Adarkestfairys weight loss journal

The thing is, you said that you had a bad day with calories in one of your other posts but you still only had 1100..You need at least 1200 a day anyway so it wasnt a bad day. You'll make yourself poorly eating so little. Are you just not hungry? xx
 
I over think my calories when I am actually counting them. My 'big' meal is usually supper, so I get panicky when I start thinking about how many calories will be left if I eat something. I have been trying different diet supplements (pills) and some of them do decrease my hunger. There has been a few nights where I was really hungry, but did not eat. I know that is not right. I really am hoping to find that healthy balance.

Yesterdays meals:
100 calories Mr Salty snack pack
about 3/4 cup lettuce
3 sprays of 1 calorie per spray dressing
1/2 sugar free jello
1/2 cup blackberries
not putting the numbers in, I know it was way too low. I think that by the time I went to eat, I was so hungry I filled up fast.

Off to a better start already today. Need to keep reminding myself that weight lose is not something that is suppose to be done quickly, but at a steady, healthy rate.
 
Well yesterday I am sure I went way over the amount of calories I should have had. Went out with a friend drinking last night. So add in all my drinks and late night munchies.... WAY over.
Want to finish cleaning house today. Going to give myself a few more hours to lay around and sober up. Then hope to stay active most of the day and get to the gym tonight.
 
Todays calories are a lot better. So far they are at 500. Only really had snack foods... eating carbs to soak up the alcohol lol. Going to grill out tonight. Know the kids want hot dogs and hamburgers. Thinking I will have a small hamburger so that should get my calories up to a healthy range today. Also drinking a lot more water today. Looking forward to going to the gym tonight. Need a good work out. Did take a short walk with my daughter and have been playing outside with her for awhile. Hoping tonight I can increase the speed on the treadmill so I jog/run for awhile.
 
Hey adarkestfairy,

I hope you start eating more :( I know you said you are working on finding a balance. When I was 14 I was on the verge of an eating disorder, I at 500-700 calories a day and exercised literally 4 hours a day for cheerleading practice, I could have killed myself. I was chewing food and spitting it out to make myself think I had eaten something, and I was counting ever meticulous calorie. I was tired and run down, I was taking diet pills that nearly caused me to be rushed to the hospital because they were making my heart beat too fast and causing me to hardly be able to breath.

It is scary, and I hope you don't go through that. I went to a psychologist and right around that time last year I was beginning to do the same stuff over again, she said I was severely depressed. She said "You are a normal weight, why do you think otherwise?" and I just told her because I FELT like I was fat, and not good enough, and ugly, and not worthy, but it ISN'T true. I AM worthy, I AM beautiful, I AM good enough... I don't need my weight to tell me that. I suggest speaking to a psychologist or getting some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to help, because I will tell you now it is not normal nor healthy to do what you are doing, I know because I have been there and sometimes still think about it, but I never ever give into it.

Please, even if you just talk to a dietitian or something about setting up a meal plan it will be SO MUCH better than starving yourself thin... I wish you the best :)
 
Too lazy to figure out my calories today. Had 500 earlier throughout the day. Tonight I had a hot dog, gutted out most the the bun. Also had a tiny (about 3 bites worth) hamburger, also with gutted out bun. Done eating for the day. Hot dog was all beef and the hamburger was 93/7. Figure I got at least 300 calories out of that, but I might be off.

Good news.... I was excited last week when I bought size 18 jeans. I bought a pair of shorts as well. I put them on today and they literally can be pulled on and off without buttoning them. They are way too big! Makes me happy to realize I could buy them in a 16. Also have a friend who is thinking about going to the gym with me, which will help so much.
Working out tonight, if I can do my usual routine I should burn around 400 calories.
 
No gym last night. My 2 year old decided she wanted to play. Then by the time I could have gotten to the gym, I was so damned tired. Too many nights of 2 hours of sleep finally caught up to me. So... will have to make it tonight. I am really starting to think that anti depressants would help. I knew I would have good and bad days while my husband was training, but the bad are starting to outweigh the good.
Decided to try on a pair of my daughters jeans today. Was really suppose to be for giggles. I figured I'd be happy if they made it up to my hips. Not only got them to my hips, but all they way on and buttoned! Yeah, a little tight, but not bad. They were a size 13! I am starting to think that if I wore the right size of clothing, instead of always wearing baggy stuff, I'd really notice my weight loss more.

Work today. Gym after work. So far only had 100 calories, but day is just starting.
 
So I just have been avoiding the computer as much as possible. Had another bad week. Back on track for a few days now. Think I am going to try to just log on every few days for an update. So.... yep gained a ton back again. Got back up to 207!!!! Lost it quickly- and stupidly. Got back down to 198 a couple days ago. As of this morning it's 196 with more clothes then I normally wear for weigh in. I am most proud of these last two pounds I lost. I have been eating, just being more active. So.. time to stay on track. Have a friend who went to the gym with me the other night so that helps. As for the gym.... I have been running on the treadmill!! Not for long, but feels great that I am finally doing that. Bought size 16 jeans now, I little baggy but not bad. I have to actually unbutton them (the 18's came up and down without that lol), and bought more xl shirts.
I can not remember for the life of me my password for my ticker, but is should say 40 pounds lol
 
Hi Adarkestfairy,

We are our worst enemy huh? I avoid the mirror when I feel fat....I used to take my shirt off and without breathing another breath, I had a fresh shirt already on. I hated looking at myself.

It's hard coming on here when everyones losin and you have basically given up...but thats when this place works. Thats when you need the motivation and support from the folks here.

Nobody would screw up if it only took a few hours to lose weight! Its only natural to screw up. Sometimes it makes us work harder with the right push.

So I hope you put it all behind you and look at today as a new day.
Goog luck and have a great weekend!
 
Time to get back in the game! I haven't posted for a long time. Life got very hectic and did not have computer access for a long time.
I did manage to get down to 177 pounds when I went to bring my husband home from AIT. He was amazed with how I looked, and I was feeling great about myself as well. I knew that I only had a few short weeks with him before he had to report to another state for duty, so I decided I would not count calories. Even just eating 3 normal meals a day... I started to gain back quickly. My husband even joked about how quick, and also realized how hard I had worked to lose what I had.
September 25th I found out I was pregnant. Honestly... I was a little upset by it. Which was a first for me. With every other pregnancy, I was overjoyed the second I got that positive result. This one took a little longer to sink in, but by October 1st, I was thrilled. Which made the fact that I started bleeding that night even harder. It was confirmed on October 4th that I had in fact miscarried. I had sent my husband to his duty station on the 3rd.
Needless to say.. I fell into a bit of depression. Starting over eating. Part of me figured.. .I would be gaining anyway. All excuses honestly, but I can at least recognize it was stress related.
It was hard to live so far away from my husband. But we knew he was going to deploy soon, so were going to stay in our home town. October 16th, my husband called. His Sgt said the one thing you should never say to a soldier who is about to deploy... "It could be your last time seeing them". So I packed up as much as I could, left family to do the rest. I moved down near him on October 18th.
Moving that quickly.. not a good idea. My husband accepted the first place within our price range. It was horrible! I can honestly say it was condemnable. Luckily once his Sgt found out about it, he put us on the fast track for base housing. But we lived in that place for almost 2 months. And again, used that stress as an 'excuse' to eat more.
October 31.... pregnant! I was overjoyed the second I found out. I had figured part of the reason for my first miscarriage was my own feelings towards it and the fact my husband would be so far away. I was confidant that this time things would work out fine. I had four children with no real problems with the pregnancy. So.. diet off again.
November 18th I began to miscarry. There was no questioning it this time. It was extremely painful. I didn't even have time to process it. My husband had to report for duty. Kids had to get to school. I spent all day in immense pain, driving people around. I became very resentful over that. At that point, I didn't care at all about trying to diet, I said "fuck it" to everything.
December 14th, we finally moved onto base. No more driving 100+ miles a day. No more nasty living conditions. I was thrilled with the house.
December 16th, I said "see you later" to my husband as he left for Afghanistan.
So that catches me up to today. Found another group of wives who are interested in weight loss. Have yet to meet them, but looking forward to it. Decided I would really like to lose what I have gained back, plus an extra 20 or 30. My husband is gone until August at the earliest, so now it is time to get back on track.
But need to do it right this time. No more near starvation, which I know I was getting close to. I like keeping this journal so I can look back at my tendencies and get an idea of what I need to work on. I always welcome advice or opinions, but please no more nasty PM's :(
Thinking I am going to use every Sunday as my weigh in day. I know it is over 200 again.
Wish me luck! And best of luck to everyone else who is trying!
 
OMG How heartbreaking! My condolences for your losses! I cannot even imagine that happening. You ladies are amazing btw I could not imagine the fiance being gone for so long. Sometimes he leaves for 2 weeks and I feel so awkward when he comes back he spends half the day trying to kiss me lol. I wish you the best of luck! You can do it :)
 
Wow... I weighed myself yesterday. I knew it would be a little over 200... I did not expect to see 211 !!!!!! Felt like crying when I saw that. But, I can lose it again.
Saturday I really didn't eat much. Of course when I put my mind to dieting again, I went a little far with it. I won't post my calories for the day, other then to say they were far far too low. But I was also having a stressful day, which usually means I either over eat, or don't eat at all.
Yesterdays calories were fine. Didn't actually count them... but for breakfast I had a small pancake with the 0 calorie butter spray and a tiny amount of syrup. And pancakes are not good like that lol. Need to buy some lower calorie syrup because I felt just too cheated eating it that way. I had a 100 bagel for lunch, and one for a snack later. I just use the 0 cal butter on them and some garlic salt. And for dinner I had 3 tiny pieces of pizza. (party pizza, and together they may have equaled one slice). And I gave in and had some valentines candy.. but it was sweet tarts and only 35 calories for the one bag. So think over all the calories were okay.
I should be meeting with some other wives who want to lose weight this week. I am really iffy about meeting people this way, but I want to get the motivation back.
I did get the Biggest Loser work out challenge for the kinect. Think I am going to give that a try today and see if it's any good.
 
How is the Kinect workout going for you? I am thinking about getting this for myself and my wife. So far we have enjoyed all the Kinect games. Nice to be able to get off the couch and get in shape while having fun.
 
Welcome back honey :) So sorry to hear what a rough time you've had. Keep positive. Tell me if you get any horrible PM's, I'll sort them out! *shakes fist!*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top