Amy loses and wins! @>-->-->----

amylosesandwins

amylosesandwins

New member
My name is Amy. Last year, I lost a total of 26 lbs and have kept it off. I have not, however, lost any weight since before Christmas of 2007. I actually had an old diary on here, but I have scrapped that one and started a new one. Why, you ask? I want a clean slate.

Since my preteen days, I've been a binge-eater. The other day I had a huge breakthrough and remembered the first time I "comfort ate." It's made a huge difference to remember the events surrounding the first time I did this and unravel the mystery. I guess I blocked it out. Long story short, I have issues with food and eating, but I also love the fact that maybe I can learn to have a more positive relationship with food. I can turn it around, and I will!

For the last few years, I've felt that I would love to become a chef who specializes in rustic "peasant" foods and whole foods. I love creating flavors and feeding people healthy food, and I have a talent for cooking that I get high compliements on. In order to be successful in this, my relationship with food has to get more functional.

I also go through periods of time where I experience a funk and a sense of apathy, so I fall into old habits of sedentary and overeating behavior, and gain weight. The sedentary behavior comes from a lack of motivation, usually the product of me making an excuse that since it doesn't matter, why should I work for it? Yep.

On the flip side, I have goals and ambitions. I'm saving money to finish my education, doing some financial planning for the future, have a lot of healthy relationships in my life, am getting into gardening, and getting really into the current presidential race. I'm generally optimistic, and usually I have no idea when I'm slipping up. It's like a subconscious form of self-sabotage. Because if I'm not fat, what will be my excuse for failure, right? Yeah, you know the drill.

So here I am, starting over. I'm grateful for the fact that during this nearly 5-month binge-fest I haven't gained back any weight. I'm not satisfied with just that, though. I'm determined to finally be healthy and happy. I know being thinner won't make me a happier person, but it's going to make my health better, and it's going to give me the gift of greater mobility and physical resilience. That is a gift that will allow me to really reach out and live my life to the fullest. Of course the first step for me has been, in the last WEEK, to go ahead and start living like that despite the fact that I'm still overweight.

I've given up my trigger foods. My triggers are anything sweetened with refined sugars, and chocolate. Oh, yeah. I totally gave up chocolate. After giving it up, I actually feel free. If I don't eat it, there's no way I'll binge on it. I TRIED being liberal with myself by setting out to only seek out a small portion at planned intervals, but I just couldn't stick with it. I would constantly obsess over it. Sweets are a trigger. My first comfort eat was a chocolatey treat. See the connection? So I've just removed it from my palate of food.

Fruit now tastes sweeter and more flavorful than it has in a long time.
 
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Sweets at family gatherings

Special occasions where I'll be expected to eat sugary things:

Thanksgiving - a very "challenging" holiday for me

Christmas - all sorts of sugary stuff made by my relatives...

My birthday/New Year's (New Year's baby) - when I was little, I had a dairy allergy (which went away at some point, then came back...what a tease!), so my mom started making me cherry pie instead of cake and ice cream, and the tradition stuck to this day.

Birthdays in my immediate family starting early February and ending early May. (4 in total)

Then I'm free until my sister's birthday in August...lol

So, how do I handle these events? I wouldn't mind eating just a little dessert on these occasions, but I lack the ability to control myself with sweets. I eat one bite, then another, then another, and I lose control. No one around me stops me or even seems the least bit concerned, and I don't live in a family of fat people. There are a few people in my family who are overweight, but it isn't the whoooooooole family.

I suppose the best I can do is to just take it in stride. It's not any of those occasions yet. I'm 25 years old, but when I come home to visit it's like I'm a young kid again. So maybe I can persuade my mom to use Splenda to bake my cherry pie. At the mass family gatherings, I don't really care. I can bring something healthy as a dessert and have that be my dessert. But when my MOM makes something, oh man, I don't want to hurt her feelings by not having any :( My mom so totally doesn't MEAN to associate food with emotion - I know that it's not her intent. But I'd still feel bad telling her that I didn't want any cherry pie or cake she made for another person's birthday. She gets joy out of making things for people and have them enjoy them.

Maybe I should just be straight with her and she can help me by baking things with Splenda instead of sugar. I'll even offer to provide the splenda for her since it's kind of expensive.
 
My exercise plan

My exercise plan

First, a backstory:

Now, I'm easing myself back into actively exercising outside of work.

I love to exercise, but during this past winter, I got lazy and sedentary. I was in a huge funk and just felt apathetic about everything. I also rationalized that I get enough exercise at work.

Sure, my job is physically demanding enough - I work in a health food store which is in an old building that has 2 stories. I do some light lifting (usually no more than 30 lbs) a few times a day, and run up and down stairs multiple times. There is a lot of physical activity involved - I would consider it to be like 8 hours of walking with a little lifting and a little bit of "jogging" and stair climbing thrown in. There are days where I've felt like I got enough workout for 3 days, and then there are days when things are slower and I don't feel tired at all. Because of the inconsistency in intensity, I've started adding in exercise throughout the week. I've put it in my schedule and am sticking to it, which is a great feeling!

Last year I messed up my back at work. Of course I was 26 lbs. heavier and probably not so muscular. I lifted something too heavy, and tore a bunch of muscles in my back. I took a week off work, applied ice to the muscles, and pretty much tried to rest and recover. No such luck, I still had horrific pain. It hurt to bend over, it hurt to twist slightly to the side, it hurt to move in general. It sucked. So finally, because I was desperate to end the pain, I visited a chiropractor.

Luckily the one that I chose to go see specializes in what's called conservative chiropractic. This means that they don't "crack your bones." Rather they use stretching and rehab exercises to alleviate pain, and encourage a healthy lifestyle. X-rays indicated mild scoliosis which makes my body out of alignment, so I was custom-fitted for some orthotics, and one of them has a heel lift to make my body even when I stand. That was also when a physician told me that I need to lose weight. He said, "weight loss is a MUST," and told me that if I needed help with it, I wasn't alone.

26 lbs lighter, I still get a sore back from time to time. But it's not nearly as bad as it was before. Still, I feel lucky that my back only gets a little sore because for the last 6-odd months I haven't been great at doing the exercises prescribed to me by the chiropractor which are designed to strengthen those core muscles and get it so if I do strain my back, I recover faster from it.

My Plan

Daily: do prescribed exercises, which include several stretches and a minimum of 40 reps of an abdominal exercise he gave me which is back-friendly.

Wednesdays, Fridays, Sundays: Do strength training with the Theraband resistance tubing I was given by chiropractor. Hope to work my way up to more challenging resistance.

Mondays and Tuesdays: Walk to work instead of taking the bus (I ditched driving, too expensive).

Saturdays and Sundays: Walk for at least 45 minutes, or do an equivalent sort of exercise. I consider cleaning out my garage in preparation for moving (which is imminent and approaching) an equivalent...hehe

:willy_nilly:
 
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Food plan

My food plan

Next step, food. I've decided that I'm cutting out all sweets, refined sugars, chocolate, etc. Those are my main trigger foods. Cheese is also a trigger for me, "luckily" my dairy allergy came back. I'm not deathly allergic to dairy, so technically I could eat some, but I have some very unpleasant hives if I do, so I don't.

After that, I've decided that my best bet is to stick to about 1800 calories per day, and follow the food pyramid so that my food meets my nutritional requirements. I also take a few vitamins to be safe rather than sorry.

This is how I've been eating the last week, and it's working for me:

Breakfast - 2 proteins, 2 carbohydrates, 1 "dairy" (rice milk), 1-2 fruits

Snacks - usually carbohydrate based and low in calories. Rice cakes, whole-wheat crackers, air-popped popcorn, things like that. I try to keep my snacks at about 150 calories and have 2 - 3 per day to get me through til mealtimes. If I get the craving for a midnight snack, I allow myself a piece of fruit or a raw veggie.

lunch - 2 carbohydrates, 1 protein, 1 "dairy" (rice milk or rice-based cheese on my sandwich), 3 veggies, 1 fruit

dinner - 1 carbohydrate, 1 protein, 3 veggies, 1 - 2 fruits
 
A "period" of great change

My period is due in a few days. My cycle has always been a time where I rationalize eating junk because I'm in pain, cranky, and emotional. This will be my first period where I won't be eating any chocolate or refined sugar treats, which are purported "medicines" for women on their periods. Almost every time a woman buys tampons or pads at my store, she also buys a chocolate bar. I know that chocolate has compounds that interact with your dopamine receptors and can give you a "lift" as it were, but by my estimation there are far better foods for a lift that will have far greater benefit and far fewer calories. If any weird emotions come on this time around, I'll have to deal with them head-on instead of stuffing my face. It's going to be good for me to finally do that for myself.
 
Well, my period started yesterday. I was at my Mom's house, chillin' with the family for Memorial day, and we grilled out some steaks and had salad and baked beans..yum! There was tons of chocolate and stuff laying in candy bowls all over the house (my mom manages to do this and stay thin...haha), and I didn't even reach for one. I'm proud of that.

I hurt my back this weekend somehow. It's most likely nothing major, just muscle pain. I tried to be careful while packing some boxes to move (no more than around 30 lbs a box), but I must've twisted the wrong way or something at some point. I was negligent and didn't really stretch or anything after all the packing - I just sat around, which was dumb.

I've made an appointment for a massage this week - I can get an hour-long massage for $25.00 at the local massage therapy school, which is pretty sweet. I have to wait til Friday for that, though, so in the mean-time I'm just applying ice and trying to take it easy with those muscles. My job is intensely physical this week because we have both monthly inventory and our monthly sale specials coming in, so I hope I can get through that okay.
 
counting calories

Blah! My computer at home caught a nasty virus, and I seriously think my inability to come to this forum has stunted my progress! Anyway, I keep thinking that since I've lost some weight, I'm invincible and can't gain any back. I seriously have to get over that mentality! I keep sabotaging myself, so in the last week or so I've been using my food diary again, AND counting calories, and weighing/measuring all my food. I've been doing great this week as a result. I don't know why I ever stopped doing it, except for the fact that it's a slight inconvenience. But that doesn't matter - even if it is inconvenient, I need to stick to it, because it's what seems to work with me when it comes to keeping myself on track with my diet.

Exercise has been good. I've been fitting in a walk every day, and work has been extra physically demanding lately as well. I've been doing my calisthenics every morning as well.

I feel good about things. I'm pulling myself out of the hole.

I love baked tostitos and salsa as a snack, btw. Also, I've started mixing hummus with salsa, and it's damn good!
 
25 Reasons

I did the "Fear of Thin" exercise that Mal posted in the "On Topic" forum.

Here goes!
25 Reasons Why I Want to stay Fat:

1.) As a thin person, people may view me as someone who "has it together" and will expect more of me than they do now.

2.) I can blame my fat for my failures. It's very convenient.

3.) As a thin person, I may get more attention from the opposite sex. Will it be mostly positive or mostly creepy attention? I don't know!

4.) Good segueue into my fear of the unknown: I've never been a thin adult. I haven't been "thin" since I was a child. I don't know what it's like, and the unknown is scary!

5.) If I do lose weight, I can always gain it back. Sometimes that voice in my head says, "why bother?"

6.) I'm afraid I'll have a bunch of sagging skin.

7.) I'm afraid other fat people will resent me for being thin, even though I can totally empathize with them being fat since I've been there!

8.) Going outside of the comfort zone of my steady partners is scary to me. I'm poly and want to explore more relationships in my life, but at the same time that takes effort, and it's already taking a lot of effort to maintain my current relationships. If I'm thinner, more people may be attracted to me and open up more dating/romance opportunities for me, but the thought of that also stresses me out.

9.) I already have anxieties about the possibility of having to walk home by myself in the dark. I'd imagine I'd be an even more appealing target for assault and other unpleasant crimes against me if I were thinner. I feel like my fat is a safety buffer sometimes.

10.) I'm afraid I may become more concerned about vanity than I should be.

11.) I feel like the fat is part of my identity - I mean, I've been fat so long that it's a huge part of how people see me and how I see myself. I hope that being thin wouldn't change who I am, but it may change how others see me, and that's kind of scary.

12.) Fat me has it easy: Fat me gets to be more sedentary and eat more than thin me. Fat me gets to blame the fat while thin me has to be more accountable (see above). It's easy to be fat. And people tend to sympathize with you these days. They tell you it's not your fault! People even yell at you for calling yourself fat, even if you are! Being a fat American is seen as normal, and people don't expect you to change! How easy is that?

13.) Silly as this may sound, I feel like people may disregard me as a chef if I'm thin. That phrase "never trust a skinny chef," is giving me anxiety!

14.) I fear I'll get an inflated ego, get self-righteous about it, and alienate people (especially those who are used to the Fat Me).

15.) People from my past may not recognize me, leading me to have to explain who I am, leading to them to being amazed by the difference in my looks, and starting a weight-based conversation when I'd rather just hear how they're doing and catch up on items of more importance than my weight (this actually happened the first time I lost a lot of weight, and it got annoying).

16.) People will start to focus on my physical attributes instead of my inner traits.

17.) I'll be able to get away with having an attitude more than Fat Me would. That sounds like it would be good, but it isn't because it goes against my morals that everyone should be treated the same.

18.) Losing weight is hard! *whine*

19.) I'll have to field all sorts of stupid questions about how I lost, etc., as if it's some magical secret instead of simple, common sense. "How did you do it?" "What's your secret?" Why, it's the mystical world of "thermodynamics," genius! Put down the fork and exercise, fatty!

20.) I may inexplicably be dating more frequently. Let's face it, I'll be noticed more if I'm thin. And dating has some pressure involved. The thought of having to deal with others and their emotions on a more intimate level than I do (save for my partner) now is bringing me anxiety. Since I'm fat, I get to hide from that whole scene.

21.) I'm already sexually ambivalent enough. I seriously only want sex once a month if that! I crave a more sensual than sexual relationship. But I'm afraid if I'm seen as sexier, it'll be harder for me to have that.

22.) I'm afraid that I'll get used for sex. Again, Fat = Safety buffer

23.) I fear that getting down to my goal weight won't be enough to satisfy me once I get there, and that I may see myself as fat, even if I'm a healthy weight.

24.) I might not be as soft and cuddly if I were thin.

25.) I have certain trigger foods that I know I'll always have to avoid at any size, because at any size overeating is not healthy. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. These certain foods send me into a frenzy and it's so difficult for me to stop at one serving. Therefore, I will avoid them no matter how fit and trim I get. I'm afraid that if I turn these foods down, especially at family functions, I will have to feel guilty for hurting someone's feelings. A lot of people take it personally when you don't eat their food, even if it's horrific for you to do so.
 
25 reasons, revisted.

I was intending to do this anyway, but I have some time to chill before work this afternoon, so I thought I'd do it now. This is the opposite of the list I made yesterday. These are the reasons I want to lose weight. Yesterday was all about facing fears, today is about looking forward.

25 reasons why I want to lose weight:

1.) Because I love myself and I want to be around for a long time.

2.) I want to be more resistant to disease and have a stronger immune system.

3.) I want more physical endurance in my daily activities, and in other forms of exercise.

4.) I want to have less risk of getting diabetes or heart disease.

5.) I want to feel confident wearing shorts and tank tops in the summer time.

6.) I want to be muscle-y and ripped.

7.) I'll be more flexible to be able to try different positions in sex.

8.) I'll look smokin' hot in a swimsuit!

9.) I'll have less joint and back pain.

10.) I'll get noticed more by the opposite sex, leading to more opportunities for romance, which could be fun!

11.) Shopping can suck at any size, but being thinner will make it slightly easier to find clothes that fit.

12.) If I lose weight, Dario can take me on his 150 cc moped for longer distances, and we can take longer road trips!

13.) I'll take up less room.

14.) I want to have more energy.

15.) I want to wear flapper dresses.

16.) When I get down to my goal, I'll get a tattoo!

17.) I won't have any more "chafing."

18.) I'll be proud of myself.

19.) I'll have conquered one of the biggest challenges of my life!

20.) I'll get lots of positive comments and compliments from people.

21.) I will have switched to a lifestyle that promotes wellness and vitality as opposed to self destruction.

22.) I'll have more fun because I'll be able to be more active for longer periods of time.

23.) I'll hopefully learn to have a more positive relationship with food.

24.) I'll have more energy in the kitchen to impress people with my culinary prowess.

25.) I'll just feel better in general.
 
Hi Amy and good luck!

do prescribed exercises, which include several stretches and a minimum of 40 reps of an abdominal exercise he gave me which is back-friendly.
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I would love to know more about the exercises the chiropractor prescribed. I have a bad back history as well but since I have started weight training using compound exercises it is pretty much gone. I finally realized that I needed to stop babying my back and start kicking its butt. Not the cure for everyone I am sure but it has worked great for me.
 
In other news

So if you've looked at my ticker, I had to update it because I'd gained back 5 of the 26 lbs. I lost. I haven't owned a home scale in a long time. My old one crapped out on me and I haven't bought a new one since. I also haven't been able to afford going to the chiropractor lately, so no scale access for me. I'd buy a new one, but financially it's not a good time to be making a purchase like that, when I'm worried about paying the bills and being able to have food. My partner was out of work for almost 3 weeks due to a medical issue, and so I had to pick up the slack for awhile. It's good though, because he had the offending wisdom tooth out, and he's been back at work for a solid 2 weeks now, and we're catching up.

This paycheck I get on Friday is all about getting caught up with the bills and rent, and then the paycheck I get after that will finally yield a surplus. I'm going to use that money to get a new scale, and a new bathing suit. My old one is way big on me, which is good, but I've been wanting to swim for so long. At my weight, I can burn about 465 calories in an hour of just liesurely swimming. If I amp it up and swim laps, I can burn even more! I live in a college town with 2 major college gym facilities with pools.

I contemplated getting the very expensive membership, but knowing my ambivalence about gyms, I decided that I'll just put aside the money for 2 day passes per week, and go twice a week ($8.00 per week). That way if I'm unable to go, I haven't wasted my money. The only thing I'm interested in is swimming, anyway. For one, it's no impact - you feel weightless, yet you get that awesome resistance from the water. It burns tons of calories, and I like doing it. Anytime I've incorporated it in the past, it's helped a lot. It doesn't make me sore, either. Adding it in with the walking and built-in exercise from work should make me a calorie-burning powerhouse machine!

I'm still struggling with that late-night munching. I eat a good dinner, and I allow myself raw fruit and veggies (all negative-calorie) afterwards, but for some reason I always find myself spreading cheese on crackers or having a more substantial snack than I need. It's purely all about will-power and learning to let cravings pass. I just have to get to a place where I can say no to myself when I have that inner diologue about whether or not I should go to the kitchen and get a snack.

One thing a friend brought up that was interesting was the fact that maybe it's not food I'm craving - like maybe I'm just wanting to stimulate my senses and food is the default thing I've learned to go after. Maybe instead of heading for the kitchen, I should figure out some other way to stimulate my senses, like burning a little incense or listening to some music.

I've got to figure this shit out.
 
edco76 said:
Hi Amy and good luck!



I would love to know more about the exercises the chiropractor prescribed. I have a bad back history as well but since I have started weight training using compound exercises it is pretty much gone. I finally realized that I needed to stop babying my back and start kicking its butt. Not the cure for everyone I am sure but it has worked great for me.
Click to expand...

Everyone is different, for sure! I wasn't advised to "kick my back's butt" or anything of this nature, but I've done anything but baby it. It's definitely good to get physically active and do exercises that strengthen those muscles. Basically it's a series of stretches and ab exercises, and they've helped so much over the last year and a half that I've been doing them. I still get a little muscle pain, but never anything I can't manage. Thanks for the well-wishes! You're the first commenter on my diary! :) whoo hoo!
 
Sure! It's this brand new car! :auto:

haha!

So, I got a brand, spankin' new bathroom scale and I weighed myself this morning, and lo and behold, I am down to 163! This means I've lost, all told, 40 lbs! That's truly exciting to me. I'm a happy camper! :D
 
been ages

Well, it's been ages since I updated. It seems now that cold and flu season is officially here, it's time for me to be endlessly sick with something. I swear, it's monthly during this time of year. So far I have had 2 minor colds that went away rather quick, one really bad sinus infection, and now I have something else. It seemed like just a little head cold, but now feeling like we're getting into sinus infection territory again.

I usually try to have a very clean diet when I'm sick, but for some reason my appetite INCREASES when I'm sick, and I always eat too much (eyes bigger than stomach syndrome). And for some reason, I can stick to decent portions all day, but when it comes to after dinner, I just snack and snack. I know that's not so bad if the snacks you have are controlled, but I often find myself rationalizing things I shouldn't eat.

Why is it that I keep sabotaging myself at night? It's like, I know I shouldn't be eating more. What I usually eat is healthy, but it doesn't matter if it's healthy if you're eating too much. Calories are calories in the end, really. I mean, sure it's better to put higher quality calories into your body, but if you eat too many of them, regardless of how nutritional they are, your body stores them as fat.

I am sooo done with being fat, it's not even funny. But it's like for some reason my subconscious mind is still giving me reasons to justify sneaking in extra food I don't need.

So I'm thinking I need to write out a contract with myself or do some sort of symbolic pledge thing to keep myself in line. If I do some sort of ritual to solidify it, and perhaps even do it in front of family or friends (giving me witnesses) and even have someone in my family or a friend sign it as a witness might give me extra motivation to stick to it. If another person signs off on it, it would be extra bad to cheat, right?

Argh, it's frustrating and hard, but it's still worth doing.

My health is actually better, despite still having virtually no resistance to colds. I've always had trouble fighting off colds, thin or fat, so that has little to do with it. It has more to do with chronic allergy problems than anything. And yes, I've had my tonsils out so it's not that.

I love to exercise. I've been putting my body to the test and pushing myself harder lately. I never before imagined myself doing push-ups or having the desire to purchase a pull-up bar, but I've been using my own body as resistance and my arms are starting to show a lot more muscle definition. It's really cool to be much stronger than I used to be. I also have set the goal of being able to successfully run a 5k race by this Spring. I would also like to run a half marathon in 2 years, then a real marathon after that.

I have never been this physically fit, and I can't wait to continue building on it. I still get exercise when I'm sick unless it's a lung infection (but it rarely is with me). If your sickness is all up in the sinuses, it's okay to still exercise, they just caution to take it down a notch. If it's in the lungs or you have a fever, they say that's when it's time to remain horizontal and limit your activity. I almost feel like doing a little exercise when I have a head cold makes me feel better, so long as I also allow plenty of rest.

Anyway, here are my current personal goals:

-Stop the night munching after dinner.

I'm wondering if allowing myself a "dessert" each night (nothing junky, but maybe a piece of cinnamon toast or some flavored yogurt might be okay) to "end the meal" with might help me. No, nothing too decadent so I'm not confusing it with my cheat dessert of the week, which I'm allowed on Sundays when I go out to dinner with my folks.

-Adhere to a schedule.

I made a livable schedule for myself about a month ago, and I stuck to it a grand total of 2 weeks before I slacked off on it. This really sucks, because it was working for me! I got in this bad habit of staying up till 2 in the morning and waking up when my partner gets ready for work at 7 am, then staying up till 9 farting around online, then going back to sleep till noon (I work late afternoons/evenings). I need to set a bedtime of midnight/12:30 so I can get up at 9 or so, and have time to exercise and do housework before work.

-Adhere to my food plan

I also made a very sane and livable food plan for myself that I haven't been really watching. I mean, I'm good about it all day, but it all goes back to that night time munching. I can tell myself that night time is a bad time to eat a lot till I'm blue in the face, but for some reason that's when I want to munch. I've got to get out of that habit!

SO, in conclusion, I've hit a plateau and I need to do something about it. My biggest challenges seem to be maintaining structure in my routine and eating too much at night.

I think I am going to draft a contract to myself and have a friend sign it as a witness to "make it official." That way since there is another person's name on it, it makes me feel guilty to cheat...hehe
 
weekly check-in

Here I am! I pledged that I would come by once a week and check in, so here it is!

I haven't seen any movement on the scales, but I haven't gained which I consider good in light of a few weeks of inactivity due to this awful sinus infection (which I've had going on 2 months now). It finally feels like it's getting better, though. I'm on antibiotics right now, and I've been prescribed an allergy nasal spray which will hopefully help prevent them, along with using my neti pot. I am one who thinks that traditional, holistic medicine is great, but that modern medicine can be used in conjunction with it to yield great results. While I feel that modern medicine often relies too heavily on treating just symptoms and not the whole problem, I haven't always had great results when using holistic medicine exclusively. So, I've come to find that combining the treatments always yields the best healing results for me. So, each day I'm doing a neti pot flush AND taking my Flonase. I'll also keep my diet clean and use some nutritional supplements to help keep my immune system strong.

Anywho, I had my first real workout yesterday in a few weeks. I've gotten exercise since before then as I work a physical job, and having no health insurance or other benefits has forced me to work through this sinus infection despite the fact that there were days that I should have stayed home. So I still got physical exercise in, but it wasn't separate from work. So yesterday was my first real workout outside of work, and it felt pretty good :) I'm not completely over the sinus infection, but I'm feeling way better and up for exercise again, which is fabulous.

I must admit that there have been a few days when I wasn't on program with my diet, so I need to get back on that, starting today. Yep, instead of saying, "starting tomorrow, I'm going to bla bla bla," it's starting right now. I can't afford to put it off, man. Gotta do what I've gotta do! :party:

If you haven't already taken advantage of early voting, don't forget to vote tomorrow! :)
 
Well, I hope everyone had a great Holiday season, and a great new year as well! New Year's day also happens to be my birthday, so I also turned 26 this year. It's something to remind me that my 20's won't last forever :)

So, I haven't updated weekly or even visited this site weekly like I said I would. I managed not to do any damage over Feastmas, but I also didn't LOSE weight, either. I know for a fact that for at least 7 days of the whole holiday season, I ate like a pig. I willingly did this of my own accord, but I learned something from it.

I have two modes when it comes to eating: in control, and out of control. When I have a planned cheat but I ate well otherwise for the day (staying on program, etc.) I should enjoy that treat, because I'm eating it while I'm in the "in control" mode. But when I'm feeling binge-y, when I'm in that "out of control" mode, that is when I need to stop. 1.) I need to stop because I only want to cheat if I can truly enjoy it. If I'm just mindlessly eating to fill the void or because I'm bored or whatever trigger there is, I'm not enjoying it. If I'm having a good day and I happen to have a planned treat for that day, then I can be truly present to enjoying that treat and give it my full attention. Luckily I'm not as "all or nothing" as I used to be. Any time I stop myself from going on a full-blown binge, I have something to be proud about, even if I binged a little, the fact that I catch myself doing it and end the binge is something to be happy about. I used to be like, "well, I'm already binge eating so the hell with it, pass the pie!"

Also, when I binge, I feel like shit, physically, emotionally, and mentally. So why would I keep doing the same thing and expect different results? Honestly!

I have a hard time with both food and family around the holidays. It's always such a mixture of highs and lows. I'm just glad I didn't do as much damage to myself as I did in years past. I'm proud that I didn't gain. But now that the Feastmas is over, it's time to really get my butt in gear!

My parents were awesome and gave me a gym membership at my favorite gym for Christmas. I have been going to that gym intermittently and paying as I go, but mostly working out at home since I be poor. BUT, now I can go whenever I want (as soon as they re-open this weekend. It's a campus gym at the university at my town and they closed for the season for maintainence, etc.). I am going to shoot for a minimum of 3 times a week going there before work, but will try each Saturday to make it 4. Why go for the bare minimum, right?

Day to day, when left to my own devices I usually eat really well. It's just when things are out of my control that I go crazy. Like family holiday functions where all the junk food is just sitting out. And I'm totally addicted to sugar. I've contemplated giving it up completely (refined sugar treats, anyway) and the idea doesn't sound unappealing. I did that for awhile last year and it was okay. I am sweeted out, anyway. The thought of eating sweets right now makes me sick to my stomach, because there were a few times this holiday season that I literally was sick to my stomach because of the junk.

Well, I hope everyone had a good holiday season! I'm going to go wash my dishes from last night and prepare lunch for work today, then it's off to therapy. Oh, I'm seeing a therapist now. It's interesting, but helpful. Just helps me put some of my challenges into perspective.
 
Hey, I just wanted to say hello to the forum members and say that I've been 100% on my program all week, and I feel awesome! :party:

When I think of the rich food from the holidays, I get a little sick to my stomach. It's amazing how my body has grown to reject certain things. Although honestly I think it rejected those things before, but I just was better at ignoring the negative side effects then, because I felt like crap ALL the time when I was as fat as I used to be.

For my own records, and for your viewing if you wish, here is the link to my progress pic thread:

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/before-after-between/24006-amy-s-before-middle-stay-tuned-afters.html
 
I'm at the beginning of my journey, but I believe sugar is my biggest problem too. I think I am a sugar addict. Soooo...as part of my getting healthy/weightloss...I am avoiding sugar. My biggest problem "food" was sugared soft-drinks. I HATE diet drinks, and in the past have "rewarded" myself with a REAL soft drink after a day of drinking diet drinks. Guess what, that one became two and three...until I am drinking sugared ones all the time.

I have recently read that diet drinks, while they don't have calories, increase your hunger. I have decided to give them up completely. I am on day 6 now without them (or anything with caffeine) - after a few rough days of headaches, sleepiness...it is getting better.

The other thing I am doing - no sweets and no snacking. I don't mean no formal snacking (an ounce of almonds)...just that walking into the kitchen 10 times a night and grabbing a handful of SOMETHING.

Keep it up.
 
Thanks jmace! I send you encouragement as well! You can do it. Good for you kicking the soda habit! I have luckily never been a big soda drinker, but definitely totally addicted to sweets. It's like when I have one bite I just can't stop! So I relate right now. And the unplanned snacking and grazing has been a problem of mine in the past, too. It's so hard to break habits, but so worth it! It just takes time and persistence, and self discipline.

As far as the rewards thing, it's best to change the reward for a good day or a job well done from food to something else. Like instead of a soda for sticking with the diet all day, take a bubble bath using your favorite bath soap, go to the spa, or get a massage, something like that. Those rewards are way more gratifying than food anyhow. Good luck on your journey! You can do it! If I can do it, anyone can!

Although I will admit I have had many "breaks" I have luckily never gained back too much and have lost 48 lbs in 2 years. I'm hoping within 6 months I can lose the rest of the weight (35 lbs).

Take care, and peace!

Amy
 
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