Alligatorob's Diary

[Llama]

At least my doctor got that one right, can't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk.

Clear instructions, I like that. And I´m glad you had a piece of cake, even if it was a tiny one.

 

[alligatorob]

A real bad day, my first binge in almost 2 years. I ate lots of jelly beans and m&ms, nothing good about it...

 

[Err2]

Sorry to hear Rob! Was there anything that triggered it? Tomorrow is another day...

 

[Llama]

I'm sorry to hear that my friend. It's harder once the seal is broken but you can do this.

 

[overlandflyer]

i'm kinda curious, re: the binge... why that choice? where did they come from... were they in the house? i believe i could binge on chips (crisps to the continentals), but i don't think i could eat a lot of chocolate or sugar (the beans). i would get upset long before i could reach a binge level of input.

is there a chance you could talk about the 6-8 hours following?
hopefully you're not finding today to be a tough one... good luck with that.

 

[alligatorob]

Food was back on track today, still not feeling up to much exercise, but feeling better.

Was there anything that triggered it? Tomorrow is another day...

Thanks Err, and today was that "another day" got no idea what triggered it. I was feeling a bit low about my slow physical recovery, but that doesn't seem like enough to trigger a binge. However I have always said I am never more than 5 minutes away from a binge, guess yesterday proved it....

It's harder once the seal is broken but you can do this.

Maybe, but I also kind of feel like I finally did it and am past it now. I fantasized about bingeing for a long time, maybe that will get better. Who knows, but today was not so bad.

i'm kinda curious, re: the binge... why that choice? where did they come from... were they in the house? i believe i could binge on chips (crisps to the continentals), but i don't think i could eat a lot of chocolate or sugar (the beans). i would get upset long before i could reach a binge level of input.

No good reason, the jar with the jelly bean/m&m mix was the closest thing to my hand at the time. That's about all I can say, a big tub of chips and the like was not more than 10 feet further, never got that far... I can eat a lot of anything without getting upset, physically anyway, so that didn't much matter. If I had thought it out I would have preferred a big cheeseburger and fries, or lots of bbq, or maybe pizza. But then if I had taken the time to think it out it probably would not have happened...

is there a chance you could talk about the 6-8 hours following?
hopefully you're not finding today to be a tough one...

Sure, I went right to bed and slept fine, about 7 1/2 hours. Today I felt a combination of guilt and relief at having it over with. Today was not a particularly tough day.

 

[Llama]

Maybe, but I also kind of feel like I finally did it and am past it now. I fantasized about bingeing for a long time, maybe that will get better. Who knows, but today was not so bad.

I'm glad to hear it. If it takes another 2 years until you binge again it's not going to make you gain weight

 

[overlandflyer]

.... If it takes another 2 years until you binge again it's not going to make you gain weight

that's probably the good news... i doubt if a single occurrence of a bad/ very bad day is going to make a dent in the long term. in itself, that is sometimes the worst result. if you start thinking, "well, one day didn't do anything ... so what harm would another day do."

 

[alligatorob]

Not a bad day, still feeling a bit weak for exercise but slowly better. Eating was good.

I'm glad to hear it. If it takes another 2 years until you binge again it's not going to make you gain weight

LOL! Yeah, if I could hold it to that I would be fine. But I know once done it can get easier. So my goal, is what it always has been, no binge today.

"well, one day didn't do anything ... so what harm would another day do."

Exactly! I have already started thinking about what to eat in my next binge, trying to put such thinking out of my mind...

 

[Llama]

I have already started thinking about what to eat in my next binge, trying to put such thinking out of my mind...

If the things you'd like to have sound appealing in sensible quantities as well you might have them in your normal diet to take the edge off. Unless you know that would make not binging even harder, of course.

 

[alligatorob]

Another not terrible, but not great day. Stayed on track with calories, but still not exercising.

If the things you'd like to have sound appealing in sensible quantities as well you might have them in your normal diet to take the edge off. Unless you know that would make not binging even harder, of course.

I may try that, eating a cheeseburger, or half a one that fits into my daily calorie count couldn't hurt. I don't think it would make not bingeing harder, but who knows... Have to try it and find out. I do think I can feel the effect of my binge a little, tonight the jar of jelly beans and m&ms is still there and I can feel it calling my name in a new way. I am sure I will resist tonight, but the feeling is there.

 

[Llama]

I do think I can feel the effect of my binge a little, tonight the jar of jelly beans and m&ms is still there and I can feel it calling my name in a new way. I am sure I will resist tonight, but the feeling is there.

It was like that for me after being off added sugar for a while. We´ll see how it goes in the long run. Some equilibria need to be renegotiated constantly.

 

[Cate]

I know I do better if I have 3 solid meals & steer clear of processed sugar. Once you give yourself "permission" to have the sweet stuff your brain seems to demand it. Fruit is so much safer for me. I have two small packets of jelly beans in my pantry that I bought for when the GK's were sick. I know if I opened them they would be too tempting so they remain in their unopened packets & they don't talk to me at all.

 

[alligatorob]

Nothing new today, no exercise but stayed under 2,000 calories. I am going to try and do some yardwork tomorrow, some exercise if I can.

It was like that for me after being off added sugar for a while. We´ll see how it goes in the long run. Some equilibria need to be renegotiated constantly.

Yeah, my equilibria seem a bit out of wack these days...

Once you give yourself "permission" to have the sweet stuff your brain seems to demand it.

Yes, and I have that problem with most any food, not just sweets... But sweets are the most problematic.

 

[Llama]

Not giving yourself permission to eat ANY food might be problematic...

 

[alligatorob]

Well, I did manage to get out and do some much needed yardwork today, 4 or 5 hours worth. I planted a cherry tree, mowed the lawn, cut some small trees and did some general cleanup. Just showed how far behind I am... Its been 3 weeks now and I think I am more tired and weaker than I should be, the area of the surgery still hurts a little. Nothing real bad, more worrisome than anything. I understand this happens with all the mesh emplacement, but it is still troubling. If I don't feel better soon I may go back to the doctor, even if he just tells me its normal at least it will give me some peace of mind. I stayed within my calorie limit and did not eat too badly, but it still feels like I am eating too much...

Not giving yourself permission to eat ANY food might be problematic...

LOL, yes it would be. My problem is that I just don't know how to eat right and feel good about it. I guess I know intellectually, but after so many years of overeating adapting to something new is hard... I find myself still seeking out the lowest calorie things I can find and eating a lot of them. And after almost 2 years I have gotten pretty good at it...

 

[Llama]

Doing a lot, even if you're not technically lifting too heavily, can still irritate fresh scars. If you're worried paying for an extra appointment can sometimes be worth it just for the peace of mind.

 

[Cate]

4 or 5 hours of yard work would tire out most people, Rob, let alone someone who recently had a major operation. As LaMa said it doesn't hurt to ask your doctor though for peace of mind.

 

[alligatorob]

Today I did less yardwork, 2 or 3 hours, not nearly what was needed, but I did it. I was pretty exhausted when done, doesn't seem like I ought to feel like this... Food was on track so the day was good.

Doing a lot, even if you're not technically lifting too heavily, can still irritate fresh scars.

I guess that is it, I sure can feel the scars, or something. Its not so much the pain that worries we as feeling so exhausted... doesn't seem right.

4 or 5 hours of yard work would tire out most people, Rob, let alone someone who recently had a major operation. As LaMa said it doesn't hurt to ask your doctor though for peace of mind.

If it doesn't get better soon I will.

 

[Cate]

To me, it seems normal, Rob. It really does. It was a major op.