks for the request, and hopefully it'll let me accept it soon.
 
Oh man, I hope everything works out! Don't over do it!! I'm glad that you are making goals and trying. I try so hard and some days I just do horrible, but I like to come on here and tell people "today sucked BUT tomorrow WILL be better." it always makes me feel a bit better. I'm glad that you are so honest with what you did, that is so healthy MENTALLY that PHYSICALLY you should be able to overcome whatever you want!!

Good luck and I'm rooting for you!
 
freak out

Dragonfly, thanks so much for your encouraging words! I am feeling better physically.

Buckeye21 said:
I'm glad that you are so honest with what you did, that is so healthy MENTALLY that PHYSICALLY you should be able to overcome whatever you want!!

Good luck and I'm rooting for you!
Click to expand...

Buckeye, thanks for the rooting. I don't know you, but it actually means something to hear that.

Here's some more honesty.

I'm having a really bad week fitness-wise. O.k. i don't really know that. I just haven't paid much attention. I've let something get in the way of my morning work-out every single day, and then the whole day feels like it's completely screwed up. That's my fault. I don't know if it's a result of the change in calories or some random hormonal change, but i've been really really discouraged or apathetic. The kind of apathetic where i don't admit that i'm doing anything wrong or right. I just let it bounce around silently in my head until i realize that i'm really screwing up, and i have to wrench the truth out of my soul and put it in front of my nose.

I haven't counted my calories since the last time i posted. I've mentally sort of estimated them, and i think that on most days i've stayed pretty close to my target. I've done a lot of yard work this week in the afternoons. And i'm sure that's good for me.

But i'm not at all happy about the condition of my emotions. I really have to snap out of it.

Good news ---- i weighed myself at my mil's and discovered that i lost 8 pounds in my first two weeks. That's awesome, isn't it! I was pretty impressed - and then i just stopped doing what i had been doing. What's wrong with me?

O.k. I'm done being a freak for now. =)

Thanks friends for listening.

Tomorrow's always a new day.

Beth
 
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