I don't understand why the past few weeks have been such a struggle for me. I was doing so so so well! I'm at about 139-140lbs right now, which isn't terrible, but I stilled gained. I really don't understand what's going on with me. I haven't gone climbing in weeks, but I'm going to try and get my lazy butt out to the gym tonight... I'm trying to figure out what triggered all this bad eating and laziness, because in the past it's usually something that gets me started eating badly and I just can't figure it out. I'm trying to move past it, but for some reason I just have lost a lot of motivation. I'm staying clear of that "I give up" attitude, but in place of that it's more of a "I'll eat healthy later, I'll exercise another day" attitude, and it's driving me BANANAS!!! I just need to get back into that "no excuses for eating badly" mindset I was in a few weeks ago. I've been coming up with so many lame excuses for having a bit of cake at the office meeting, or grabbing a cookie on my way home from work, or forgoing my healthy fruit and veggie lunch (that I've already packed and brought with me, mind you!) for a slice of pizza! I don't get it, and I probably never will. I have to find my trigger to get back on track! UGH!
Okay, well, good news is that I was able to run 1 mile with minimal pain on my ankle yesterday, which cheered me up a bit and made me feel a little less hopeless about myself. Mind you, I was running because I was late for work (due to being lazy in the morning), and not for exercise, but it was good to find out that I can slowly start working running back into my currently non-exsitant-for-the-past-two-weeks exercise routine. I also mapped out a good daily food menu that leaves a little bit of room for spontaneous, but healthy, snacking. I never know when I'm going to grab a square of dark chocolate or a graham cracker, so I figured keep it a bit low on the calories in case that happens. It also will help me feel a little less guilty.
I did a lot of thinking about my goals today, due to me just trying to figure out where I want to be and when and how to get there. I came up with a couple of milestones that I think I can treat myself a bit when I reach them.
140 - haircut (achieved! - reward redeemed!)
135 - dye hair (still working on this goal, but getting closer)
130 - redeem massage/facial groupon (expires in November, so better get crackin)
125 - get stunt headshots (I want to look good!)
120 - not sure if I should go this low, but if I get to 125 and feel like it would be healthy to get to 120, then I still have to think of my reward for that. Maybe I'll go on vacation, which I haven't done in over 5 years!
The reason I'm considering 120 is mainly because part of a stunt performer's job is to double actors. Sometimes you have to look a lot like those actors in body type. Usually you can get away with being 5-10lbs over though. A lot of stunt performer's resume's I've been looking at who match me in height range in weight from 110-125, so I figured they're either lying or some are that tiny. I thought that since I weighed about 120 in high school and was still a little flabby in my belly that it would be a good weight for me to strive for, and hopefully I'll be a bit more toned!
Okay, well, good news is that I was able to run 1 mile with minimal pain on my ankle yesterday, which cheered me up a bit and made me feel a little less hopeless about myself. Mind you, I was running because I was late for work (due to being lazy in the morning), and not for exercise, but it was good to find out that I can slowly start working running back into my currently non-exsitant-for-the-past-two-weeks exercise routine. I also mapped out a good daily food menu that leaves a little bit of room for spontaneous, but healthy, snacking. I never know when I'm going to grab a square of dark chocolate or a graham cracker, so I figured keep it a bit low on the calories in case that happens. It also will help me feel a little less guilty.
I did a lot of thinking about my goals today, due to me just trying to figure out where I want to be and when and how to get there. I came up with a couple of milestones that I think I can treat myself a bit when I reach them.
140 - haircut (achieved! - reward redeemed!)
135 - dye hair (still working on this goal, but getting closer)
130 - redeem massage/facial groupon (expires in November, so better get crackin)
125 - get stunt headshots (I want to look good!)
120 - not sure if I should go this low, but if I get to 125 and feel like it would be healthy to get to 120, then I still have to think of my reward for that. Maybe I'll go on vacation, which I haven't done in over 5 years!
The reason I'm considering 120 is mainly because part of a stunt performer's job is to double actors. Sometimes you have to look a lot like those actors in body type. Usually you can get away with being 5-10lbs over though. A lot of stunt performer's resume's I've been looking at who match me in height range in weight from 110-125, so I figured they're either lying or some are that tiny. I thought that since I weighed about 120 in high school and was still a little flabby in my belly that it would be a good weight for me to strive for, and hopefully I'll be a bit more toned!
... I don't want to talk too much about the stunt here, but I'll be getting tackled backward through a table to a wood floor. I'm nervous not so much about getting hurt as I am about making sure it looks really good. I think we'll be falling pretty hard to the ground. There is a chance that if I land wrong or make a mistake or lose concentration I can smash my head pretty hard against the ground, which I will need to look out for, but I just want to make sure it looks really violent and painful, but also for it to be safe so if I have to do additional takes, I won't have to do it while fighting through a concussion, haha! *sigh* just going to try to mentally prepare for the next few days... I'm really grateful that as my first stunt gig, I'm working under a stunt coordinator who I fully trust, so that makes me feel a bit better