31 and making the change for good this time starting my first post at the end of a good week :-)

AHeya sweetie.

I actually have some advice, i never have advice, ignore it if ya like but i am gonna give it anyway :).........I went camping a few weeks ago (it's all in my diary) and i did eat more than i wanted to but i kept track of it all, if i had to guess the cals then i did but i made sure i knew what passed my lips and it made a massive difference.....I DIDN'T GAIN!!!! I have an app for my phone that records all the cals and i just stuck everything on there. The fact that i was logging it all did make we aware of what i was eating instead of shoving everything into my mouth followed by bottle after bottle of wine lol. Don't beat yourself up about all the food that will be on offer. Just keep in control. Oooooh and have a lovely time. :)
I am thinking about what i am gonna do at christmas already!!!, not that i'm obsessed!!!!!! I know it's months away but we make chutneys and jams for everyone so we think about it from about now. I am determined not to do too much damage this year........I am going to have to do something about the fact that i just drink baileys for about a week!!!!! Nothing else, just baileys......Sigh.

Thanks for checking out my diary hun. :)
 
Hey Silash, thanks for visiting my diary and your great post, I'm glad you had a laugh. :) Anyway you are doing really well, keep it up. Deb.
 
katehunibun THANK YOU for the advice I will definitely try and implement it - it makes sense if I see a list of everything I am shoveling in, it may help me to hold back a little :)


I love making Jams and chutneys they make such nice presents, wait that last part makes it sound like I make them all the time which is not true but, I have done it a couple of times for various holidays and festivals and one of my favorite parts (besides giving the gift) is when all the jars are lined up on the kitchen counter full of the sweet lovely goodness I just made, looking pretty.


What is this allotment you guys have? I am picturing a small chunk of tropical paradise where you grow all kinds of lush veggies and fruits and little monkeys swing from the tree tops picking mangos :).


And finally baileys .... mmmmmmm I shouldn't get started on that but needless to say you should probably not replace your daily water intake with baileys alone :) I grew up in Africa and there we had something called Amarula - that's like Bailey's exotic cousin from abroad yum yum yum!



Deb thanks for the encouragement you are doing great too :)


See you girls around here

xxxx




In general not a bad day so far - working from home today which used to mean multiple trips to the fridge between projects and not enough water intake but today I planned all my meals and snacks in the morning and have a 1.5l bottle of water on my desk which I have almost finished so ... yes I am a little bit proud of my self :)


Yesterday I did a morning walk and a studio C class and this evening I have a route planned which is about 6km and about 50% uphill - wish me luck :)

:hat:
 
AHeya sweetie

My kitchen is full of jars lol!!!!! We have made courgette chutney, courgette relish (we have already eaten a jar of that, it's to die for!!), Courgette and sweetcorn relish, green bean chutney and sweet beetroot preserve so far. The freezer is full of raspberries, strawberries, goosberries and rhubarb ready to make jam, ooh, and we have blackberries and elderberries still to pick!!!!

I love how you picture our allotment!!! Swinging monkeys lol :) i wish. We live in Devon, England so no monkeys :( There are a few pictures in my diary somewhere if you're insane enough to read thru it all. We have grown, so far, this year....Potato's, squash, courgettes, shalots, sweetcorn, peas, french beans, borlotti beans, asparagas, onions, cabbage, brocollli, beetroot, swede, parsnips, strawberries, raspberries, goosberries and rhubarb. At home we have grown carrots, runner beans, tomato's, cucumbers, peppers and chilli's............I think that's it :)

Mmmmmmm Baileys!! I probably drink 3 litres of it over christmas (luckly, christmas is the only time i do drink it) a friend of mine laughs at me saying that i drink it like milkshake!! I start drinking it on christmas day at about 10am. I go months and months without drinking alcohol but the minute christmas arrives i have a large glass of Baileys in my hand permantly :)

Well done on breaking the habit of popping to the fridge....That is awesome!!! You definatly should be proud of yourself :hurray: :hurray:
 
Ahi silash...just checking in..i've been a way a few days....looks like you have too....I totally understand about trips and eating bad!!! That is the number one fun thing to do....try new foods and enjoy old favorites!! I am sure you can find a balance..you have such a good start!! :) :)
 
Warning: it's going to be a long one!!!!


I have been bad but I am back :-( I haven't been around here for about 3 weeks. The first week I just had a BAD week it was the week after my period and I felt complete exhaustion the entire time. My cycle is VERY wonky at the moment about 35 days between periods and when they come they are awful and that week after I just feel weak. I know I need to get to the lady doctor (truth is it has been years) but the last time I went to one he said something like "WOW you've put on a lot of weight don't you think you should do something about that?" Needless to say I never went back to him but I never actually went back to anyone. Ok this weeks resolution book an appointment with the lady doctor and GO.

So at the end of that horrible week I did something silly I canceled my appointment with the dietitian I couldn't face the scale after a week of so little exercise and horrible eating but then even more stupidly I weighed myself on our home scale and I had put on almost a Kilo :-( so that was week one of AWOL.


Week two of AWOL was spent in the land of sausages, pretzels and beer..... oh dear! Germany was WONDERFUL and DELICIOUS! We walked so much that I think that we managed to almost cancel out all of the damage that we did and I followed a wise lady's advice (yes that's you katehunibun[/b]) and I wrote down all of what I ate.


In the middle of our trip My hubby and I had a bit of a blow out which lead to a bit of a melt down. I won't air all of the dirty laundry here but the bottom line is that he is VERY worried about my being over weight, he feels like he has failed as my husband because he has not managed to "help" me loose weight, he thinks I need to go to counseling for my bad relationship with food and he is constantly obsessing about how much I eat (I think this part was specifically while we were on holiday because of all of the rich food we ate). I felt hurt, angry, sad, embarrassed, guilty, terrible and the truth is my knee jerk reaction was to look for a bucket of the most fattening thing around and shove my head in it. Luckily staying in a hotel means that there are not a whole lot of buckets of fattening stuff lying around so the most damage I did was to eat both his pillow chocolate and my own :)

Just a little background to this he was also quite over weight and he lost about 20 kilos and is managing to maintain a much healthier weight and a pretty regular exercise regime. All he wants is the same for me and honestly I want it too but I feel like it is just a little harder for me and I need him to understand that all he can do is support me - all the other stuff I need to do.


Any way it was a long argument if we had been home it would also have been loud but seeing as we were staying in a hotel with paper thin walls it was all done in whispers. After wards we both felt drained and awful and perhaps a little resigned. I don't know I guess some good did come out of it but it was horrible.


We both came back with horrible flu, it's probably a good thing because I made a huge pot of soup and that's about all we ate for the first few days. Which brings me to week 3 of AWOL. I have been swamped with work and feeling terrible and also a bit guilty that it has been so long since I have been on here. BUT today is the day of Atonement for us Jews of the world so what better time than now to come back make my peace and strengthen my commitment. I am not going to say start over or turn over a new leaf because that has been part of the problem in the past. I have realized that I need to accept that I am in the middle of a process and even if I have bad days, or weeks, or months it's still the same process and when I am ready I just need to carry on. If I say "this time will be different then I am saying there will be a next time or next times" does that even make sense?


For any brave soul that has made it so far I have a few Questions:


a) How involved are your spouses or partners in your weight-loss process?

b) How do you feel about counseling as a part of the weigh-loss process?

c) What are the things that keep you motivated?


And........ I think I am done for now, sorry for the ear bashing......


Wishing you all well sending lots of love and support


:hat:
 
So I have decided to try and write here every day and thought that maybe this 30 day challenge might help. Thanks Irishprincess got it off your diary.


Day 01 Age: 31

Height: 1m 62cm

Weight: 103.2kg

(will add measurements on Monday night after meeting with dietitian as I don't know them by heart)

Waist:

Hips:

Thighs:

Shirt/dress size: XL

Pants size: Don't really know but big - haven't bought anything that wasn't stretchy for a long time

Highest recorded weight: 112kg that was about 3 years ago I think haven't been that high in a while but haven't been so far from there either

Goal weight: big goal 80kg mini goal for October to be any where under 100kg



Day 02 - How tall are you? Do you like your height?

Day 03 - A picture of your fitspiration. What features do you like about this person?

Day 04 - Your greatest fears about weight loss.

Day 05 - Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

Day 06 - Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

Day 07 - Do your friends and family know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they support you?

Day 08 - Your workout routine.

Day 09 - Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

Day 10 - What was the hardest thing you gave up during your weight loss journey?

Day 11 - Your favorite fitspo blog and why?

Day 12 - What food plan do you normally follow each day?

Day 13 - Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

Day 14 - What is your ultimate goal weight/look?

Day 15 - Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

Day 16 - When did you first decide to lose weight?

Day 17 - What is your favourite treat meal?

Day 18 - What food is your weakness?

Day 19 - When is your favourite body part to work on? Why?

Day 20 - What is your favourite form of cardio?

Day 21 - What is your favourite resource for healthy living info?

Day 22 - Quick! What are the 5 things you like best about yourself?

Day 23 - Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

Day 24 - When did you first notice your hard work paying off?

Day 25- When you reach your goals, what do you plan on doing to maintain your results?

Day 26 - What excites you most about reaching your goals?

Day 27 - How do you stay on track in tempting situations? (e.g. BBQs, Birthday parties, out with friends, etc.)

Day 28 - Have you had any setbacks you’ve had to overcome? How did you do it?

Day 29 - Your definition of beauty.

Day 30 - 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
 
AHey, Silash

I wasn't able to read your entire diary, but I read the first few entries and your last. I just wanted to give my input. First of all, welcome back. It's never too late to dust yourself off and get back up. I joined this site two years ago, and I came back. I'm doing better than ever because I know one wonderful piece of advice: it's never too late. If you have a bad day, even a bad week, just get back on track. Weight loss is hard, otherwise it wouldn't be worth it. The success of losing weight far outweighs the instant satisfaction of bad food. Whenever I eat bad, I tell myself that this is just one set back. I take baby steps.

When I came back I decided not to push myself as hard as I did back in Feburary. I joined a gym and told myself I'd go every day. I last a month, before it all caught up with me and I ended up falling off the wagon. I decided to take a different approach. The BIGGEST vice most people have is their diet. Food is hard to control if you like to eat, especially if you're an emotional eater. So I started by counting calories, and I did that until I lost 20lb. Now that I have a set diet, and it's sticking, I've begun to incorporate exercise. You need to take things slow and steady otherwise you'll burn yourself out. This isn't a race, it's a lifestyle change :).

(By the way, I'm similar. I bump into things a lot, I never saw myself as overweight really in my mind. I find it a little amusing how that works.)

I wanted to point out, when you were exercising at the start and you didn't seem to lose much, you have to remember one important thing! Muscle weighs more than fat, and when you begin working those muscles, you gain muscle weight. If you start exercising, get your body fat % checked once a week. Don't let the scale determine whether you're losing or not! Weight, measure, and check the body fat. This entire weight loss journey is tricky, and you have to be determined and look at it all with a clear mind.

(I wanted to note, for me, when I get that time of the month I tend to gain 5lb. I recommend staying off the scale for a week so as to not discourage yourself.)

What is your diet plan? What do you do to motivate yourself?

(Oh I also wanted to mention, I wanted to lose weight before having children too. Silly as it sounds...I wanted to have a slim body so that when I did get pregnant I could see, and feel the baby's growth. I have a big belly right now and if I got pregnant I'd probably just look fat. I want to be the typical "poster girl" that pregnant girls are in advertisements and professional photos. They're beautiful. I don't want to hide my body forever, I want to embrace it.)

a) How involved are your spouses or partners in your weight-loss process?
All of my ex-boyfriends have kind of been...nonchalant in the past. Whenever I tried to lose weight, they would basically say good for you, and that's it. My last ex for example had bad eating habits. It was hard for me to be around with him. I'm the sort of person who, if losing weight, would need to be with someone who is also actively trying to stay healthy. This is why I've chosen to remain single until I reach my goal weight and have been maintaining for long enough to be self-sufficient without caving around others who are unhealthy.

Your husband, you said he's lost weight and maintaining? Have you asked him for advice, or tried devising a plan both of you can do together? You should cook meals together, find ways to exercise together, make it a team effort if he's concerned for you. It sounds like he cares for you, and maybe he's not sure how to help you.

b) How do you feel about counseling as a part of the weigh-loss process?
Counseling and I don't get along. I know my problems, and I can admit them. I'm not exactly rich, I work 6 days a week to get by, I can't afford to have someone nod and hum as I go on about my issues. I'm taking the lone-wolf approach and I'm making THIS my therapy. This forum is SO supportive, so that helps. If you think you don't need counseling, then no one can tell you what to do. You have to be at that point in your life in order to heal (then again, I'm no doctor). If you DO think it will help, what's the harm? Try it, maybe there's answers to questions you may have.

c) What are the things that keep you motivated?
For me, when I get down, or need a motivational boost I look at the "Before & After" forum. I also use my imagination (I tend to daydream a lot, and when I do, I think about myself in a more healthy body doing the things I've always wanted to). Keep telling yourself you can do this. YOU CAN. You have the power to make this happen.

I hope this advice helped. I want you to succeed, you seem like a nice person with so much to give. I've been trying to lose weight for so long, and I know exactly how you feel. If you stay determined, and post here everyday, it WILL help. Also, that month challenge is really insightful and it keeps you on track if you answer the questions every day.
 
Our home computer crashed yesterday am going to fill in yesterday's post first thing now from work.


First things first:


Loch thank you so much for your long post it means so much that you took the time to read and understand and advise and encourage you are a wonderful person!! AND you are doing so well!! I love how you can totally tell from the way that you write that you are changing, your confidence is growing, you sound happier! totally rooting for you.


Thanks Katie for the encouragement :)!!

....... here goes:


Food: Breakfast: tuna sandwich and coffee - actually cappuccino so a bit too much milk, but my dietitian said I can have up to a cup a day and I didn't have any with anything else.

Lunch: Big salad with Avo and 2 slices of light wholewheat toast

Dinner: Chicken and rice and ice cream + 3 small squares of gingerbread :-( (went to family for dinner - I always eat too much there, I could totally have done with out the sweets but came on yesterday so it was very hard for me to say no :-()

Snacks: a handful of dry fiber 1 - (gross but I was swamped at work) and a 90 cal energy bar.


30 day challenge day 2: How tall are you? Do you like your height?


I am around 162 cm - it's not particularly short or tall but I guess I always wished I was a bit taller - carries the weight better - silly I know! BUT I am now happy with my height because my Husband is slightly taller than me and we fit together like puzzle pieces - if I were taller then we wouldn't fit as well. So after a bit of a ramble yes I am happy with my height.


General: Yesterday was an OK day I worked on a project directly with the CEO of our company and even though he scares the SH_T out of me it went quite smoothly and he complemented me on my work.


I cam on which was a bit of a surprise because the last 2 time my period has been quite late and this time it's a few days early maybe it's a sign that my rhythm is coming back to itself. I did feel a bit crappy though and curled up in pain for about 3 hours in the early morning. I have to go to the dietitian today :-( talk about bad timing! but I haven't been officially weighed since before we went to germany so I guess I just have to do it and hope for the best - will fill in the results later + today's food etc.


Guys thanks for checking in on me - you are amazing!!


Have a wonderful day

xxxx

:hat:
 
A:hurray: :hurray: For posting your food...It looks scrummy.

Coming on sucks :( Like Loch said...don't pay much attention to the scales. I totally ignore my own advise of course!! I usually find that the week after i am on my weight sticks too.
 
ssooooooo I went to the dietitian and I lost half a kilo!!! which is very minor since that's for almost a whole month BUT major considering I spent a large part of that month scoffing pork sausages and all kinds of naughty stuff and I am on! so all in all I am happy. Gave me the motivation I needed to get back into things good and proper.


Day was good all in all besides the major cramps, some times I feel like am 12 years old again I have been off the pill for a year now and I can't believe the craziness that is my period. I lived peacefully for 12 years and now once a month I have a flash back to puberty! My poor husband only knew me on the pill - little did he suspect that a LUNATIC lurked with in! I went off the pill the month before we went on a romantic holiday to Amsterdam and that first period after going off was like I let loose all the 12 years of pent up crazy in one afternoon!


Picture this..... a young couple walking the streets of the romantic beautiful city of Amsterdam, holding hands smiling they stop and look down on to the canal as a boat goes by, he makes a small harmless comment about nothing really and she lets rip yelling and screaming in a public place! he is so shocked he does not know how to react and she .... if you look closely there is a lot of shock in her eyes as she hears what is spewing from her mouth and realizes that she can't even control it! Yip romantic right?!!! Poor guy! and he still walked down the aisle with me. I am happy to report that things have calmed down quite a bit since then - I'm just plain grumpy and teary once a month JOY!


Any way enough obsessing about the big P I sincerely apologize for that and I hope it will pass soon.


Oh wait one last thing.... I've been having cravings all day for something sweet and doughy and starchy and I managed to resist but I got home and realized that if I was to avoid eating everything in my entire house I had to make something. that would curb the cravings, so, I made up a cake/pie/thingy Disclaimer:I do not know exactly how many calories are in it but once you see the ingredients I think you will agree that they are quite minimal and now that I know it's also tasty I will measure exactly next time.


2 eggs, 3-4 apples sliced, splenda - not quite sure how many single serving packets I guess about 8, 1 cup of 5% white cheese, +/- 4 table spoons of flour. I mixed it all up and pit it in a small pie dish and shoved it in the oven. It came out lovely and I am already thinking of how I can improve it. We ate about half of it (it's a small pie dish - smaller than a dinner plate but deeper obviously). Next time I am going to measure stuff and count the calories and use whole wheat flower and maybe add some oats or bran to it.


any way moving on....


Ok so food

breakfast: tuna sandwich and coffee

lunch: Big salad + 2 pieces of whole wheat lite toast

dinner: homemade mushroom soup and apple pie/cake/thingy


snacks: 2 slices of lite yellow cheese + 1 energy bar - not good my dietitian says I should eat every 2 to three hours but work has been CRAZY since we got back and I haven't gotten back into the swing of things but I am going to do a shop tomorrow so I will stock up on good snacks.


Exercise: NONE due to general pain and acheyness but I am definitely going for a walk in the morning.


30 day challenge day 3:[/b] A picture of your fitspiration. What features do you like about this person?




It was very hard for me to choose a picture because I don't like any of these crazy skinny models and I don't like the super muscular look. What I like about this picture is that she is very toned, sporty not too skinny, ZERO back fat which I hate about my body and the only thing I hate more is that my thighs touch and I'm pretty sure that her's don't.


Any way so there it is!!


Katie thanks for checking in - on my way to visit yours now.


xxxxx

:hat:
 
AHeya sweetie
I love how your diary reads. Very entertaining and i SOOOOOOOO get where you are coming from with the PMT issues. Your rant made me giggle. :smilielol5:

Oooooh, your apple pie sounds so scrummy! i would love that recipe when you have figured out the cals for it. Yum yum :drool5:

Your food looks lovely! well done on posting it. Please post daily, if you can, cos you are great to read. :)

I would kill for that body. At my age i know it's not gettable but i am going to do the best i can.

Don't worry about not doing exercise while you feel so crap. i can't face it at that time of the month either. The only thing i do is slob on the sofa and feel very sorry for myself!!
 
Long long long day

too tired to even function

promise to write and catch up with everyone's diaries tomorrow

xxxx

:hat:


Breakfast: None :-( just coffee

Lunch: salad, 3 spoons of cuscus, some kind of dry pizza thingy not very big and not very good - no cheese

Dinner: toasted cheese + salad + 26 cal icecreamy thingy

Snacks: orange juice and a dry bagel


Exercise: 30min walk in the morning
 
AAnother horrid day thank goodness it is over. Am already horizontal using O's iPad to "scribble" this quick note. Tomorrow is a holiday here so will spend time catching up I PROMISE!
Just can't string together a proper though........

Sweet dreams to all

:hat:
 
so a hectic couple of days are over and today was a holiday so I only woke up a 11 :)


The last two days were a combination of craziness of work and all the ugliness that is PMS.


Food and exercise wise they were not good. yesterday when I climbed into bed in my zombie state I just couldn't bring my self to write what I ate. It's not that it was so terrible but rather that I feel so shit that I still haven't managed to get my self back into the swing of things. But I have just been reading through some of your diaries and I realize that I am just a whiny baby and I need to suck it up and do it! I mean you all do it - you are such an inspiration I don't have the right to whine when I haven't even been sticking to my plan. Tomorrow is a new day as one of you lovely ladies said I am picking my self up, dusting my self off and getting to it. I just need to not let other stuff affect my fitness and diet regime - I want to have a cheat day that has no emotional strings, I want to eat something "naughty" because I am allowing my self a treat rather than shoveling food into my mouth to cover pain, anger, frustration or stress. My relationship with food is so messed up maybe I do need therapy....


Any way here in the land of milk and honey it is a holiday and as with all Jewish holidays it revolves around food - its insane I tell you every Jewish holiday has a special food, traditional dishes etc we have had 2 family meals which I ate to much at - not even because the food was so good but because .... well actually maybe that's one chapter I will save for the inevitable therapy session.


Katie, Loch you girls are so lovely and your support means so much! I hope to make you proud :)


I think I will just cut my ramble and get to it.


Food:


Breakfast: 1 piece of toast with avo and one with marmite and cheese

Lunch: (big family meal) chopped liver + bread, chicken soup, meat and potatoes, ice cream, 2 lemon cookies, 2 tinned lichees.

Supper: was still craving sweet so made another cakey thing this time I added cocoa so dinner was fake apple chocolate cake and a cup of tea PATHETIC

Snacks: I didn't have any but seriously I don't think I missed them.


Exercise: none (thank goodness our new place is on the third floor with no lift so I have to do that a few times a day other wise I might develop muscle atrophy!!)




30 day challenge catch up:[/b]


day 4: Your greatest fears about weight loss.


That I won't manage it or that I will manage it and then not manage to keep it off or that I have left it too late and I have done irreparable damage to my body.


day 5: Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?


I want to loose weight because I just want to feel comfortable in my own body, I want it not to be an issue, it is something that I think about ALL THE TIME, I also more specifically want to loose weight so that I can start trying to have a baby, I don't want to be a fat pregnant woman, I want to be one of those beautiful all belly ladies who glow and look healthy and lovely. I think that if I were to fall pregnant right now I would be a gross hot sticky swollen mess. I want to be a fit active mom who doesn't get out of breath from bending down to pick up the baby. I want to be healthy and I AM doing it for ME.


day 6: Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.


Oh dear this is one of those holding a mirror up to it moments..... Yes I do and I think that there are a few reasons why I do it,

1) emotional reasons, :

Anger - "screw them I don't need them, I will shovel stuff into my mouth until I feel numb"

Sadness - "I feel horrible inside, I will shovel stuff into my mouth until I feel numb"


2) Stress: I am under pressure/working hard/freaked out about something - "I deserve to be able to eat what ever I want because life is a bit tough right now"


3) Stupid reason #1: "I am going on a diet/back on diet/turning over a new leaf tomorrow so I can have "one last feast" before I change my ways" (oh if I could loose one Kilo for every time I have done this I would be more than half way to my goal now I think)


Well that's it for today I think - day 6 was a tough one to answer - it's kind of jarring to see these things in back and white!



Good night sweet dreams!


:hat:
 
AHeya sweetie

Don't apologise for whining!!!!! That is what this forum is here for. Well, that's what i use it for :) Trust me i have moaned and complained a lot on here. Don't feel bad about it.

I have a really bad relationship with food too. Well, i did, i seem to be doing really well with it at the moment. I am just in the right headspace with it for now!!! I think admitting to it yourself and trying to understand it and where it came from is half the battle. Also, i have found that far more people have a bad relationship with food that i ever reaslised.
Be honest with yourself and i have found actually being honest on here really really helps with coping with our mental issues with food.

You're doing great sweetie, keep it up hun.

Oh, i have aquestion. Are you from Israel? Or do you just live there? I was wondering because you english is bloody amazing if it is your second language!!!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top