Any advice on how to improve my self esteem & see past my weight?

TitanicWreck

TitanicWreck

0
Im 41 years old, 280s-ish pounds, my ideal weight is about 190.....

I have always yo-yoed with my weight, and am so self concious about my weight gain, I have put it into my head that i can't have a robust social life until I'm fit as a fiddle......

I have it in my mind I'm like quasimodo with my 100 extra pounds, and who would want anything to do with a fat guy like me? So in recent years, i haven't exactly had large numbers of friends, and most that I do have are online..My lovelife is pathetic.....

I do rember when i was fit and a runner, my self confidence ws pretty good- But 100 pounds later- it's in the tank....
I don't want life to pass me by...I want to lose my weight..but how can I learn to like myself even as a fat person? i look at my flabby body, i want to hurl....

I think my weight and self esteem are interconnected- Do I have to lose the weight before I get back my self esteem?
 
TitanicWreck said:
Im 41 years old, 280s-ish pounds, my ideal weight is about 190.....

I have always yo-yoed with my weight, and am so self concious about my weight gain, I have put it into my head that i can't have a robust social life until I'm fit as a fiddle......

I have it in my mind I'm like quasimodo with my 100 extra pounds, and who would want anything to do with a fat guy like me? So in recent years, i haven't exactly had large numbers of friends, and most that I do have are online..My lovelife is pathetic.....

I do rember when i was fit and a runner, my self confidence ws pretty good- But 100 pounds later- it's in the tank....
I don't want life to pass me by...I want to lose my weight..but how can I learn to like myself even as a fat person? i look at my flabby body, i want to hurl....

I think my weight and self esteem are interconnected- Do I have to lose the weight before I get back my self esteem?
Click to expand...

Honestly? maybe. There is no clear cut answer. I know that there is a great many of us who connect the two while some are able to seperate. You need to think of why you want to lose weight. I think some of it has to be nonphysical.

Might I suggest writing down as many things as you can that are not physical that you like about you?
 
Heres the thing...while having self esteem is very important, so is losing weight. Weight loss is less about vanity than it is health. People die everyday from being overweight. So while I'd LOVE to see you gain confidence, I'd also love to see you try to lose weight as well. Reason I am saying this is b/c it hits fairly close to home. I'm 5'7 and all the way up to 240 (which for a woman is BAD NEWS) and you know whats kept me from losing weight?? My VERY high self esteem! I know what kind of person I am, I have alot to offer people, I am well accepted by all in my little world, so I don't feel a strong sence of urgency to lose weight.

BUT like I said, people die everyday from being overweight and it frightens me! I have to lose weight! Now, I'm not saying 'don't go out and get that confidence' I'm just saying, don't put weight loss on the back burner....which is how it sounds, to me, from your post.

I dont' know how to tell you to achieve this self esteem though. I think weight loss would help! Not because of looks, but b/c you are achieving a goal! Knowing that you lost those 5 lbs would make you think 'wow, i can do this!' what a boost! I know there are other ways of gaining confidence, but i'm not sure too much what to tell you. I guess you could google it and research it a bit???

good luck on your journey :D
 
How much you weigh is NOT the most important thing about you. While it's good to try and lose weight, it's even more important to like who you are, or (as I found out) you'll just get depressed and start eating more :p.

For a while there I was working and watching our son for most of my day, but I had kind of forgotten my hobby, reading, which before had always defined who I was. Because of this I think I was eating more to offset the sort of useless, 'what am I doing with my day?' kind of feeling.

So I'd say the best thing to do would be to stop defining yourself by your weightloss, and find something you love to do, even if you have to go back to your high school years to find it, and use that to define yourself instead of how much you weigh. Then it might be easier to reach calorie or exercise goals, because you'll be more focused on something else.

I really don't think you have to put anything on the "back burner" to get self confidence. Concentrating on how much you weigh definitely shouldn't take up your whole day.
 
PS, some of the more vibrant, interesting people I have known have been overweight... so go get 'em tiger! :hurray:

Also, though don't use this as an excuse to not lose weight, try watching John Pinette and Gabriel Inglasias, both great overweight comedians who make me laugh my socks off...
 
this is still the monkey on my back...
My weight and my low self esteem seem bound together..
But i do know exercise is a great way to tackle depression..
I'm still at a point where I don't make an full effort to date or make friends, because I feel 'unworthy' unless I have the physique of a marathon runner.
 
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TitanicWreck said:
this is still the monkey on my back...
My weight and my low self esteem seem bound together..
But i do know exercise is a great way to tackle depression..
I'm still at a point where I don't make an full effort to date or make friends, because I feel 'unworthy' unless I have the physique of a marathon runner.
Click to expand...

Okay time for some tough love:rant: cut this you feel UNWORTHY nonsense. You are worthy just because you are you. Not your looks, not your size, not your accomplishments, just because you are you, a unique human being, do you realize that in this world of over 6 billion people there is only one you.. no duplicates, no imitations, so for being that unique, you ARE WORTHY...:hurray:

And the whole physique of a marathon runner, that is my problem with my weigh loss goals also, yours is that you don't look like one and feel bad about it, mine is that when I was 300+lbs I still knew I was the sexiest thing that the DIVINE ONE had created and all supermodels and athletes that small, were sad, hungry people in need of a good cheeseburger:smilielol5: so I tend to forget its more about the health then the looks at times.

Friends are your friends IN SPITE OF YOU not because of who you are, or how you look, and if they are there for that reason, then they are not friends to begin with and you are better off without them, and you can make friends at any size, I know, my friends run from super dooper slim, to OMG big, and I love them all the same.

I know a little about depression, but not enough to BS you and talk about it, but the one thing I want you to take from this is YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE SPECIAL, UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL, because as I was told as a young child, YOU ARE SPECIAL JUST BEING YOU, CAUSE GOD DON'T MAKE NO JUNK HONEE..

So if it takes waking up every morning I want for you to repeat this mantra until you believe it, or at times when you doubt yourself, I AM WORTHY, WHETHER I AM A SIZE 2 OR 42, MY SIZE DOES NOT DETERMINE MY WORTH.:rant:
 
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