ADAY 252
Breakfast: 50g porridge & blueberries (201 cals)
Lunch: 97 cal crisps, yoghurt, pineapple & grapes (291 cals)
Dinner: Small jacket potato, 2 breaded chicken strips, salad, dry roast pepper & aubergine with light salad cream (392 cals)
Snacks: 2 coffee's, 2 kiwi's granola bar, 97 cal crisps & a slice of banana cake (538 cals)
Total calories = 1422
Exercise: None.
I'm really sorry about yesterdays selfpitying patheticness
I am better today
Yesterday i woke up feeling sick and anxious, my mind just wouldn't stop stressing about the future. I am so so scared. I don't want anything to change, i want it all to go away and for my life to carry on as normal. I know that it can't but that's all my head keeps saying to me. I even had diarrhea yesterday because i was so wound up in knots and i really don't think i have ever been like that before.
I was better in the afternoon but not much. Everyone at work has been really sweet and they all want it to work out so i can stay. Julie (the practice manager) had a meeting with a dentist about going to work there during lunch and he said he will let them know by the end of March. I have learnt to not get my hopes up though.
I had yesterday evening to myself so i had a long hot bath and curled up on the sofa with a book. I think that really helped.
I did wake up this morning feeling sooooo much better. At work Mo (the dentist i work with) said that if i find something before the end of May (which is when she offically retires) then i should take it and leave and they will manage, also she said that if i left before i was offically made redundent then she would still give me my redundency money. This totally blew me away!!!!!! Bless her, that was such a wonderfully kind thing to say and do. That really lifted my spirits
Also one of the other girls said that there was a job going in Barnstaple in last weeks paper so i rang them. Their practice manager wasn't in today so i left a message with the receptionist. She said that it was past the closing date and that they had started interviews. I said that i was sorry but only found out about the job today and she was kind enought to take my details about my length of experience, qualifications etc and she was going to give them to the practice manager. I said that if they don't find someone then give me a call. I'm not that hopeful cos i was too late but ya never know.
Now that i know that i can leave whenever i can start looking for jobs now and write to all the practice's in the area and also all the dental suppliers for a rep job, or even medical reception work.
I am definatly more positive today. I just need to deal with the fact that everything is gonna change and i am just going to have to deal with it. I am so fortunate to have such wonderful people around me who are really desperate to help me find a new job and everyone is being so kind, lovely and understanding to how my brain is in meltdown.
It's weird, thru all this i have coped really well with food. I have had a few 'oh, sod it' thoughts but luckly i have pushed on thru them.
Thank you all for your lovely comments, i am really touched how you are always here for me
Cate No, i can't stay, unless they get another dentist (which is bloody hard here) i would be suplus to requirements. The dentist i work with and I moved to this practice last May and i am paid by her seperatly to the rest. I have worked for her for 21 years and she is retiring her 'practice' at the end of May so she has to make me redundent. She is going to work for the other dentists there as an associate for another year or so, just 2 days a week, Rachel the hygienist (who also worked for Mo) is also staying but they already have nurses to cover those days so i am not needed. I think that's what makes it harder, i feel that i am the only one that isn't wanted
If this guy does come to work for them then i will have a job (i will have to take a massive paycut cos they dont pay as much as i earn with mo) They do want to keep me but they just don't have anything for me right now.
I did think today about maybe doing an online degree. This job that sarah saw in the paper was for 4 days a week and i thought if i applied for that and got it i could study on the other day but we will see. I can't study full time as i am the main wage earner in our family and we have a morgage to pay
Thank you so so much for your encouraging words, you are a truly wonderful person
Ruthie Hello my lovely
Welcome back sweetie. Thanks for your hugs girly and you did make me smile with your OTT 'you bloody did it'
I keep forgetting that i have done it!!! How fucked up is that?!?! I am still actively trying to lose still so i forget that i have reached a target.
Hope you are back for good my lovely. I have read your diary (i'm gonna go comment in a bit) and i expect you to be racing me to get into that bloody 10!!!! You and me girly, both a perfect 10!!!!!
Oooh i just thought i would say that i have done a 10 mile run, incase you missed that
Rosie Heya hotstuff
Yeah, my break away was awesome, shame about the shit news i came back to, kinda made me forget it all in a flash. Little Eddie was a total darling, it was so touching that he was so into me when he isn't like that with others. It was really weird going running with my bro, our parents are like the unhealthiest people ever and to think that we both do this exercise bollocks by choice and actually love it (well, maybe not actually love running with that evil shit lol) after the upbringing we had. He was so blown away with the change in me, physically and mentally
oooh, my sister in law told him how much i weighed and all he could say was 'fucking hell!' he weighs about 220lb, he is really fit but is still big and now there is little ol' me
That felt good. I was always the biggest, our whole lifes, but not anymore (i just thought about that
) that is such an awesome feeling
Hopefully everything will work out for the best work wise. Everyone is so convinced that i will get something instantly but it really doesnt stop me being scared
Thank you so much for your kind words
Jess Heya sweetie, Dont apoligise my lovely, nothing to apoligise for. We all have life's struggles to deal with. Just remember we all here for you when you need us
It's strange how many of us are so scared of change. I have always admired people who have the balls to just do something because they wanted a change. Like my friend Rob, he was a special needs teacher and he left there to go to Thailand for a year and now he is a ful time uni student!!!! How brave is that?!?!
Thank you so much for your lovely kind words and i am so touched that you and everyone else for that matter, has so much belief in me
Thank you all so so much for all your love and kindness, love you all 
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