Adrian!!!

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I've been going nuts lately w/ coffee, drinks, cigarettes, pizza, sweets, you name it. I blame PMS! (sorry guys). I know I read somewhere that taking care of yourself during this time makes you feel better, and I believe it, it's just that chocolate ice cream sounds so refreshing at the moment... I really am an "instant gratification" type of person. But I'm looking forward to joining challenges so that I can get excited about small successes instead of getting excited about having an appletini. Not that that's bad once in awhile! It just isn't getting me where I want to be.

I want to lose 10 pounds and keep it off for 3 months. This requires that I eat right, excersize regularly, and most importantly, develop good habits. I have reached my goal weight before, but I never stay there for long. I am a yo-yo dieter. As soon as I hit my goal, I relax and have a little too much fun, hoping it won't affect me. I don't have a lot of weight to lose, but I do feel like each year I get a little more out of shape, and I am letting myself slide. If I don't change my attitude and habits now, it will only be harder later.

My ultimate goal is to like my body- I never have. I have a beach getaway vacation in February- I would like to have a flat stomach by then. I know I can do it with stomach exercises and the right diet. If I make it, I will post a picture of my abs for inspiration!!

I love this diary idea because it will keep me honest and I will see why my diet is or isn't successful. I need to work, and I hate having to work for something. But it will be worth it in the end!


Day 1- 09Jul09. My goal for the next 3 weeks is to give up the caffeine. I am a junky! It feels so much better to drink water w/ lemon in it. Coffee only makes me nervous and then tired, and I lose my motivation. Then I can't sleep at night. I figure, 3 weeks is about enough to make something into a habit. I will then look for another habit to break, or two, while keeping caffeine down to "moderation" levels.

I think I've eaten ~1700 calories. I plan to burn ~500 (I'll come back and edit if that doesn't end up being true). Drank water, skipped coffee, ate a nice salad for dinner. Will do stomach exercises before bed.

 

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Day 2- I burned off 400 calories on the elliptical, and I think I ate about 1700 calories, but on top of that I had quite a few drinks when I was out for a friend's birthday. 2 cap'n diets, 3 greyhounds (with grapefruit juice), and a small beer. Lots of calories! Maybe it amounted to 2200 calories at the end of the night? The party was boring, but that is a bad excuse. Driving home wasn't a great idea, though it wasn't far. I'm still avoiding coffee and drinking plenty of water. I didn't work my abs today but they are sore from yesterday so that is good.

Day 3- I have a hangover. I am still going to eat right today and exercise, and drink lots of water. I did not work on my stomach But anyway, the next time I go out with that group, I will alternate drinks with just water, because I don't want to be "the drunk chick" that drove herself home and it actually is more fun being mostly sober. By the way I think I ate ~1750 calories and I burned off 550 on my elliptical.

Day 4- I rode my bike w/ a friend for an hour. I estimate I ate 1500 calories. I'm still kicking the caffeine- going well! Drinking tons of water. going to work the stomach today. I went to a party and there was a potluck full of great desserts. I didn't eat any- just had meringue cookies on the way home. Feeling good about myself.

 

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13Jul09, Monday

I cried today about Joe. I have trouble pulling myself out of it. I need to be my own best friend if I can't find a friend that can replace him. But anyway, I wanted to not work out because I wanted to pamper myself and look up relationship advice. Instead, I had a very good workout! I ate well, maybe 1700 calories, and burned 500 calories on the elliptical. I even did stomach exercises.

14Jul09
I was excited to see that the scale had actually budged. This is the first time since I've started my diet that it's moved. Had I not worked out, it might not have; I wanted to eat some comfort food. Instead last night I had egg yolk cookies, which are excellent. I think I had about 1500 calories, but I fell asleep early and didn't work out.

15Jul09
Today, I was naughty. Cried a lot about Joe. Had cried yesterday about him to psychologist. I woke up and the scale had budged more! I was very hungry and it was only 3 am. I ate a very good filling calorie rich breakfast, but then had coffee- my no-no. A cappucino (180 calories). At lunch there were leftovers and I was naughty, having a little bit of salad w/ cashews, little cornbread, little garlic mashed potatoes, couple of carrots, all on top of the lunch I had already eaten. Someone's b-day and I went for a (small) piece of cheesecake, but was barely able to resist another piece of chocolate cake. Did not work out- instead I cried and cried and went on my support website, which by the way doesn't give much support to me. Arrg. I stayed up way too late and didn't work out, possibly ate 2100 calories? Oops. I might still be down in weight this week though. No stomach exercises today either.

 

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16Jul09
I've still been avoiding coffee, even though I thought it was a great idea to have just a cup, a couple of days. Maybe later on in my diet, but it definitely makes me anxious and I don't handle stress very well then. It is better for me to take a cat nap when I feel tired, if I'm not at work. I think I ate about 1700 calories, and went running for 40 min. with a friend. Still haven't quite wanted to do those ab exercises.

17Jul09
I've been staying away from (or trying to) the relationship forum that I seem to have become addicted to. I am trying to stop crying about Joe, because it doesn't do me any good and I need to take care of myself instead. There are so many fun things I like to do that don't involve crying over something I can't change. I was naughty today too- I had the whole day off but didn't exercise at all, and for dinner I ate the last bit of german chocolate cake and a piece of cherry pie. I had also had a serving of cherry twizzler bites and a pack of snackwell vanilla cookies, so that is a lot of dessert calories. Also, I went out to the bars w/ some friends, and had a couple of very fruity girly drinks- full of calories and then I was buzzed. I had to stay out so late driving a dumb drunk guy around, that I went to Taco Bell and ordered a grilled chicken stuffed burrito at 3 am to soak up some of the booze. I'm vegetarian! Very very naughty.

18Jul09
I am at 117.5 lbs. I would like to be doing better although I probably will never be extremely strict. There are times I could've made better choices and let my cravings pass me by. I'm still kicking coffee and staying on track for that quite well. Just one slip. The water has been doing me good and I feel great because of it. Also the cardio workouts have been making me feel good about my body even if my pants still don't quite fit. I'd like to be at 115 before my relay race in August. I ran for 40 minutes.

 

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19Jul09
I didn't feel like it, but I went running with Jeremiah and I did pretty well! I could've run for longer. I may be alright for this race coming up? I think I was on track with calories too. Still, not wanting to work the stomach. Didn't have coffee today.

20Jul09-Monday
I went 7 miles on my elliptical. I think I'm going to try to find a race that I can join Saturday morning, to continue training. Good w/ calories, but had 2 cups of coffee. No stomach exercises.

21Jul09
Didn't eat all that well today, though I believe I ate around 1500 calories. Didn't feel hungry- I had trail mix w/ m&ms mixed in, and 4 of my boss's promises Dove chocolates, which is about 160 calories. Just ate cherries for dinner, so that isn't really very good for me. I didn't work out; I was so tired though I ended up staying up late anyway. Coffee!! Although I drank lots of water. Guess what? No stomach exercises.

22Jul09, Wednesday, Day 14
I'm down from 120 to 116.5. I didn't starve myself in these 2 weeks, but I made fairly decent choices, and skipped most desserts at work (except for someone's b-day). The cardio workouts have really been working. Ab exercises, haven't been happening. I need to do them when I come home from work and am not too tired and wanting to go to bed. They work too! I was starting to feel like I might not look good at 110. That isn't a bad weight for someone who is 5'3". I just think my left breast is deflating and I start to look anorexic. But at that weight, my clothes fit and I don't think I would get so bloated at a wedding party that I look like a whale. If I get down to 110 and I don't think I look good, I still want to develop healthier eating habits. Make better choices- I don't need blueberry muffin sugar cereal, or all my boss's chocolate. I think I've had coffee for 4 of these days out of 2 weeks. It feels much better not to have it, so I will try to abstain for that reason. Otherwise I am anxious and I can't sleep, and it makes me sweat, stains my teeth and gives me bad breath. When this race is over, I want to lift weights ~3 times a week. Stomach exercises, I want to do them most every day until my trip in February. I know if I do them I will see the benefits. I also have been very good about not smoking. My goal before my NYC trip is to be 116 lbs. I don't want to come back from that trip weighing more than 117.5. I know it might be kind of a bender though! I will have to eat decent dinners so that I don't get too trashed, and watch the alcohol- stick to beer.

I'm going for a nice run w/ Matt today; that will be 10 days out of 14 that I gave it a good workout. I haven't made excellent choices w/ what I've been eating, cheated w/ the coffee a little, but I've made mostly good choices. I know I can be more disciplined, and I'm sure that will take off a few pounds. I'm most worried about my lopsided breasts, but I think at 110 they haven't been much different than they are now. At 120, they are still lopsided. So gaining weight won't help them. I just don't want to look anorexic. But I'm not anorexic, and I have some really cute clothes that I would like to fit into.

 

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23Jul09
So I went for a run, and it was really good! I think we ran close to 8 miles, and it felt good and I feel strong; my muscles are showing and my pants are fitting. However, today I did not work out; was tired. I believe this is day 15? I weighed in at 115.5 lbs. I have been bad w/ drinking coffee. I had a root beer float, and probably 2000 calories today. However, I did my ab exercises!

24Jul09
I actually think I may have had about 2200 calories today. Again, bad w/ the coffee. I am still drinking lots of water though, but the sleep habits have gone to crap. I think I weighed in at 116. I did not eat well today; I found a cupcake and ate it, and had fair cookie dough. I ate some smoked salmon, and I'm vegetarian. Also, I rejected eating a salad for some chocolate yogurt, a banana, rice cakes, and a granola bar for dinner. Had a couple of beers instead of diet cokes on the cruise. I had time to work out on Friday night, but I didn't. I was tired, I was daydreaming about guys. Ugg. I did ab exercises though, and my stomach is sore.

25Jul09
I did some ab exercises today, but I was tired and I waited until almost 2 am. I also I guess didn't eat so well; I had muffin top cereal, and I think that is bringing me down. I had a double chocolate stout, and another pint of lager, some chilli mac and cheese, and some soy beans in olive oil. I did eat a big salad though, and I went 7 miles on my elliptical. So not terrible, but not great. Avoided coffee.

26Jul09- Day 19
I weighed in at 118. It is pretty disappointing to me. My goal was to be 117 before I went to NYC. I know that I'm going to be going to dinner at a friends' on Wednesday night, I'm going to be in NYC for 4 days and drinking and eating. At least we will be walking around, and I can try to stick to light beers. I will try to be hungry and then eat until I am almost full, but I don't know if I will make my goal of being 117.5 when I come back. I still want to be 115 lbs before my race, but it will be around PMS time- great! Today I'm going to do ab exercises, eat a big salad, still avoid coffee, and run w/ Jeremiah or on my own. I won't eat late or before bed.