80 By 30: A Weight Loss Journey
- Thread starter Hawthorne
- Start date
Hawthorne
New member
Day 13
Thank you @LaMaria and @Cate. Today was better. Not perfect, but better. I actually had a meeting with my supervisors about my annual review, and it sounds like they really want to move me into an admin assistant position once I'm done on this temporary assignment, which is pretty exciting. From the research I did it looks like it would come with a pay raise, and no more phones! Being on the outbound campaign still sucks pretty hard, and I'll likely struggle every now and then for the next month, but at least I get Friday off for the holiday.
I don't feel too bad about my food choices today. I went slightly over on calories, but only slightly, and it included tons of protein and a good amount of fiber, with adequate carbs. I admit I'm not super fond of the chicken we've been pairing with the quinoa and avocados. Mr. H got a jar of mole sauce a while ago and has been looking for excuses to use it and we finally found one...but I'm not a fan. What I am a fan of though? My bomb-ass stew. I may not be a great cook, but I'm great at most kinds of soups and stews, at least the ones that I've attempted.
So I'm a perfectionist, always have been. I was one of those "gifted kids" who grew up to be mostly well-adjusted but way too hard on themselves because it's do a thing perfectly or don't do it at all. I read a Tumblr post, of all things, about exactly this type of person and how sometimes you have to half-ass it to stay sane. It's an entirely foreign concept to me, and I think in the future it will prove to be a very delicate balancing act, but for today at least I think it worked. I've got four main sectors in my life right now: my marriage, my health, work, and school. I realized today that something's gotta give, and I've almost always chosen for that something to be my health, both mental and physical. Today I said "fuck it" and did the assignments for this week with minimal reading and lecture, didn't go above and beyond to try to find other phone numbers outside of the main client screen for my outbound calls, and treated myself to a nice long (hot, sweaty) walk.
I love walking, but often I'll only walk half an hour at a time because a hobbit's gotta do what a hobbit's gotta do, and that's often homework or cleaning or some form of "busy." I don't like busy. It's stressful as hell, and there's rarely an intrinsic reward to it. But I set that time aside for myself and came home feeling great (after getting a huge cup of water and showering). After being a day behind on homework, I finished everything on time and to the best of my ability and honestly I don't feel like this week's assignments suffered much from not reading the material. Now I've got the rest of the week and weekend to fill and it's freeing.
In the coming week I'm definitely going to face some challenges. Like I said, I'm not the best of cooks, and Mr. H will be heading to Florida on Monday for a week. His dad had a health scare, but is okay now, but I think it's driven a few things home for him. He was wanting to visit some time this summer anyway, and that's an obvious impetus. That's more important than what will happen when he's not home to cook for a few days, but I'm likely going to struggle a bit. So we'll see how that goes.
Over all, not a bad day. But definitely looking forward to the long weekend.
Thank you @LaMaria and @Cate. Today was better. Not perfect, but better. I actually had a meeting with my supervisors about my annual review, and it sounds like they really want to move me into an admin assistant position once I'm done on this temporary assignment, which is pretty exciting. From the research I did it looks like it would come with a pay raise, and no more phones! Being on the outbound campaign still sucks pretty hard, and I'll likely struggle every now and then for the next month, but at least I get Friday off for the holiday.
I don't feel too bad about my food choices today. I went slightly over on calories, but only slightly, and it included tons of protein and a good amount of fiber, with adequate carbs. I admit I'm not super fond of the chicken we've been pairing with the quinoa and avocados. Mr. H got a jar of mole sauce a while ago and has been looking for excuses to use it and we finally found one...but I'm not a fan. What I am a fan of though? My bomb-ass stew. I may not be a great cook, but I'm great at most kinds of soups and stews, at least the ones that I've attempted.
So I'm a perfectionist, always have been. I was one of those "gifted kids" who grew up to be mostly well-adjusted but way too hard on themselves because it's do a thing perfectly or don't do it at all. I read a Tumblr post, of all things, about exactly this type of person and how sometimes you have to half-ass it to stay sane. It's an entirely foreign concept to me, and I think in the future it will prove to be a very delicate balancing act, but for today at least I think it worked. I've got four main sectors in my life right now: my marriage, my health, work, and school. I realized today that something's gotta give, and I've almost always chosen for that something to be my health, both mental and physical. Today I said "fuck it" and did the assignments for this week with minimal reading and lecture, didn't go above and beyond to try to find other phone numbers outside of the main client screen for my outbound calls, and treated myself to a nice long (hot, sweaty) walk.
I love walking, but often I'll only walk half an hour at a time because a hobbit's gotta do what a hobbit's gotta do, and that's often homework or cleaning or some form of "busy." I don't like busy. It's stressful as hell, and there's rarely an intrinsic reward to it. But I set that time aside for myself and came home feeling great (after getting a huge cup of water and showering). After being a day behind on homework, I finished everything on time and to the best of my ability and honestly I don't feel like this week's assignments suffered much from not reading the material. Now I've got the rest of the week and weekend to fill and it's freeing.
In the coming week I'm definitely going to face some challenges. Like I said, I'm not the best of cooks, and Mr. H will be heading to Florida on Monday for a week. His dad had a health scare, but is okay now, but I think it's driven a few things home for him. He was wanting to visit some time this summer anyway, and that's an obvious impetus. That's more important than what will happen when he's not home to cook for a few days, but I'm likely going to struggle a bit. So we'll see how that goes.
Over all, not a bad day. But definitely looking forward to the long weekend.
Hawthorne
New member
Day 14
I did not make good choices today.
I don't know why. I think it probably has to do with a) the weekend, b) a three-day weekend, and c) the holiday. It was a fairly good day, very relaxing. But while Mr. H and I were out getting some stones to finish up the garden wall and some nutrients for our hydroponic tomatoes I got a wicked craving for pizza, which isn't a usual craving for me. Then while we were looking at the menu I saw the bacon cheese fries. Now we've got two extra slices of pizza, probably for lunch tomorrow. For nutrition I couldn't find this particular restaurant so I took nutrition info from MFP.
I don't want to fall off the wagon. I've been pretty good for the past two weeks, even in the face of stress and awfulness. I'm just so concerned that this one moment of weakness is going to undo two weeks of hard work. This is what often happens to me: work hard, moment of weakness, a little bit of what little progress I've made undone, fall off the wagon completely. I'm trying to take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm only as weak as I tell myself I am. That I control me, not the food. I was actually reading an article today that shows that people who view themselves as controlling their drug of choice (drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, sex, etc.) have more success at kicking it than if they feel their vice controls them. So I'm gonna try to remind myself of that. After all, it's silly to think I can go the rest of my life without days like this.
I'm just...unused to taking a good long, hard look at my emotions around food and then actively trying to reframe them. I'm so used to feeling helpless, and I'm tired of that feeling. That's why I'm here, I suppose, is to stop feeling helpless in the face of food. I just don't know how.
I did not make good choices today.
I don't know why. I think it probably has to do with a) the weekend, b) a three-day weekend, and c) the holiday. It was a fairly good day, very relaxing. But while Mr. H and I were out getting some stones to finish up the garden wall and some nutrients for our hydroponic tomatoes I got a wicked craving for pizza, which isn't a usual craving for me. Then while we were looking at the menu I saw the bacon cheese fries. Now we've got two extra slices of pizza, probably for lunch tomorrow. For nutrition I couldn't find this particular restaurant so I took nutrition info from MFP.
I don't want to fall off the wagon. I've been pretty good for the past two weeks, even in the face of stress and awfulness. I'm just so concerned that this one moment of weakness is going to undo two weeks of hard work. This is what often happens to me: work hard, moment of weakness, a little bit of what little progress I've made undone, fall off the wagon completely. I'm trying to take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm only as weak as I tell myself I am. That I control me, not the food. I was actually reading an article today that shows that people who view themselves as controlling their drug of choice (drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, sex, etc.) have more success at kicking it than if they feel their vice controls them. So I'm gonna try to remind myself of that. After all, it's silly to think I can go the rest of my life without days like this.
I'm just...unused to taking a good long, hard look at my emotions around food and then actively trying to reframe them. I'm so used to feeling helpless, and I'm tired of that feeling. That's why I'm here, I suppose, is to stop feeling helpless in the face of food. I just don't know how.
I can´t really help you there but your post reminded me it´s something I need to work on. So I´m going to start doing positive affirmations today. Want to join in?
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Hawthorne, I am just reading your diary. You do not strike me as helpless, you have taken this problem on and are making real progress, far from helpless. One day with just 111 net calories is not going to undo 2 weeks of good work, won't happen. If you get back on track you will be fine.
You are off to a good start, I am looking forward to following your progress!
You are off to a good start, I am looking forward to following your progress!