I hate my body so much

M

Maximiliani

0
I've been going to the gym and doing exercises on and off since about I guess Mid Summer now after doing mainly cardio all fall and winter and loosing 10lbs, as well as taking an introductory weight training course at school. I was starting a really intense weight training regimine early September but had to stop to revamp it due to to time problems and possible inconsistencies in my planning and possibly hurting myself as it overworked muscles with unneeded exercises. And while I should be happy at seeing results, I feel like I have a more slender frame in some spots and a bit more "rugbyish" so people have called me, looking in others, but while I might be seeing results, or imagining them, whatever is really going on, it but it almost seems for the most part that like everything is doing the opposite of what I want, like with my stomach is like "dividing up" and stuff, like big crease right above my belly button now, really weird fat rolls and ****, maybe I lost some weight there and the area's still saggy, somethings going on there, i really don't know.

Also, since doing the straight weight training I forgot to do pushups, so I had lost a great deal of progression with them that I built up earlier in the year when I was doing mainly floor exercises. I've been working on my pushups for the past two weeks I think, my chest seems so bulky/puffy, it's the exact opposite of what I was wanting. You can look at my pics from former threads, I should put a new picture up, but regardless if I'm making progress or not, I still can't stand my body, it really really distresses me, I still feel fat, I still feel really inept, I've started 30 minute cardio sessions on the elliptical and then 9 minutes of interval training on the row machine, will that help counterbalance these this temporary "side effects" that I'm experiencing.

I just am not happy, and feel worthless to some degree.

I did chest and back weight training with bench press, dumbell bench press and dumbell flies and two variations of lateral pull downs and did a weighted row as well as a 10 min eliptical warm up and did the 9 min interval training on the true row machine with the sliding seat thing, anyway even though it wasnt cardio day, I included it. I all cam in at about an hour or so, is that good enough? I just, can't seem to keep up a good spirit about all of this, I feel horrible when I look at myself, I'm the only person I know who gets frustrated AFTER they workout. It's getting real trying, because all I want is to be like other guys and actually enjoy myself and look good doing it.
 
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First, I think you are being much too harsh on yourself. Post some pics of yourself; I am sure you are perceived much better than you perceive yourself.

Second, how old are you? It is common for high school and college-aged kids to be insecure about their bodies. (By the time you get to be my age, you feel fortunate to still have a pulse, and not care as much how you are perceived by others.)

Third, weight loss comes from consuming fewer calories than you burn. Determine your basal metabolic rate. Add in your activities to determine your total kcals burned in a day. Log everything you eat - I use fitday.com - and make sure you eat less than you burn. 700kcal / day will get you a 1 pound / week weight loss. 1400 kcal / day will get you 2 pounds / week, but is harder to maintain, but is still safe. Don't try more than that.

Fourth, start a journal and log your diet, weight, workout and your thoughts. You may or may not get comments, but it will hold you accountable.
 
I know what it feels like to feel unhappy and worthless. It's a daily problem for me as well.

Perhaps the problem isn't really your body. I find that it's more or less what you think or what you don't think you can control. By doing exercises, you perhaps felt like you might have control over how your body is forming, but because your body is changing in ways you don't want to or expect, you feel like perhaps it isn't worth it.

What I found best with exercising, is don't feel too bad about what you think of your body. Instead do things that are fun. If someone looked at me, they might call me a lazy slob, who knows. The other day, I was walking up the stairs at my office because we came back from a big meeting across town, I stumbled on another person walking up the stairs too. I sound like a sadist when I say I felt good that he was struggling. It was almost a feeling like, "Hey, I can do better than this person is doing." He had to get off the 9th floor, and I was like wow, this felt good to see that. Sometimes I'm out running, and I see someone ahead of me, I'm like what in the world! Then later on down, I see them walking and out of breath, and I feel better knowing that I can pace myself well enough to come farther than this person did, despite the fact he was ahead of me at first.

The more time you try to find faults, the more faults you're going to find. Don't spend time thinking about faults and successes, just spend time doing what makes you happy. Don't stress about "fitness" so much. Fitness is more about being happy while you're doing it, than punishing yourself. No matter how healthy you appear outside, the more unhappy you are inside will result in a shorter life, no matter what. Fitness doesn't bring happiness, but it sure feels good when you can do stuff others can't. I don't mean that to be arrogant, I just mean you have to think that you're at least fortunate enough to be able to do things what others cannot.

Think about this weight class. Because you felt like you weren't successful, you stopped. You made reasons like, "I'm going to injure myself," and "I don't have the time" which you know yourself are complete baloney. You lost 10 pounds, you probably can lift a lot more than you started, and you decided to stop simply because you felt your body is going in a way you didn't expect. What you should have done and still should do is continue with the class, just keep lifting knowing that months ago, you couldn't even do that. So just be glad that you have two arms, two legs, and a well head that you can discipline yourself enough to do better than what you started with. Although you might not become a power lifter, at the very least you did better than anyone else because even though others stopped, you didn't.
 
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I'm 20 years old as of September. I've been dealing with weight issues since age seven or eight when I went from very very slender and willowy to quite fat. It distresses me because I could have modeled as a child, at least like in magazines or whatever, I was a very very cute kid and I feel like I've lost something due to that weight gain and need to "prove" myself that I'm not that sad mess anymore and stuff, I feel like I need to get back something. At one point in middleschool I was close to 210, got down to 190's range in highschool, and last fall/winter did a ton of cardio and last I weighed myself was in the 184-188 range this spring.


I look terrible lying down and sitting and I just, I'm not comfortable with myself. It's a big problem.
 

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Dude, I don't want to sound gay or nothing, but you're still a "cute" kid! Your picture looks very good!!! Trust me, people would desire to have your body that you now dislike. You don't have a weight problem, you're just thinking you do. Just keep going back to the weight class, and don't be so hard on yourself. I think you can still model too, if you wanted to.
 
Max, after readin your first post i wasnt sure what to think but i had invisioned you as totally different. Pal, you have a body thats either average or above average in certain standards. Your not far off from havin the body that you want with a little work and dieting. Man, embrace it. The journey is part of the fun.
Your being way too hard on your self. I also beleive that the majority of your problem is mental and not physical. I have had and do have similar issues, some people are wired differently and satisfaction in ones self is harder to find. I started with a much worse build and much heavier then you just over 3 years ago.
I hope this gives you a bit of encouragement, yet im not yankin ur chain either. You got a good base to work off of and theres alot of us here to help ya along.
You already had the motivation, now you got the support, run with it !
 
I would have to agree with you with the mental thing, I acknowledge it and even suspect I have body dysmorphia to a degree. I'm not very athletic, hate sports, more of an artistic stock, but I still pit myself against guys with athletic and slim builds in terms of I guess assigning self worth, stupid thing to do, but those are the guys that get attention or are comfortable with themselves and make their life seem that much easier.

Perfectionism sucks, when I hear average, it really kills me. I am not an average person personality wise, and perhaps it's vain, but, idk, I'd like my outside to be just as good as the inside. I like things that arent terribly masculine, like landscape and gardening, art, old movies and crap, so part of thinks that having a really nice body will kind of make up for my lack of generic "manliness" as I don't feel comfortable dating in my current physique. I really controls me when you get right down to it.

And also I didn't stop because I was getting results I didn't want, but the cardio I was doing, someone said to stop that and do weights instead before doing just cardio as it provide a good base.
 
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Everyone seems happier on the other side. Heck, sometimes I sit down and wonder why the hell everyone else seems so happy all the time!?!?!

However, these people you speak of with slim bodies, etc, who seems to be "comfortable" and with an "easier life" might seem that way if you're not looking carefully enough. The thing is, people who look "good" might have an easier time being socially accepted, but these people tend to not value things they do have. You hear all the time with people who cheat on their wives, who throws away a friendship, people lose things all the time, and when they realize what they had, then they realize their problem, but it's too late.

I too can't get a date, and if you've been following this forum for some time, you'd know that I sometimes have very crazy thoughts about marriage, dating, and the opposite sex. With you, you feel that your body has to be a certain shape to get a date. However, has anyone ever told you that your body "wasn't good" enough? Or did you just happen to think that yourself alone one night?

So you should becareful. You already put a burden on whoever you're going to date. That burden is that your body isn't presentable enough for the other, so you're going to hold it against her if she does or doesn't accept your body. So you should get rid of that thought before it tears you up and drives you mad. I know exactly how that feels like, so take my word to rid yourself of that thought.


Back to this weight lifting and cardio, if you like one or both, then I say just do it. There isn't a right or wrong way of doing things. Just keep doing it, and something is going to happen.
 
In my opnion, your body is an OK looking body. I think it is normal from time to time to hates our bodies. I go through it, I for one hate my stomach. I think it's huge. Other people may think it's normal. Our perceptions of ourselves are always different from everyone else's
 
Youre 20 y.o. man and hate your body??? Ive seen your photos. I wish I were 20... :) There is no problem with Your body. If You want bigger muscles You can work on them but You have to be patient to Yourself. Your mind guides Your body. Dont let Your body to tell Your mind who You are.
 
See thats where I have to disagree, it's not very good, there's so many guys my age with the V thing and crap, it looks more common to me than without, so, I feel like I'm just not up to par. I have a goal, which I'm attending to, I just have to find the right combination of cardio and weights to get me there. In the meantime I try my best to ignore myself (not in the hygiene sense, I'm pretty good with hygiene) I guess, which means ignoring girls and just, doing my thing, like I did all of highschool, I guess.
 
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From what I see, your body looks normally fine. I think you just need an effective cardio routine like high intensity workouts (HIIT) to remove stubborn fat. That V-shape in men is achieved by working out your Latissimus Dorsi plus having a tight midsection (Latissimus Dorsi a muscle region in the back portion encompassing up to that area underneath your armpits. When that muscle is trained enough to grow, you will develop wing-like meaty muscles, creating to help show that V-shape. If you are having problems removing fat, IMO, its either that you eat too much for your daily needs or you have a low testosterone level.
 
It could be partially calories, I tend to eat well, but sometimes eat too much of it and when at home graze on things. At school im much more regimented and better, if not under eat a tiny bit.

Every cardio session I do im gonna do a 15 min interval training on the rower. I'm pretty sure it follows the principle of HIIT, since I'm doing really fast for a while and then stopping. Start and stop.

Any products/supplements that can aid me in that fat loss? Other than having a tub of whey protein, and taking a mens multi-vitamin from Trader Joes, I otherwise dont take anything else. Should I be trying something?
 
I eat the most during the morning and I hardly (or dont) eat at night. It would make sense since you do the bulk of your activities during the initial half of the day and you really wont be doing anything come sleeptime...
 
Most of the time I'm able to do my exercises is sometime after 6 pm though. Is that ok? Because I know you should have some form of protein before and after to help your muscles.
 
Classes that run late, I have an art class that lasts until 4:30 technically, though I may stay anywhere between there and 7 to get work done. Then dinner in that same time frame. Then I can get to the gym if I'm to do a big full body workout thats meant to last me an hour and a half or so....

But I also go later so people don't see me, I get embarrassed. I really really hate my body other than my face, I just dont think it good at all, despite my weight loss, I'm just not good enough yet and I'll never look the way I want.
 
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Dude, the problem is nothing to do with your body. You could look like Arnie in his prime and still wouldn't like it. The problem is with your body image and how you perceive yourself. I can guarantee that most of the guys you're looking at with a perfect V-shape body either think they're too fat or think they're too skinny, very very few of them will be happy with the way they look.

I know 300 pound steriod-fuelled body builders that don't think they're big enough, I know guys that are absolutely ripped and aren't happy with their muscle seperation, I know women that have a body (and a face) that would get them on the cover of any magazine who think they're fat and ugly, and sadly I have girls coming to me wanting me to help them lose weight even though they're already obviously underweight (which i refuse to do). One girl was a size zero and STILL wanted to "tone up".

Just about no-one is totally happy with their body. And I can guarantee that the comments on here about you having an average or an above average body mean nothing to you.

You think you look fat - end of discussion.

The problem is your self-esteem which I thought was obvious even before I read the part about you feeling worthless. It's no good people giving you workout tips to shift those (imagined) extra pounds, you need tips on raising your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your self-respect. You will not become a better person just because you're huge, or ripped or stick thin or whatever it is you think you want to be.

A good book on this I recommend is Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
 
I'm sorry I didn't read or respond to this sooner, I was off doing finals work and then the holidays and all...Nov turned out to be a rather good month of working out. I got out there at least 3 times a week to the gym doing weight training. I learned I had 20% bodyfat though. That was really depressing for me. I'd ideally like to be at 10-15% and while I've lost weight, having once been a size 38 waist and now can fit in cuts of 34, I still see myself as having a TON of work to do. Id like to fit in a size 30-32.

You kind of hit it on the head David, though I have horrible self esteem when it comes to my looks and my body. The thing is I'm smart and practical thinking enough to know that how I feel is ridiculous and that I am face wise, better looking than a lot of guys out there, and even in my current state I'm better off than a lot of other men, but for some reason I still look at other guys, guys that maybe even aren't as attractive as I am overall, but for some reason I think they're much more ideal, just because they have better bodies and I want to be like them. I've been always "different" personality wise and what I've been interested in, it's sad but it's almost like I want to be a generic Abercrombie wearing lacrosse player.

I think in my case I'm a bit unusual for a guy, wanting to be smaller. I'm kind of hung up on being slim I think, because when I WAS slim I was not only my most attractive, but that was also the happiest time of my life and perhaps my thinking is that if I get thin again, it will be like that again, which I know is naive, but it would be easier.

It's just very tough, my younger brother could model if he wanted to. In that respect I'm very jealous of him. I'm confident enough in my talents and personality that I like myself but it's only my metaphorical, mental self with all my personality and interests, strengths that I respect, but it's all intangible, sure I'm a sensitive romantic young man, what girl wouldn't like all that, but when it comes to the physical, I feel I am disappointing. I feel it is casebook cliche, he's a great guy but his body is mediocre. I want to be best lover I can be and I feel I owe it to be the best to whomever I'm with. I'm the artist/writer wanting to look more like an athlete. It's all wanting validation.

pic is from Nov. I'm not sure if I look better now than then or not, I probably don't, I have been really down and haven't had the motivation to really get to the gym that much this month.
 

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Hi there! I just read over your thread and I totally know what you mean about disliking how you look and such. I was the same way (still partly that way). I tried all the unhealthy ways out like diet pills, starving myself while also working out (really bad idea) and even an all liquid diet. BAD! Im not sure how many girls have responded to this thread but IMO you look great. I actually think your body is perfect. I hope you can get the help you need (maybe from the books referred to you) to fix your mental thinking about yourself. You definitely do not have to be an athlete or have crazy huge muscles to be good looking at all. I think you have just the right amount (in fact, much more muscle than that, I dont find as attractive.) Anyway, good luck with your goals and dont be too hard on yourself!! :)
 
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