A new me! (hopefully, with some help)

Aww I'm happy you were a bit spoiled!!! LOL at you 'earning' your chocolate, that's hilarious!! There always seems to be cake or cookies in your work place, do other staff members buy them and leave them for everyone?? Arrgh bet it does your head in a bit lol.


Keep up the awesome work!! Haha and good luck giving up chocolate for lent!!!!!!!
 
ADAY 230

Breakfast: 50g porridge & blueberries (201 cals)
Lunch: Ham, lettuce and light mayo wholemeal sandwich, 97 cal crisps and a yoghurt with blueberries (352 cals)
Dinner: 3 breaded chicken strips with salad and light ceaser dressing (280 cals)
Snacks: 4 coffee's, 2 kiwi's, granola bar, ricecake and a banana (433 cals)
Total calories = 1266

Exercise: 15 min walk, 30 min run and 15 min crosstrainer

I had the potential to be grumpy today cos my boss was in a weird mood and kept pissing me off :mad: BUT......I thought 'it's so not worth being pissed off all day, it makes me feel shit and she is probably having a grump and doesn't mean to be like that' so i had a good day really. It was really busy but that makes the day go faster.

My chocolates last night were just sooooooooooo yummy :) And i went to the gym again tonight and worked like a demon again so i can have more tonight :hurray: I have give Mark and Jack some and i am going to finish them tonight so tomorrow, friday and saturday i can stay under my 1200. Ya never know, i might even have a loss on sunday.

It's weird, i'm really cool with how things are right now. I know i have 10lb to lose but i also know that i have to take life as it is, like getting chocolates on valentines day etc. I can't hide from these things and i just need to intagrate them into my life with out it being an excuse to binge. I seem to be in a good place with that at the moment.

I have been thinking the last few days about why i really struggle with compliments and one idea that i came up with is......I feel that people complimenting 'this me' is being slagging off and dissing 'the old me' and that person is still 'ME' I am the same person, that hasn't changed and i feel that accepting compliments is letter 'her' down. I think 'she' was a nice person with issues but still a nice person just fat! I know i am not making much sence and i am not like it all the time but thats' kinda how i feel when i struggle. (yep, total headcase :) )

Cate I'm glad i didn't upset you, I was worried that my typing had run away with itself, a bit like my mouth does at times. I love that i make you laugh, even my grumpy rants :)
I really want to like myself and hopefully we will one day. Love and hugs Cupcake :grouphug:

Mark My valentines day was lovely :) My Mark is normally rubbish but he totally came thru this year :hurray: I definatly have to make the most of my chocolates cos as of next tuesday i am giving it up for lent!!!! OMG what am i doing!!!!! lol

Lucy i felt far less guilty eating them knowing that i had burnt off shitloads of cals, hence i did it again today :) They are just so scrummy!!!
Yep, people bring in buscuits, chocolates and cake in to work all the bloody time!!! Once I walked in to the staffroom not realising that my boss was behind me and seeing a big tin of chocolate biscuits on the side i said 'oh for fucks sake' luckly she laughed lol I think that there is always something there just varying degrees of evilness!!!
 
im laughing so hard right now about what you said when you walked into the staffroom and your boss was right behind you. holy crap im sitting here by myself just laughing in the corner. hope no one looks in the window.


I think it will be awhile before you get used to the comments. hopefully at some point you will like them though.
 
Kate- that is just how I feel about the gushiest compliments. I think some people are really shallow & the ones who really gushed over me the most were often the ones who used to ignore me when I was really big. The quiet compliments are the nicest, especially from people you really care about. That was so funny about your comment about the biscuits in the staff room, with your boss right behind you! Once again, sounds like something I would do. Enjoy your choccies sweets(well done Mark!), xoxo Cate
 
Hey Kate,

I totally agree about the compliment thing...I'm just not comfortable with them right now...seems to draw attention to the fact that I've lost weight...and my reaction (this is so stupid) is that it just draws attention the the fact that I NEEDED to lose weight (like I didn't know that!). I try to just say thank you and change the subject. You are still "you" and I am still "me"...our body is just a different size.

Congratulations again on the goal achievement...and having your chocolates...I'm still pretty far away from that goal...so I'm not letting myself think of chocolates yet!

Sarah
 
ADAY 231

Breakfast: 50g porridge & blueberries (201 cals)
Lunch: Ham, lettuce and light mayo wholemeal sandwich, 97 cal crisps and a yoghurt (331 cals)
Dinner: Turkey breast, dry roast potato's and parsnip, peas, carrots and gravy (278 cals)
Snacks: 4 coffee's, 2 kiwi's, granola bar and a ricecake (361 cals)
Total calories = 1171

I'm so tired today :sleeping: Not grumpy, just really tired. I have been fine all day, came home and did dinner and once i stopped i could have quite happily gone to bed! I'm gonna curl up in my snuggle blanket and fall asleep in front of the TV in a bit, sorry i am gonna neglect your diaries again tonight :(

Oooooh, chockies are all gone now and i am sooooooo wanting some!!!!!!! Must resist, must resist!!!!!

Mark Glad i made you laugh :) It was funny at the time too. I think they just bring them into work to see what my reaction is gonna be lol

Cate Totally totally agree with what you said...All of it. I struggle to get my feelings out right a lot and you just said it perfectly. It's weird how we know when someone is genuinely pleased for you and when someone is just jealous or shallow.

Sarah I have times when i dread seeing people because i am worried they are going to say something but i also have times when i am ok with it. It is also different for different people, like Cate said. You will get there, we all will. It is strange that the thing we really struggle with is something we never thought would be a problem. Us woman are freaking mental :)
Oh and i am struggling with the 'not having chocolates' tonight!!!! I am giving them up for lent too next week :eek: I think i have lost my mind!!!

Love and hugs to all and i'll try and catch up tomorrow :)
 
ADAY 232

Breakfast: 25g porridge, blueberries & a banana (201 cals)
Lunch: 2 kiwi's, yoghurt with blueberries, slim-a-soup and granola bar (360 cals)
Dinner: Pork steak, brocolli, cauliflower, peas, carrots and gravy (292 cals)
Snacks: 2 coffee's, 2 rice cakes and a granola bar (295 cals)
Total calories = 1148

I am just the most grumpiest, raging bitch today. I'll post tomorrow about today.
 
Awww Kate, sorry you are grumpy today! I'm posting this for you because it always makes me smile! Super proud of you for doing well on food even with the grumps! Hope tomorrow's a better day!
 
Its the first time i think that you really havent said anything , you must really be feeling terrible,sorry Kate.I hope you got a good rest and come on here today feeling super!

Good job not eating crap!:)
 
AMorning all :)

My period finally arrived last night :hurray: I know it's pathetic to actually be pleased about that but i now know that in a few days i will be back to normal :hurray:

I ate badly last night, i had some chocolate and most of a large bag of pretzels but hey ho, i'll try and be stronger today :)

I was either wanting to scream, cry, or hit out yesterday but most of the time i just didn't want to speak, ya know, just nodding or shaking my head when i was spoken to. This is the first proper period after my surgery and i supose that's why it's been so hormonal but hopefully i'll be back to myself again now. Shed loads of pain at the moment and i'm sooooooo bloated, my rings are tight where as normally they are really loose. I weighed on my bathroom scales and i'm 5lb up!!! so i am definately not doing a weigh in tomorrow!!!!

i will be back later to update properly and catch up :)

Thank you guys for being so sweet :grouphug:
 
ADAY 233

Breakfast: 2 small slices of wholemeal toast with light spread and marmite (147 cals)
Lunch: Granola bar & banana (260 cals)
Dinner: Pork steak, dry roat potato's, carrots, brocolli, cauliflower, peas and gravy (366 cals)
Snacks: 4 coffee's, granola bar, a bourbon biscuit, options hot choc and 2 oranges (462 cals)
Total calories = 1235

Exercise: none

Yesterday
My day started off fine but slowly and for no reason really i got really low :( I just can't explain why, i just felt shitty by the time i finished work. My tummy was bloated and i felt crap. On my way home i was waiting to cross the road and a really old friend of mine drove up in his double decker bus (he is a bus driver lol) I haven't seen him for months and months and he spotted me and he stopped the bus and opened the bus doors to talk to me, with a bloody bus full of people he then started gushing about how different i looked and how he didn't recognise me!!! It was great to see him but all i could think of was all the people on the bloody bus looking at me!!!! I really hate to complain about compliments but this was really more than anything i could cope with on a good day!!!!
When i got home i filled the hot water bottle and went to bed with it on my tummy to try and help but when Mark came home from work he came in and jokingly said 'in bed again, what's wrong with you now woman' Mentally i went into a blind rage!!!! I got up slaming around etc. He realised that i wasn't in a good head space and was really sweet and gave me a hug.
Later we went to do the weekly food shop and we saw someone i use to work with. I need to tell you a bit about this guy and this will show you a side of me you wont like, i don't like it either!!! This guy was the reason my boss and i left and moved practice last May. He is just the slimiest fucking dickhead i have ever met. All he is interested in is bloody money and how much he can fleece his patients for and he is a shit dentist too. The guy makes my skin crawl and i can barely speak to him let alone be polite...Anyway, he was at the supermarket and i had managed to say out of his sight but we were at the checkout paying and i noticed that he was about 4 people behind us and he said 'you have dropped lots of weight' (yeah, like it's all over the fucking floor, can't you see it, dickhead) and then he gave me the universal underwater sign for 'OK' like he aproved!!! Fuck off wanker!!!!!!!!!! :cuss: :cuss: :cuss:
Can you imagine what was going on in my head???!!!! Mark could tell that i was starting to boil so he got me out of there really fast. I was beyond grumpy i was bloody raging!!!!!!!!

See told you it's not the usual me :) I am all sweetness and light really :Angel_anim: There are not many people who make me feel like that, actually i can't think of any other than HIM!!!!

Oooh, i had a food failure last night, had some chocolate and pretzels but it could have been soooooo much worse so i'm not too worried.

I finally had my period last night :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Yep, that's me clapping!!! I have never been so bloody happy to see it arrive lol hopefully this grumpy two weeks is over for good now and i can get back to being me :)

Today
Ok, not so happy about period today :( lots of pain, not grumpy though so that's a bonus :)
Pretty usual saturday today. We had to go into Barnstaple to get Jack some new school trousers (pants if you are american :) ) cos he keeps ripping the arse out of them!!!!! And i bought me a new handbag :) Then we went to Mark's Mums where she told me not to lose anymore weight or i will look anorexic!!!!! Thanks for that!!! I just sat there and smiled politely while she went on and on. Then she got cream cakes and donuts out!!!!! (did i mention that she is fat and constanly goes on about wanting to lose weight?!) I just ate my granola bar and banana that i took with me. Mark and Jack had some, Jack had 3 bloody donuts after i told her that he really didn't need 3!!! 'oh, he's a growing lad, leave him alone' she said. (yep, you can imagine the rage going on behind the fake smile!!!) He then didn't eat his dinner cos, suprise suprise, he wasn't bloody hungry!!!! I told Mark i was gonna bloody post his leftovers to her!!!! ( i'm not grumpy really :) )

God, all i seem to have done is rant today. I am going for my Sunday morning run with Jane tomorrow, can't wait :) I will try and be all happiness and joy in tomorrow's post :)

Ok, i'm gonna go now before i make myself look even more like an evil bitch. Please remember i am very sweet natured really :Angel_anim:

Rosie Aww sweetie, thank you for the picture :) I didn't do good foodwise in the end but it wasn't a total blow out so not so bad i supose. Look i even did an american translation for you!!!!!

Jess Cheers sweetie. I hadn't thought that but yes, yesterday was the first time that i haven't written anything. I'm sorry, i just couldn't face it. I think i have made up for it today with my rants though lol
 
Oh Kate, You are such a darling! YOU REALLY ARE! I like the fact that you get so mad at the dick-heads! Are we related? Sometimes it does us good to rant & rave & be mad & to get angry, because then we get over it & life feels so good afterwards. I think your MIL & my MIL must also be one & the same. GAH!!!! My MIL gets so jealous of my being as slim as her. Weird! As if we're competition. I think MIL's must think we are. Doubly weird! Hope your period comes & goes quickly sweetie & you feel better soon. You don't have to sound like an angel. We know that you are! xoxo Cate
 
Hey Kate, Sorry you are feeling grumpy and bitchy...and on top of that you are dealing with dickheads! I think you had an early dose of hormones deary! You do tell a good story though and even though I know it wasn't pleasant for you at the time, you do make me laugh! I think God made twice as many dickheads as he did dicks! Sounds like your MIL is one special lady...mine was quite special too...she's passed on now. My guess is you are right...she is jealous of you and your success in losing weight and would not dare help you or support you because that just highlights her own failures to lose weight. Pray for her! Sounds like she needs it!



Hang in there sweets and I'm very proud of you for not totally losing it over the past couple of days...could have happened, but it didn't! This too shall pass my dear and we'll see Kate the angel in no time!. We all know the real Kate, So go ahead and rant on baby, rant on!


Sarah
 
I was reading your post and i was like "omg//////she is really evil today!!!"

but you have all the rights to be!I mean that guy in the store???imgine he said all this out loud????eeek..and specially the fact that you are disgusted by him???Then you MIL?i have had SO many of these moments with my one, about marios and things she gives him to eat!Its not so badthough cause our kids dont live with them and they dont see them everyday.

Im glad you managed to make it through the day with not too much damage food wise and im suprised you didnt get in a fight with anyone.I have,w\a couple of time when i have been hormonal REALLY bad like you where.

Isnt there any pills we can take to make the feelings go away?i hate it.I was like that yesterday not so bad though.I just say horrible things and go around with a pissed off face all day...

Waiting for you tonight!Kisses!!!



i forgot to mention ...ANOREXIC?????????????where does she get that from????????I have had EXact the same thing said to me from my sister who is also big and goes on about wanting to be slim.....I can just imagine what you where wanting to tell her and just kept silent.....I hate it when people do that...You are fat they say "loose weight" you loose weight and they say "stop dont become anorexic."

you are really patient arent you???keeping your mouth shout.I get sooo mad with things like that.
"
 
ADAY 234

Breakfast: 2 small slices of wholemeal toast with light spread and marmalade
2nd breakfast: 2 small slices of wholemeal toast with light spread and cheese slices (492 cals)
Lunch....................................
Dinner: Roast chicken, dry roast potato, parsnip and butternut squash, carrots, peas, cauliflower, brocolli and gravy (366 cals)
Snacks: 2 coffee's, scone with fresh cream and jam!!!, 2 bourbon biscuits and about 500 cals of chocolate (1159 cals!!!!!)
Total calories = 2017 Whoops!!!!

Exercise: 7 mile run :hurray: :hurray:

I didn't weigh today, i thought it wasn't such a ggod idea as i still feel so bloated and swollen.

I have had too many calories but i did say a while ago that on sundays i would have maintenance cals and i also burnt nearly 1000 cals on my run this morning so it's not too bad really :)

My run this morning was totally bloody awesome :hurray: :hurray: We did 2/5 internval to the pub (2 and a half miles) then ran onto the carpark and all the way back with no interval (4 and a half miles) I did wake up with pretty impressive period pains but took a load of drugs and it was fine, didn't give me any problems at all :hurray: Next week we are going to try doing 2 min walk, 5 min run, 2 min walk, 5 min run, 2 min walk and then run all the rest without walking, so out of about 80 mins of running we will only walk for 6 mins!!! Exciting!! Jane isn't too sure she will manage it but i know she can, i reckon she could do it all but don't want to push her too hard.

Had my much loved second breakfast when i got back and then went to the shop cos we had forgotten some stuff yesterday. I saw one of my patients there and i actually stopped and talked to her for ages about my weightloss :) I don't know why but i didn't feel uncomfortable when she mentioned it, maybe because i knew that she use to run, anyway she was so sweet and we even talked about my mentally not coping with comments etc. It felt really good talking to her :)

Then had a shower and started cooking!!! I put my Iphone in the docking station in the kitchen and put my music on really loud and danced around the kitchen while i made a veg lasagne for me (well i made 3!!! but i made mum take one home to try) and a beef one for Mark and Jack. These were for tomorrow (and probably the rest of the week in my case lol) i made a roast for today and i have done two tubs of extra for lunches at work for the next two days, yum yum. It's me getting my own back for them buying chocolate biscuits all the time. They always complain about how amazing my lunches smell when i heat them up in the microwave :smilielol5:

Mum came round for coffee and we had a nice catch up and then i sat and did a jigsaw puzzle on my iPad!!!!! OMG i love them but i never do normal jigsaws cos sat a table doing them is always really uncomfortable and they take up soooo much space too. I always use to just do kids ones because they were smaller and i could get them done quicker, anyway, I have an app on my iPad and now i can curl up on the sofa and spend hours doing one (488 peices!!) And it was free and there is just loads and loads of different ones. Love it :)

See, a happy post today :) no bitching or ranting :hurray: :hurray:

Ooooh i am going to my brother and sister-in-laws on the 1st March so i aim to have 10 perfect day!!!! No going over 1300 cals or 1500 if i go to the gym. :)

When i clicked on submit on yesterdays post i read it as it came up....OMG i was so embarassed :blush5: I really did let rip huh. It felt good though. I am so so sorry about my language!! I didn't realise it was that bad. I was like 'oh no, everyone is gonna think i am a total psycho!!!'

Cate I totally go off on a mega rant and you think i am a darling :grouphug: I was so worried that my rant was gonna offend when i read it back, It did make me see things in a different light, Head down, typing furiously made it seem not so bad really. And MIL's are a breed of their own huh. I really really hope that i am not like it with Jack. I have been with Mark for 22 years now and i have never had an arguement with her so that's good, i just rant at other people about her lol.

Sarah I'm glad i made you laugh!! I was worried that my rant and my language would offend people :smilielol5: Your comment really made me giggle :) We all seem to have or have had the MIL from hell. I am soooooo not gonna be one for Jack's other half (i really hope i ain't anyway) Thank you for your lovely kind encouraging words :)

Jess Yeah, i was really evil lol :blush5: but it felt so good getting that all off my chest :) MIL's are hard work ain't they!!!
It would be so great if there were some kind of pills that help us cope with PMT, oooh i think there is something herbal that helps, i will look into that especially if it happens again. Hopefully things will calm down now. I am blaming it on my surgery as that no doubt messed things up abit.
Yeah, she did get me mad when she said about anorexia!!!! I think it was really insulting! and yeah, like you said, she was probably jealous that i have actually managed to do something she cant but it doesn't give them the right to say these things to us.

Here's to a totally grumpy free perfect 10 days :) fingers crossed lol
 
Evening Primrose Oil- That's what I used to take. I'm sure it helped me sweets.

Hormones are horrendous but also serve a very worthwhile purpose, especially when you're young ;)

"I totally go off on a mega rant and you think I am a darling :grouphug:" YEP! I do! You are! xoxo Cate
 
ADAY 235

Breakfast: 50g porridge & blueberries (201 cals)
Lunch: Leftover roast & a yoghurt (418 cals)
Dinner: Veg lasagne & salad with light salad cream (348 cals)
Snacks: 4 coffee's, 2 kiwi's, granola bar & banana (403 cals)
Total calories = 1370

Exercise: 15 min walk, 30 min run, 3x12 chest press, 3x12 tricep extentions & 150 reps on the abs machine.

I felt pretty flat when i woke up this morning but had a great morning at work with Rachel, the hygienist, she always manages to put me in a great mood.
Do you remember me saying that i would go running with a guy that Mark works with (the one that had run the london marathon last year) anyway we were going to go after work today. I text him and asked him how long he took to run a mile cos it took me about 11 mins on a good day....Anyway he does it in 7.5-8.5 mins!!!!!!!!! I text him back saying how long it takes me and that if he wanted to forget it i would totally understand. He text back saying we should leave it for tonight. For some reason i was totally gutted and angry with myself for being so freaking slow :mad: . I was always quite happy with my speed really and this made me feel totally crap :( I know he wasn't being horrible or anything and our times are hugely different so it did make sence, i was just pissed off. So, i decided to go to the gym and have a go at upping my speed. I run at 9 normally but tonight i did...
10 minutes on 9.5
5 mins on 10
5 mins on 9.5
5 mins on 10
5 mins on 9.5
It was pretty hard and i was sweating loads but it felt sooooooo good. I think i have just been running in my comfort zone and need to push myself. I know it made me feel crap realising that i was too slow to go running with Wooffy but it really gave me a real kick up the butt to push myself :)
Oh and i did some weights too :hurray: I was a good girl and waited like the Dr said. It was hard doing them too, it's amazing how not doing any for a few weeks can make such a difference!

I am really glad i went to the gym and did something positive instead of wallowing in self loathing. I have found the small things push me to feel low instantly lately and i really need to make an effort to do something about it rather than wallow :)

Cate Ooooh i will definately give Evening Primrose Oil a go, i'll get some at the weekend :) Thank you :grouphug: I am really struggling with staying positive at the moment Grrrrrr!!
 
I'm a little bit the same sweets. We have to push ourselves when we get like that & do whatever we can to lift our spirits. Hang in there sweetie. You'll be right xoxo Cate
 
I am in so much freakin awe over your running endurance!!! 7 miles straight?? That's just amazing!!


Lol I love how picturesque your life sounds! You're always talking about you just walk around town and run into a million people you know! I think that's so cool, that never happens to me! It's like a Disney movie- I imagine you in that scene from Beauty and the Beast where Belle is walking through the town and everyone is saying hello to her while she sings down the street! ;) hehe


I laughed so hard when you made that comment about sending Jack's dinner leftovers in the mail to your MIL! There some good MIL's out there, I'm confident you'll be one!


Also ummm, if you ran 9.5 mph for the first 10 minutes then didn't you just blow that marathon runner's mile time straight out of the water?? I can't even believe that workout that you did, it's really intense, and reading where you came from when you first starting running really gives me hope that I could handle something like that someday! Thanks for inspiring me, as always! :)
 
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