because i'm worth it!! (aren't we all??!)

going out for lunch with my sister again tomorrow...hope i don't get all antsy at the sight of all the men again LOL...whats wrong with me this week??? it must be something in the water :Angel_anim:

earlier in the wk i wrote on the dating thread about how i'd come over a bit funny (no pun intended hahaha) when realised how much i missed men...oh ok i mean sex :blush5: but in my defence its been awhile...a loooong while...

its like my body is suddenly craving sex instead of chocolate now??? that'd be fine if i was actually having any........but no soooooo won't until i lose at least 2 stone...thats 28 lbs......so now not only do i have to resist naughty foods...but i have to resist other temptations too...jesus!!!! not fair!!!

like i said on other thread its not like i don't still get asked out...i do...some men must like curvy chicks like i like bigger men i suppose??! but i just wouldn't feel comfortable getting starkers...no matter how much i might really want to IYKWIM..........
 
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I agree, girl, you need to get laid! I think 60% of your posts involve sex in some form or another. LOL (pardon the crudeness, just making light of the situation :biggrinjester: )

It's funny though because I'm just the opposite. I haven't been with anyone in a while either, but the longer it's been the more I find that sex doesn't weigh on my mind. Or maybe it's because all of my friends are getting married, and after seeing how miserable they all become I'm subconsciously avoiding women. lol, who knows?

Oh and yes, there are a LOT of men who prefer curvy women - a growing number it seems.
 
OMG!!!!!!!!!! 60%???!!! really??? do y'think so?? fuckity fuck....

i thought i was getting a little obsessed & then gator assured me i would be mad to think about not thinking about it if you get my drift?? yes so i'll blame gator & chef both have led me astray!! in my defence i'm very easily led....

ok definitely cold showers for me then...otherwise i'll be getting banned from here for general trollopiness LOL

oh i'm so with you on the marriage thing...never again...famous last words :rolleyes:

as for the 's' word that i'm not mentioning again...i was the same not even really thinking about it or how long it had been...until this wk ...when suddenly my libido woke up from its coma...think i'll be trying that meditation again after all :Angel_anim:
 
the floozies back!!

actually after spending a week in a buddhist monastery on retreat...i am now above & beyond the mere physical cravings of my body for sex or otherwise (lost 3 more lbs :hurray:)

ok not a buddhist monastery exactly.........but there is a buddhist centre not far from me that does do retreats for meditation etc...& i have thought about going......plus i've done two sessions of yoga in the last few days...so sort of the same!!? anyway..............

after going a bit boy crazy/sex stir crazy last week...decided to refocus on my weight loss & exercise...& i'm fine now honest :D

basically decided to stop arsing about & lose more weight!! after all those boys won't wait forever...ok maybe not totally over the boys hahaha & then denny (jeffery dean morgan...major swoon!!!!!!!!!) turned up in greys again!!? god i could do very naughty things to that man...but of course i won't...new leaf & all!! LOL



whats not to love?? & hes a little mussed up with a sexy haven't shaved look ahhhhhh....


for schwas benefit...

to arse about - to mess about...
not arsed - don't care...
couldn't be arsed - couldn't be bothered...

i'll make a scouser out of you yet love!!! :D
 
kureransu...

hellooooooooo to you too!!

i have something putting on after about the BIG questions (blame schwa!!) would love to know if it is just me or do others get bamboozled in the same way...
 
plus i've done two sessions of yoga in the last few days...so sort of the same!!? anyway..............

after going a bit boy crazy/sex stir crazy last week...decided to refocus on my weight loss & exercise...& i'm fine now honest :D

Uh huh, suuuure. Fess up. What were you really doing over this past week that got sex off your mind? :coolgleamA:

Thanks for the "arse" informational session. That'll come in handy at work I'm sure :)
 
dear schwa...

Fess up. What were you really doing over this past week that got sex off your mind?


hmmmm thats for me to know and you to find out...:Angel_anim:

(NB a born again lady never tells)
 
the trick is to keep breathing...by janice galloway

schwa this follows on from what i was waffling about on your diary...

a passage from the above bk...


other ppl. other ppl interest me. how they manage. there are several possibilities.

1. they are just as confused as me but they are not letting on.

2. they don't know they don't know what the point is.

3. they don't understand they don't know what the point is.

4. they don't mind they don't know what the point is.

5. they don't even know there are any questions.



i'll shorthand this next bit...

1. paranoid??
2. immodest...assuming other ppl not as clever as you...
3. can't 'unknow' something...
5. makes me feel lonely... (or maybe ignorance truly is bliss??!)


that leaves me with the fourth. the difference is minding. i mind the resultant moral dilemma of having no answers. i never forget the f*cking questions. they're always there, accusing me of having no answers yet. if there are no answers there is no point; a terror of absurdity. logic will force me to do things were desire hasn't a chance. which leads us to
there is no point, ergo
it has possibly to do with families therefore possibly also my mothers fault. maybe you could have hereditary minding.



i've typed this on & off for the last few hrs...just refreshing my screen when i had a moment to type ...so hope it still makes sense!!
 
OMG!!!!!!!!!! 60%???!!! really??? do y'think so?? fuckity fuck....


HAHAHAHAHA - I need to get laid too damn it!!!I just dont talk abt it on here,LOL...I told two of my good friends there job is to find me a fuck buddy!HA!!!

I will catch up more later, this of course catch my attention.


And I do always ready just dont always post...
 
re above...& whats it all about????????????

probably some of you will be thinking WTF?? or what is she on?? hahaha
but hopefully some of you will think...yeah i think about those thing too...as i do!! (or like no.1 you will but won't say!! :))


my younger sister and i couldn't be more different personality wise...she would soooo be a no.4...doesn't mind/doesn't care type...these ppl don't get depression...ever...or ulcers!!!! she'd just say whatever...why worry about it???? (incidentally she can take or leave a piece of cake too...like i say we are very very different LOL)

why worry about it???? how could anyone NOT worry about it????!!
after all...we are living...WHY?? HOW?? random chance/chain of events?? purpose/plan??...on a spinning rock out in...the middle/left side/far side??...of a vast...finite/infinite???...universe...

which may or may not continue to expand forever??? (if so...how long is forever??) or contract in on itself at some point?? & will that contraction or possible collison with another universe cause an implosion/explosion?? that may start another universe??? like a restart button maybe??

who the f*ck knows?? there have been many theories expounded so far...on the origin/creation/start of the universe by both religious groups...such as creationist beliefs... & physicists & cosmologists alike for eg The Bouncing Universe, The Protouniverse (white holes?? interesting), The False Vacuum theory, The Hawking-Turok Instanton Theory...& of course The Big Bang...


the hindu god shiva...

Lord Shiva represents the aspect of the Supreme Being...that continuously dissolves to recreate in the cyclic process of creation, preservation, dissolution and recreation of the universe...


even our sun will burn out in a 'mere' 5 billion yrs...then we'll be well & truly f*cked...........unless of course we f*ck things up before then what with global warming & climate change?? f*ck.........


like i said how can anyone NOT worry about it??? :D


& don't even get me started on black holes...whats in them??? what are they??? a means of time travel?? or a great big scary nothingness that eats up everything...& everything becomes nothing...once again...
 
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HAHAHAHAHA - I need to get laid too damn it!!!I just dont talk abt it on here,LOL...I told two of my good friends there job is to find me a fuck buddy!HA!!!

I will catch up more later, this of course catch my attention.


And I do always ready just dont always post...


fuckbuddy hmmmm not sure i can think of anyone right now who'd fit the bill...& not want the cuddling too...as i've no time for all the mushy stuff just now...& men have feelings too apparently...they don't want to be just used for their body LOL

right love...knickers off...would do just fine by me!!!!


edit...
actually...that was what the old me (of last week) would have said...of course i am now above such matters of the flesh...i have now evolved & am almost monk like...i am...really really truly...i swear on all things small & sparkly...
 
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i forgot the WHY bit...

how could i?? when i freak out about that bit more than even the HOW bit??!


anyhoo...........

getting back to the minding about not knowing any answers or as i think of it...overthinking everything!!!!!!!!!! LOL


very often ppl who do suffer with depression are sensitive types...who soak everything up like a sponge...or who just can't let things go...or who can't stop obsessing about things that are essentially unanswerable...:rolleyes:

creative ppl are often sufferers of depression too...i suppose thats why they are song writers etc to channel their pain aswell as their pleasure...to get it all out!!? so....overthinking?? that way depression lies...or a hit song...damn it!!! can't sing/don't write song lyrics..........ahhhhh maybe thats why i eat!!!!

kurt cobain & pete doherty (libertines/babyshambles) prime egs of very sensitive (both wrote/write poetry aswell as song lyrics) creative types...yes neither of them are strangers to the whole sex, drugs & rock n' roll lifestyle...but think they both felt misunderstood...both pisces too...imaginative, sensitive, unworldly & intuitive...on the dark side...escapist, secretive, vague, (or goo schwa!!) weak-willed and easily led...hahaha i'm pisces too & i always say i'm easily led...so its true then not just an excuse...not that i believe any of that astrology malarky...course not!!


jesus what am i like????????? off even my own topic by miles........


so getting back...to whatever it was...
i have to believe that there is a point to life...that we're here to learn certain lessons that we may not even be consciously aware of etc and that our spirit goes on (i sound like bloody celine dion now LOL)...even if it all sounds a bit doolally to most...(esp the prickles types!!)

otherwise whats the f*cking point??????? we go through all this for what??

yeah yeah i know there'll be those who'll say well isn't this life enough??

& i suppose it should be...but i am plagued by my darkside :reddevil:
& all those damn questions/worries that niggle me...

its funny i used to just believe...not in an actual religion as such...but i had faith in an afterlife (i won't go into details...you really don't need to know everything that goes on inside my head hahaha) and i had an absolute belief of a higher power of some sort...(other than chanel :)...they should have a shoe smilie...they have a red sports car one!!)

now that i'm older...i've gone from 'just' believing & not worryingabout the setup of it...to feeling i 'have' to believe...or else thoughts of death or rather my life ending would consume me (ok the drama queen in me may have exaggerated that last bit...but i do always make sure underwear matches...due to the hit by a bus scenario) it amazes me how so many ppl can just not worry about such things...i want to live forever...or at least be able to come back & watch over my children...oh yeah & haunt those ppl who have pissed me off over the yrs...& thats a looootttt of blummin haunting for me to do!! :newangel: no flying around willy nilly with the angels/fairies & pixies for me.............hahaha
 
so what came before......???

i remember watching a stephen hawkings documentary about the origins of the universe & i thought...oh great i'll finally get to know the answer toone ofthequestions that plague me...what came before??

so imagine how astounded (yes astounded i tell you LOL) when his 10 cents on the subject of what made the BIG BANG...well bang...was that he likes to think it was 'just' spontaneously created??? WTF??! even i was expecting a little more than 'magic'...not really different from the 'hand of god' belief...

to me though both science & religion kind of come up against the same kind of conundrum...

if god made the universe...who made god??

if the big bang created the universe...what created the big bang??

what came before??

ppl of faith of course believe that god has always existed...but as Carl Sagan has said, "If we say that God has always been, why not save a step and conclude that the universe has always been?"

i could almost accept this...like i rambled about earlier what if a big bang effectively ends one universe as it simultaneously starts up another...a continous cycle like lord shiva...of destruction & creation...or vice verca!?

so all time/energy/space & matter created again & again from scratch...over & over...with no end no beginning???? hmmmmm...or am i possibly hormonal and/or a bit barmy!!! LOL

everything from nothing...everything to nothing...ad infinitum??


What choice did God have in creating the universe?
Albert Einstein


'don't forget when the stars exploded billions of years ago - they created everything that is this world...everything we know is stardust.
so don't forget - you are stardust!!' the gypsy fortune teller, Before Sunrise (love this movie & the sequel!!)
 
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i have to believe that there is a point to life...
otherwise whats the f*cking point??????? we go through all this for what??

heh, I've just been catching up on your journal. Great stuff!

I suppose I can see where you're coming from with regard to there being some point to life, but of course being prickly I take the opposing view. :D So yeah, I don't believe there is a point to life, or that there's any greater meaning behind our existence. We weren't planned. We don't persist beyond death... at least not in the spiritual notion. And nothing happens for any reason beyond causality. :willy_nilly::ack2::willy_nilly:

Okay, I know that sounds really depressing when I lay it all out like that, but in my experience when you can accept this notion as a real possibility it becomes very liberating! I could spend the next 50 years searching for greater meaning in a universe where there is very likely NO greater meaning, or I could relax and enjoy those things that already give my life personal meaning.

Sure, the fact that I enjoy reading a good book or spending time with family may not be any more meaningful in the grand scheme of things than the fact that my dog likes to catch a tossed Frisbee, but who cares? My dog’s life is filled with good Frisbee tosses, and mine with good books, good friends, and good times. Is my life a waste just because I'll be snuffed out one day, or because we'll all be snuffed out one day and all of humanity forgotten... well, I suppose that's a matter of perspective, but I don't think so :D

Oh, and what is it about humanity that makes us think we’re so fricken special that we must live on forever or be eternal anyway? But no worries, in a manner of speaking we will probably always exist. Like your quote says, we were stardust and we'll become stardust again. As the Sun cools it will expand and eventually grow so large that it will encompas the Earth's orbit (that's pretty fricken large!) Eventually the Sun will probably explode sending little pieces of us all across the universe. That's my idea of a romantic notion. LOL
 
:smilielol5: WOW :eek2:!!! that was CRAZY!!!!!! ....you are so cute!


eh?? thanks i think!! hahaha

i left out all the scientific jargon...so not a single quark in sight...anyway doesn't that sounds like something us veggies would cook with!! or is it a type cheese??


speaking of veggies...
schwa i noticed on your diary you mentioned about not having much time for slacker veggies the part timers who eat fish...just wondering if you ever caught my (quite large...theres a surprise LOL) post on altas diary??!:newangel:
 
noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

heh, I've just been catching up on your journal. Great stuff!

I suppose I can see where you're coming from with regard to there being some point to life, but of course being prickly I take the opposing view. :D So yeah, I don't believe there is a point to life, or that there's any greater meaning behind our existence. We weren't planned. We don't persist beyond death... at least not in the spiritual notion. And nothing happens for any reason beyond causality. :willy_nilly::ack2::willy_nilly:

Okay, I know that sounds really depressing when I lay it all out like that, but in my experience when you can accept this notion as a real possibility it becomes very liberating! I could spend the next 50 years searching for greater meaning in a universe where there is very likely NO greater meaning, or I could relax and enjoy those things that already give my life personal meaning.

Sure, the fact that I enjoy reading a good book or spending time with family may not be any more meaningful in the grand scheme of things than the fact that my dog likes to catch a tossed Frisbee, but who cares? My dog’s life is filled with good Frisbee tosses, and mine with good books, good friends, and good times. Is my life a waste just because I'll be snuffed out one day, or because we'll all be snuffed out one day and all of humanity forgotten... well, I suppose that's a matter of perspective, but I don't think so :D

Oh, and what is it about humanity that makes us think we’re so fricken special that we must live on forever or be eternal anyway? But no worries, in a manner of speaking we will probably always exist. Like your quote says, we were stardust and we'll become stardust again. As the Sun cools it will expand and eventually grow so large that it will encompas the Earth's orbit (that's pretty fricken large!) Eventually the Sun will probably explode sending little pieces of us all across the universe. That's my idea of a romantic notion. LOL


the title might give you an idea how i feel after reading your reply!!!!

in fact i may have to ban you & your prickliness from my diary...LOL


we die end of???? liberating my arse????!! (theres blummin arse again...in this context basically means WTF...even i wasn't aware i said it so often or that we scousers had imbued it with so many different connotations hahaha)

anyway.....................

tbh for once i'm almost speachless which NEVER happens...just ask....well anybody that knows me!!! what you have said/believe is the antithesis of everything i believe or feel compelled to believe...to keep thoughts of sheer abject mortification from plaguing my every waking & possibly sleeping moment!!! seriously how can you not mind so much?? (another god damn no.4!!! tbh i don't get you lot at all...yet at the same time...i almost envy your nonchalonce...) i enjoy my life & appreciate even the little things...wind on my face...the smell of cut grass...reading a book in my little nook in the garden...girlie chats with friends...finns smile...but i couldn't NOT think about all that the other suff!!?? think overthinking is in my DNA!!!!

maybe it really does come to characters...you're either a flapper (worrier) or not...my sister is a very cool chick...rarely swears/raises her voice even less/nothing seems to phase her or throw her off balance...yet shes never done yoga/meditated or read any books on eastern philosophy/religion nor does she have 20+ buddhas at home (in the hope that their look of serenity & peace will somehow rub off on her...LOL) she is just naturally quite balanced...like i say we are soooooooooo different!!! yet even so we get along great (when we're speaking...dramatic fallouts run in my family....) we make each other laugh a lot...we do share similar tastes in shoes & bags so thats a source of bonding right there!!! :D

even so think i'm probably thought of as the more laidback one...ppl can always kick off their shoes in my house & curl up on my squishy velvet sofas with lots of cushions, listen to music, chitchat or just chill...my sister likes a very minimalist look in her home...& likes everything in its place...you'd think i'd be the more fussy one!! being ever so 'slightly' neurotic & all...

but i'm aware she probably thinks i'm a bit cuckoo...always late/slightly neurotic/very up or very down...her friends & friends of my friends always ask me to go out with them too...but i know their game...they like having me around as it makes them feel 'normal' to have slightly bonkers me around...they don't think i know but i sooooo do :biggrinjester: still its fun to have fun...lifes too short to be dreary. i can laugh about my concerns...death/life & everything in between...good job really as y'know what they say...laugh & the whole world laughs with you...cry...& well you'll be a very very lonely bugger...........b/c ppl are generally cruel & heartless LOL


edit...
just realised you're not a no.4 at all!!
'they don't mind they don't know what the point is....' but you don't think there is a blummin point at all!!? oh you're in a group of your own love!! & no don't worry i won't say you're a no.3 out of pure spite!!! i'm very much an each to their own kinda girl...but just incase you're mistaken (heres hoping...fingers & toes crossed!!) i believe god/our creator to be a very chilled, compassionate, tolerant energy...accepting of us all just as we are...whether we believe in him/her or not...so i'll leave your name on the door/pearly gates anyway...just incase!! ;)
 
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eh?? thanks i think!! hahaha

i left out all the scientific jargon...so not a single quark in sight...anyway doesn't that sounds like something us veggies would cook with!! or is it a type cheese??


speaking of veggies...
schwa i noticed on your diary you mentioned about not having much time for slacker veggies the part timers who eat fish...just wondering if you ever caught my (quite large...theres a surprise LOL) post on altas diary??!:newangel:
.....hahaha.....slaker veggies!!!...is that what you call yourselves!!!? ;) :D!!!

...you aren't slacker....not one bit....!!! Not in my eyes...and I want RAW SUSHI SASHIMI:drool5: salad tonight....honestly...i just might ham some down....it is RAW isn't it ...:smilielol5:...maybe an exception!!!

....And I did :D: catch that blurb about you being a CHEESE fanatic...I assume you eat all dairy, eggs, and fish too right?....I also decided that I wanted to limit my consumption of Soy products to almost none because of the disturbing things I heard about soy and leaching calcium from the body...:(....

....I'm telling you...you could find an article out there and some "study" that corroborates that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING this planet offers us is bad!!! WTF?!?!! ...go to hell PEOPLE!!....gimme fish! hahah....;) :reddevil:!!! hahah....
 
to schwa & other no nonsense prickles types...LOL

i thought i'd got all my niggles re life/death/universe blahblahblah out already but a few more have since popped into my head...& better out than in.......

do you really believe we are nothing more than skin, muscle & tissue??? what about our spark (won't say spirit just for you !! LOL) our energy?? the thing that makes us tick?? that makes us 'us' our uniqueness??not enough to say all down to biology...Identical twins are identical, right? After all, they derive from just one fertilized egg, which contains one set of genetic instructions, or genome, formed from combining the chromosomes of mother and father...though according to new research, though identical twins share very similar genes, identical they are not...but still they are as close to identical as we have...yet their personalities can differ from each other as much as other siblings or even complete strangers...even if same environmental/nurture factors in place...so what can explain this?? for me its the individual energy that comes into the world with each of us at birth...

as a parent you can't fail to notice how quickly your new baby starts to show (& exert!!) their personality on the world & ppl around them...i don't think you've mentioned having any minischwas yet...but i know you have a dog. i'm sure you know their character really well & feel that they are unique (our molly is a complete pain...too giddy for her own good..but thats by the by!!) yrs ago i had a bull mastiff called cagney who had a litter of nine pups. no. 8 came out lifeless...i still remember how upset cagney looked as she tried to nuzzle & lick it awake...i gave the little thing mouth to mouth & massaged where i hoped its heart was...after what seemed like an age...probably a few minutes really...the little pup spluttered its first breath. it came to life...literally before my eyes...from the very first instant lou lou as i called her was the one to watch...the mischievous one & as cute as a button. apparently she continued to be quite a delightful handful once she went to her new owner...so how/why?? if all the pups born to the same parents/same nature...same environment/nurture...were they each, from the off, so very very different to each other?? i believe all living creatures have a spirit/unique energy.

energy can't be destroyed it can only be transferred/change form...our bodies may indeed be made of the matter of the universe...stardust...& will turn to dust eventually...but i really believe that our spirit energy goes on...who knows where?? i don't...& maybe animals have their own animal heaven like the kids movie all dogs go to heaven LOL...why not??! who can say 100% that they don't??!

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

teilhard ( 1881– 1955) french philosopher and jesuit priest who trained as a paleontologist and geologist and took part in the discovery of Peking Man. teilhard conceived the idea of the Omega Point and developed Vladimir Vernadsky's concept of Noosphere...interesting guy...i'd have him at my fantasy dinner party along with george harrison & stephen hawking...(& spencer tracy...the prototype big bear oooooh i'd sit on his lap & snuggle up...while listening to the other three debate philosophy/theology/faith/cosmology...& star signs...ok maybe not the last one!! :D)

so what about the fact the fact that this planet has all that we as carbon lifeforms need for survival...random chance??

even in the scientific community some are now leaning towards the possibility of a plan/design...

'Science has startled us with its many discoveries and advances, but it has hit a brick wall in its attempt to rid itself of the need for a creator and designer'...Roy W. Spencer is a principal research scientist for the University of Alabama in Huntsville and the U.S. Science Team Leader for the Advanced Microwave Scanning Radiometer (AMSR-E) on NASA’s Aqua satellite. He has served as senior scientist for climate studies at NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Alabama.

even the atheist zoologist Richard Dawkins says that intuitively, "biology is the study of complicated things that give the appearance of having been designed for a purpose." Dawkins would say that natural selection is what actually did the "designing," however intelligent design theorist Stephen C. Meyer notes that, " indeed, in all cases where we know the causal origin of 'high information content,' experience has shown that intelligent design played a causal role."

God does not play dice with the universe
Albert Einstein


we haven't even mentioned the subject of little green men???! :)
i'm guessing you think its just us...alone in this vast universe???

our own milky way (spiral) galaxy is part of a cluster of about 30 galaxies...other clusters may contain 1,000's of galaxies...the universe may contain 100 billion galaxies...some large galaxies may have > 1,000 billion stars...

as jodie foster (??! i'm a bit of film buff with a very electic taste...as with everything!! LOL) says in Contact...if its just us its a helluva waste of space...yrs since i watched that movie so maybe not exactly what she says but certainly the gist of it.
 
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