Hi everyone 
I thought it's about time I started a diary to document my journey.
I have been bigger my whole life. Not hugely overweight, but always enough to feel uncomfortable and get picked on. I've done this 'weight loss thing' a few times, each time with varying success. The first time was when I was 16, my mum bought a set of scales and told me to hop on... I was shocked to see '89kg' (196lb) staring up at me. I vowed to do something then and there... so my mum borrowed the weight watchers books from a friend of hers and gave them to me - I started following the old WW program by myself at home with the support of my family - no meetings, no special foods, nothing else except me walking every day and eating to the plan. I managed to get down to 72kg - 1kg away from my goal... and then I went on a survival camp where I was deprived of food, sleep and did nothing but walk for 18 days. When I came home I was starved, and I ate everything I could... my weight ballooned back up, but never over 80kg again.
When I was 18 I moved two states away from family and friends, got married and became extremely depressed. I remember the first time I weighed myself when I was 18 - 97kg staring back at me... So I tried losing weight... but I was so depressed that I ate to comfort myself (something I had never done), and by 6 months later I was 117kg when I got married... I kept trying to lose weight, but nothing seemed to work... I was self-harming and comfort eating... 6 months after that I was 127kg. I seemed to stabilise around that weight for a long time. When I was 20 I decided to work on my weight, and went back to WW (using the online program). I exercised most days - rain, hail or shine - and despite a few slip ups, by my 21st birthday I was down to 115kg and jogging every day. Then I had a mental break down... I became so depressed and so suicidal that I was hospitalised... when I got out I just ate to comfort myself again. I tried to get back into my old routine, but I couldn't. I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and put on a myriad of medications... my weight kept shooting up, and before I realised it, I was 138kg. I started calorie counting, and got down to 132kg. I started a friendship with someone of a similar age and weight to me, and we became terrible influences on each other - always wanting to lose weight, but both eating in secret, hiding from our husbands. I had terrible problems in my marriage, and 12 months ago I decided to leave him. When I left him my weight went up again to 146kg, and then down for a little while to 138kg...
I'm now 24 years old, and in the past 6 months I have come off my bipolar medications to try to have a doctor diagnose me appropriately and to strive to have a baby with my new partner. My weight has shot up because of emotional eating once again, and I found myself at 151kg (332lb).
8 years and 80kg. I'm tired of struggling with my weight.
So what's the plan?
For the last couple of months I have been trying to change my diet, increase my activity and all that good stuff. But my emotions continue to get in the way and I eat. For me I can be disciplined if I know I have to cut out certain foods and that's what my diet entails. I don't do well with 'options' - tell me I can eat all food in moderation, I will run with that... but I will take a mile where I've been given an inch. I've had great success on diets where and when my food choices are limited. With WW the first time, I was 16 and my mother was in control of the food that came into the house - so I had no choice but to eat healthily. With WW the second time, I had no access to any other food than what was brought into the house by my husband - and he wasn't strong enough to tell me 'no' when I asked him to buy me some bread and cheese and ice-cream. Now I'm in control, and I know that my willpower does not yet extend to 'options'. So I've decided to take away my options. I'm on a meal replacement diet. My only 'option' comes at dinner time, and my partner knows that I'm on a special diet, and he's making an effort to eat healthier too, so at dinner time we have a healthy dinner. Breakfast and lunch times are shake times, and snacks are fruit and/or vegetables (sometimes yoghurt to keep my calcium intake up).
The first day I was starving. I ate about 1600 calories that day. The second day I wasn't anywhere near as hungry, I ate 1000 calories that day. Since then, I've been easily sticking to 1000 - 1200 calories a day. I'm not hungry. My shakes are filling me up. I feel satisfied. I know there are a lot of nay-sayers out there, but at the end of the day, this is my diet, this is how I am. I'm determined to make this work. When I get bored with the shakes, I will move on to introducing food back into my diet, maybe I'll even up my calories, but I won't put on weight if I still am eating a calorie controlled diet and I'm eating below my BMR. I need to get some weight off quickly, because it's do or die time. I can barely walk, I'm in pain constantly, and physically and mentally I'm exhausted all the time. So I need to get some weight off so that I can at least start to exercise and so that I can feel confident in continuing my journey.
I've been losing weight proper now for 2 weeks. The first week I was on WW, I lost 1.6kg. This week I've been on the shakes for a few days, and so far I've lost 1.4kg. So far 3kg (6.6lb) in 2 weeks I'm very happy with that effort!
I thought it's about time I started a diary to document my journey.I have been bigger my whole life. Not hugely overweight, but always enough to feel uncomfortable and get picked on. I've done this 'weight loss thing' a few times, each time with varying success. The first time was when I was 16, my mum bought a set of scales and told me to hop on... I was shocked to see '89kg' (196lb) staring up at me. I vowed to do something then and there... so my mum borrowed the weight watchers books from a friend of hers and gave them to me - I started following the old WW program by myself at home with the support of my family - no meetings, no special foods, nothing else except me walking every day and eating to the plan. I managed to get down to 72kg - 1kg away from my goal... and then I went on a survival camp where I was deprived of food, sleep and did nothing but walk for 18 days. When I came home I was starved, and I ate everything I could... my weight ballooned back up, but never over 80kg again.
When I was 18 I moved two states away from family and friends, got married and became extremely depressed. I remember the first time I weighed myself when I was 18 - 97kg staring back at me... So I tried losing weight... but I was so depressed that I ate to comfort myself (something I had never done), and by 6 months later I was 117kg when I got married... I kept trying to lose weight, but nothing seemed to work... I was self-harming and comfort eating... 6 months after that I was 127kg. I seemed to stabilise around that weight for a long time. When I was 20 I decided to work on my weight, and went back to WW (using the online program). I exercised most days - rain, hail or shine - and despite a few slip ups, by my 21st birthday I was down to 115kg and jogging every day. Then I had a mental break down... I became so depressed and so suicidal that I was hospitalised... when I got out I just ate to comfort myself again. I tried to get back into my old routine, but I couldn't. I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and put on a myriad of medications... my weight kept shooting up, and before I realised it, I was 138kg. I started calorie counting, and got down to 132kg. I started a friendship with someone of a similar age and weight to me, and we became terrible influences on each other - always wanting to lose weight, but both eating in secret, hiding from our husbands. I had terrible problems in my marriage, and 12 months ago I decided to leave him. When I left him my weight went up again to 146kg, and then down for a little while to 138kg...
I'm now 24 years old, and in the past 6 months I have come off my bipolar medications to try to have a doctor diagnose me appropriately and to strive to have a baby with my new partner. My weight has shot up because of emotional eating once again, and I found myself at 151kg (332lb).
8 years and 80kg. I'm tired of struggling with my weight.
So what's the plan?
For the last couple of months I have been trying to change my diet, increase my activity and all that good stuff. But my emotions continue to get in the way and I eat. For me I can be disciplined if I know I have to cut out certain foods and that's what my diet entails. I don't do well with 'options' - tell me I can eat all food in moderation, I will run with that... but I will take a mile where I've been given an inch. I've had great success on diets where and when my food choices are limited. With WW the first time, I was 16 and my mother was in control of the food that came into the house - so I had no choice but to eat healthily. With WW the second time, I had no access to any other food than what was brought into the house by my husband - and he wasn't strong enough to tell me 'no' when I asked him to buy me some bread and cheese and ice-cream. Now I'm in control, and I know that my willpower does not yet extend to 'options'. So I've decided to take away my options. I'm on a meal replacement diet. My only 'option' comes at dinner time, and my partner knows that I'm on a special diet, and he's making an effort to eat healthier too, so at dinner time we have a healthy dinner. Breakfast and lunch times are shake times, and snacks are fruit and/or vegetables (sometimes yoghurt to keep my calcium intake up).
The first day I was starving. I ate about 1600 calories that day. The second day I wasn't anywhere near as hungry, I ate 1000 calories that day. Since then, I've been easily sticking to 1000 - 1200 calories a day. I'm not hungry. My shakes are filling me up. I feel satisfied. I know there are a lot of nay-sayers out there, but at the end of the day, this is my diet, this is how I am. I'm determined to make this work. When I get bored with the shakes, I will move on to introducing food back into my diet, maybe I'll even up my calories, but I won't put on weight if I still am eating a calorie controlled diet and I'm eating below my BMR. I need to get some weight off quickly, because it's do or die time. I can barely walk, I'm in pain constantly, and physically and mentally I'm exhausted all the time. So I need to get some weight off so that I can at least start to exercise and so that I can feel confident in continuing my journey.
I've been losing weight proper now for 2 weeks. The first week I was on WW, I lost 1.6kg. This week I've been on the shakes for a few days, and so far I've lost 1.4kg. So far 3kg (6.6lb) in 2 weeks
I'm very happy with that effort!