Weightloss99s diary, fixing my relationship with food

[Weighloss99]

Is it possible that your low-cal days are TOO low-cal to give your body everything it needs? I'm more likely to binge when my deficits are high.

I think so (since I'm going under 1000 calories), but it's so satisfying to be able to eat more other days, finding balance is difficult

 

[Llama]

Finding balance - and keeping it - is the hardest thing. For me I think I need to learn to be genuinely satisfied with smaller amounts of my favorite binge foods, or avoid them completely if I can't. I don't yet know which it will end up being but I know what I'd prefer.

 

[alligatorob]

I've discovered another mind-boggling thing, I can wake up at five in the morning or the the day before and think to myself "I'm going to first eat out and then I'm going to go home and binge on chocolate and some crisps until I feel sick", I'm very much conscious of what I'm doing is the point, I have plenty of time and clarity to decide not to binge, not to buy snacks and yet.
This journey is indeed going to be a long and slow uphill battle.

An insightful observation. For much of my life I binged regularly, sometimes planned, sometimes spontaneously. Often just as you say with the time and clarity to decide not to, but I did anyway. I have been binge free for over a year now, no real secrets here, I just stopped doing it. At first it was really hard, but I just focused on one day at a time, not thinking about the long term, just right now. It has gotten easier, but I still have cravings and urges, probably always will, just hope I can always resist.

On the fasting I think you are right it works well for some people, Overland Flyer is one here. It has worked real well for him. I have not tried it, not intentionally anyway, I like eating regularly, even if its only a few calories.

My friend is a "naturally skinny" person and I got to observe her eating habits firsthand, which was somewhat eye-opening.

Some examples

-eating really really slowly​

-the ability to leave things halfeaten at restaurants​

-opening a bag of crisps and only eating like five​

​

I also noticed my friends appreciation of the food she likes, she was for example going on about a delicious dessert that she had the week previous, this in stark contrast to myself who barely tastes the snacks I'm eating. My friend is a very mindful, non-greedy eater and I believe for my own longterm success I need to learn this way of being

Another insightful observation. However in my case I don't think I can ever be that person. I try to eat slowly and have had some success, but my instinct is to eat quickly and as much as possible. I have trouble not eating everything I get at a restaurant, it takes an awful lot of will power. I have found it easier to just order a salad or something I can eat all of and not get too many calories. And as to only eating 5 crisps from a bag, the only way I can do that is to feed the rest to my dogs, it works and the dogs really like it. I hope you are more successful, but in case you can't be I suggest you try to find some work arounds, they help me.

You are doing great, and finding your way is just a part of the process. Nothing you are doing is wrong, and won't be so long as you keep at it!

 

[Weighloss99]

Week 6: You only fail when you stop trying

Total calorie: 14852cal
Daily average: 2122cal

My eating this week has been way off, sometimes I didn't have the time to eat breakfast or lunch which triggered my binge:ing in the afternoon.
I also got the "brilliant" idea to buy a chocolate cake and eat one piece every day (50g/200cal) to practice moderation, I failed superhard, I think I need to start with a snack less tasty/caloriedense. Yes I still intend to go through with the challenge.
By the weekend I realised I would overshoot my daily avarage by alot anyway and I honestly kind of gave up after that promising myself to make the next week better.
I've been able to only eat 1/2 of a portion when eating out and on sunday I managed to not finish my two cinnamonbuns or the bag of candy while watching a movie, it was still way too much snacks, but I only felt somewhat sick and not totally sick

I've been thinking about my binge:ing and that my bad eating habits actually go way back, but before I wasn't conscious of them, in my head it was normal to stuff yourself until you felt sick and then some.

3/8
1716cal
11:00
Butter, toast, big latte
16:00
100g egg fried rice, 1 milkshake

4/8
1520cal
8:00
2 eggs, 5g butter 20g cheddar cheese, 100g cucumber, 250g grapes
10:00
150g milk, 55g granola, 100g grapes
13:00
15g cheddar cheese, 10g whitefish roe, 25g milk
16:00
150g milk, 50g musli
17:00
100g seaweed noodles, 70g canned tuna, 40g shrimpcheese

5/8
3005cal
5:00
150g milk, 40g granola
14:30
Big latte, 1 sandwich, 1/2 magnum icecream
17:00
80g granola, premade sanwich, 100g chocolate cake, 500g yoghurt, 300g pasta sallad, 50g milk

6/8
2315cal
5:00
100g chocolate cake, 100g milk
11:00
2 eggs
17:00
2 eggs, 20g fishroe, 500g yoghurt, 75g granola, 200g chocolate cake

7/8
1359
5:00
2 eggs, 20g fishroe
11:00
2 eggs
16:00
1/2 milkshake
18:00
8 piece sushi, icecoffee, caramel wafer

8/8
2563cal
8:00
30g canned tuna, 40g shrimpcheese, 70g seaweed noodles
11:30
small Vegan frapino
13:00
1/2 softserved icecream, 3/4 milkshake, 1 apple
16:00
Meatballs w mashed potatoes
20:00
500g yoghurt, 70g granola, 100g candy

9/8
2374cal
10:00
100g steak tartare, 5g fishroe, 500g yoghurt
16:00
3 eggs, 5g butter, 20g cheddar cheese
19:00
200g candy, 1 &1/2 cinnamonbun

 

[Weighloss99]

Finding balance - and keeping it - is the hardest thing. For me I think I need to learn to be genuinely satisfied with smaller amounts of my favorite binge foods, or avoid them completely if I can't. I don't yet know which it will end up being but I know what I'd prefer.

It's very hard denying yourself, it's like you're your own pushover parent to a spoiled child. I think to actually naturally feel satisfied with a small amount is a goal in of it self, personally I hope I can "fake it til I make it"

 

[Weighloss99]

An insightful observation. For much of my life I binged regularly, sometimes planned, sometimes spontaneously. Often just as you say with the time and clarity to decide not to, but I did anyway. I have been binge free for over a year now, no real secrets here, I just stopped doing it. At first it was really hard, but I just focused on one day at a time, not thinking about the long term, just right now. It has gotten easier, but I still have cravings and urges, probably always will, just hope I can always resist.

On the fasting I think you are right it works well for some people, Overland Flyer is one here. It has worked real well for him. I have not tried it, not intentionally anyway, I like eating regularly, even if its only a few calories.

Another insightful observation. However in my case I don't think I can ever be that person. I try to eat slowly and have had some success, but my instinct is to eat quickly and as much as possible. I have trouble not eating everything I get at a restaurant, it takes an awful lot of will power. I have found it easier to just order a salad or something I can eat all of and not get too many calories. And as to only eating 5 crisps from a bag, the only way I can do that is to feed the rest to my dogs, it works and the dogs really like it. I hope you are more successful, but in case you can't be I suggest you try to find some work arounds, they help me.

You are doing great, and finding your way is just a part of the process. Nothing you are doing is wrong, and won't be so long as you keep at it!

Thank you for your support and congrats to 1 year! And yes I've also had to throw away snacks to stop eating I agree, I honestly don't know if I'll ever be free from craving to binge, I've had my whole life building these bad habits, I'm just hoping it won't take that long to undo them.
Though I think it's way to scary to say I'll never binge again and to just stop

 

[Llama]

I've been thinking about my binge:ing and that my bad eating habits actually go way back, but before I wasn't conscious of them, in my head it was normal to stuff yourself until you felt sick and then some.

Same here. And I too sometimes see "only feeling a little sick" as a win. Work in progress. As long as we keep getting more balanced on average and we're kind to ourselves I think we're doing well.