Avoiding the relative/friend pitfall

NewLeaf

NewLeaf

New member
I hate to say this, but I think most of us have run into these people or know people that tend to inadverently corrupt our good efforts to be healthier and lose weight.

I'm hoping some of you have creative tips for avoiding this without offending or upsetting these friends or family members.

Partly I ask because my FH is also being very good about his attempts at becoming a healthier individual and losing weight. However when we visit his family (at least once every couple weeks or more) they tend to start to defeat his good efforts. His nickname as a kid was "Mikey" as in the Life cereal Mikey, who would "eat anything." "Mikey will eat it!" He has always struggled with his weight. I feel like this is very defeating to his efforts! Not to mention they are always trying to give him extras. Yet they will still make comments about his weight and needing to trim down. He seems to handle it OK, but sitting ont he sidelines I find this very frustrating. Not to mention I'm also trying to help him keep a hold on controling his portions and types of food he eats. (Cooking healthier meals, not having second helpings etc!)

So the last time we encountered this over the past weekend, he politely declined the repeated offer of the last sandwich fromt he platter. Finally his mom says "Oh you trying to watch your weight?" and he says "Yes I've got to fit into a tux." So she'll let it go, except his grandmother will persist "oh you've got plenty of time!!" I don't think we'll ever end his grandmother or mother's offers for extra helpings or take-home dishes, but I am always looking for more ways to politely decline!! :) We hate to offend them because its their nature, but they are sabotaging his good efforts!! :eek:
 
Haha, I know what you mean about well meaning people who just don't seem to get it. Bless my mother, but every now and again she'll come home with a king-size chocolate bar to "bribe me" with whenever she needs a favour done! I'd do just as well with a frozen yogurt, because the same gas station that she stops to get the chocolate at stocks a delicious fy cup that's only 250 cals. Most of the time though, I don't get too tempted by misguided efforts to be nice to me, and people around me are usually pretty good about getting the hint.

I hope your FH (what does that stand for anyways?) is able to resist the temptation too!
 
I applaud your efforts and stearing clear of your mom's temptations! or.. bribery! :)
I hope he will be able to also! FH=Future Husband. :)
 
I totally know what you mean about the family members/friends that tend to "push" the food. My husband can eat anything and not gain weight it's frustrating, so at 8:30 he'll be munching on food and I just have to use my willpower and say no. Same with family... I'll just tell them no, I'm sorry I'm watching my calories and I don't want to go over my daily amount! There's always the one that gives you slack or whatever but I just ignore ignore ignore!!!!! LOL. My mom is the opposite... she'll preach to me about what I should be eating or shouldn't... I already know, I'm 34 years old, so I just smile and nod.

Good luck!!!! The Holidays are the hardest!
 
Oh, I know exactly how that feels... and so does my boyfriend!

My uncles, aunts, and grandparents ALWAYS cook when they know we're coming over even though we tell them that we've already eaten. They suggest that we're not all that full and have some room to taste the food that "they made for us."

My boyfriend moved to California last year and we're always together. My family is pretty close (My mom's 8 married brothers and sisters + all their kids live within a 5-6 block radius... we walk to each other's houses) so he became just a part of the family as anyone else. Since moving here, my 6'5" boyfriend went from 240 lbs to 305 lbs... even with his physically demanding job, walking to and from work for 30 minutes with hills, and going to the gym.

My family cooks a lot of rice, sweets, and just fattening foods and they won't stop cooking. I've been big since I was little and with his help, I realized where that came from.

We're working together to just say "I'm sorry, we really just aren't hungry right now... really." Our goal is lessen the number of plates we eat, elimiate the idea of dessert (oh, I'm gonna miss it), and just make better choices in what we intake. It's going to be hard, but it will be worth it!
 
hehe, sounds like my best friend who is always telling me lately i look "anorexic". she'll bring over some reese's peanut butter cups knowing they are my favorite (she has known me over 15 yrs) and try to lure me out of dieting mode with them! why are people so evil?
 
WW aghh how evil!! :) With things like that, I break them in to smaller pieces, freeze them and when I have a big craving for something along those lines, I take out one frozen piece to treat myself.

My loving sister and her four kids, sent us a box of "pot of gold" chocolates for Christmas. AGHHH!! :) We still have not opened the box yet. Its sitting in my freezer as we speak. :) At least I know my FH will help me stay on track with these!
 
I would be polite with someone who did not know me very well, co-workers, etc., but if it was my best friend or family like mother/father, I would definitely not be so polite! After all, your wellbeing should be their priority. What they are doing is letting their habit of offering too much food torture a person and basically ruin their attempts at reaching their goals. I would not only say "no", I would say "hell no, and don't ask me again! I've taken as much as I want and if I want more I will take more, but until then do not offer me anything!" Because these people are close to you they have to understand what they are doing is extremely selfish. If someone in my family was doing it to me everytime I come over, I would stop visiting them, or at least do it very rarely. Weight management is hard enough that I don't need anyone sabotaging it! I do all the sabotaging I need myself, thank you very much! :D

Now, if I saw all this wonderful and tasty food and could not help myself... Well, that's another story! :) I just think pushing extra food on the person who does not want it is very rude! And I think that refusing food is a right of a guest and not rudeness. I'm probably in the minority on this one, but I had to shift my way of thinking when I realized that this "too much food for the guests" tradition was formed due to lack of food for centuries. Now, in developed countries, the problem is reversed - too much food and not enough exercise makes us unhealthy. So, to me a polite host who is looking out for my wellbeing would not overfeed me! Hard for old generation who still grew up with hunger to grasp this concept tho, that's why we were always taught to clean our plates!
 
I agree to a point. When we're talking about family and close friends it's time to have a serious talk and let them know that though they may mean well, they are actually making things harder for you. However, the fact that they are family is no excuse to be rude or hateful! My family always makes "comments" about my husbands size. Things like "maybe we should find a different chair for John" However when the eating starts they are always telling him, try this or why don't you go ahead and finish this off. I talked to my mom about it privately explaining that not only are the jokes not funny but that she needs to stop expecting him to eat too much. I asked her if I said I"m quitting smoking, would you offer me a cigarette every time you saw me? When she saw it that way everything changed. You've got to be open and honest about it, but do it with love and with the understanding that these people are not trying to hurt you, they just don't understand!
 
I just wish my FH's family would get it straight with both of us. And trying to feed my FH everything. He hates to decline, but he is learning (see my first post). So we spend tomorrow and Christmas Day with them. I'm going to have to remember not to eat everything I see thats yummy. He'll have to learn to politely decline food again. He's dropped 7lbs kind of tagging along on my efforts, so I'm very happy for him. I know he wants to keep this off. So I'm jst nicely reminding him, eat these things but just don't go back for seconds..and go on a walk with me later that day e tc.! :)

wish us luck!!!
 
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