2008: The Best Version of Myself

Photocrazed- I'll see what I can do about a picture... I live in the stone age and don't own a camera... maybe I can get the boyfriend to do it.

Sweatpea- I'm sure it was for beer. There is this small package store right across the street. In fact he was at the same corner again yesterday harassing some lady who finally got up and left, then he yelled out to me, "Hey pretty...", but I kept walking. I've definitely given money to bums in NYC, but here I won't because 95% of the time they are crack addicts and if I can't afford crack I'm sure as shit not paying for someone else's habit. And I agree... the scale can kiss my butt!

Lusciouslemon- Why is it that all the wrong types of men tell you to sit on their face? Why aren't Brad Pitt or Sawyer from Lost standing around yelling this? This world can be such a disappointment;)

Mal- thanks for stopping in as always:)
 
hahaha! My fiance is probably glad someone like Brad Pit isn't asking me to sit on his face! However, I have to say, the phrase "sit on my face" isn't much of a turn on. If Braddy-boy said that it I would probably be killing myself laughing.
 
lusciouslemon said:
Here's a definition for . Look how many people gave #2 the thumbs down...prudes. That definition is way more interesting...I think I'll add it to my vocabulary...
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I've got a teen, I know what up in your grill means...LOL

It's funny how slang changes from time to time, eh?
 
"making out" and "doing it" seem to be a little outdated...

I didn't know I'd be so unhip at 27. I thought I might have a few years of coolness left.
 
The week in review.

*Sigh*... I think I am going to be buying a new scale and returning the one I just bought if I can find the receipt. It makes me supremely unhappy. I know the weight on the scale changes as much as someone changes their panties but it's too ridiculous for my taste. Two days this week it said 198... I pop on the scale this morning and it's 191, which I do believe is my true weight since I weighed myself at Jeff's Wednesday morning and it came in around 189. It's just very difficult when I'm eating right, busting ass at the gym and then I see 198 on the scale... which is heavier than when I started; very disheartening. I have a lot of errands to run this weekend, hopefully returning that to Target and getting a new one will be on the list.

My rant about the gym last night can be found here... http://weight-loss.fitness.com/off-topic/16556-those-people-gym-13.html#post423290 I'm not going to regurgitate it again but :cuss:

Tonight I will be back at the gym. Trying to get the leg up on any weekend eating but Jeff said that he'll help me from pigging out on snacks at night when we're watching movies, or having too many Bailey's on ice. Plus the budget is a little tight so we won't be going out for dinner or drinks unless he's buying. He's also making gyros for dinner tonight... I am soooo craving steak it's unreal. I've never had a gyro from a restaurant but the ones Jeff makes aren't greasy or loaded with fat. I'm just working thru trying to bounce into the 180s. I really miss seeing those numbers on the scale. And I don't want to spend another 4 weeks in the 190s. My 24th birthday is coming up and I want to be a little bit mor svelt before then. Plus I am planning to go home in May/June sometime to do the whole Mother's Day/Mom's Birthday/Father's Day stuff and I would like it to be apparent that I have been taking initiative to be healthier and more in shape. Although I guess round is still a shape:D Eating healthy at every meal and snack has been a bit of a daunting task because I've never been one to truly like healthy foods but it's growing on me. And I usually figure that 3 days this week was better than no days. I've also been ravenously hungry the last two days so it's one of three things 1) I am definitely in a calorie deficit, just hoping it's not too big 2) I am PMSing early 3) It could be both. For some reason I always feel better when my period is over. I feel like I'm starting anew... and it's somewhat easier for my to kill some extra weight during that time.

Now I'm just looking forward to the weekend starting. I'm hoping that I can leave work a little early and get to the 5:30 class so I can get home before 7 to shower and change.

Also we all have idiosyncrasies that make us look odd... and I guess in certain ways I'm always a bit paranoid about someone breaking into my apartment. this is the first I've ever lived completely on my own and I live in the basement apartment of a house, there's only one door to go in and out of, the windows are at ground level, there is no gate or security system. I keep a chair wedged under the door and a knife under the mattress. My boyfriend thinks it's weird but if someone breaks in I want to be prepared. I've thought about a gun but I think that might be a bit overboard and I can't afford it. So when I'm there by myself at night, the night's Jeff doesn't stay over, it always takes me a little longer to fall asleep because I feel the need to listen and make sure no one is lurking outside. And last night I realized that while I am terrified of someone breaking in, I think I could handle the situation in a calm manner. If two ppl broke in at the same time I'd be a wreck and I have a loud piercing scream. I digress. I've been realizing slowly over the past couple of weeks, and I've said this before, that these KB classes have given me more confidence that I've ever had. I feel a bit more sure about myself. I feel much more assertive. And to think that if someone broke into my apartment that I might have some defense skills (other than screaming and waving around a steak knife) I could handle the situation physically and emotionally better than before, it makes me feel even better about myself. I am not [completely] powerless. I might be wielding the kiddie tools of self defense and I still can't kick the bag without nearly falling over, but I'm stronger, I have reflexes, I'm in better shape. To be honest I can't even really explain the way I feel... it's even much bigger than kickboxing. It sort of feels like things sliding into place but not things like career, relationship, money... more like the pieces of personal balance.
 
I'm glad things seem to be falling into place for you! I'm struggling in that department myself. Not just with weight but other things too....so I can understand how good it feels to start feeling more better as far as that goes!

I'm totally with you on feeling concerned about someone breaking in! When hubby has a gig I'm soo nervous all night about someone breaking in and I can't sleep well at all. I never thought to actually go as far as to protect myself though....thats a good idea! You can never be too safe.

Sorry the scales are giving you a hard time :( At least you know its the scales and not you!

I hope you have a good weekend :D
 
Thanks for stopping by NewBride. I decided a few months ago that I deserve nothing but the best for myself and that I was going to stop settling. I started taking the "you control your own destiny" to heart and realized that if I was making myself feel like crap I needed to knock it off... being overweight doesn't make someone a bad or unworthy person. And for the first time in my life I don't give a shit about other ppl trying to bring me down. That's their deal. One of my favorite quotes (and I don't have many because I think you should live by your own thoughts and not the thoughts of others) is by Eleanor Roosevelt... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's true. We're so afraid to stand up for ourselves or believe in ourselves because it might cause friction in an important relationship or we might be standing alone, but you have to take care of yourself first. No one else can do that better than you.
 
Hey there BG!

I know that I have insecurities about being alone - especially when dh is out of town (which has been a few days this week and next.) I don't think you ever "outgrow" it no matter how much you feel you can kick some booty! I took 4 yrs of martial arts, and I'm still skeered. Of course it's ok to be on "alert". That's what you want, just not a full out anxiety attack of course.

But it sounds like you are really getting things together. I just read the other day (and have read it many times before) that the average woman is a size 14 and weighs 164 lbs. That's not slim by any means ya know!

I get discourage with my scale as well, it never wants to show any new numbers. And it's always weighing in at 1/2 lb increments. So I could lose weight by tenths and it wouldn't register that. I do want a new scale, but I don't "need" it because mine isn't broken. I wonder how I could accomplish that? :biggrinjester:

Have a good weekend!
 
Just read about the gym episode. Ugh! I can so see that happening. Just remember people like that need attention and eventually they will quit because they aren't getting enough of it.
 
That scale would make me batty, too. The scale I've got drives me a little nuts because it weighs in 0.2 increments. It very consistent, which is good, but now I feel obsessed about a shift of 0.2lbs! It drives me crazy. I did want one that gave 0.5lb increments, so that if I even lost 0.5lbs it would feel good, but 0.2 is ridiculous. Talk about micro managing and obsessive behavior!

I'm not too worried about being broken into, but I am a worst case scenario type of person. I can remember that even when I was little I'd develop all kinds of plans-of-actions in case something bad happened (a fire, break in). I still do it. I know exactly what I'd probably do if I was attacked, in a fire, if my car goes over a bridge into water (that one really freaks me out). I know exactly where I'd hide if someone broke into my place. This is all in theory. In reality....who knows.
 
Thanks everyone for stopping in. I'm really trying to get around to everyone's diaries today... Newbride, I'm gonna read your's as soon as I'm done here.

The weekend was great. Jeff was in town. We watched movies, slept a lot, went out for a drink (I had a diet coke), I ate some crappy food but I had very few meals so I think it just balanced itself out, we did some decorating at my apartment, also did my taxes... woohoo refund... i'm taking about $100 to treat myself and the rest is getting paid directly on my student loans...

Even though I ate shitty, including accumulating a food baby at the Outback Steakhouse yesterday, I managed to make the scale go down. Oh, happy me. I've also realized that I lost about 3-4 pounds last month. Not great but better than nothing. I want to up this. I'd like to see some serious progress before my birthday.

Sweatpea stopped in to check out my myspace over the weekend. She left a nice comment, and it made me reflect on when those pictures were taken... almost three years ago... I still look the same and I'm only 5lbs heavier. But oddly enough, those pictures sort of changed my life. Everyone said how nice they were, how pretty I was, what nice photography the pictures were... one photo was recently entered into a contest by the photographer... I need to ask her if my beautiful face won her anything;) But I was so happy and confident and for the first time in my life believed I was beautiful... I want to get back to that place. A few months after those photos were taken I let myself go, fell into a depression that was only menanced by a very frustrating post-graduation year... literally the worst year of my entire life. And lately I feel like I just haven't been living up to my potential.. schlepping around in unflattering clothes. It's so easy to let yourself go. I need to buy some nicer clothes for summer.

But the last year of my life has been one of the best. I finally got a job, bought my first car, my first apartment, finally told my entire family that I am a grownup and will not be a pushover any longer, found independence, moved somewhere I never thought I'd be, fell in love with the most wonderful guy I could have ever imagined, learned to cook a little better, found some new and refound some old interests, started becoming smarter about money and my future. Just lots of wonderful things that I am so happy about everyday.

I'm getting back to the gym tonight... more sweating it out. I'm dreading it like always but at least it's Nick's class... I don't really like Dymond's class too much. I need to start weight lifting.

One thing though that irritates me is the overall tone in which this message board seems to be headed. I feel like it's high school all over and someone's feelings are hurt, someone wants to be a bully because they're threatened by someone else's intelligence or self confidence, someone doesn't like not being popular and therefore hates anyone who is well liked.... God on high... what happened to being adults? What happened to amicably disagreeing with someone else? A big theme, which I think maybe the United States and the World as a whole needs to remember, is Make love not war.
 
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One thing though that irritates me is the overall tone in which this message board seems to be headed. I feel like it's high school all over and someone's feelings are hurt, someone wants to be a bully because they're threatened by someone else's intelligence or self confidence, someone doesn't like not being popular and therefore hates anyone who is well liked....
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I'm sorry :( my patience these days is absolutely non-existant... I could give you a list of reasons why... I don't think I'm being a bully -just direct.. which is part of my "charm" :D
 
Of course you are gorgeous! I didn't need to tell you that. I'm glad to hear that this year is going well for you too.

Have a great week!
 
brunettegoddess said:
But the last year of my life has been one of the best. I finally got a job, bought my first car, my first apartment, finally told my entire family that I am a grownup and will not be a pushover any longer, found independence, moved somewhere I never thought I'd be, fell in love with the most wonderful guy I could have ever imagined, learned to cook a little better, found some new and refound some old interests, started becoming smarter about money and my future. Just lots of wonderful things that I am so happy about everyday.
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Everyone deserves at least one "damn I'm good" year. Its a pretty powerful feeling... I hope it lasts forever!
 
maleficent said:
I'm sorry :( my patience these days is absolutely non-existant... I could give you a list of reasons why... I don't think I'm being a bully -just direct.. which is part of my "charm" :D
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I'm just unhappy with the people who feel the need to be rude. Like the "Five Things..." post and someone called a mulligan... why the hell was that necessary? And the one person, who I'm not going to say shall remain nameless, but moreso I can't figure out how to say the SN, and therefore don't remember it but that person was an ass. I HATE when people are passive aggressive... I'm not saying I've never been that way because in the past I have. But then I realized it's one of the stupidest ways to make your point... you can't even be direct... you're hiding behind your comments so that in case the person who you're directing with said words schools your ass with a comeback you can be like... "oh no, I wasn't talking about you. You know I love you." :::end rant:::

:::Knock on wood::: I'm feeling positive about weightloss this week. I feel like I'm getting adjusted to my healthy habits, and maybe enjoying them a bit more. I also like my little swing of eating healthy Monday thru Friday and then relaxing about it on the weekends without going overboard. It makes it easier to eat healthy the majority of the week. Also I had some pasta at lunch yesterday which I don't normally do but my body felt so much better at the gym last night... so I'm going to play around with pasta lunches and no pasta lunches and see if that extra bit of carbs is helping me out.

Last night was a bummer though. Walked in the door at 8:15, chatted on the phone and then I went to start making dinner at 9... no gas. Tried lighting the pilot lights... no gas. I don't have a microwave so my gas oven/stove is it. Then I knocked on the neighbor's door... she had no gas either which then made us realize we were going to run out of hot water soon. So at 9:30, I'm starving eating cold leftover steak and cold turkey bacon and mozzarella cheese, and now I'm packing to go to Jeff's. Granted I love any excuse to spend more time with him but I was ass tired and I just wanted food and a shower and my own bed. But I got extra kisses out of the deal so I guess it's all good! And this morning he told me I was looking slimmer:)

Thanks to all ladies who've been stopping by lately. A nice mix of new and old friends:grouphug:
 
extra kisses and being told looking slimmer (cuz youo are -- all those extra "kisses" burn some calories :) are a goo dthing and you deserve 'em babycakes :)
 
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