Apathy, atrophy, and an attempt at atonement

Snowden

New member
I'm going to post every day (not strive to, not try to) provided I maintain consistent access to the internet, with a possible exception for extra harsh days.

What I want to use this space for
- possibly food journal, could do hard copy
- possibly workout log
- possibly source of motivation, knowing that I'm at least accountable to this "diary" and any one that happens to stop by

My goals
I will lose 40 pounds. I estimate that I am currently at 220 (recently weighed in at 215) at a height of 6'1. I am a male with only a little muscle, so I am above average and I think 180 would leave me in good shape with nothing to worry about. (Projected timeframe of 4 to 10 months. I estimate the first 10-15 lbs should disappear quickly with the removal of soda and most candy and the addition of exercise)
I will look good in my clothing, and buy more form fitting clothing to encourage further development (I doubt I'll get too carried away but whatever)
I will be able to do 50 push ups without breaking (eight week goal), and run three miles in 30 minutes (probably max running goal, over the course of three months, not interested in messing up my body with my crap running form and my crap knees. I generally dislike running and I don't desire to change that aspect, just improve my efficiency/proficiency within limited boundaries)

I have determined that my motivation will come from
- a desire to fit into my older clothes, as having to buy new stuff is deeply depressing and almost nothing fits now
- a desire to become more fit so that I can participate in any / every activity if I so choose, and not if my weight and condition allow
( I am currently employed in a job where my physical fitness is evaluated, and I believe I will not perform well when I am evaluated soon, but could possibly make the minimum scores. I am determined to do better than that because I am tired of disappointing myself and others with failing or barely passing scores that always invoke skepticism )
- a slight care about "general health." maybe it is too vague to mean something to me. My body is already garbage so I don't care if it doesn't make it past 60.
- a desire to be attractive to women. I believe my "looks" would be considered mediocre if I was in good shape, so being out of shape leaves me with no desire to even attempt dating
- a desire to feel confident, and comfortable in my clothing and also on my motorcycle
- Respect. I believe people tend to take you less seriously if you can't control your impulses, as I have not been able to. I believe that by returning to my former "shape" and controlling my diet and exercise, people will respect me marginally more.


My detractors (food) -
-I love soda, I don't know why, I guess it's an addiction
-I love sweet things. I have surely gone days where I did not eat anything else, as awful as that seems. I do not understand when people say "If I ate any more of that I'd throw up"
-Fast food, the convenience of a warm meal just waiting for me to pick it up.
-Frozen, canned, pre-packaged food. This is about as healthy as I currently get. I'd guess that less than 10% of the food I eat is prepared from any decent ingredients or with health in mind.

Detractors (exercise) -
-Currently I can't seem to get back into running, I probably shouldn't have tried switching to minimalist shoes at the same time, but my ankles are killing me
-The idea of how much I suck at push-ups makes me hate them, absolutely a turn off. I'd rather forget about doing them then knock out 10 because I know how pitiful it is that I should struggle with so little
-Working out at a gym has always been a pleasure, but I've never made time or gone when it was inconvenient.

Usual causes for failure
-general apathy. It's easier to do nothing than something. Why bother working out? What will it even change? I suppose apathy coupled with depression, but whatever.
-I'm not good at committing to anything. I have tried a million things and stuck with none
-Difficulty, it will be insanely difficult for me to learn how to cook healthy food that I'll want to eat and take to work. It's just so much easier to get Mcdonalds or buy a frozen dinner
-Taste. I don't know how you could choose a piece of chicken over cheesecake


Key principals for my first month of this diet that I will absolutely stick to
- No more soda. There's just no excuse. Water is friggen everywhere. Soda doesn't even taste good when you stop to give it a swish. It's just carbonated, caffeinated crap that makes me feel bad physically and then emotionally. No soda, no diet soda, no energy drinks, no 0 calorie crap. The ONLY possible exceptions are juices. No rules on juice for the first month unless it becomes a crutch, but probably later need to be more specific about source of juice, amount of sugar

- less sweet crap. Not gonna be able to cut it out entirely or I'll just quit again like every other time. Maximum limitations for next 30 days will be 2 purely sweet things (candy bar, donut, pastry, not soda, not counting juice) with a 400 calorie cap per "dose"

- fast food still allowed, but must result in reasonably healthy options like chicken salad at mcdonalds, no big macs, no jack in the box at all, no taco bell at all

- must figure out how to eat healthy, or reasonably healthy, trying to prepare at least a quarter of my food. I have a decent sense for what "healthy" is, but healthy isn't appetizing, and if it isn't appetizing then Mcdonald's will be. and Mcdonald's doesn't take any time to prepare. and Mcdonald's doesn't take $15 of ingredients that I'll end up throwing half of away. Realism is key. Basic cooking concepts must be reinforced


Forecast - grim. Tomorrow is a "movie day" and the movie theatres are notorious in my history for causing me to overeat and indulge in pure, overpriced garbage. Salvation will come from eating before hand, sneaking in a liter of water and something healthy. No damn soda, no bags of candy, no popcorn, no nachoes, no hotdog, no pizza. Must sneak food in


That's enough for now. Will do 60 push ups before sleeping

Stay classy
 
Low sugar squash is an alternative to carbonated soft drinks. I live in a hard water area and can't stand the stuff that comes out of the taps so drinks liters of squash a day.
 
Oh, tacobell. I've only been to the States twice and I lived on the stuff the whole time I was out there. Have you thought of any sweet things that are fewer calories? Like low-cal icepops and stuff? In the UK we have ice cream called skinny cow that is like 70% less fat and cals than regular ice cream.

Welcome!
 
Welcome on board.
You have given it a lot of thought and having a diary is great at staying committed.
 
Do people really need low fat, low cal ice cream? Ice cream should be one of those things that should be easy to give up and when you want to treat yourself once in a while - go for the real deal fat deal ;)
 
Alright. I had to forego starting this diet as I was on vacation and not in control of many aspects of my life. This is day one being home, and I need to focus on working out and slowly changing my diet. Wednesday is judgment day, so that could quite dramatically change the nature of this journal and radically change my exercise and diet plans. Doesn't hurt to start now though
 
Okay so I wasted a few minutes and weighed myself. Extremely shocked to see 229 on the scale. I can't deny it, and I definitely feel it, but that is a rather frigthening number. I've gained 30 lbs in less than a year.
Going shopping now for healthy food to stock up on, and way more bottled water... and then exercise when I get home....

the horror...
 
More important than healthiness on this shopping trip was practicality, unfortunately. I don't have much skill at cooking... I really dislike complex recipes, but that's the territory I've gotta start covering. I just bought frozen crap and enough stuff to start sustaining myself reliably without having to buy my food at work, which always goes bad. I've started counting calories again, with a goal of about 2000 a day, it's surprisingly easy when you cut out soda and candy. I've enjoyed feeling full on less than that so far. I thought that was a luxury I'd have to say goodbye to. A banana will have to kill my craving for something sweet though.
 
I have been judged and found unworthy. My punishment begins Friday.

I failed pretty severely. These next few months will be painful
 
Usual causes for failure
-general apathy. It's easier to do nothing than something. Why bother working out? What will it even change? I suppose apathy coupled with depression, but whatever.
-I'm not good at committing to anything. I have tried a million things and stuck with none
-Difficulty, it will be insanely difficult for me to learn how to cook healthy food that I'll want to eat and take to work. It's just so much easier to get Mcdonalds or buy a frozen dinner
-Taste. I don't know how you could choose a piece of chicken over cheesecake


I am one who would choose chicken over cheesecake. I am not a sweet eater except for chocolate candy. When my husband and I go to a buffet for dinner, I go through the buffet line a second time, while my husband goes through only once, but hits the dessert bar at least 3 times. I have no interest in the dessert bar. My weight problem stems from second helpings of otherwise healthy foods...and sometimes thirds.
 
I don't know if that makes you lucky or not. You're probably healthier than I am, at least. I'm not sure how you plan to take control of your problem, but at least you've recognized it. Good luck

I'm just going to count calories until I can shake some of my bad habits, hopefully that will get my diet moving. Would rather eat 300 calories of food than drink 300 calories of mountain dew.

I'm not losing my job, so that's good, and after a few weeks my new workout plan will hopefully become a habit, or a pattern, or whatever, and every thing will become easy again. I just hope diet and exercise will be enough to reverse the tide soon.

I worked out this morning, ate somewhere in the neighborhood of 1800 calories, couldn't be sure because I had a piece of someone's steak (was amazing) and a couple other uncharted things, and had to guesstimate my lunch sandwich at around 600 calories. Ate McDonalds twice today, their maple and fruit oatmeal, which i greatly appreciate them for offering, and their grilled chicken salad with ranch (i will have to start using half the packet of ranch if I keep ordering this, the packet alone is a ridiculous 170 calories)

I will eat more tomorrow, probably around 2100 calories, to "stimulate" my metabolism, and I might go on a 30-45 minute walk that night if everything works out.

Hope you guys are making better decisions than me heh
 
So today's challenge is eating 2100 calories, and taking a decent walk later tonight.

On the menu... banana, water, and making up the rest as I go. Things to avoid: soda, 0 calorie drinks that possibly cause cancer, candy, super caloric unhealthy foods.

Not looking forward to breaking back into running next week, will have to try to limit it to two times a week for the first two or three weeks so I don't die.
 
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