Hey! Just wanted to say hi, and congratulate you on the weight loss and the new girls!!! That is so fun. I totally want new ones once I shed some of this baby/too much mickey d's weight!! Also, I so relate to you in that I just had surgery last friday (gallbladder out) and it sucks just lying around like a lump and not working out. I want to go to the gym ssoooooo bad!!!
Anyway....I'm new around here...don't know too many peeps yet, so thought I'd say hey! (BTW....also think it's super cute you are married to your hs sweetheart. My hubby and I knew eachother in hs as well).
Ciao!
How long you guys been married?OMG Banshee your journal is a laugh and a rush!!! I'm crackin' up over here.
Hey Time! Thanks for stopping by and thanks! Go for it! Oh, that totally sucks! Surgery is the pits and I know how impatient it is... GRRR! Well, nice to meet you and it's cool we have the HS hubby in common! That's cool!
The above title is the good news, now for the soapbox....
My past is catching up with me very quickly. I have been having nightmares of my past and the fear is haunting is my dreams. Everyday, more and more things remind me of my past demon and it's starting to make me think I might have repressed a lot of bad things that happened when I was young and that I might need to go back to counseling. I don't think that this is a bad thing... I just feel like, why can't I forget these horrible things?
Just a quick reader's digest version... My step-dad abused my older sister and I our whole lives up until I was 16. It was physical, emotional and sexual. My sister ended up telling her boyfriend at the time, he told his parents, and my mom got a call in the night from them. My step-dad immediately left our house and has been in and out of the prison system up until THIS January. Now, he hasn't come in contact with me at ALL but around Christmas time last year, my Mom made a comment to me that my step-brother had told her that he has been asking questions about me, wondering what I was doing, etc., etc., etc.,... ever since then, I have been having these things described up above.
I don't want to sound poor me, because I have come along way, but I am very leary of men that look, talk and act like him and things that remind me of him, scare the living shit out of me. Lately, in my dreams, I have been having livid scenarios where I am getting the living shit kicked out of me, just like before.
Honestly, my husband knows about all of this but he is still a guy and it's hard for him to be emotional about it and sometimes I just need to let it out!! Maybe now that I have written it down, I can somehow forget those horrible things. I want to go to a place where they hook you up to a machine and wipe out all your bad memories and remember the good.... oh, that would be great.
WELL, enough of that! I was able to join the Super Awesome Mega Challenge and I'm so excited now! I'll have to catch up with everyone in putting in my information but I was able to get Michelle my pics yesterday. It's on biotches! Well, another week and another weight loss goal to be seen, I'm coming for your 169!!!
Hey Banshee. We have been married for 7 years. We dated forevr tho (like 6 yrs be4 getting married). It's fun cuz we have lots of memories and friends in common and still hang out with ppl we both knew in hs. It is fun.
Thanks for stoppin by my page. It's lonely in the begging when you get no comments...lol. I felt like a weight-loss forum outcast...lol
Keep up the good work!
aaawww sweeety that is horrible what happenned too you
Hang in there girl, Imnot gonna pretend I know what you are going through but i have been where you are where I have worked hard to get over my past to have it come back and haunt me and make me questioned everyhting
Ive never been through physical abuse, ive lived through emotional and never being good enough and blah blah blah...not the same I totally know...
However, I think no matter how much we deal with our demons and skeletons and past they never go away.The pain and hurt and such subsides but i think it is always there somewhere...especially in obvious things like you stated above abt your step dad, your feelings towards men who look like him etc...
I started mediatating abt 4 months ago and i was an absolute mess for quite some time.I was questioning all that i had been through, worked so hard to get over and deal with and was wondering the same thing as you.Have I trully dealt with these issues, do i need more consouling and so on...I think just knowing rehashing things and drags them back up and dragged up bad memories still hurt no matter how much you have dealt with them.
It's totally my fault and I know it, I just hope it doesn't set me back for kicking butt in the SAMC. I'm trying not to worry about it and get back to my regular eating habits.
