alexia's diary

Its been an interesting few days. I have been eating pretty well. But everythings ok in moderation right? :eek:

I went out shopping for a swim suit on tuesday. that sucked. First of all its the end of swimming season so the selection was pretty scarce, secondly I have not put on a swim suit for many years (not kidding) and i forgot what i really look like in one (plus i've gained weight since then). I dont think i am ready for swim suits yet, but i need one for my trip and jenny and i were going to start going to water aerobics at the club on sundays... ugh. everytime i see myself in a swimming suit i dont know how i ever felt good about the way i look. It was just a very frustrating experiance.

Today i went shopping. I tried to get more veggies and fruits but they didnt have very good produce (it was rather picked through). I did get lots of chicken and fish stuff. And only minimal junk. I think I did ok. although I never know how much lunch meat to tell the deli lady I need and they always stare at me... like i know if i eat a pound of lunch meat! I have no idea.

I am addicted to fitday.com. All i think about are how many calories are in this or that or blah blah blah... you get the picture. sometimes I feel like it helps me rationalize eating more though. and i still feel guilty and fat whenever i eat in front of the people at work.



a side note: a regualr size popeye's chicken meal w/out the soda has 6200 calories!!! I am glad i have only ever eaten there once (its not very good)
 
209

I am so tired. I worked out last night, but i only did the elliptical and walked a few laps i didnt do any resistance training, and today i am just blah. I have to open at 6 tomarrow. :(

I went over to my dad's tonight though and we planned more for our trip. That was neat, we are going to go abseiling! It sounds interesting. I really wanted to bungee jump but that is 6hrs away from where we are going to be and my father does not want to do that... but we are going to go kayaking with the crocs and hippos!

I just cant seem to get past 209. i hate it. jenny is still loosing weight and she hasnt even modified her diet really and works out less. and i am stuck at 209. damn damn damn. (sorry)
 
Alexia,

It's always a very good sign to actually like the gym you go to. It's always great to actually want to go to the gym, yea for you!

A little tip though, when working out try not to concentrate on the tv screen and focus on the workout. Listening to music is fine but tv's and magazines are a no no in my book.

I wish you the very best of luck! Sounds like you're well on your way.
 
Hey Alexia,

Just wanted to see how you were doing, seems to be on your way. and about the standstill in your weight, that might be from you building up muscles... I hope you see some loss soon, but don't get discouraged, you are doing just fine!
PS: I think your trip sounds very interesting and nice, I wish I could do something like that soon:)
 
alexia said:
AAAAAAHHHHH


life :(
Click to expand...

Hope things get better soon! I noticed that you'd mentioned that you're hungry a lot and you're not losing weight. You might be taking you calories too low. If your body gets to a point where it thinks it's starving then it tries to hold onto all your weight. How many cals are you taking in daily?
 
Thanks, I hope so too.

Too many cals, more as of late. I am usually not below 1500 cals. I was over 2000 yesterday though...

I am frustrated with everything. None of this will have to do with weight loss really so feel free to ignore the rest of this post, but i feel the need to vent now.
1. School starts next week. This is the 3rd school i've tried. I am scared that i will mess this up just like the last two. I have not filled out my mps so i do not think i am getting any aid. I haven't even started classes yet and i already want to give up. I know that i am smarter than the job i am at now, why does it seem like i need college to go anywhere in this world? I am too embarassed that i dont have a degree to apply somewhere better. I do well on tests but i never do homework. I need to change that. I need to change the way i function.
2. Joel. *sigh* two years of wonderful... now he is pulling away and dosent seem to care. I have never felt the way i do about this ever... it cant be put into words, but it is the worst.
3. Friends. Where are they going? I feel like everyone is moving on with life and leaving me behind. I used to have so many good friends.
4. My apartment is a disaster. I moved in over a month ago and still havent unpacked, my roomate has started to make comments. I know i need to do it but i just cant seem to. our utility bill was $190
5. My car. broken, no ac, bad steering something or other. no money. MOney in general. I need more, I need a part time job. I do not have the time.
6. Me. The way i look. I cannot seem to control it. I feel guilty everytime i eat. Even if i am eating the right things.

I don't know what to do. I am overwelmed with the idea of changing everything, but everything needs to be changed.

Sorry.
 
Wow, you sound like me about three years ago. LOL

All I can say is, it looks right now that you feel like everything is going wrong at once and every thing on your list to too big for you too manage right now, right? Yeah, I've been there.

The only advice I can give you is to make your problems smaller and to fix the things you're able to fix right now. For instance, do some of the small things right now.

Talk to someone about the financial aid and find out what you need to fill out. (not such a big chore) Pick one area or one box to unpack every night. (also not a big chore) When you start school. Focus on just one class at a time instead of thinking of what you have to do with all of them. The hardest with be sitting down somewhere quietly with your man and asking him if he realizes the way he's acting is impacting how you feel. He might be reacting to you and not realize it. (men, aren't normally very astute.)

As far as your weight loss, may I ask how tall you are and your age? (for the BMR calculator)
 
Thanks for the advice. And thanks of listening. Its just getting everything started that is the hardest part. I am 21 and 5'8" ish (haven't been measured in awhile)
 
Yeah, I can understand that. Maybe try to make it a goal to do just one thing on the list. Maybe then it won't seem so bad.

I did some checking and in order to maintain your weight with light exercise (30 minutes cardio 2-3 x/wk) you would need to consume about 2300 calories. If you intake less than 500-600 calories below that, your body might go into starvation mode. You said that you're trying to keep your calories around 1500. That's already a 800 cal deficit. How much exercise do you do a week? If you exercise 4-6 times per week you're maintanance cals go up to about 2650. Which if you're consuming only 1500 cals that's a 1000 cal deficit.
 
Thanks Manaloa, I managed to get a little done yesterday. I organized my books (a process) and did some cleaning so at least i am not in the doing nothing stage anymore (i hope).

I went to the gym yesterday... lost 3lbs... yay. 2 days in a row at 206!! Makes me feel a little better.

I ate 4 bread sticks from fizolis today and fit day told me it was like 700 cals... eek. at least the rest of my day i ate pretty well so it didnt push me over.

going to work out with jen tonight... :)
 
I find it interesting that chocolate covered coffee beans are not all that bad for me calorie wise... and they seem to help with the chocolate cravings :p
 
Maybe that's because they're so small...i tried those recently and I thought they were pretty good. I'm also a coffee fanatic, so maybe I should get some of those when I'm having a chocolate craving.

Enjoy the workout!
 
I am glad someone else like them, my manager gagged (literally) when she saw me eating them.

I had a very good workout last night. Cardio only though my body was still pretty tired from weight training the night before. I felt really good when I was done on the elliptical, it was nice, makes me feel like I am actually getting into shape! I should go workout today before everyone else gets off work but its raining and my car isn't in the hottest shape.

Decent job on the food thing today, but the day is only half over... and it is friday night... :eek:
 
Ahhh...darts and beer...it's been a long time since I've done that...I do have a dartboard for my basement that I have to put up. Hopefully I can play without drinking too much beer!

Have a great time!

One hundred and eightaay!!!!
 
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