A Little More than Useless

the_walrus0

the_walrus0

New member
Hi guys, if anyone's reading, I am starting a diet journal. I usually put these on xanga or blogger, but those sites are plagued with pro ana girls. Not that they are bad people, but I am trying to get away from that lifestyle and encouragement. It wasn't working anyways. I had all the pleasure of not eating religously, but still being fat. :nopity:

Well my first week has had a 5 lb weight loss. Good start, seeing as how I am dreading what it's going to be like only seeing a 1-2 lb difference. I'll get used to it, and love it in time, but right now it's hard to imagine losing so slowly. I know this is how it has to be though and I am really hoping the slow loss will help my skin keep up because when I was 160 my stomach had quit a bit of loose skin and I think my stomach would've looked a lot better without it.

Not that this is all about looks, but in some ways it has to be.

Anyways, I noticed I don't count the weekend as days to lose weight, which probably isn't good because it's almost Friday now and I am fretting about being the same weight because I feel like if I don't lose a lb by Friday that I have somehow failed, even though there is Saturday and Sunday left. I guess old habits die hard. I'll just have to start using Sunday as my deadline. In fact, I shouldn't even be setting deadlines, I should just be amping my work outs or switching my meal plan and hoping for the best...

I have a long ways to go.

I realized I have accumulated a vast knowledge of healthy and unhealthy fitness, diet and healthy lifestyle tips and facts over my six years of yo yo dieting. I suppose this is to my advantage because now I know for certain what I have to do, I've just never done it before.

So here we go, thunder thighs, I'm taking you two on a long journey to healthy. :auto:
 
Hey :) Do you have a plan? Like, how many calories, how much exercise, etc? Just make sure you do it safely and good luck to you! Congrats on a 5lb loss, that's huge!
 
I was eating about 1800 calories, but I think that might be just a tad too much since my exercise isn't really rigorous yet. I am just trying to move about 15-20 mins a day, to get into the habit of it. Anyways, right now I am aiming from 1650 to 1700 just to see how that works for me. So far, in two weeks I've lost six lbs, but I credit some of that to water weight in the first week. This week I've lost about one lb.

I did some regular home exercises the first week. Jumping jacks, push ups, crunches, sit ups, lunges, squats...anything I could remember from when I was younger. I also did some stretching for about ten minutes. I've been doing a few pilates yoga moves that came with my mat, strap and blocks. They are basic, but the instructor said to try the positions 1-3 times for a start and work your way up to ten. Some of them aren't difficult, but a few of them were pretty hard, and this morning my shoulders and abs are feeling it pretty hard. I also have been pretty sedentary for about a year so my muscles are going to take a bit of training to work up to a regular exercise.

=) I am also making healthy switches. Wheat instead of refined, less carbs from breads and more fruits and veggies. I started using egg whites instead of the whole egg and I try to make my breakfast mostly protien with a lot of veggies. I let myself have kind of whatever I feel like, but I follow my daily intake to a T so if the meal doesn't seem worth it I end of opting for a more filling option. I'm also drinking about 12 8oz glasses of water a day, minimal on the diet sodas since they have aspartame in them...

Tomorrow I'm buying some half fat cheese slices. I know fat isn't bad, but I love cheese and regular cheese brings the fat. x.x

So...I guess I know what I should and should not eat, and I also know when it's ok to cheat a little. That's what I'm doing, just integrating healthy habits into my diet.

I am pretty excited to start running. I have an elliptical but it isn't exactly top notch. I am going to get a gym membership and start walking and jogging on the treadmill for a few months, following the eight week program I found via google. Walk 10 mins, jog 30 sec, walk one min...ect, amp it up each week.

I think I detailed it pretty good. I've cut out beef because of what I saw on a documentary that just...made me really sick. I avoid Tyson at all costs, because of what I saw about them too, but I do still eat chicken. When the farmer's market comes round I'll be buying from them mostly in the summer.

I've found a nice yoga position to relieve stress though, and I've been using it everytime I feel a bit frazzled. It's quite helpful.
 
Hey girl :)

It looks like you're on the right path. 1650-1700 is a great goal.

You have a great game plan. You have a good calorie intake, making healthier substitutions while still allowing yourself to eat what you enjoy (everything in moderation!), and getting the water in there. You're on the path to succeed!

I know you said you have long ways to go but set some mini-goals for yourself! Treat yourself once you hit them. I find it so much easier to say "Oh 10lbs till my next goal!" instead of thinking "30lbs away!!!" You know?

You got this :)
 
Thanks for the support! I just had a crazy weekend of drinking. I was trying to tone down the drinking, but luckily I haven't been stuffing my face. I know I'm going for a lifestyle change so I'm looking at this as a positive thing to go through.

I had fun, I feel bad because I think I overdid it, drinking both nights instead of one like I had planned, however tomorrow I am getting back on the wagon. I'm gonna weigh myself, and if it's good I'll be inspired, bad I'll be pushed to do better next weekend.

I have forever to get this right, but each long break inbetween tries means it's gonna take me longer to reach what I want.

It's not entirely about looks, it's a lot about my mental health as well and I noticed a big difference today compared to the rest of the week. I was tired, out of energy, depressed...during the week I was ready to go.

Anyways, I've got a lot of steps to take on this journey, and a lot of lbs to lose, but I'm in it for the long run and I'm not letting anything pull me back to where I was a few weeks ago.
 
Today I'm doing alright. I drank last night, but not too much and I chased with diet soda, so not too bad.

I am still trying to cut back on the drinking. I have exactly two addictions, besides over eating, and they are cigarettes and alcohol. I am going to take the step to quit smoking or at least cut back severely.

I can't help but feel hypocritical, trying to make this about a lifestyle change and being healthy when I have other unhealthy habits. The smoking might not be making me fat but it's not helping me out either. I don't want to get older, drinking my spare time away, developing cancers.

I am just pursuing happiness. I know that drinking, in the end, doesn't make me happy. Cigarettes do not make me happy. Over eating does not make me happy.

I know I feel good when I'm eating right, exercising and losing weight.

The hard part is applying that.

One step at a time, eh?
 
I'm really surprised how well it's going. I know that before by this time I would be down 20 lbs, but I'd be exhausted. I feel great compared to what I usually feel like.

I'm down about half of what I'm used to losing, but somehow it feels better than those other times. Before it was always like a race to me, and when I slipped up it was devastating.

I was also very hard on myself, which I know is what you're not supposed to do, but I would call myself names. The worst being that I would revert to my teenage coping skills, like cutting, drinking, smoking...I was never happy. On Friday I drank some beer, ate some doritos, but I didn't go too overboard. Yesterday I was scared to get on the scale but I found I had lost .5 lbs, which was amazing.

Just another reminder that it's really a lifestyle change. Something I can stick with.

I guess because this is usually the point where I fail I am being very cautious, but not too cautious. I am, for the most part, trying to think less about the weight loss. It's becoming second nature and I'm grateful for that, because it get's exhausting to think about it all the time.

I was worried that I would get too inpatient, but now I feel I won't, because I know I'd rather just deal with it because a year is going to pass anyways.

I'm excited, I've set my goal for my 20th birthday to be a weight of 199lbs. My birthday is May 30th, and I think that's an ok time frame to reach 199. Even if I get to 205 or something I'll still be close to escaping the 200's.

In highschool I told myself I would never be over 200 lbs again, and somehow I've gone above and beyond. >.<'

It's not all about the weight for me, but like I always say, I'd be lying if I said it was all about health. I do want to be healthier, and a much larger and far away goal is to maybe become a nutritionist or instructor of some kind. But that's thinking too far ahead.

My tiny goal that I have my sights set on is losing 1-2 lbs a week and exercising, and my farther away goal is to be 199 around my birthday.
 
Hello!! I really enjoyed reading your journal. Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and know what's going to be good for you. Now it's time to continue implementing! Baby steps are very important, otherwise you'll never stick to anything for long. Come here when you're feeling down.. We'll remind you of how good you're doing overall!!

Good luck!!
 
=) You guys are all so supportive.

I did just start my...well, that week where I'm very hormonal and hungry. I am kind of scared, because I get bloated and depressed. But I am trying to look at it from a different view. This week might be rough, but the three weeks after that are going to be amazing compared to this week. It's a part of life I'm going to have to learn to be healthy through.

I used to eat a family size bag of doritos and a family size bag of reeses miniature cups on the night that I started menstruating just because I was menstruating.

Ridiculous. I'm gonna use light yoga this week to ease stress, try to get some cardio in on the elliptical and I'm going to keep eating healthy.

My body might have a harder time this week, but I'm going to try my best to make it mentally easy on myself.

Another baby step I have to take.

I also go through days where I feel like playing mmorpgs literally all day. I tell myself it's gonna be one or two hours and it turns into all day. x_x Cause I'm a huge nerd. I decided the best way for me to deal with this is to tell myself I can't play until I've done my exercise first. Otherwise I won't want to later.

I believe I can be a hardcore gamer, and also get fit and be healthy. I just have to make fitness and health priority, leaving the games for later.

Besides, I hate being the fat girl gamer stereotype. >.< I am a giant nerd, but I don't want to literally be a giant nerd.

I keep telling myself I shouldn't weigh myself everyday, but it's impossible. I don't mind if the scale fluctuates, I know it will. I guess the only reason people say to weigh weekly is so that if you gain a bit in the middle you don't freak out. I just need that number to give me motivation. If it drops, great, I don't want to mess that up. If it doesn't I gotta step up my game a bit, maybe push a littler harder in my workout. And I'm sure once I start working I will forget to weigh some mornings, so I won't be so obsessed.

Anyways, just checking in. I like writing out my thoughts on here, it helps me tackle them one at a time.
 
Cheating to 2,000 calories. x.x My parents just came home with reeses, cinammons rolls and hostess cupcakes.

I am finding it difficult to resist, so I decided maybe this should be my first cheat day. I ate well all day until now.

I feel bad but I know I'll be thinking about them all night. On any other day I could've resisted but I have been craving sugary things all day.

I know that if I'm going to stick with this I've got to let myself have this, but in moderation and then move on tomorrow without letting myself fall. If I can that will be the ultimate proof that I am in this for good.

I just hope I can handle this.
 
K now that I've had the sweets I feel bad.

I am just mentally struggling, but I know tomorrow morning I will be fine. I just feel like I ruined everything, but I think I did ok. My stomach hurts from the sugar though.

Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow is a new day...
 
I worked out harder this morning than I ever have since starting this, and I'm kind of proud. I did wake up with awful heart burn, which I exercised through. I'm not sure if that's a good idea but I had to do something to redeem myself for last night. I am eating a pretty good breakfast, about 400 calories, mostly made of protien.

I am really surprised that, while I feel bad, I also know that I will still eat right today, still drink enough water, and I still feel like I'm moving forward in my efforts. Before I would've been defeated. I would've cried and I would've been convinced that I had failed.

It's a nice feeling, and I know that this is just bump of many that are going to come but I have to be strong. Before this I was literally dead inside. I was so depressed with my life and myself that I just layed in bed all day, eating and watching tv. My room was disgusting, building up around me and I didn't even care. I was a mess, and I'm only nineteen, it's not supposed to be that way.
 
the_walrus0 said:
I worked out harder this morning than I ever have since starting this, and I'm kind of proud. I did wake up with awful heart burn, which I exercised through. I'm not sure if that's a good idea but I had to do something to redeem myself for last night. I am eating a pretty good breakfast, about 400 calories, mostly made of protien.

I am really surprised that, while I feel bad, I also know that I will still eat right today, still drink enough water, and I still feel like I'm moving forward in my efforts. Before I would've been defeated. I would've cried and I would've been convinced that I had failed.

It's a nice feeling, and I know that this is just bump of many that are going to come but I have to be strong. Before this I was literally dead inside. I was so depressed with my life and myself that I just layed in bed all day, eating and watching tv. My room was disgusting, building up around me and I didn't even care. I was a mess, and I'm only nineteen, it's not supposed to be that way.
Click to expand...

Good for you for moving past it. We all have those bumps and it is how you handle them that sets you up for failure or success. Some people will get over it, like you did, and others will just continue eating It is a test to see if you really want to lose weight. Sounds like now that you know how to mentally get over those bumps you are on your way to your goals. Congratulations!
 
Hey lovely - i ve just been reading through your diary!!
You seem to be doing great! - Yup we all had bad days!!! i remember once i was on the munch - very hungry - just an hour after lunch - and had 4 tortilla wraps! 808 calories!!! i felt so guilty - i went to the gym and didnt leave until i worked it off!!!!! it took me over 2 hours... so i think about it twice since then - lol
i also see you are on 100 lbs journey - well ish...same as me :)
There s a good thing about it - as time passes it gets better: bc you keep looking better and feeling healthier!!!!!!
Keep up the good job!
:grouphug:
 
It seems like it. Hopefully once this week is over it will be back to smooth sailing for a bit.

I did notice that after that one binge I have had heartburn all day, which used to be a constant issue for me until I started eating better. I think I kind of got used to it and since I haven't been dealing with it I didn't even notice how much I hate it.

I'm too young to have heartburn all the time, I think. x.x

Anyways, I don't plan on weighing myself until Sunday if I can hold out that long, so I'm fairly confidant I'll see the lb drop off this week. I'm aiming low for weeks like this, I'd rather not lose than gain.

Always looking on the bright side.
 
Just stopped in to read your diary and say welcome and "hi!" It sounds like you are on the right path... Keeping up with my diary on here has really helped me to stay on track... and get back on track when I trip up... Everyone on here is so nice and supportive~ I look forward to following your fantastic progress! :)
 
It's great that I'm getting so much feedback. I am really conditioned to the pro ana forums, and while in the forums everyone is essentially quick to give advice it's not always friendly and if it's a journal or blog that you didn't put some inordinate amount of thinspo into...well forget about any kind of help. At my weight too...they always wanted to hear about massive weight loss.

I feel really good hearing so many 'you can do it's.

Right now I am being kind of bad. I was basically ravenous, which is unusual for me, but I am up late because I got really into this book. I was planning on sleeping about two hours ago.

Anyways, to counteract the hunger I am eating about four cups of popped popcorn, about 100 calories, but it's enough to make me feel like I'm eating. It will be putting 100 cals over my limit for the day and I feel kind of bad about it, but after my binge last night it is a minor bump and if I'd rather be 100 cals over than what I did last night. I stopped counting last night.

Damned cinnamon roll. It was staring right at me. >.<

I just thought I jump on. I've been trying to record my slip ups and successes, that way I can look back and see all the times I made it through, and all the times I did extraordinary. I know I'm only about three weeks in. At the end of next week I hope to taken an inbetween picture, if I lose another 8 or 9 lbs. I might wait for the 25 lb mark. I am not expecting fast results, but I am expecting a pretty big difference by May, if I keep a steady weight loss.

I'm just holding out, trying to be patient and content. =)
 
Whoo, I'm eating something I haven't in a long time. A flour tortilla!

I know to stay away from white breads and pastas, stick to wheat, but it was the last tortilla and I have to admit that it's delicious.

I'm still trying to separate my eating habits from a diet to a lifestyle change.

On any other day I would've freaked after eating this, but I haven't had one in a really long time.

I am, generally, a firm believer that one can eat just about anything and lose weight, and even be healthy. I do know that I feel a lot better when I eat healthier foods, lean meats, whole grains, eggs...but I am working really hard to not beat myself up over this tortilla.

It's such a small thing, and I used half the cheese I normally do.

I just have a tendency to beat myself up a lot, about everything: I didn't drink enough water, didn't move enough, ate too much, ate too much of the wrong foods, drank too much diet soda...

It's constant, but I am learning to counter it with positive reinforcements.

I am having issues, also, with my patience. I know I am working to change, but since it's so slow going I feel like I am doing nothing. It's too easy, and at the same time it's so difficult. I am not hungry, the exercises are not too strenuous...it's simple and it's working, but it's working slowly. I know I can do, I just have to do it and not think about it.

-sigh-
Another day. =)
 
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