Dewdrop's diary

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Dewdrop

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I am wanting to take control of my physical well being. For 15 years I have struggled with my weight and having the aliments that come with obesity.

If I could foretell or have known 20 years ago that I would be today typing a post on a weight loss forum I would have thought "NO way would I let my body get to over 200LB." Yet here I am. I am not sure how much I currently weigh. I will do an update tomorrow for a starting weight.

I guess I can make a brief detailed introduction. I have not always been overweight in fact I was a skinny even as a baby I wasn't that chubby baby I was tiny. The smallest I weighed was when I was 19 and I recall being able to squeeze myself into a size 4 jeans to my 5'4 frame. Then a year later I started to gain weight, I guess it was from sitting on my butt and eating huge amount of junk food.

By age 22 I started to wear size 12 clothing, I was going through a lot a guy who didn't know if we were FWB/Dating, a supposed friend who was going through their own crap and dragging me into it. Meeting another guy who used me. I turned to food and with worrying my weight gained.

For a following of five years I was wearing size 12 clothing, until my husband (at the time boyfriend) bought me a brand new game console which had a fitness game and I become obsessed with it. So much so I dropped to a size 10 within five to six weeks. I was so happy that yes finally I was in a good weight for my height and built. Than outside jealous forces aka my mom kept telling me negative things about my recent weight loss and I gave up on the game and gained the weight within three months and added more.

Fast forward to now I am sitting in the 210s. My highest weight was 229 lbs. Miracle that I lost some of it.

However I am suffering the effects of my weight such as sleep apnea, hormonal issues and fertility problems. Plus of course low self esteem.

Starting tomorrow I'm breaking my habit. I'm going on a shake diet where I drink two shakes a day and eat a meal at night. I also am going to do some light exercise just to wake my muscles.
 
Hey DD, starting the diary is a good idea, I suggest posting your food here, for a time anyway.

Two shakes a day with only a light meal sounds like it might make a good kick start, do you have a plan after that?

Congrats on the 19 lb loss!
 
Welcome to the forum :)

While shakes are not good for long term loss, I hope they have the desired effect initially. You will receive a lot of support here, and help from members to develop a sustainable long term eating pattern.
 
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Hey Dewdrop, welcome to the forum!

I'm glad you started a diary and I think that you will find it quite beneficial. Can I ask how you've lost the weight before now? You said you've already gone from 229 to 210?

You will find that I repeat the same things A LOT to people who come on here... especially about taking on overly restrictive diets. I usually recommend making small changes to your diet and exercise and getting consistent with those first, rather than doing a huge overhaul. The main reason being that at the end of your "diet" you will still have to learn how to make those healthy changes and "diets" almost never teach healthy eating (or having a healthy relationship with food and hunger). BUT, I am also all for doing what works for you and will be here to support you in your progress!

Good luck and I'm looking forward to seeing you around here!
 
Hi, Dewdrop & welcome to the forum. Keeping a diary can help in more ways than one. I find it very therapeutic. Often we can think that we are alone in how we feel about ourselves & I know I am my worst critic. I come into the diary section & find not only am I amongst like-minded people, but I am able to support others. None of us pretends to be experts, but most of us have been through self-doubt & low self-esteem & can lift one another up. I have made many good friends through this place & am glad I found it all those years ago. Cheers, Cate.
 
Hey guys thanks for the warm welcome and advice. I agree small changes are good, I just thought if I do the shakes until I get to 185 and than it being more vegie filled diet along with exercise I think it could work.

Today I had two shakes, 1.5 L water. Dinner was two vegetable vegan patties, boiled cabbage, carrot, parsnip and a small corn. I did however have two apple crown desserts. I know not the best start off. Tomorrow it will be better as I have no desserts tempting me, hope it is a nicer day and I will go for a longer walk. Start of slow and build I reckon.

Hope you all have a great day. I did weigh in at 210 lbs. I did not take a photo as I was late for an appointment.
 
Hey Dewdrop (great nym) and another welcome! Not knowing what's in those shakes OR the veg patties are you keeping an eye on your protein intake? That and fat really tend to help stay satiated and content.
 
LaMaria said:
Hey Dewdrop (great nym) and another welcome! Not knowing what's in those shakes OR the veg patties are you keeping an eye on your protein intake? That and fat really tend to help stay satiated and content.
Click to expand...

There is a list of what is in them. All vegetables and some spices.

So an update, yesterday I was a glutton. My mom knowing I'm on a diet decided to be "helpful" and made home made veg patties (cool). mince/veggie pie, cakes, apricot jam tarts and rice pudding. Of course I couldn't resist.

Today I did take some patties and two mini mince vegie pies to my college for lunch. Along with four mandarins to snack on in class. I drank 1.8 litres of water and 330 mls of latte with 2 sugars.

Breakfast was a shake. Dinner two home made veg patties and a mince/vegie pie. Dessert rice pudding.

This isn't the first time my mom has done this. Years ago when I first started the shake diet (I was living with her than too) and I told her I was on and the starting date, she magically decided to make a chocolate cake and invited her friends over. Making sure I ate a slice and scoffing how stupid I was in front of her friends that I was doing this shake diet (It was a different brand of shake which I think is almost defunct).

I think what is more irratating the psychological aspect of this weight journey. When I lost my first big round of weight back in 2011, my mom would make snide comments "That weight is going to back on." When she didn't get the response she wanted "Oh you are only losing the weight for your boyfriend because he doesn't want a fat girlfriend." Again I didn't give the response she was looking for, so she used the "worried/concerned" route "You looked so much better being 185lbs, you look way skinner now".

I'm 5'4" I went from 185lbs to 163lbs. Clearly I didn't look great at all at 185lbs. I was so happy with that weight loss.

Because I felt so healthy, I looked great and I had energy. My mom on the other hand at the time was also overweight and the jealousy seethed through her. Today she has lost a lot of weight and how she likes to boast "I can't believe how much weight I have lost. I have to take in my slacks." Expecting me to give her praise or something. I don't make comment to her. I can go more into it at a later date.

Presently she has been telling me to lose weight, I commented about my skinny friend's outfit and how cute it was. Today she scoffed "If you were thin you could wear that too." It is just frustrating.
 
Oh wow, other people's lack of supportiveness and their jealousy can be so awful! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that! It sounds like you see what is going on, but it can be really hard to not let it get to you. I hope she stops acting like that!
 
Your mother's behaviour is very childish. I hope you can learn to let it bounce off you. I'm not good at that. It must feel to her that you are in some sort of competition with her. I have never understood that. Have you tried talking to her about it?
 
Sounds like you need to look elsewhere for support, hopefully you find this place helpful. There are a lot of people here who know what you are going through, and probably some who have been in your place.. I know it has to be hard to ignore what your mother is saying, but with respect to food it sounds like you have to, for a time anyway.

Best of Luck
 
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