A new beginning...(Catie's progress)

Hi Cat

Sorry that things have not been going well for the last couple of days.

It sounds like those kids are a real handful.

Just think. Everything is a life lesson. If you have kids in the future you will not let them turn into brats.

As for your boyfriend - no relationship ever goes smoothly 100 % of the time. Invariably there will be times when two people want to do two different things. Sometimes coming to a compromise can be a sign of strength and not weakness.

I am sorry to hear that you have injured your foot.

As for your weight - we all have times when our weight goes up. My weight is up compared to yesterday - I know why in my case - but we all have these events.

Your weight may not have come down this week but you are right - you can feel proud that you have made a lot of very positive changes this week.

You know what changes could help your weight loss - you state that you could tighten up your diet a bit and with a bit of exercise the two pounds will be off in no time and you will be losing the rest. I am positive that you can do it.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
{{{hugs!}}}

Well said Margaret! :) I agree

Hang in there Cat..:hug2:

I can't stand those kinda days/weeks where everything goes wrong..

I had that kinda time last week...lol

Have A Goal Reachin' Sunday! ;)
 
Yesterday was a really bad day. Hormonally completely out of whack I felt depressed, and ended up going to bed crying at 9 o clock.
I know that when I have a day like that everything is completely out of proportion so I was crying and yelling at my boyfriend over the phone for not coming to see me, when he knew I had been up for 14 hours working already and needed someone to be here with me and to make me some dinner. I insulted him badly in the process, but I think he knows I am just having a bad day.
I hated my life yesterday, hated the way I look, the way I feel, everything!
What threw me over the edge in the end was that I forgot my housekeys at my work... as you see it is completely crazy, but I couldn't stop crying and feeling miserable for myself.

Today I think I am better, still I will try to go and see my therapist if she has some time for me.

I ate all kind of crap yesterday including 2 kit kats and then didn't eat dinner because I was angry and crying. Then woke up at 3 starving so I had some dry cereal, just so that I could go back to sleep.

This week I am going to ballet on thursday, to jazz on friday and I want to do somemore exercise but don't know if I will have time. Also since I am on my period I don't feel like doing anything and I feel like whatever I do I am going to be dirty and disgusting.

On the good side though, a few days ago I fulfilled a dream I had had for ages: an ipod! It wasn't too expensive because they have just changed the format of the ipod nano and I bought one of the old ones. I am hoping to go rollerblading with my ipod soon.
It just has to stop raining!
 
Hi Cat

Tell me about the rain. I am just back (within the last 5 minutes) from walking 7.3 miles in it!

I am sorry that things are going badly. We all have days like that. It is truly horrible.

I think that going to see your therapist is a good idea.

I can understand why you ate as you did - but the big thing is that you do not punish yourself for doing so. What is done is done.

Try and plan some sensible food for the rest of the day and tomorrow. Make it reasonably balanced and allow a little treat that you will enjoy. If you manage to stick to it (more or less) you will be able to congratulate yourself which may help you feel better about yourself. And your body will be trying to run on good fuel. The silly thing is that when we splurge like that we dont really enjoy the food that we eat. We are simply seeking some form of comfort.

There is nothing dirty or disgusting about you - your body is simply acting as it should for a healthy young woman. Any woman you admire in your age group will experience the same events and possibly similar feelings at times.

And as for your hormones - we all know about those. I have spent many years describing myself as constantly living on an emotional knife-edge. Hormones play tricks on us all.

Take care - and give yourself a big hug

Love
Margaret
 
I have a great day today (hormones hormones hormones), not foodwise, but I feel happy and easy... which is nice!
Tomorrow I have my first ballet lesson... am really nervous, but happy. I have lost a couple of cm at my waist (I don't measure myself, but my belt closes like a whole couple of cm more than 2 days ago) so I think I was retaining a lot of crap from the pill. I had just done a double whammie (2 months without a gap) and I think that was bad for my volume. I don't think it changed my weight, but it is nice to be able to see some change.
This confirms that I am definitely going off it.

I had a great idea, which is one of those things that you just think but never do... if I rollerbladed to uni instead of taking thebus I would do 3 times a week 6 miles of blading and would save like 10 pounds a week! I could go and see a musical, or a ballet, or a show every month with this saved money!!! Or pay for my dance which is really going to be expensive! Wouldn't that be amazing??
I am going to give it a go on friday, if it doesn't rain. I am going to blade to uni just to see how it goes ad probably take the bus back, because I have jazz until 9:30.
The only downside of this is: I will be all sweaty when I arrive! So maybe I need to take like a little parfume and a towel... ;)!

OK, have to go and read like 700 new posts (couldn't get on for like 2 days). I have just downloaded itunes so that I can load up my ipod. It is sill wrapped... I am so afraid of it getting scratched or something!
 
Hi Cat

I am pleased that your hormones are back to being your friends. It is so nice when they behave. And it is good that your waist has reduced. That will be a nice boost to your confidence.

I am sure that the dancing will go well.

I think that your idea about rollerblading is brilliant. Not only do you save money which you can spend as you say on a treat - but it should be great exercise which will both help you lose a little weight and also assist with strengthening your leg. It sounds a winner all round to me.

They say that it is darkest before the dawn. It sounds like dawn has arrived for you with so many positives.

Take care.
Love
Margaret
 
OK, first the bad: I ate like a piggy today! My dept. in uni had scones, so I had half of one (they are huge if you don't know what they are!! and they come with cream and marmelade.... oh man....). And I also ate all other kinds of sweets and fats and general no-nos!
Also no ballet, my friend forgot. She apologized and all but by myself I couldn't go! So no sports and a lo of food... bad!
To the good: I have packed my lunch for tomorrow, bought a good proper breakfast with the minimal caloric intake and the maximal filling effect.
I think because of how I am I really need to plan eery breakkie and lunch in advance because otherwise I pig out.
So tomorrows meal is:
Cheerios and soy milk: 130 cal
Melon and Grapes: 70 cal

Thin salmon and Ryvita sandwich: 100 cal
Tomatoes: 30 cal
Baby carrots: 70 cal
Fruit: 100 cal

Dinner is not yet planned, but I think if I am home I will have fish and asparagus and maybe broccoli, my favs!
I may however go out, then I will try to eat with my head! My boyfriend is going out but I have jazz until 9:30 and if they have already left I am not going!

If it doesn't rain I will blade to uni tomorrow. I am very excited about this! Hopefully it doesn't rain!
And if it does it is not the end of the world, since I have 2 hours of jazz dance in the evening, which is going to be a great workout.

Next week I will try to maintain the breakkies and lunches and (since I will be off the period) I want to go swimming on Monday and wednesday and dancing Thursday (ballet)and friday (jazz). Ideally I would go to the gym on wednesday, but I think that is being a little bit overeager!!
I need to reform myself bit by bit. So the aim for the following weeks is:
-increase water intake
-go to my sportsclasses and not be so chicken
-eat sensibly.

I have done first baby steps this week (even though very baby). Next week I hope my steps will be a little bit bigger.
But I am proud of myself for going to tomorrows class. It is my first actual real class, because the other one was trial week. I am looking forward to it.
 
I just got the date for my next surgery: 17th of december. This one is not related to my leg (yey) but to my teeth. My wisdom teeth are strangely shaped and need to be removed but it isn't so easy so they have decided to put me under anaesthesia and remove all 4 of them in one long session. They have to open my gum and possibly even the bone to remove them... yuck!
And I have to be on liquid diet for the 10 days after surgery. Is it wrong that I feel this will be good, because I will lose weight?¿?

Have to go to uni now, so I will write more this evening.
 
Due to starvation... ok maybe not quite but felt like it, I had a large snack just now.
I had a pack of sushi (233 cal) and an apple and some grapes (100 cal total) so I had 330 cal of snack...
Now I am off to the pub, where I will delight in some diet coke... I can't go to the pub to get just water and everything else is fattening.
Had an ok amount of water so far, but still have some time to go. And that's it.
 
Yes I did it!!!! I attended the jazz class and (as I used to do) I stood in the first row. I even got complimented by a girl who was standig behind me, which meant so much to me. I feel like such a loser looking at myself in the mirrors, seeing this fat and horrible version of myself, trying to do basic steps.
I sometimes wonder how distorted I see myself, if I think I am the worst dancer in the world, I seem to have no control over my body and no precision in my movement, yet people still consider me good.
I only did the beginners class because my leg was throbbing and I didn't want to overdo it. It was good though!
I will try to do both classes in time.

My boyfriend is trying to read this behind my back and I do not want him to, so I am going to close it and write some more tomorrow.
 
Hi Cat

Popped into your diary to say hello. I am away from home at the minute so I havent popped in for a couple of days.

We all have moments of weakness where we eat things that we know that we shouldnt. Try not to - but forgive yourself immediately when you do. No-one is perfect.

It is a shame about the ballet being cancelled - but if you got compliments at jazz dance - you must have done better than you think.

It is a good idea to plan your breakfast and lunch - and it really is not too boring to stick to a very similar structure for it on a daily basis. The big thing is to vary the main meal. I find that if I do not plan these meals - I could eat almost anything. The key is to find something that satisfies your hunger.

When I was about twenty I used to know a girl who used to go into a pub and ask for a glass of water with lots of ice and bits of orange and lemon in it. It looked more like a clear pims than anything. Once she had it she could top it up with a glass of water. It looked so unusual most people did not realise that it was just water.

As for the dentistry - often you experience pain and there is no bonus. In this case the enforced liquid diet has the potential to help your weight loss. you will have to make sure that you get all the nutrients that you need during this period. Maybe the dentist who has told you that you need to be on a liquid diet will give you advice as to the best way to go about this.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Hello,
breakfast was good, lunch was an apple and a babybel light (big mistake!!) because opbviously I got hungry later on and I had some chocolate and a piece of cake (pretty stale one at a friend's house).
We had dinner at a Thai restaurant and I really liked the food, but I ate with my head, so not too much!

I am not sore, just feel that my muscles are a bit more tired. I think I wll get sore tomorrow, because I did really push me to my limits and I cannot believe I would not get sore from yesterday.

I have seen this book called "lose weight with a gymnastic ball" and I have a gym ball because it is easier for my damaged hip to sit on one of them rather than a chair. So I have decided to buy that book on monday and do between 30 and 60 minutes daily fo exercise on it. While I listen to some music and stuff. It may not be huge for weight loss (not really very cardio), more for toning but I could use some tone!

Tomorrow we are going to the movies and then there is a dinner at mine, because we want to watch the rugby. I feel quite content. I will weigh myself tomorrow, I don't think I have lost anything, but I have made some changes that will hlp me lose weight.
And I have a workout plan for next week, swimming 2ce and dance twice and then hopefully some toning on my ball.
 
Hi Cat

Well done for eating with your head. Using the ball to get toned sounds like a good idea.

Re stretch marks. I have zillions of them. If they are fine and white there is nothing I know of to help them - I understand that they are about as good as they are going to get. If they are coloured you can have laser which is supposed to help them almost disappear. Bio-oil might also help coloured ones.

I am getting more stretch marks as I reduce - and use bio-oil to try and persuade them to not form or if they must go straight to the fine white line phase.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Thank you as usual Margaret for your input. Mine ar pretty fine and white, but I can feel them, which annoys me a bit, but to be honest it is the least of my problems!
My internet is broken, that is why my posts are so far apart. I have put on another 2 pounds... I cannot believe it and I was about to cry when I weighed myself. No-one around me understands how this happened, I had been fairly good. My boyfriend thinks it is muscle, but I don't think so, I must have been eating worse than I actually thought!

But that was yesterday, today I am in an ok mood. I bought the book and I ate fairly reasonable, but it is extremely hard. The family I babysit for is very rich, american and rather chubby, they have the nicest food and especially snacks in their house and I have no willpower, once I have seen it, it is already in my mouth. So I ate a HUGE cookie today... other than that I was pretty good.
I even measured my cheerios to be sure I am eating only the 30 grams the box describes as 110 kcal.

Have started my intestinal cleansing, had 5 pills this morning and will have another 5 pills tonight. I have to do this for 21 days. The pills are a mix of herbs that will cleanse me, then I have to, for about 45-60 days take some good bacteria.
At least these 21 days I should try harder than ever to eat just right, so that my body can cleanse properly.

Other than that all is good. I found another pair of jeans which is good, because I refuse to buy anything else in size 14. Until I am not at least a size 12 (but better a 10) I will not buy any nice clothes!
I did buy myself soem pjs because I had none left. And socks, but I am not really expecting my feet to shrink with my new eating and sports regime ;)!
Tomorrow I will start to do 30 minutes of ball training with my gym ball and my new book. Very excited!!
I also bought fast food nation, the book, to read about all the things I do not want to eat!!

And my water intake has been really good today, already 1.5 litres and still dinner to go, so at least 2 l, probably 2.5! Well done me, for that!
 
Hi Cat

Well done regarding drinking water. I can only manage 2 litres of water a day - and I really struggle to do that. Water is so good for you and of course it helps to fill you up.

It is also positive that you have started the cleansing. That can only improve things.

I am sorry that your internet has broken. This type of problem happens to us all at times. I hope that it is fixed soon.

As for your weight gain - what is done is done. I am sorry that it has happened - but also sorry that it upset you. At the end of the day two pounds is a very small amount of weight to put on - no-one would notice had you not stood on the scales (this is actually why I know that I must regularly stand on the scales) - and two pounds can come off just as quickly when you focus on your diet and exercise.

I am pleased that your mood is ok today.

You were wise to measure your cereal. It is very easy to guess the weight of cereal and be very wrong. It is one reason why I opt for weetabix - you can count how many you have and with low calorie sweetener you know that you are in control. Some cereals are amazingly high in calories.

It would certainly be of benefit to you if you can resist the snacks at your employers' house. It may be worth you taking a plastic box with some prepared melon or grapes with you. Some snacks can be frighteningly high in calories.

Whilst the gym ball should help tone you - it may be worth you trying to do a little extra aerobic exercise. You mentioned trying to roller-blade to college. Did you give that a go? Alternatively adding in a little walking or even having a little dance in a quiet moment may pay dividends. Exercise is something that you always have an option to increase - even if you feel you do quite a bit already. In my case - it is fair to say that my stepcount is so far outside the normal range it is silly.

Take care. I know that you can do it.

Love
Margaret
 
Ok will be short, am doing well with the eating but still a lot of time to go...
Started a paper food diary for this week, I hope that will help. My book is great, I will try some exercise later or tomorrow morning (it has an aerobic part, a tummy part, a butt part... I know I can't lose the weight where I want, but I can train those parts to be stronger!), I have the morning off!

If my internet decided to work that would be brilliant, otherwise I won't post tomorrow.
 
Hi

I am pleased that you are doing well with your food.

A paper food diary is a very good idea. It helps identify where the extra calories that you can painlessly cut out are.

I hope that the internet and the exercises go well.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Thanx Margaret, yes, I have to update my paper diary, but I can already see where I fail... it is around 5 o'clock when I seem to eat whatever is around me. I have to try to control that by eating raw veggies at that time.

Yesterday I broke down in front of my boyfriend. I don't like doing this because he has some issues from the accidents as well (he was there with me, instructing me in my snowboarding, because he is better than me and he feels very guilty. I don't want to make him feel worse and this all seems to be connected to that one day, so... difficult to explain, but I just don't like breaking down in front of him).
But against all expectations he was awesome. He said he loved me no matter what but he thinks I will be happier if I am skinnier so he will help me. He said that if I manage to do sports 3 times a week, he will invite me to the movies at the end of each week as a little incentive. And if I consistently lose weight in a month because I was good he will then invite me a show (musical, ballet, opera etc...) at the end of the month.
I think it is sweet of him. And I feel stronger. I really need to cut the 5 o'clock snacking (well turn it into healthy snacking) and get some sports in. I know that that is my main problem, why don't I have the willpower to do what it takes??

I have been doing great on the water, over 2 l every day. I find that if I start the day with 500-750 ml of water the rest just comes naturally. I try to drink a lot of tea as well, as this is cleansing (I drink it without milk and sugar, just fruit or green tea).

Today i won't go to ballet again, my friend can't make it and neither can I. I have to babysit some different kids today, I used to babysit them during the summer and I love them, so i am very happy.

Internet is still broken, so i can only write from university. So updates are few and far in between...
 
Hi Cat

I am sorry that your internet is still broken.

I sometimes it is good when things come to a head and people blurt out what they are feeling. I think that it is very positive that you and your boyfriend have communicated like this. Now you have some lovely incentives to look forward to and may help to keep you focused.

Well done on the water drinking. That is really good for you.

It is good that you have some nice kids to look after today. That should be much more fun.

As for the snacks - make sure that you have a healthy snack with you at 5 p.m. each day. If you are out - take a little plastic box with some grapes or something in with you.

As for the exercise - if you are not getting to do anything in a structured manner - do as I do and wear a pedometer (they are really cheap). You will see what your stepcount is and can easily pop out and walk round the block. I am sure that it would help.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
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