A's Diary

Ash Jade

Ash Jade

New member
Today is the day i put myself out there so i can hopefully encourage myself to stay on a healthy path for, not only myself, but my son too.

I struggle with mental health issue's ( Anxiety, Depression, PTSD - Borderline Personality Disorder) and i have been struggling with it all for over 10 years. Naturally my weight has been up and down more times then a yo-yo and it is on my mind daily. Before having my son i was in an abusive relationship which led me to become dangerously underweight (50kg) because i wasn't allowed to get a job and my partner refused to work so when we did have food, he got the most of it. It was a very bad time for me obviously.

At that time i had fallen pregnant and, since my body was having a whole world of issue's not eating, i didn't find out until i was around 3 1/2 months. I was still around the 50kg mark at this stage. I was very sick. At around 4 months and having gone back to my partner i became aware of the danger he brought to my life so i left again. I slowly started putting the weight i needed back on and i was so depressed about the thought of raising my first child alone. At around 6 1/2 months i fell for the lie's again and went back into the hell of my previous relationship. I followed my ex around like a lost puppy while he played with my head daily. Then, when i realised he was using drugs, i put my foot down. He went on a drug fuelled rage and i left for good, checked myself into hospital so i was safe and under constant watch and finally got the help i needed.

I was healthy again. I love food... Too much... so i ended up putting on roughly 30kg. Great for pregnancy and my little one who was born 100% perfect and healthy. For the last 18 months though i am still overweight and keep putting it on. I'm sitting at 83kg and that for me it the largest i have ever been. I look unhealthy, feel unhealthy and have had no motivation so get healthy.

A couple of weeks ago, while looking for work, i joined a new community and healthy lifestyle program and i think i have finally found what works for my body and for me mentally. Everything about how i'm feeling is amazing so i need need need to share my progress over time!

So today:
Weight: 83kg
Drinking: Green Tea
Morning Boosts: JP Fruit, Veg and Berry Capsules.
Morning meal replacement: JP Complete Chocolate Shake.
Lunch: Snacking on celery at the moment but i have had chocolate (whoops) and plan on eating butter chicken with rice.

The rest i haven't planned yet but i will keep adding notes as i go. My energy levels at the moment are incredible so i'm off to take my little one to the park and enjoy the sunshine.

A. x
 
This is the first photo i took on my weight-loss journey. It was taken on the 25/09/2016. I am yet to weigh myself since then but have had noticeable change in body size so will take another picture and upload tomorrow.

A. x
 
It is now 7:51pm and i have chased my son around up until bedtime while feeding him and i have snacked on celery. Some cheese too. Then for my sugar fix i had some JP Chews. Not feeling hungry yet when i usually would and i'd pretty much clear out everything edible from my fridge or pantry. Feeling so motivated after reading more threads and advice on this page. If i feel up to it i will post a progress picture tomorrow. I don't have scales at my house for a good reason so i won't be able to weigh but i hope i look smaller because that's all anyone notices on me :)

Good Night all.

A. x
 
Hi, Ash & welcome to the forum. From your photos & from what you have told us so far I see a young attractive woman who needs to treat herself with love & care. Don't starve yourself, sweetie. You need to have at least 1200 calories a day & have a balanced diet. You have taken a big step getting away from a toxic relationship & I give you lots and lots of credit for that. Now it's time to really take your life back. Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet, get some good quality sleep & nurture yourself. I hope you have come out of that relationship with a feeling of self-value. No-one deserves to be treated badly. Welcome to our part of the world. You are in a safe & supportive place. It's very busy at the moment & it's a little hard for everyone to keep up with the diaries. There are some lovely people here & I'm sure you will get some great support, xo Cate.
 
Hi Cate,

Thank you for the welcome message : ) I am still struggling with myself mentally and rarely leave the house because of everything. I'm lucky i have my little one who i love more than anything in the world who needs me to look after him and take him out so that gets me moving around and it's nice. I'm very excited to share my progress with everyone! xxx
 
Today i have been up with my little one since 6am.

Weight: Unsure but i think i have lost some at least.
Drinking: Coffee (It's a monday shhh)
Morning Boosts: JP Fruit, Veg and Berry Capsules.
Morning Meal Replacement: JP Complete Chocolate Shake
Feeling: Like i can take on the whole world. My energy is incredible and after i finish this blog i am going to go for a walk and a possible light jog. I have a bad back and knee's so i haven't been able to run for a while and i usually end up in a lot of pain but i need to put this energy somewhere and that's a risk i'm willing to take to feel great : )

I took another progress picture this morning. I will attach it to this. Then i wanted to see the difference in my size so did a compare photo and OMG i am so extremely happy with my results so far. They weren't over night obviously but the first one is dated 29/09/2016 and the right side is from this morning!!!

YAY!!!!!!!View attachment 23976View attachment 23977
 
That is a big change in such a short time. Please take care of yourself Ash. Your baby looks SO cute xo
 
Hi Cate, I have definitely been doing the right thing with my body :) I actually still eat a lot of chocolate so it shocks me just how much smaller i have become but i am so happy :) I think the biggest difference i have noticed is that i am not bloated anymore which was a constant for me. I feel great! Thank you. He is older now but i love that picture of us. It's the best mummy bubby pic i have to share ^_^
 
I agree with Cate that your body needs care and kindness more than it needs more weightloss. The fact that you're losing weight so quickly while still eating chocolate can only mean that the actual food part (you know, the things you need for good hair, healthy bones, eyesight and plenty of other stuff) of your life is very limited right now. And that would be a real shame because you have done one of the hardest things (leaving a manipulative, abusive relationship) and you're doing another one (raising a happy kid all by yourself): you now deserve all the health and happiness. Not because your little boy needs you (although that'll do for now until you find your way to loving yourself and giving yourself credit) but because you are a valuable human being who deserves nice things. And of course it's a bit easier to keep mental health issues in check when your body is doing well.

Tl;dr: welcome to the forum, good to have you on board. Take care.
 
Sorry i don't think i made it clear in my progress post. I am eating and eating healthy. I don't live off chocolate but i do snack. I am doing everything the right way so please don't worry :) I have done sooooo much research on what to eat and what not to eat etc etc and i have just chosen to go with a new way of getting the right things into my body which my body is responding to amazingly. Don't be concerned I'm on a good track but thankyou :) I've been through too much to put myself through more torture again just to 'look' smaller. Healthy>Skinny \m/-
 
Hi ash
Looks like you are making a lot of progress very quickly, not being bloated all the time would make a huge difference too

Just wondering what a typical day is for you foodwise?
 
Katy said:
Hi ash
Looks like you are making a lot of progress very quickly, not being bloated all the time would make a huge difference too

Just wondering what a typical day is for you foodwise?
Click to expand...

In the morning i have a huge bottle of water and add two green tea bags and two lemon and ginger tea bags and drink that cold. Through out the day i keep topping that up. I make sure i drink HEAPS of water in some way because my body loves it obviously.
I also take 2 of each of my juice plus capsules.
Fruit Capsules have: Apple, Pineapple, Peach, Prune, Orange, Cranberry, Papaya, Beet, Acerola Cherry, Dates.
Veg Capsules have: Carrot, Cabbage, Kale, Rice Bran, Broccoli, Beet, Tomato, Garlic, Parsley, Spinach, Oat Bran.
Berry Capsules have: Grape, Raspberry, Bilberry, Blueberry, Cranberry, Pomegranate, Black Currant, Blackberry, Elderberry, Artichoke, Cocoa.

Depending on how early i am up with my bub depends on what i have for breakfast. If we are up late and running around i will have my JP complete chocolate shake. If we are on time i'll have some toast/fruit or muesli.

Through out the day my energy is endless but i do get bored and thats usually what gets me with my weight so i make sure i have prepared celery, carrots, anything that it easy to grab that i love to eat. As long as it isn't chocolate or cookies or anything like that. I also have these yummy JP chews which i got for my son that taste exactly like lollies but are all natural fruit/veg made only. They are also quite strong in flavour so a few of them are more then enough to stop my sugar cravings.

Lunch time i will usually eat fish and either steamed veg or salad. but that always ends up being followed by something i shouldn't be eating like ice-cream. Not sure why but i can never avoid that temptation if it's there D:

The afternoon goes quick for me so i'm usually cleaning around the house/doing washing etc so i don't generally get hungry around then but again if i do i will go for my prepared snacks.

Dinner i have anything i want. Just in a small portion. That rule is because it is important for me to sit down and eat with my son and give him a variety of foods and not have him think OMG we can't eat that because its bad.

I do not eat takeaway at all and i don't eat after 6pm because i am usually not too hungry at that point. Again if i am i'll have something light. I love cheese so thats usually my guilty go to.

Sorry about the late reply my little one is sick at the moment.

A. x
 
Yup, hugs and health for the littly from me as well. And I'm very glad to see I was wrong: good job taking care of your body and modeling healthy behavior for your son.
 
LaMaria said:
Yup, hugs and health for the littly from me as well. And I'm very glad to see I was wrong: good job taking care of your body and modeling healthy behavior for your son.
Click to expand...

Thank you all :) There has been a huge change in my size and it is so easy to assume that i'm going about things the wrong way but I've done all the wrong things before and they aren't a permanent fix and end up making me sick over being healthy. It has been hard trying to change my food intake completely but support has been my massive influence. I hope with my success i can influence other people too :)
 
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