A humourist's view and a diary of change

So last night, went home in a bit of a foul mood. I took it out shamefully on my BF who got timings mixed up ont he train, I know it was irrational. Before I elft work, I had 6/7 pieces of junky crap- --chocolate covered 'clusters'. Cluster-bombs! I didn't beat myself up too much about it, I went home and made some healthy food and had 1 small slice of homemade parsnips, leek and fennel tart (with home made shortcrust pastry) and a slaice of kouku (a sort of persian egg tortilla with no crust) A salad of sliced cucumebrs and balsamic vinegar and then half a plum and a few raisins for dessert. Coffee. No wine. Yay! Overall, proabbyl strayed into about 500 terriroty, so just about kept to my RMR, 1600 thereabouts of food.

this morning, just had a cinnamon porridge breakfast with mixed seeds and 4 slices of banana. A few days ago I tried on my summer wardrobe from the previous year. I've gained inches all over my arms and hips. I'm trying to trima way the fat, I know my thighs have become quite muscly. I do remember this temporal physical shape, from years ago however, it was a precursor to becomgin incredibly slim, fingers crossed.
 
Last night was a disaster!

I didn't go to my evening class, I had a tin of tuna, then 1/4 of a homemade vetegable tart, raisins and then 4/5 tsps of peanut butter and a small bowl of oat museli!

Lunch before that was noodle soup.

I felt terribly bloated all day. I've decided that I'm going to rehaul and be more focused about things. I hada breakfast smootie of strawberries, blueberries, fat free frozen yoghurt and it was delicious. Lunch was a vegetable juice and a pumpkin soup. I am considering going ona liquids diet for a while, lots of soups, smoothies etc and see what happens. i've read that cravings and so on become diminished.
 
So today is Monday. After that weird eating, I went home and made a serious dinner. On daturday I had a bit of astrange one where I was alone for most of the day, had a plate of spaghetti, a few spoonfuls of branflakes with yoghurt and a few tablespoonfuls of peanut butter and some museli. All in all about 400 or so.

Dinner wasn't until later that evening where there wasa 6 course dinner party, baked chard with pinenuts and cheese, beetroot cups with herbed goats cheese stuffing, pumpkin with noodles and amazing cave-aged goats cheeses and hand-made truffles and brownies. It was simply incredible and a really joyous evening with 6 friends and music, insturments and we all played cover songs. We went home at 4am. it was one of those nights, grat wine, great food that happened* to just be completely organic and evey item was home and hand-made. The Sunday we got up and I had oatmeal with date syrup then cycled into a forest nearby where the deer were rutting and hordes of stags and does were running through. I cycled for about 2 hours and went home cand cooked a lentil curry with bulgar wheat. Greena dn Black's chocolate. I didn't feel like I 'overdid' myself.

I started to think more in terms of how to be healthy as oopposed to how to be thin and that mental change helped.
 
An update after a lapse of a week. It has been 7 days where there were about 5 dinner parties and not crazy over-eating but defintiely not helped by drinking so much red-wine!
I think i'm going to call a booze amnesty!

I think I'm gaining some water weight due to the time of the month and I am feeling like I am platueaing. In terms of food, I've been thinking about how much confusion there is around crabs, protein etc and actually, when it really comes down to it, calories in calories out. It should be that simple.

Eating 'freestyle' when you're cooking for yourself seems so problematic, when you can just go back in for more..

I'm going to sign up for some dance classes or something and make myself more body aware. Perhaps seeing a beautiful line in yourself will motivate me to keep going.
 
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