If crying made you lose weight I would hands down be the biggest loser this week (though I did swallow a lot of snot... how many cals are in snot??

). Honestly so much heartache, so much drama... I hate it... but at least now I know. He opened up to me and explained his issues and I pressed him to chose between me and the single life he fancies. He chose the latter and I turned into that person I don't want to be, I cried and passive aggressively tried to make him feel guilty. Then I calmed down and told myself who I want to be... I want to be someone who is honest and good and helps people, I stopped crying and told him that he was right, he shouldn't spend the rest of his life wondering what if. If he wants to be single it hurts me beyond words (didn't tell him that bit) but that is his right and we will both be ok. It will be hard, I need to rebuild a life that was very much dependent and a bit centred around him, but I will be ok, I will survive and I will be stronger because of this.
Anyhow as irony goes, good me did apparently reminded him of something he loved and he turned soft and told me he would check for flights. I told him not to, if he wants to be single he should be. He still said he was going to look and call me tomorrow and I told him to email as I don't want to start crying in his earshot again. I still think he won't come, I don't have huge hopes but I know I will be in pain when I get the email telling me, so I don't want that pain to turn me into crazy witch again.
To be honest I think I deserve someone who does not have as many doubts about me, someone who adores me and knows I am his priority or at least understands how in a relationship you have to come to decisions together. But unfortunately right now I love this guy.
But either way I will be ok, I need to tell myself this often right now but it will get better in time.
Of course today when I needed it the most dance class was cancelled due to snow day, I was so angry, so instead I walked over an hour in the snow (all the way home from dance scool.. it is really rather far!). Oh and I forgot to have dinner in all the fighting and talking and whining, I am not hungry, have a massive headache anyhow.
Food log:
Breakfast: 4 ricecrackers with cream cheese (250 cals), 1 fat free yoghurt with honey (100 cals)
Snacks: 1/2 banana (50 cals), 1 bowl of oats in rice milk (150 cals), 1 ricekrispie treat (150 cals)
Lunch: 1 chicken breast (250 cals), 1 mug of soup (100 cals)
Overall: 1000 cals (low but a shit day overall)
Exercise:
1 hour walk in the snow while it rained