A Fresh Start...

Thank you Lena, so much :)

The weather is so beautiful outside and I am going to walk the dog... And guess what... No weird bulimic attacks for two days. I am proud of myself. Haha. A weird thing to be proud of.

I had a insightful talk with my best friend back home and she made me see some things clearer and helped me pull myself out of the vicious circle of my eating disorder. I hope this is a beginning of a different lifestyle for me. A normal one, in that sense.

Today was not such a good day, but... Lets take one step at a time.

Breakfast
Granola cereals
Milk

Snack
Granola bar

Lunch
Half a pretzel
3/4 of a cup of ice cream snacks
1 cup of Sprite

- I went to the movies with my brother and sister and we all pigged out on snacky things,as you can see.

And somewhere in between I had a bar of Florida Lime Key coconut something [150 kcal]

Dinner
Salmon
Greens
Side dish

Florida kay lime cocconut bar.

Good things about today
Drank .5 liter of water so far
Second day without bulimic attacks

Bad things about today
Just look at mu carbs intake. [Lunch+Coconut bar]


Hopefully I am getting a ride to the gym tonight for a excercise session. :D
Have a wonderful day. Type to ya later.
 
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Ok...Lets do today.

Breakfast
Granola with flax seeds
Milk

Lunch
Granola bar
1/2 a pear
One serving of soy Milk

Snack
One apple

Dinner
One cup of tomato soup
6 seasoned turkey meatballs w/some ranch dip
One slice of whole weat bread
Vegetables [almost none]


Water : 1 l

Exercise: Walking the dog for about 15 minutes. Slow pace.

Good things about today:
Third day without bulimia attacks
Drank more water than before
Still fells cravings but fought it :)

Bad things about today:
I believe my dinner was too much [but I am so not gonna throw up] lol
Not getting enough exercise

Things to improve tomorrow:
Measure your servings in cups and grams.

Have a wonderful day readers and posters. :D
 
Juliette said:
I've got two ideas about above quote:
1. Your situation is not yet so drastic that it would be considered as an eating disorder. Which is a good thing, because these things are always so much easier to treat when they are caught in an early stage. This, I think, is more likely explanation, if you are being very frank with the professionals that you've seen and telling them everything you feel and think as well as what you do.
2. Sometimes we have a tendency to answer especially difficult questions in a way we think we should. And in a situation like yours you might (not purposely but very unconsciously) not tell the doctor or psychologist the worst things that you think or feel, but instead give them a smoother picture. This can be caused by several things, like not being sure that your feelings are legitimate or not wanting to show your vulnerability. That's only human, but might lead to the doctors not having the full idea of the situation. So if you still feel that your situation is worse than other people find it, tell them that. And see if there's something inside you, you might not have told them earlier. After all, you are trying to help yourself here, and that's the main thing.

I've been an exchange student, abroad, and found it straining in many ways. I also have a friend who had a bad outbreak of anorexia during her exchange year, without any signs of it before.. So I'm taking you seriously and I'm also here for you, if you need help.
I've learned one thing about eating disorders and it is, as Venice girl there wrote: eating isn't the real issue, it's life. But if problems with eating go on for a long time, the malnutrition seriously affects your body and finally also your mind (and yes, it's malnutrition whether you gain or lose). So you don't want to go there.
Go see a doctor again and keep us posted. :)
Juliette
Click to expand...

Juliette thanks so much for your post. Just having someone who has been through the exchange situation helps. And your advices are really useful. Thank you..

Have a wonderful day.
 
A lot of ! marks

I am most definitly interested in buddying up with you!!

I hope you wont mind me IMing you tomorrow (my sn is rastichsorostich - not to surprise you :p) I would tonight but I need to get off the computer before I give up all hopes for exercizing tonight!

So tomorrow then! (or whenever we reach eachother)!
 
Yay! :D

This will be so much fun! I never dieted with a buddy before- maybe this is our key to success ;)
Can't wait to hear from you tomorrow.Have fun exercising.

<3
 
You're doing great

Hi Fresh; thanks for the encouragement. I see by your posts that you pay attention to detail also. We have the same amount of weight to lose. One of my tricks is to look at my naked body in the mirror each day and say "I love you" to become more conscious of my body and remind myself I'm doing all this for exactly that reason. It always seems to me when I'm piling on the weight and eating like a wild dog, I'm very unconscious of my body. There've been times I've been 30 or 40 pounds overweight and I haven't noticed how big I've become. It's during those times I have rarely looked at myself naked in the mirror. Plus, I find I can lose weight easier if I'm not in a desperate mode, if that makes any sense. I can't even explain it.

Keep up the great work and let's get to goal sistah!
 
It's great that you tell your body you love it, too many of us came here after long and complicated relationships with our bodies. Congrats on the positive attitude!
 
Thanks Venice

Thanks Venice; I'm like everyone else cuz I've got a long and complicated history of hating my body too. So standing in front of that mirror is practise. Sometimes I don't feel positive, but I say it anyway. lol
Thanks for the support.
 
2Skinny said:
Plus, I find I can lose weight easier if I'm not in a desperate mode, if that makes any sense. I
Click to expand...


Trust me I completely undestand. When I am sad/desperate I eat more,and it is a vicious cycle you can't escape from. Because you are eating because you are sad, and in fact you are sad when because you are eating...

Having a positive attitude helps so much!

Thank you for stopping by 2Skinny and Venice. :D
 
Sorry N. I had so much drama in my life tonight... Sorry again for leaving so suddenly on AIM. We will talk tomorrow. I will spend a lot more time online tomorrow definately - a lot of online research to do. I forgot that there's a time difference between us tonights... I hope you will sleep well. :)

Anyways, my day in terms of dieting wasn't good. :(

Breakfast
Granola with flax seed [190 kcal]
Milk [100 kcal]

Snack
Granola bar [140 kcal]

Lunch
1 pear [100 kcal]
1 apple [80 kcal]
Soy Milk [150 kcal]

Snack
Granola [200 kcal]
4-5 crackers with cheese [300 kcal]

Fritos [160 kcal]

Dinner
Pasta with chicken
Salad
Olive oil and vinegar all about [400 kcal]

Total: about 1900 kcal.

Way too much.

Good things about today
Drank .5 liters of water
Felt better and lighter
Positive attitude

Bad things about today
Too much food
Too much stress in the evening [thrown up dinner]:(
No exercise

What should I do? I have an active academic life, I don't have time to exercise?
 
Hi Fresh,

I worry about the seriousness of your problems. Bulimia kills. It seems to me that dealing with your binge/vomiting is going to take all of your resources, and that trying to lose weight at the same time can only distract from that, and may potentially make your binge/vomiting worse.

I also do not feel that you are going to get the best advice on this forum, no matter how well meaning the people on here are. I know you were told you were not a full bulimic, but as you binge and vomit you are heading that way, and I think that you need to secure yourself some trained help.

Good luck dealing with this issue.
 
Everyone has time to exercise! If you watch TV you have time, the same with if you use the computer. I think as buddies we should try to make an exercise goal for eachother, or ourselves, and have to report to eachother on how we do. Maybe it would make finding the motivation to do it easier.

I also don't think you did too bad on your calorie intake. You went over by at the greatest amount 400 calories. One "bad" day doesn't spoil your health plan, as long as you learn!

And besides, you ate mostly healthy foods. But it doesn't look like you got much protein until later, maybe thats why you got hungry?

No more throwing up dinner!! NEW RULE. Ah, I hope you feel better. *hug*
 
Yeah, you are probbably right. I am on the dance team and I do swimming, but still it's only 3 hours of exercise a week. I need to get more ! So I was wondering do any of you know any quick exercises I can do at home.

About the bulimia - I feel myself fighting against it, and I think I am winning. I just need the support of you guys to pull out of it. :)

It's weird how every exchange student i know has some phychological troubles here... My close friend, also in this project, started stealing money from her host mom. I was so shocked. That's the reason why I was so upset yesterday... :(

Ok,today.

Breakfast
1/2 cup Granola w/Flax seed [95 kcal]
Milk [50 kcal]
Soy Milk [150 kcal]

Snack
100 kcal Oreo pack [100 kcal]
Are those things allowed in dieting? I know they have only 19 g sugar and 4g of fat but they are still quite sweet. Do you use 100 kcal snack in your diet?

Lunch
1 pear [100 kcal]
Granola bar [140 kcal]

Snack
5 crackers w/cheese and salmon [lets say 300 kcal]

Dinner
Salad w/apple,pecans,blue cheese and chicken [Ruby's diner- went out w/friends] [lets say 400 kcal]
Ice tea

Calories Around 1400 [I always round to the highest hundred number]

Good things about today
Less calories than yesterday
No bulimia!:p

Bad things about today
Not enough water
No exercise

Well tomorrow I have my dance meeting,which means two and a half hours of non-stop practicing of our choreography!
Dance show is only two and a half weeks away! :cool:

I have a new pic!


Love ya.
 
This morning was scale time...

4 lbs!

I know most of it is water but it feels good neverthelles. Only three pounds more toward my next goal, dropping below 160... :D
 
FreshStart. said:
This morning was scale time...

4 lbs!

I know most of it is water but it feels good neverthelles. Only three pounds more toward my next goal, dropping below 160... :D
Click to expand...

Ahhh, that's great! I'm really happy for you!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I will most certainly be staying up tonight to catch you on AIM. :)
 
You are doing great

2/3 me said:
Hi Fresh,

I worry about the seriousness of your problems. Bulimia kills. It seems to me that dealing with your binge/vomiting is going to take all of your resources, and that trying to lose weight at the same time can only distract from that, and may potentially make your binge/vomiting worse.

I also do not feel that you are going to get the best advice on this forum, no matter how well meaning the people on here are. I know you were told you were not a full bulimic, but as you binge and vomit you are heading that way, and I think that you need to secure yourself some trained help.

Good luck dealing with this issue.
Click to expand...

Hello Fresh Start; you very kindly welcomed me a few days ago. I read some of your thread and am quoting 2/3 Me's post because I share her concern. I am confident in your ability to change the throwing up habit. But if you feel it's bigger than you, please get help.

You are young and beautiful (nice picture and your bf is cute too). You could be my daughter, and I would tell you dear heart, that you have a lot of years ahead of you and plenty of time to develop healthy eating and exercise habits. Take your time. We ALL have tried, fallen, tried, fallen, tried, fallen, probably a ga-zillion times. Bulimics throw up when they go over their caloric range they set for themselves. It's a habit that involves obsession, the need to control and a lack of self-acceptance.

I had 2100 calories couple days ago. Doh! Way more than I want, but I said to my self...it happens and tomorrow is a new day to try again and I had a much better day the next day. Perspective is so important. Because you know it's not about weight loss. It's about permanent lifestyle change. So any day you screw up, just say, oh well, I've got a long, long time to get this right. We tend to perform better when we feel accepted and loved. So accept and love yourself. As disciplined as your are about eating healthy, become that way about saying nice things to yourself in your head.

I think you will find a way to build exercise into your life, but maybe more important than exercise right now, is a way for you to slow yourself down a bit and pay attention to your feelings because when you throw up, your feelings are owning you. And all of us have to learn to own our feelings. Feel them and deal with them in healthy ways. Do you like to journal? That might be a way to become aware and practise positive self-talk. If you eat more calories than you want, write down how you feel, but practise writing down positive affirmations that you can do better tomorrow and that you are still lovable and don't have to be in constant control...that there's time.

This journal on this website is completely anonymous, no one here will ever bump into you anywhere. So feel free to discuss more than your "performance" okay? People who struggle with bulimia are hugely concerned with performance. Screw that! It's about YOU and everything you feel and think, not just how you did any given day.

Sorry for going on, but I have a very deep caring for teenagers...it's a challenging time of life... more things happening all together than at any other time of life. It can be a time of insecurity for the most "together" person and I love to affirm young people. We all need encouragement, no matter what age, so I hope you don't take anything I've written as condescending. Next week it'll be you helping and encouraging me.

Luv you doll,
Anna
 
Man, it's like 10:30 for me right now. I am not a night owl... and am getting sleepy. *yawn*

We have to work out the time difference! I don't know what country you are in right now (haha), or else I'd figure out a time we can both get on myself. hahha I'm sure there is one!

Hope you did well today, and had fun dancing!
 
nolabone said:
Ahhh, that's great! I'm really happy for you!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Okies,so we finally got eachother. :) As soon as I post my food intake here I'll open up a new thread for us to start posting. Sleep tight sweetie.

2Skinny said:
We all need encouragement, no matter what age, so I hope you don't take anything I've written as condescending.
Click to expand...

Dear Anna,

Thank you so much for your kind words and gentle understanding. I feel like I pulled through the worst period and that it is over now. It it sometimes hard you are a perfectionist and ambitious. Our high goals might motivate us, but if they are extremely high they can also crush us down. I feel like that was a bad period in my life that is over now. Sometimes is hard to deal with growing up, even harded when you are all alone so far away from home.

Again thank you. It means so much that someone is so altruistic.
 
By the way that boy is not my boyfriend,just one of the boy friends.TRhere's only place for one boy in my heart <3 :) .

Thanks for the lovely comment though.

Sooo....

Breakfast
1 cup Granola w/nuts [250 kcal]
Milk [100 kcal]

Snack
Granola bar N.Valley [140 kcal]
Five pieces of orange candy [about 150 kcal]

Lunch
Italian pasta [around 350 kcal]

Snack
Granola Power Bar [240 kcal]
Small serving of Apple,Blue cheese,Chicken,Pecans Salad [200 kcal]

Dinner
2 pieces of vegetarian pizza [lets say about 300 kcal(i have no idea)]

Total: about 1750 kcal

Note to myself: Check calorie intake better, you're rounding to too high numbers.

Good things about today
Drank 1 l of water
Almost a whole week without chocolate.That's a big step for me people. :p
Fighting cravings
Almost won the battle agains bulimia :D
Two hours of dance practice [dance show is coming up!:D ]

Bad things about today
Too much food. Need to cup on my meals.

Take care readers and posters.
 
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