another new member...my story

[2up1down]

Hey all,

Great forum here I made my first post already, not here but here However I do want to say hello to everyone first, and help get this ball rolling with no excuses to return to a sad state of life!

My story is as follows:

25, conditioned for failure and depression (been in the fathers side of the family for several generations...) through many traumatic experiences, heart of gold exploited until the point of utter hatred filled my heart, I have become something disgusting! Blame him her or the next guy, what does it matter? somehow it always is my fault so lets just skip that part and move on.

I want to try hard now to fix myself but I don't know where to begin! I made a post in the other forum but mainly I wanna just open up and let the experts, or those who were in my shoes know a little about who I am so I can get some motivation and support.

The truth is that I feel like i'm living on the edge of sanity all the time because the world I see everyone else enjoying seems to be only an illusion for me, IE: even though I'm still in school my Dad decided to not pay for my wedding and with two weeks left I'm screwed over. Who has ever heard of such a situation where a Dad who drives a BMW 5 series only pays 1000 for his son's wedding and tells him i'm not giving anymore ? ? ------ AHHHHHH

I think I need to let out some steam

Life since high school has been a mix of learning, growing and smoking my brains out with lots of weed... not a lot of exercise .... LOL not a lot of MOVEMENT! (since i work with computers and learn law)

My body shape is horrible my high school friends always laughed at me when I took of my shirt cause I just look sooo skinny, but there is just chunks of fat everywhere so I look like... I donno a new species???

I GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS WORLD IM STUCK IN!!!!

I dont give a flying pie if depression runs in my family, or iif my life is wacked out, or if I really do get the short end of the stick most of the time --- I MUST TAKE CONTROL OF THIS LIFE AND DO BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys I am lost! I know family guy/american dad, I know drinking, I know partying, I know getting girls, but....

I DON'T KNOW how to be motivated, I don't know how to be organized, DAMN I JUST DONT KNOW! so many areas in my mind just feel like a non-stop tornado! AHHH!! I plan on working in meditations into my day etc etc... but I hope this is the place that down the road I can say, "well the turning point really was when I finally took charge and got some great online help from the pplz over at..."

And with that, I'm off to work!

 

[Wrangell]

25, conditioned for failure and depression (been in the fathers side of the family for several generations...) through many traumatic experiences, heart of gold exploited until the point of utter hatred filled my heart, I have become something disgusting! Blame him her or the next guy, what does it matter? somehow it always is my fault so lets just skip that part and move on.

Your self-assessment of yourself and others may not be an entirely realistic / valid one - it's one of the hallmarks of depression...." filtered " thinking ".

Given your family history have you been ' diagnosed ' as having depression yourself ? Are you on meds for it or anything else ?

I want to try hard now to fix myself but I don't know where to begin! I made a post in the other forum but mainly I wanna just open up and let the experts, or those who were in my shoes know a little about who I am so I can get some motivation and support.

Well, you have to be motivated toward something - i.e you have to have goals.

What are you health and fitness goals ? To add inches in muscle mass ? Add some pounds ? Lose body fat ? Increase your cardio fitness ? To drop a few inches in waist size ? To run a 10K ?

The truth is that I feel like i'm living on the edge of sanity all the time because the world I see everyone else enjoying seems to be only an illusion for me, IE: even though I'm still in school my Dad decided to not pay for my wedding and with two weeks left I'm screwed over. Who has ever heard of such a situation where a Dad who drives a BMW 5 series only pays 1000 for his son's wedding and tells him i'm not giving anymore ? ? ------ AHHHHHH

We only have your side of the story about your Dad - who knows, he might have justification for his actions. In any event, either way - it doesn't really matter, its completely irrelevant.

You've got to park your feelings about your Dad and focus on your health and fitness goals as best you can. You are responsible for your own life - not his. Your issues with your Dad are no excuse for not getting in better shape IMO.

I think I need to let out some steam

Life since high school has been a mix of learning, growing and smoking my brains out with lots of weed... not a lot of exercise .... LOL not a lot of MOVEMENT! (since i work with computers and learn law)

My body shape is horrible my high school friends always laughed at me when I took of my shirt cause I just look sooo skinny, but there is just chunks of fat everywhere so I look like... I donno a new species???

I GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS WORLD IM STUCK IN!!!!

I dont give a flying pie if depression runs in my family, or iif my life is wacked out, or if I really do get the short end of the stick most of the time --- I MUST TAKE CONTROL OF THIS LIFE AND DO BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys I am lost! I know family guy/american dad, I know drinking, I know partying, I know getting girls, but....

I DON'T KNOW how to be motivated, I don't know how to be organized, DAMN I JUST DONT KNOW! so many areas in my mind just feel like a non-stop tornado! AHHH!!

Again, tell us what your goals are - that is the first place to start to get out of this " world " you seem to think you're in.

 

[rose_d]

Keep on...keeping on

I very happy to see you really expressing yourself...its always good to get things out and off your chest.
The first thing to a new and better you is definitely admitting your shortcomings and being open and willing to becoming something more.
Now you need to figure out whats your goal...cause you cant just go out with nothing to shoot for...how will you know if you accomplished anything?
So figure out what you want...gain, lose, tone up ect.
After that I recommend searching around her on this site and on other health and fitness sites as well...and if your into reading then pick up a few books. Just saturate yourself in knowledge and ask questions.
All i can say is don't give up. Life is challenging but I know you will never be faced with something you cant conquer. So stay strong and keep moving forward.
good luck
rose

 

[yellowr1991]

You need to find out what make you feel good.
Just doing it will bring a big smile on your face like a child.

In sane manner though, without drugs or substances, these are really bad.

When I was in your position middle of 20s, I stared skydiving. I loved it for few years. After 10 years, as I looked back I did a wise choice. I could've killed or injured while I was skydiving. I had seen such accidents. It was the risk I had to take.

But, the point of being happy - I do not believe in happyness anymore - absoluetly your own feeling and decision, not by others view.

Avoid indoor passive activites such as watching TVs, movies, drinking, playing games, surfing Internet hours, etc.

Outdoor club activities might be a good start.