Advice before it is too late

[tomanderson]

Hi

I'm hoping to get some advice from someone here who has some experience and can provide some information that could change one or two of my family members lives...possibly save it!

My mother-in-law met her husband about 3 years ago. She was initially in charge of his daily care as the guy has been blind all his life. He is totally dependent on her now because before they met he had been totally dependent on his own family all of his life.

When i first met him he was a about 30-35 pounds over weight. As time has gone on he has put on more and more weight and he is now massive at around 260 pounds. I'm a pretty fit guy. I'm 32 and weigh about 180 pounds which is about 5 or 6 pounds heavier than i was when i was 22. I exercise often and go to the gym so I'm pretty good at guessing peoples weight and offering advice.

The thing is neither my mother-in-law or her husband listen to anything that I or any one else in the family says to them. Everyone else is worried about their life style and over the last 6 months or so he has started wheezing and sleeps for about 15 hours a day. Neither of them do any exercise or are employed and their weight and life style is going right down the tubes.

There have been efforts to make him go to a slimming class but I don think that he could it and that they should seek specialist advice as I believe he has gone too far down the wrong road. They have to change their entire life style and rethink their attitude in life before they can take up a slimming class. Their whole diet consists of red meat for lunch and dinner on a daily basis, chocolate cake, crisps, pies, trifles and fizzy drinks. They have even taken to buying it in bulk and keeping it in a store so that they don't have to make as many regular shopping trips! When I walk into the house there is a bundle of empty chocolate ice cream containers and chocolate bar wrappers littering the area. Whenever I say something they don't seem to care. My mother-in-law took up slimming classes a few times before and went for about 2-3 months sporadically and then stopped because she was "too busy".

They also seem to think that simply stopping eating as many bags of crisps and chocolate will make him lose weight and get him back to health; they both avoid exercise at all costs and taxi and drive everywhere...even 1 street away!!! When I explain that their situation is dire and dangerous, I just get ignored and it normally leads to arguement.

Advice anyone please?

 

[Jericho]

Instead of talking of how dire things are, maybe coming up with healthy and tasty meals they could try? It sounds like small changes over time is what they need. I can definately say how bad it is to try and make a drastic change (even if that change is needed). People tend not to be that strong willed. Take a long term view on how to get them to change. Small steps = big changes.

 

[tomanderson]

Thanks for the advice, but I'm not really looking for people to tell me what I am doing wrong. I say things are getting dire because things are getting dire.

I've tried many times to try and offer advice and to try and influence changes in their life. I am aware that small changes can equal big changes but as I explained they don't seem willing to listen. I showed them how to use the tread mill that they bought and how to begin with simple walking exercises. That lasted about a week until an excuse was made for not doing it. Seemingly it is too hard to program even although I had it set so that all you had to do was press start and stop and walk on it at a set speed. I have even offered that he comes and stays with us for a month in order to get him into a good eating and exercise routine. I like to cook also and any effort that I have made to put specially made roast vegetables onto his plate are met with "yucks" and screwed up faces. It's either steak, a burger or a pie followed by some type of chocolate dessert.

This is why I am hoping that maybe someone can offer an alternative method to helping the situation.

 

[Jericho]

Here is the problem. You can't make them change. I'm not saying what you are doing wrong, I'm saying that if they are not ready, nothing you do will help. If anything, it could be hurting the situation. I know before I was ready, people making suggesting and comments to me made me feel bad about myself. Those bad feelings often led me to food for comfort.

I don't know how aggressively you are pushing them. I know you mean the best and are really trying to help. There is a large mental factor to why many are overweight. You, by your words, have never really been there. If the mind isn't there, nothing you say will help. I'm sorry, that is how I see it.

EDIT: I wanted to add on this cause I don't want you thinking I'm saying you shouldn't try.