underhalfofaj
New member
Hello everyone,
I thought I would take the opportunity to explain a bit about myself so you can relate to my position.
I am a 26 year old man living in england. When I was growing up, my nan, whom I spent a lot of time with as a child, fed me in a destructive manner - I've since learned that the root of my eating disorder is the behaviour that I learned from those early years. I was fine with the status quo, happy with being overweight, until I left the small town I grew up in and left for university, and exposed myself to how life really is.
Over my first year of university, and it did take the whole academic year to realise, I decided that I was unhappy with being overweight. I had previously just accepted it as 'the way I was' but crucially, I was ready to find a partner and explore attachments, but I didn't feel bodily ready, or good enough, for anyone else.
During the summer after my first academic year at university, I serrupticiously started losing weight. I was embarassed at having been so stoicly 'uncaring' about my weight in the face of other people, to then shift and want to change. Over that summer, using steady, slow, light work, I lost a couple of stone.
My next year of uni allowed me to really hammer the weight loss. By this point I had done so much research I was confident enough to be a nutritionist, a gym instructor and a life coach. Unfortunately that confidence didn't last until the next academic year.
Still, during year 2 I made a lot of progress. I lost 8.5 stone in total (with temporary stones put back during christmas), bringing myself down to an average of around 13.5. That summer I once again stayed with my nan, however this time I tried as anything to get her to respect my goal and intention, and let me continue.
Unfortunately my nan, as well as many of my friends, and latterly my colleagues, found my behaviour to be dangerously obsessive - they thought I was swinging too far the other way and that there was a danger of anorexia. I know how proposterous it sounds for me to say this, but *I know* I wasn't in that place. I just have an obsessive nature altogether. I would never be any good coming off of psycotropic drugs for example.
So, during that second summer with my nan, my friends and everyone began to chip away at my resolve - and without me even knowing it, because I still felt determined when I left for my placement year - shattered it. I rededicated during the first 6 weeks of my placement, and I eventually got down to my thinnest ever since trying - 10.5 stone. But after my birthday, 6 weeks after, my resolve shattered. Since then, everytime I have rededicated myself to a plan or regime or solution or diet or exercise or schedule, it has fallen through. Sometimes after a couple of months, mostly after a week or so.
But I've reached the point where I am fed up with my failure. So I am going to make it as easy on myself as possible, to maximise the chances of staying on target. I promise herein not to beat myself up if I slip up, nor shall I forget my resolve and lose direction. I plan to adopt the same simple diet that I had researched as appropriate during my second year of university - when during this whole process I've had the most success.
Currently, I am 327 lbs and around 6 foot - I used to be 6 foot 2, and can only presume the lost height is due to spinal compression. Other things to note about me specifically is of how little relevance a BMI is to me - even the thin scale didn't seem to account for my body type. For some unknown reason, my bodie's designers intended me to be an ectomorph - hence I have a weakened back, and when I was 10.5 stone, 27" hips, but I have turned into a mesomorph.
I am not expecting specific loss immediately - knowing how I work I shall have to emplace the food and routine for exercising before I begin making any real progress, and that's ok. Slowly surely catchy monkey.
I don't know why I say that though - during my 2nd year of uni when I lost 8.5 stone, most of it was in the middle 3 months - I am capable of some fairly rapid weight gains and losses. Highlights include - when I had to eat out with work collegues morning, noon and night for 4 days about 5 years ago - and put on 2.5 stone in the process. I imagine a lot of that was water retention. Conversely, I have also lost 25 lbs in 5 days before now - I still don't know how it happened, but it did.
I welcome any questions or comments as discussion here is the fuel for change.
I thought I would take the opportunity to explain a bit about myself so you can relate to my position.
I am a 26 year old man living in england. When I was growing up, my nan, whom I spent a lot of time with as a child, fed me in a destructive manner - I've since learned that the root of my eating disorder is the behaviour that I learned from those early years. I was fine with the status quo, happy with being overweight, until I left the small town I grew up in and left for university, and exposed myself to how life really is.
Over my first year of university, and it did take the whole academic year to realise, I decided that I was unhappy with being overweight. I had previously just accepted it as 'the way I was' but crucially, I was ready to find a partner and explore attachments, but I didn't feel bodily ready, or good enough, for anyone else.
During the summer after my first academic year at university, I serrupticiously started losing weight. I was embarassed at having been so stoicly 'uncaring' about my weight in the face of other people, to then shift and want to change. Over that summer, using steady, slow, light work, I lost a couple of stone.
My next year of uni allowed me to really hammer the weight loss. By this point I had done so much research I was confident enough to be a nutritionist, a gym instructor and a life coach. Unfortunately that confidence didn't last until the next academic year.
Still, during year 2 I made a lot of progress. I lost 8.5 stone in total (with temporary stones put back during christmas), bringing myself down to an average of around 13.5. That summer I once again stayed with my nan, however this time I tried as anything to get her to respect my goal and intention, and let me continue.
Unfortunately my nan, as well as many of my friends, and latterly my colleagues, found my behaviour to be dangerously obsessive - they thought I was swinging too far the other way and that there was a danger of anorexia. I know how proposterous it sounds for me to say this, but *I know* I wasn't in that place. I just have an obsessive nature altogether. I would never be any good coming off of psycotropic drugs for example.
So, during that second summer with my nan, my friends and everyone began to chip away at my resolve - and without me even knowing it, because I still felt determined when I left for my placement year - shattered it. I rededicated during the first 6 weeks of my placement, and I eventually got down to my thinnest ever since trying - 10.5 stone. But after my birthday, 6 weeks after, my resolve shattered. Since then, everytime I have rededicated myself to a plan or regime or solution or diet or exercise or schedule, it has fallen through. Sometimes after a couple of months, mostly after a week or so.
But I've reached the point where I am fed up with my failure. So I am going to make it as easy on myself as possible, to maximise the chances of staying on target. I promise herein not to beat myself up if I slip up, nor shall I forget my resolve and lose direction. I plan to adopt the same simple diet that I had researched as appropriate during my second year of university - when during this whole process I've had the most success.
Currently, I am 327 lbs and around 6 foot - I used to be 6 foot 2, and can only presume the lost height is due to spinal compression. Other things to note about me specifically is of how little relevance a BMI is to me - even the thin scale didn't seem to account for my body type. For some unknown reason, my bodie's designers intended me to be an ectomorph - hence I have a weakened back, and when I was 10.5 stone, 27" hips, but I have turned into a mesomorph.
I am not expecting specific loss immediately - knowing how I work I shall have to emplace the food and routine for exercising before I begin making any real progress, and that's ok. Slowly surely catchy monkey.
I don't know why I say that though - during my 2nd year of uni when I lost 8.5 stone, most of it was in the middle 3 months - I am capable of some fairly rapid weight gains and losses. Highlights include - when I had to eat out with work collegues morning, noon and night for 4 days about 5 years ago - and put on 2.5 stone in the process. I imagine a lot of that was water retention. Conversely, I have also lost 25 lbs in 5 days before now - I still don't know how it happened, but it did.
I welcome any questions or comments as discussion here is the fuel for change.
