I am an addict. Not to drugs or alcohol; but to sugar, refined carbs, and maybe even to dieting. In fact, I think I must have an addictive personality: I finally managed to quit smoking nearly a year ago after a 25+ year, 2-pack-a-day habit and trying every quit-smoking withdrawal aid out there. During one of my last failed attempts to quit smoking, I ended up wearing nicotine patches AND smoking. Dangerous and stupid, yes. The only way I finally managed to quit was cold-turkey, after a health scare that was so bad I resolved "NTAP" - never take another puff. I could not have done it without the support of frequent visits to a scary but very helpful stop-smoking web site (whyquit.com). I still crave cigarettes, and have finally accepted that I am just a non-smoking smoker. I can live with that.
But this isn't about smoking. The addiction feels every bit as bad, though. Maybe worse. Unlike cigarettes, you can't quit food cold-turkey. And I cannot stop eating things I KNOW are bad for me, even though I have watched the numbers on the scales creep higher; even though I have finally had to stop wearing jeans and now wear my husband's sweats because my last pair of "fat jeans" literally split in the fabric itself when I wedged my fat a-- into them. I have RA and have lost an inch of height in just 2 years, probably partly due to the excess weight load on my joints. Great. So while I'm getting fatter, I'm also getting shorter. At this rate I'll be a little round ball in 10 years.
Ironically, I am a champion dieter. I know exactly how to measure portions, eat several small meals a day, how much exercise will burn off how many calories, etc. Just last May, I started my umpteenth sensible diet and intensive walking program, and lost 32.5 lbs in just under 4 months. Which was no small feat considering I completely wrecked my metabolism (BMR is now about 1300) by constant dieting for decades, and ended up hypothyroid by going overboard on broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, and soy while dieting in earlier years. Yes, people, you can do that to your thyroid. I'm living proof and must take Synthroid now.
Anyway, 10 lbs short of my goal -- as always -- I became overconfident and rationalized that I was surely back in control of my eating habits forever, and could have "just one small sliver" of my daughter's birthday cake. That was all she wrote, folks. To make matters worse, my Synthroid dosage had to be increased twice last Fall, and each dosage increase has the nasty side effect of making me constantly ravenous for weeks until my body adjusts to it. I have been completely "off the wagon" for 4 1/2 months now. I have gained back all the weight I lost. EVERY single day since September, I have awakened with fresh resolve to start anew, and EVERY single night I go to bed kicking myself and resolving to do better the next day.
This cycle has got to stop! So I have decided it's time to finally admit the obvious: I really do have an addiction. Perhaps other people can easily get back on track if they eat a small amount of sugar or some other refined carb. But to me, it's no different than handing an alcoholic a drink, or a meth addict a hit.
So here I am... Not starting a new diet. Rather, starting a new life, right now, cold turkey. This is my renewal. Going to take it one day at a time.
But this isn't about smoking. The addiction feels every bit as bad, though. Maybe worse. Unlike cigarettes, you can't quit food cold-turkey. And I cannot stop eating things I KNOW are bad for me, even though I have watched the numbers on the scales creep higher; even though I have finally had to stop wearing jeans and now wear my husband's sweats because my last pair of "fat jeans" literally split in the fabric itself when I wedged my fat a-- into them. I have RA and have lost an inch of height in just 2 years, probably partly due to the excess weight load on my joints. Great. So while I'm getting fatter, I'm also getting shorter. At this rate I'll be a little round ball in 10 years.
Ironically, I am a champion dieter. I know exactly how to measure portions, eat several small meals a day, how much exercise will burn off how many calories, etc. Just last May, I started my umpteenth sensible diet and intensive walking program, and lost 32.5 lbs in just under 4 months. Which was no small feat considering I completely wrecked my metabolism (BMR is now about 1300) by constant dieting for decades, and ended up hypothyroid by going overboard on broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, and soy while dieting in earlier years. Yes, people, you can do that to your thyroid. I'm living proof and must take Synthroid now.
Anyway, 10 lbs short of my goal -- as always -- I became overconfident and rationalized that I was surely back in control of my eating habits forever, and could have "just one small sliver" of my daughter's birthday cake. That was all she wrote, folks. To make matters worse, my Synthroid dosage had to be increased twice last Fall, and each dosage increase has the nasty side effect of making me constantly ravenous for weeks until my body adjusts to it. I have been completely "off the wagon" for 4 1/2 months now. I have gained back all the weight I lost. EVERY single day since September, I have awakened with fresh resolve to start anew, and EVERY single night I go to bed kicking myself and resolving to do better the next day.
This cycle has got to stop! So I have decided it's time to finally admit the obvious: I really do have an addiction. Perhaps other people can easily get back on track if they eat a small amount of sugar or some other refined carb. But to me, it's no different than handing an alcoholic a drink, or a meth addict a hit.
So here I am... Not starting a new diet. Rather, starting a new life, right now, cold turkey. This is my renewal. Going to take it one day at a time.