Addiecakes
New member
A little (and by little I mean long-winded) history:
I decided to come back to my first entry here and write a little short history about who I am and my weight-history. Make things a little more personal. Looking back on my journal it's all very goal-oriented (which isn't a bad thing) but there's not a lot of information about who I am.
So, Hi there! My name is Ashley (although my online alias has been Addie for several years). I just recently turned 25 years old, I have a 2 and a half year old daughter and am engaged to be married on 10/10/10. I have a decent job as an Administrative Assistant (although my role is mostly Accounts Receivable/Billing Clerk) at a small communications company.
Weight-wise, I've always been at the very least, significantly overweight, and at the very most morbidly obese. I will always remember the time when I saw my medical sheet in middle school in the nurse's office and in the back under "medical concerns" it read "OBESE" in big, FAT, capital letters. I could be remembering this wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the night that I weighed myself and found out I was 200lbs. for the first time, I was 9 years old. Even if it wasn't that young, it was TOO young. Even with the stature I have right now I shouldn't be 200lbs. I'm sure it would be a far cry from where I am now, but I digress...
I was "involved" in some team sports as a child, but physical activity never interested me. My mom always had my brother and I out and about, and back then it was much more difficult to make sound nutritious choices on a budget than it is now. At least fast food places have sort of healthy options nowadays. Back then when I was little, it was literally McDonald's or something similar at least 3-5 nights a week. So yeah, I didn't really get instilled with the building blocks of understanding nutrition or anything, but I could have done something about that LONG before now, and I don't really blame my parents for anything. Everyone in my family is overweight, but I'm not a prisoner to that... and this is why I'm changing.
When I got to 8th grade (about 230-240lbs at 13y/o) I joined the basketball team. At first I only did it because it was rumored that the coach would be one of my favorite teachers, and I thought it might be fun and an easy way to lose some weight at the time. Little did I know that after the first practice I would be totally hooked. Basketball became this amazing passion of mine, it almost felt like there was something inside of me that was inherent from birth, that I was meant to play. I know that probably sounds stupid, but it's true. I don't mean that I was born to play professionally or anything, but it was just so natural once I started playing that I knew it was something that I was meant to do. Anyway, as time went on and I progressed through high school, I always stuck with basketball. I was never the fastest or most talented, but I was a pretty good shot ... very good at rebounding, and in every single practice and in every single game I busted my ass beyond belief. That's why I survived cut after cut on both JV and Varsity. My place on the team was not to be the best player, but to motivate the other girls to leave it all out there on the court. I liked being that person.
Between the 9th grade and 10th grade seasons, I went from 270lbs to 227lbs. To this day, that's the most weight I've ever lost in one go. I maintained throughout high school between 230-245lbs (I wasn't watching my diet AT ALL, I ate junk all the time, so my loss was entirely due to activity). 2 hour practices 5 days a week. In 11th grade, I decided to join the soccer team and the track team (shot-put & discus) in order to maintain my fitness essentially year-round. Granted I was never really FIT, but I was in really good shape for my size. And I was STRONG. I could leg press the stack (720lbs.), benched about 160lbs. Sit-ups, push-ups, the works.
Anyway, I was suffering from what I thought were shin splints since about 10th grade, but since I just chalked it up to something normal, I never got it checked out until I was a senior when it started to get much, much worse. As it turns out, I had an undiagnosed stress-fracture in my left shin for about 2 and a half years or so. So in the middle of basketball season of my senior year, I was taken out of all activity for at least 8 weeks. Basketball season was shot, I missed my senior recognition game and everything. Along with some other personal crap that went down, it was really, REALLY depressing for me. I decided to pass on track that year, and I have been living a nearly-sedentary lifestyle since that time, so about 6 years. I really have lost almost all of that amazing muscle power I used to have, I have very little endurance, it's like starting from scratch.
By the time I graduated in June 2003, I was up in the 270-280lbs range, and then by my second semester of college in January 2004 I was up to 320lbs (what's that, the freshman 50-70?). That is when I started developing PCOS (which was undiagnosed until 2 years ago due to not having medical insurance).
Fortunately, I've already had one child (unexpected pregnancy, but it's a good thing that it happened), but my fiance and I have been trying diligently to conceive again for just about a year now, and nothing. I was even on fertility treatments for 6 months to try to combat my wussy ovaries, but the treatments wound up just causing me to have high expectations which made the inevitable disappointments all the worse to handle. I've decided for now to ditch the treatments and forget about actively trying to conceive for now so that I can focus on getting this weight off. I'm hoping that it will just happen once I lose some more weight and stop obsessing about it so much.
That's pretty much my whole story. If I think of anything else I'll post it later ... and if you have any more questions or just want to chat, I'm more than happy to talk, just PM me.
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I suppose today is day one.
I am trying to make deliberate changes to my unhealthy behaviors in a way that will give me the most chance of success. I've decided that I'm going to focus on one or two things that I would like to change and work on them until I believe that I have them under control, and then gradually incorporate other changes as I progress.
My first two goals are eliminating soda and starting ANY kind of regular exercise. Right now I'm almost completely sedentary. I've worked out maybe 2-3 times a month in the past 3 months, and before that I wasn't working out at all. I used to be pretty athletic (although still overweight) in high school, but in the almost 7 years since then I've been GROSSLY inactive.
I'm not sure exactly how much I weigh right now. I have 330lbs. down as a rough estimation based on my last doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I will be weighing myself tomorrow (I have to since I signed up for a 6-week challenge on here, which I'm quite excited about). I have a lot of weight to lose ... and this is probably a stressful time to start -- but I don't care. If I can lose weight through the holidays, then I can lose weight all year round. I decided to take advantage of my feeling motivated instead of justifying procrastination by saying that it "will be easier/better if I start Monday ... next month ... 2010" etc. I feel like I've been using that excuse for at least 3 years now. Not today.
I decided that today, I would eat the way that I normally eat and document it, so that I may draw as many conclusions from my current diet as I possibly can. I know it's terrible, and there were so many times that I wanted to just not write something down because I knew I was overeating and eating garbage. What's funny is that I didn't think that I ate that terribly until I wrote every single thing down.
Here goes:
Breakfast -
*1 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Granola Bar - Mixed Nut
*1/2 Cup Lightly Frosted Spoon-Size Shredded Wheat
Snack -
* 1 small handful of yogurt raisins
* 1 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Granola Bar - Mixed Nut
Lunch -
* 1 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
* 4 "Lemonades" Reduced Fat Girl Scout Cookies
Snack -
* 10 pcs. DOTS Candies
* 1 Reese's Mix 100-Calorie Pack
* 4 Tootsie Rolls
Dinner -
* 2 French Bread Pizza's (Pepperoni, Sausage, and Ham)
Dessert -
* 5 Caramel Delites Girl Scout Cookies
* 2 Eclairs
- Consumed 136oz. of water -
According to BabyFit.com, that's just under 4,000 calories. My mind is officially blown. I knew it was going to be bad because I was actively seeing everything I was eating over again as I wrote it down in my journal. The truly shocking part to me, is how I was fooling myself that "there wasn't all that much wrong" with my diet. Wow. I wasn't even making decisions ... I was just eating. Today, I also realized that I've been eating to keep myself full ... not to keep from being hungry. It's like my body constantly craves that "fat & happy" feeling you get from gorging yourself on crap.
Other than the harsh realization of my own ignorance, the most positive part about today is that I fulfilled my promise to myself to not drink soda today. And I'm not going to drink it tomorrow either. Tomorrow I plan on making some smarter choices about my diet, I need better fuel for my body (Hello, did I even consume one fruit or vegetable today?!?!
).
I'm going to wake up early tomorrow morning and try to take a walk before work. I've also e-mailed the local gym owner about rates and the possibility of membership, and until I get the money for that, I'll make due at home. I'm sure any increase in movement will do wonders for me.
Thanks for listening ... hopefully tomorrow's entry won't be so ... gross.
I decided to come back to my first entry here and write a little short history about who I am and my weight-history. Make things a little more personal. Looking back on my journal it's all very goal-oriented (which isn't a bad thing) but there's not a lot of information about who I am.
So, Hi there! My name is Ashley (although my online alias has been Addie for several years). I just recently turned 25 years old, I have a 2 and a half year old daughter and am engaged to be married on 10/10/10. I have a decent job as an Administrative Assistant (although my role is mostly Accounts Receivable/Billing Clerk) at a small communications company.
Weight-wise, I've always been at the very least, significantly overweight, and at the very most morbidly obese. I will always remember the time when I saw my medical sheet in middle school in the nurse's office and in the back under "medical concerns" it read "OBESE" in big, FAT, capital letters. I could be remembering this wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the night that I weighed myself and found out I was 200lbs. for the first time, I was 9 years old. Even if it wasn't that young, it was TOO young. Even with the stature I have right now I shouldn't be 200lbs. I'm sure it would be a far cry from where I am now, but I digress...
I was "involved" in some team sports as a child, but physical activity never interested me. My mom always had my brother and I out and about, and back then it was much more difficult to make sound nutritious choices on a budget than it is now. At least fast food places have sort of healthy options nowadays. Back then when I was little, it was literally McDonald's or something similar at least 3-5 nights a week. So yeah, I didn't really get instilled with the building blocks of understanding nutrition or anything, but I could have done something about that LONG before now, and I don't really blame my parents for anything. Everyone in my family is overweight, but I'm not a prisoner to that... and this is why I'm changing.
When I got to 8th grade (about 230-240lbs at 13y/o) I joined the basketball team. At first I only did it because it was rumored that the coach would be one of my favorite teachers, and I thought it might be fun and an easy way to lose some weight at the time. Little did I know that after the first practice I would be totally hooked. Basketball became this amazing passion of mine, it almost felt like there was something inside of me that was inherent from birth, that I was meant to play. I know that probably sounds stupid, but it's true. I don't mean that I was born to play professionally or anything, but it was just so natural once I started playing that I knew it was something that I was meant to do. Anyway, as time went on and I progressed through high school, I always stuck with basketball. I was never the fastest or most talented, but I was a pretty good shot ... very good at rebounding, and in every single practice and in every single game I busted my ass beyond belief. That's why I survived cut after cut on both JV and Varsity. My place on the team was not to be the best player, but to motivate the other girls to leave it all out there on the court. I liked being that person.
Between the 9th grade and 10th grade seasons, I went from 270lbs to 227lbs. To this day, that's the most weight I've ever lost in one go. I maintained throughout high school between 230-245lbs (I wasn't watching my diet AT ALL, I ate junk all the time, so my loss was entirely due to activity). 2 hour practices 5 days a week. In 11th grade, I decided to join the soccer team and the track team (shot-put & discus) in order to maintain my fitness essentially year-round. Granted I was never really FIT, but I was in really good shape for my size. And I was STRONG. I could leg press the stack (720lbs.), benched about 160lbs. Sit-ups, push-ups, the works.
Anyway, I was suffering from what I thought were shin splints since about 10th grade, but since I just chalked it up to something normal, I never got it checked out until I was a senior when it started to get much, much worse. As it turns out, I had an undiagnosed stress-fracture in my left shin for about 2 and a half years or so. So in the middle of basketball season of my senior year, I was taken out of all activity for at least 8 weeks. Basketball season was shot, I missed my senior recognition game and everything. Along with some other personal crap that went down, it was really, REALLY depressing for me. I decided to pass on track that year, and I have been living a nearly-sedentary lifestyle since that time, so about 6 years. I really have lost almost all of that amazing muscle power I used to have, I have very little endurance, it's like starting from scratch.
By the time I graduated in June 2003, I was up in the 270-280lbs range, and then by my second semester of college in January 2004 I was up to 320lbs (what's that, the freshman 50-70?). That is when I started developing PCOS (which was undiagnosed until 2 years ago due to not having medical insurance).
Fortunately, I've already had one child (unexpected pregnancy, but it's a good thing that it happened), but my fiance and I have been trying diligently to conceive again for just about a year now, and nothing. I was even on fertility treatments for 6 months to try to combat my wussy ovaries, but the treatments wound up just causing me to have high expectations which made the inevitable disappointments all the worse to handle. I've decided for now to ditch the treatments and forget about actively trying to conceive for now so that I can focus on getting this weight off. I'm hoping that it will just happen once I lose some more weight and stop obsessing about it so much.
That's pretty much my whole story. If I think of anything else I'll post it later ... and if you have any more questions or just want to chat, I'm more than happy to talk, just PM me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I suppose today is day one.
I am trying to make deliberate changes to my unhealthy behaviors in a way that will give me the most chance of success. I've decided that I'm going to focus on one or two things that I would like to change and work on them until I believe that I have them under control, and then gradually incorporate other changes as I progress.
My first two goals are eliminating soda and starting ANY kind of regular exercise. Right now I'm almost completely sedentary. I've worked out maybe 2-3 times a month in the past 3 months, and before that I wasn't working out at all. I used to be pretty athletic (although still overweight) in high school, but in the almost 7 years since then I've been GROSSLY inactive.
I'm not sure exactly how much I weigh right now. I have 330lbs. down as a rough estimation based on my last doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I will be weighing myself tomorrow (I have to since I signed up for a 6-week challenge on here, which I'm quite excited about). I have a lot of weight to lose ... and this is probably a stressful time to start -- but I don't care. If I can lose weight through the holidays, then I can lose weight all year round. I decided to take advantage of my feeling motivated instead of justifying procrastination by saying that it "will be easier/better if I start Monday ... next month ... 2010" etc. I feel like I've been using that excuse for at least 3 years now. Not today.
I decided that today, I would eat the way that I normally eat and document it, so that I may draw as many conclusions from my current diet as I possibly can. I know it's terrible, and there were so many times that I wanted to just not write something down because I knew I was overeating and eating garbage. What's funny is that I didn't think that I ate that terribly until I wrote every single thing down.
Here goes:
Breakfast -
*1 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Granola Bar - Mixed Nut
*1/2 Cup Lightly Frosted Spoon-Size Shredded Wheat
Snack -
* 1 small handful of yogurt raisins
* 1 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Granola Bar - Mixed Nut
Lunch -
* 1 Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
* 4 "Lemonades" Reduced Fat Girl Scout Cookies
Snack -
* 10 pcs. DOTS Candies
* 1 Reese's Mix 100-Calorie Pack
* 4 Tootsie Rolls
Dinner -
* 2 French Bread Pizza's (Pepperoni, Sausage, and Ham)
Dessert -
* 5 Caramel Delites Girl Scout Cookies
* 2 Eclairs
- Consumed 136oz. of water -
According to BabyFit.com, that's just under 4,000 calories. My mind is officially blown. I knew it was going to be bad because I was actively seeing everything I was eating over again as I wrote it down in my journal. The truly shocking part to me, is how I was fooling myself that "there wasn't all that much wrong" with my diet. Wow. I wasn't even making decisions ... I was just eating. Today, I also realized that I've been eating to keep myself full ... not to keep from being hungry. It's like my body constantly craves that "fat & happy" feeling you get from gorging yourself on crap.
Other than the harsh realization of my own ignorance, the most positive part about today is that I fulfilled my promise to myself to not drink soda today. And I'm not going to drink it tomorrow either. Tomorrow I plan on making some smarter choices about my diet, I need better fuel for my body (Hello, did I even consume one fruit or vegetable today?!?!
). I'm going to wake up early tomorrow morning and try to take a walk before work. I've also e-mailed the local gym owner about rates and the possibility of membership, and until I get the money for that, I'll make due at home. I'm sure any increase in movement will do wonders for me.
Thanks for listening ... hopefully tomorrow's entry won't be so ... gross.
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