Alkaid's Diary

Alkaid

Alkaid

New member
So by May last year I'd lost nearly 40lbs and I've put it all back on because I fell back into emotional eating.

I was doing so well and I could even run up to 40 minutes non-stop, and it was amazing considering that when I first started, I could barely run for a minute without feeling like I was going to die. The other week I attempted running again and could barely make 15 minutes, which was a real kick in the pants. And speaking of pants, I had to go back to wearing my old, larger clothes - that wasn't a very nice feeling!

I really miss how well I felt. I miss how happy I'd feel after each run, and while I still had a long way to go, I actually could stand to look at myself.

Anyway, I'm sorry if that sounds depressing!

Like last time I'll be sticking to a 1420 calorie limit and I aim to go running regularly again. I also aim to write here about how I'm feeling and how it's going, but I'll be tracking my food intake using a calorie counting app, so I won't be including a food diary here.

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Current Weight: 212.6lbs
Goal Weight: 141lbs

 
Hello Alkaid and welcome to the forum! Sounds like you have a solid plan in place, I´ll be looking forward to seeing your progress.
Best of luck, LaMa
 
Hi Alkaid & welcome to the forum. Don't apologise for saying how you feel. This is your diary. It is good for you to be able to have a safe place to say what you feel. Everyone's different with what they put in their diaries. I don't put a food log either. If I am counting calories (I do it every now & then) I use a phone app as well. Most of us are emotional eaters. We know it doesn't solve anything, & exacerbates our problems, but we still do it. I used to come into the forum lots when I first started losing weight. Finding a distraction is the key. A friend of mine used to clean her teeth a lot.
I'm glad you found the forum. You will get that good feeling again & you will also get lots of support. Cheers, Cate
 
Thank you, guys! I appreciate your kind words and warm welcome.

I ended up going over my calorie goal today, but thankfully I managed not to waste any more money on junk food. I got into an awful habit of leaving work and buying junk on the way home. Just thinking of how much money I've wasted on it is cringe-worthy. So that's a small victory at least. I feel a lot better having not stuffed my face with chocolate and crisps.

Weather permitting, I'm hoping to get out for my first run in ages tomorrow!
 
If it makes you feel any better, I've never been able to run for 40 minutes straight. My personal best is 22 minutes and that was when I was in the best cardio-shape of my life. Right now? I could probably go for about five minutes before I felt like throwing myself onto the floor in defeat. Also, I'd cry. LOTS of crying, probably.

Anyway, this is a good place to get support. It's always good to check out other people's journals to get some insight (and to gain some friends).

Good luck!!!
 
^Thank you! And hey, 22 minutes is good going. I'm sure you could get there again if you wanted to. I've been reading other journals but I keep wimping out of commenting on them, haha.

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I did it! I went out for my first run in a long time today and I managed to go for 28 minutes, albeit with a 30 second break in between. It was hard to keep going at first because my mind was flitting between "Ah, my legs hurt!" to "Damn, I really need to pee!", But I managed to keep going and I'm so glad I did it, even if I did end up getting caught in three heavy hail stone showers on the way home. At least the third one gradually turned into snow!
 
Great work beating both your own mind and the elements! And feel free to comment in strangers´ diaries, pretty much everyone appreciates a kind word :)
 
Alkaid said:
^Thank you! And hey, 22 minutes is good going. I'm sure you could get there again if you wanted to. I've been reading other journals but I keep wimping out of commenting on them, haha.
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You shouldn't wimp out. Most everybody here really likes whenever people comment in their journals, whether the comment is super smart and helpful or just dumb and funny. Every message people read in their journal is a form of encouragement and, in a weird way, it helps forms bonds between two people who are going through a similar struggle. So, don't wimp out - say whatever you want.

Alkaid said:
I did it! I went out for my first run in a long time today and I managed to go for 28 minutes, albeit with a 30 second break in between. It was hard to keep going at first because my mind was flitting between "Ah, my legs hurt!" to "Damn, I really need to pee!", But I managed to keep going and I'm so glad I did it, even if I did end up getting caught in three heavy hail stone showers on the way home. At least the third one gradually turned into snow!
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Yeah!!! Good job!!!

HAHAHAHA, I sooooo know the feeling of having to pee and wanting to stop while running. Random story...

I was the local gym one time running on the treadmill and I started to get the urge to pee. Now, I had went to the bathroom like 10 minutes earlier (because I ALWAYS go to the bathroom before I work out), but I still started getting the urge. So, I tried to ignore it. A few minutes later, it got worse. I kept trying to ignore it. A few minutes later it got even worse. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I didn't get it though - I mean, I had JUST went pee. But, I had to go again. So, I hopped off the treadmill and went to the bathroom. I headed over to the urinal and got ready to pee, BUT...nothing. I didn't have to pee. So, I'm standing there like "What the hell?" Then, I felt a big bubble burst in my stomach and I immediately let out a HUUUUUGE fart. And, IMMEDIATELY my urge to pee went away. It must've just been pressure pushing against my bladder while I was running that made me feel like I had to pee. I couldn't help but laugh. So, I just got my ass back on the treadmill and tried not to laugh for the rest of my run.
 
Hi alkaid. Re: the wimping out on typing in diaries. If you have something you would like to say, just say it. I try not to be negative even when I read something that makes me want to yell. I think we all need some encouragement & personally, I love the interaction in this section of the forum. When someone types in my diary it feels like they have popped in to visit me& has often cheered me up on a down day. We all have them.
Well done on the run!
 
Thank you for the encouragement, guys! I'll make sure to leave some comments!

@ChefChiTown Haha! Oh man, I would have been mortified if that was me, especially if someone else was using the toilets. Thank you for the laugh!

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Ugh, I can't believe it. I overindulged again today. I feel so low sometimes I just want to eat everything in the universe. I'm going to have to get my head back into it tomorrow, though, because I'm aiming to lose 8lbs or more during February (as per Dr Sweet Tooth's challenge).
I wasn't going to mention anything, but I guess it'll be okay to, but I'll be starting CBT sessions for my depression and anxiety towards the end of February. I'm really hoping that it will help improve my mood and then I won't keep overeating. And maybe I'll find the motivation to exercise more than once a week. >.>

Speaking of exercise, the past few times I went to the gym and then yesterday when I went for a run, I got a massive headache afterwards. The kind of headache where it even hurts to move your head. This never used to happen when I first started running/exercising regularly.
 
I think CBT is an excellent idea. I got some counselling for the first time in my life when I started losing lots of weight, but still had the same insecurities/hangups about myself. It helped a lot. I had been bottling things up for a long time.
Most of us have tried eating our problems away.
Well done on getting around to the diaries. It does make a difference to know we are not in this alone.
Your headache may be caused from dehydration. Try drinking more water & see how you go. Cheers, Cate.
 
Cate pretty much summed up everything I wanted to say, so I´ll just leave a "hang in there, it´ll get easier".
 
It will get easier & you will feel stronger as you go. Everyone has a bad day. Hope you're feeling a little bit better alkaid xo
 
Hello Alkaid,

I too agree with Cate, it's okay to have bad days, you are only human after all. The most important is that you are not giving up and that you are doing things to help yourself physically and emotionally. I hope you'll feel better soon.
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