2/3 me diary

2/3 me

2/3 me

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I absolutely must lose weight. It has been creeping up forever. I weigh myself every Monday in an attempt to keep an eye on it - dieting or not - and this Monday I weighed 16 stone 11 1/2 pounds. Even for me that is heavy - I have put on about 7 pounds since Christmas. I reckon a healthy weight for me is about 11 stone, and that means I am 5 stone 11 1/2 pound over weight - 81 1/2 pounds overweight. Suddenly I realised that I am carrying more than 1/3 of my body weight as fat. Of this body, there is only 2/3 that is me, and the rest is fat.

No wonder I have a bad back, no wonder my feet ache when I walk, no wonder I never want to take a walk, when I used to love it. This weight is crippling me. I can't lift 81 pounds, but I am making myself carry that weight each day. I am nearly 43, and I have ahead of me long years of disability if I don't do something now. I've been looking and you just don't see elderly people as big as me. Maybe they are bed bound, but that is not a future I want.

I have to do something, and I have no more time, I have to do it now.

I know what to do - I have sucked up every bit of news about dieting since I was a chubby child. I know what is making me put the weight on, and it isn't the veg, the fruit, or the grilled chicken, it's the foods high in sugar and fat. Those foods are like a drug to me - I crave them, and use them when I am emotional, and they are harming me. I have to think of them in the same way as drugs, and cut them out.

I started Monday. I thought about the kind of person I am buried underneath this fat - a person with integrity, and I decided to believe in that integrity with every bit of strength I have. Being a person with integrty will get me out of this situation.

Monday I found a few times that I was heading towards food without even thinking about it. I wasn't hungry, it was habit. I ate a good breakfast of oats, nuts, seeds, bran, skimmed milk and some OJ. I had fruit mid morning, and more fruit with yogurt for lunch. A milky coffee (skimmed milk) was a nice snack. Dinner was vegetable curry with peanuts and rice. I drank water all everning. I had no time for much exercise other than walking round hospital with my daughter, walking round town afterwards, walking to watch my son play football.

Tuesday I weighed myself - I will weigh myself every day for the first week, and then weekly. I weighed one pound less than Monday. Hurrah! I ate a similar sort of food. 3pm I was hungry, so I had some malt loaf. I wanted to continue to eat. Really bad. I wasn't hungry, so I had water. Soon enough it was time to cook dinner - grilled chicken, baked potato, and a little of the veg curry to moisten the potato. I drank water in the evening.

Today I am 1/2 pound less than yesterday.

I know from experience that I want to eat when I am tired, so I must ensure I get my rest. I know that I need to exercise, though I have had a sick boy at home yesterday and today and have not been able to. I know that I must keep busy, and not allow myself to get too hungry, as that is when my self-control wavers. I intend to lose a significant amount of weight.

I will state that again - my intention is to lose a significant amount of weight.
 
2/3 isn't bad, to be honest. :D
It could be better, though! Have you put a food plan together, other than just cutting out sugary, fatty foods?
It's a great place to start, don't get me wrong, but you want to make sure you can deal with cravings, etc, in case you ever eat out or walk pat an ice cream stand. ;)
I look forward to watching things progress for you; it sounds like you have a lot of the mental portion of this hammered out already, I am just curious what else you have in mind.
 
No food plan

No - I don't do food plans. I have a history of binging, and I have found that trying to keep to a food plan is the quickest was to bring on a binge. I lean towards the intuitive eating side of things, i.e. I will eat when I am hungry and eat something I fancy. I think that as long as I have a house stuffed with good healthy food, I should be able to sort out a decent meal for myself.

Eating out isn't something I do much (for one thing I am no fan of restaurant food) and this time of year there isn't much to be feared from the ice-cream man. I can resist ice-cream though. In fact, that is the thing, my natural tastes incline to healthy food. It's not as if I eat unhealthy food beacause I can't resist the taste of it either, to be frank I barely taste it, I eat it as a reward, or as a comfort, and sometimes I only know I have eaten it because I find the wrapper in the bin. It's like smoking - I don't suppose many smokers smoke for the taste, and it's the same for me - I get something from the sensation of eating, I get something from what I eat being naughty, and I get something from the sensation of having a full belly. To get those things I will eat things I dislike - even things that make me feel physically unwell.

I can happily seperate the things I eat into things I eat for food and things I eat for sensation, and I know I have to cut out the things I eat for sensation.

This may make no sense to you, but it does to me.
 
Today is going well

I had a dehydration headache today - fixed it by drinking lots of water, but it is a good sign - surely that means I am burning fat and toxins are accumulating in my body from that fat burning that need washing out. My doctor once told me that if a dieter has not got a headache, they are not losing weight. I don't know if it's true or not, but at least it makes a headache more bearable!

I hopefully have a ticker attached to my posts now. I had some problem how much to put on the ticker - I have said I would like to lose about 85 pounds - but that certainly isn't a fixed figure. I would like to do the thing in stages. I will feel so much better for losing 10 pounds, that I nearly used that amount on the ticker, but then I thought that even if I lost 10 pounds, I would still be over 16 stone. I have been wanting to be below 16 stone for a while - so I have set the ticker for 12.5 pounds. That will get me one pound under 16 stone. After that we'll have to see. I will do what seems to be the most motivating thing.
 
It sounds like you are putting some of that hard-earned experience to work and doing a good job of it :D
My problem is that I love the taste of the food as much as that overstuffed feeling. I love perfectly normal healthy food, in huge amounts. A 2 lb steak is just about perfect, as long as I have plenty of trimmings... ugh. I haven't done THAT in awhile, at least.
Keep posting here, you and I seem to share a lot of mental similarities when it comes to food addiction. It's good to see other people beating the same quirks I have so much trouble with.
 
Hungry at night

Everything is still going well - my motivation is high, there's nothing but good foods in the house, and I haven't really been tested yet. Down another 1/2 pound this morning. Last night getting ready for bed I was tempted to weigh myself, but I didn't. I know that I end up getting all mixed up about how I am doing when I start weighing myself all over the place, and weighing myself can become a bit of a compulsion. For a long time I did not have scales in the house due to that thing, but I got a lot heavier in that time, so now I have scales in, but I am strict about weighing myself only on a Monday - this week is an exception.

My jeans seeemed slightly looser yesterday, and that was a great feeling. I wore them on Sunday, and they were too tight, pinching and squeezing me. I would not say they were entirely comfortable yesterday, but they were better. One of the things forcing me to realise how heavy I am is that barely any of my clothes fit. I have a choice of 3 or 4 outfits, and yet my wardrobe is stuffed with clothes!

Last night I cooked mashed potato with chicken breast and veg, and I was worryingly full afterwards, but by bedtime my stomach was sending out "fill me" signals. There's no way I would eat that late, and the hunger pains were not that strong. In a way I welcomed them - it seemed a good sign.


Qjay said:
It sounds like you are putting some of that hard-earned experience to work and doing a good job of it :D
My problem is that I love the taste of the food as much as that overstuffed feeling. I love perfectly normal healthy food, in huge amounts. A 2 lb steak is just about perfect, as long as I have plenty of trimmings... ugh. I haven't done THAT in awhile, at least.
Keep posting here, you and I seem to share a lot of mental similarities when it comes to food addiction. It's good to see other people beating the same quirks I have so much trouble with.
Click to expand...


Qjay, I do have times when I overeat because the food is so damn good, such as when my DH cooks a roast dinner - something he is very talented at, but doesn't do very often. The occassional feast isn't what has got me this big though!

I saw that in a previous post you said that you need to see a certain amount of food being eaten - how are you doing with that now? I ask because one of my triggers to overeat is when I begin to feel that I am being deprived of food because I am fat - even when it's me doing the depriving! I wondered if you had a similar trigger?
 
walking

I took the dogs for a long walk on the beach today. Everything is still going well. I had fruit and yogurt for lunch. I have a windproof coat that I use to walk the dogs, and lately I have found it a bit tricky to do up when I have a fleece underneath - but today I noticed that it wasn't quite so difficult. It's amazing what a difference a couple of pounds make.

I was two pounds lighter whent this year began, and I am looking forward to losing two more pounds to be back at that weight. I have decided agaist weighing myself tomorrow though - I will weigh myself next on Saturday - I don't want to risk disappointment on the scales at this early stage.
 
2/3 me said:
I saw that in a previous post you said that you need to see a certain amount of food being eaten - how are you doing with that now? I ask because one of my triggers to overeat is when I begin to feel that I am being deprived of food because I am fat - even when it's me doing the depriving! I wondered if you had a similar trigger?
Click to expand...

I'm eating more of healthier foods. My problem is that I am used to eating large meals, even of good food. I have eaten plenty of junk food as well, over my lifetime, but basically, if there isn't somewhere near a pound of food, I just don't get full. And if it is dense food, it also needs to be a large meal. Something near the size of my entire hand is pretty much a bare minimum, preferably more.

I am doing all right by using smaller serving plates and dishes, because to food looks bigger that way, but I am mostly just making sure that if I eat a normal meal and am still hungry, that I just have a bowl of oatmeal afterwards, or some chicken salad, or salmon salad or something meaty with some fat in it. I use a small amount of mayo with the chicken and salmon, but I have been staying home a lot and ran out of lettuce and most of my other veggies are gone too.
At least I ate them all, lol. I need to go shopping again, dangit.

Pretty much, the reason I am still "needing" 2000-2500 calories in a day is to meet that minimum "viewable volume" of food. I can trick myself out of some of the calories, like having thin crust, instead of pan, when I eat pizza, and by really mixing the oatmeal up and maybe adding a spoonful of peanut butter when I do it, but I still have lots of trouble making sure I stay primarily in the healthy foods.

It's still a challenge, even a couple of months after making the change. I hope it gets easier sooner or later.
 
Thanks for checking out my diary...and congrats on the 2 pounds that you have lost....I know I shouldn't be discouraged about my weight coming off slow, actually it's probably a good thing...but I can't help it if I want instant results... :)

I tend to be an emotional eater, especially around the time of my divorce...I turned to food for comfort, hey the food wasn't going to reject me, or tell me no...so food became my best friend....and at 222.5 I realized that for one, I am bigger now then I when I was pregnant with my daughter...I used to turn to food for everything...but slowly I've been good about not running to grab that chocolate bar when I'm stressed at work, or when I'm upset....

I wish you luck in this journey...I can't wait to see your tickler move to your first goal target...!!

Kat
 
Kat74 said:
I tend to be an emotional eater, especially around the time of my divorce...I turned to food for comfort, hey the food wasn't going to reject me, or tell me no...so food became my best friend....and at 222.5 I realized that for one, I am bigger now then I when I was pregnant with my daughter...I used to turn to food for everything...but slowly I've been good about not running to grab that chocolate bar when I'm stressed at work, or when I'm upset....
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Well done for changing your behaviour! That's what I am aiming for, changing the way I look after myself, because looking after myself by overeating isn't working so well. Food only seemed to be a best friend - in reality it was stabbing us in the back. Who needs friends like that - we deserve better.
 
Okay, so I didn't weigh myself this morning. Then at breakfast my DH lets me know that he is down 3 3/4 pounds from Monday. On Sunday we had a big family meal - sis bought the starter (pate) sis-in-law brought the puddings. There were leftovers in the fridge on Monday that I proposed chucking out, but DH said to keep it, and Monday and Tuesday he ate them. Other than that he has been eating what I have been eating, except he has loads of coffees, and he had Parmesan on his tuna pasta last night, and he's had bigger lunches.

He has about a stone to lose (14 pounds) to get rid of his teddy bear belly and he drops that much weight just like that.

So, did I congratulate him? What do you think!


Tonight is going to be difficult. I am helping organise a bingo fundraiser, there will be loads of food about, and it is going to be tiring. The last two we held I ended up eating some chocolate or crisps. I mean not to tonight - I mean to just drink water or diet coke, and to ignore the bad stuff. I mean to take an apple with me. I'll let you know how it goes.
 
Oooh, maybe some roasted (but not salted) nuts, or a bag of celery and carrot sticks? The fruit is a good idea, as well!
Let us know how it all went!
And don't be too upset with your DH, he's just a little bit better off, metabolically speaking; it's not his fault.
 
Well, the day is ended, and I didn't do too badly. The fundraiser was not especially good at raising funds, but that is because the woman who I assist in doing these things wildly over ordered on the food and drink that we sell as refreshments. Some of it will last until October when we have our next fundraiser, but a lot had use by dates that mean that they wont be any good then. I ended up buying two trays of diet coke which I didn't exactly want, but it meant we made a little more from the evening.

Anyway - Sarah - the fundraiser, was keen that we go out for lunch today. I explained that I was being good, and said I would prefer to have something like baked beans and baked potato. She wanted a three course meal at a local pub. She was quite persuasive, so I agreed, thinking I would eat something healthy off the menu, but then she wanted to go out for coffee, and whist we were stood at the counter having ordered (I had a latte - not especially good, but at least I didn't have vanilla syrup in it) Sarah announced that we had no time to go out for lunch, and would be ordering it now. The place did baked potatoes, but it was only 11 am, and they hadn't cooked them. I ended up choosing a brown roll with tuna and cucumber. There was mayo in the tuna as well, but all things considered, it was not a bad lunch. I ate an apple later, then had a salad with tinned mackerel for dinner. At the bingo evening I did manage to just drink a can of diet coke, and though I am hungry now (about 2 on a scale of one to ten) I shan't eat any more today, especially as it is weigh day tomorrow.

I was delighted to see my husband wolfing down crisps, and having a fried egg sandwich when we got home, which only goes to prove what a cruel and nasty person I am.
 
Qjay said:
maybe some roasted (but not salted) nuts, or a bag of celery and carrot sticks?
Click to expand...

Unfortunately I read this too late, but I was so busy I wouldn't have had time to eat any of that anyway! I hate raw celery - those strings really catch in my teeth, and it does not have a pleasant flavour, but I looooove braised celery - celery really adds flavour to a stew. I roast my own nuts - I buy bags of raw ones and bake them in the oven for about 10 minutes, and leave them in the oven as it cools - roasting them really improves the flavour and the texture, and I just can't get roast nuts that are not salted in the shops. I add a few chopped to breakfast, or to yogurt, or sometimes take a small handful to munch on. My favourite mix is cashews, pecans, and brazils. And I eat raw carrots a lot.

So, good choices!
 
I'm not really sure what Groundhog day is - wasn't that a film by Bill Murray about a day that kept repeating until he turned into a nice guy?
 
2/3 Me

Congrats thus far on your loss and keep up the good work!

I'm not sure if it's the same with you, but my dh can lose weight very easily and it's rather disheartening for me when I have worked my tail off watching and counting calories and exercising, and he loses several lbs more than me and hasn't really done anything. :( I am happy for him, although he isn't trying to lose weight and I AM! Sometimes it makes me depressed and want to just binge because I feel like it's not doing anything. But what i just realized is that my exercising is helping my heart and other aspects of my health even if the scale isn't going down.
 
What temp do you roast them at? Please mention Faranheit or Celcius, I can do the conversions if needed :D

I HATE it when people "have to be in charge" of where we go eat. I'm just rude enough to leave and come back after I got what I wanted from where I wanted it, though. You may find it easier to not tell people about your food choices, just as a thought. A lot of people here have trouble with people that try to "tempt" with bad food choices, offering dessert, etc. and have just found it simpler to not say anything, just order better food.

Remember, fish and chicken are usually great choices, as long as they aren't fried or covered in butter/oil, and most restaurants, even fast food places, have a grilled chicken sandwich available. Ditch the top bun and save yourself a lot of carbs, order a side salad instead of fries, have it with a diet soda. and you are not looking at a BAD meal.
It could always be better, calorie-wise, but if you are stuck somewhere, just be choosy. ;) If you don't want to just walk off somewhere else and get your preferred food. :eek:
 
photocrazed said:
Congrats thus far on your loss and keep up the good work!

I'm not sure if it's the same with you, but my dh can lose weight very easily and it's rather disheartening for me when I have worked my tail off watching and counting calories and exercising, and he loses several lbs more than me and hasn't really done anything. :( I am happy for him, although he isn't trying to lose weight and I AM! Sometimes it makes me depressed and want to just binge because I feel like it's not doing anything. But what i just realized is that my exercising is helping my heart and other aspects of my health even if the scale isn't going down.
Click to expand...

I'm not really upset - just envious! He put a pound on today, which he was cross about as he hardly ate yesterday - apart from the bad stuff in the evening. Not that he was trying to starve himself, but because he had a late meeting so had to go from work to the bingo evening without eating.

In a way it is great that he is trying to lose weight - when I met him he was really skinny and trying to lose weight - he used to eat the most enormous portions, always have seconds, and pudding, but couldn't gain anything. Since our children have arrived though and he injured his ankle preventing him doing so much sports, things have slowly changed. It is nice actually dieting with him, rather than cooking for both of us and trying to make a meal that makes me thinner, but not him!
 
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