Breaking the oldest of habits

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Rocky2

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So, I've been meaning to document my weightloss progress for a long time now, so much so that not doing so has led me to continuously fail. I've realised my biggest obstacle with my weightloss journey throughout life has been emotional management (or lack thereof). Food is and always was my go to comfort behavior. I didn't have the greatest of childhoods and I always coped with negative emotions with stuffing them "back down", a term I still coin now. Growing up in a unloved environment, I didn't really know how to respond adequately to emotion in general. Most of the time it was negative, but when it was good, I didn't even know how to enjoy it, so I celebrated with food too. Sometimes I just feel like it's a perpetual cycle of broken self-promises and self-hatred and it seems the older I get, the more I hate myself for allowing it to continue to be the same. I want to change and want to break these lifetime habits, but like most, I do not know where to start. How can I start the emotional healing to help me break these habits? I really hope by documenting my journey, getting input from others here in similar positions that I'll finally be able to overcome this. Because if I want my life to go the way I want and intend it, then the oldest most consistent problem of my life must be beaten. Otherwise, I'm living a shackled life, forever deemed to be just "average". So if I'm going to take control of my life, shoot for the stars and tear shit up, then first, I got to beat the only problem that I've never been able to beat for the best part of 30 years of my life. Day 1 is going to start tomorrow and I'm going to give it my all to make this, my final journey. I'm finally going to try my upmost best to change, to finally free myself of the life long shackles that have kept me grounded for far too long.

To day 1.
 
Hello, Rocky & welcome to the forum. There are not many among us who do not share most of your feelings. Learning to get food back into its proper perspective is one of our hardest battles. I think most of us grew up with food as a reward, food is good or bad etc. Food should be fuel & nourishment. I know that learning to find a healthy relationship to food has been one of my biggest challenges. It can be done. You will find it very hard to change your way of thinking if you are coming from a place where you are negative about yourself. Try to build your self-esteem. We are all worthy of self-respect & love. Look at changing your attitude to yourself & incorporate that with learning about nutrition & how best to move towards a healthy & happy you. Welcome to our friendly & supportive place. Cheers, Cate.
 
Hi Rocky and welcome to the forum! I agree that earning to self-soothe is crucial for long-term weightloss. Don´t forget, however, that you have value even when you live an "average" life. Many people do in one way or another, that´s why we call it average. And we couldn´t do without normal people doing normal jobs well and just being kind to the folks around them.
 
LaMaria said:
Hi Rocky and welcome to the forum! I agree that earning to self-soothe is crucial for long-term weightloss. Don´t forget, however, that you have value even when you live an "average" life. Many people do in one way or another, that´s why we call it average. And we couldn´t do without normal people doing normal jobs well and just being kind to the folks around them.
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Absolutely, and I have no quarrels whatsoever for people who choose to settle for an average life. But for me, myself, I want so much more. I do not want to be just average, I want to be phenomenal. And today is my first step towards a phenomenal life.

I appreciate everyone's input so far, it's nice to know there's always someone who not only understands the struggle, but aldo willing to accompany you through yours. Thank you.

Let's do this.
 
Food is very emotional! Loved what was said about it being fuel. Gotta rework my own brain on that thinking! Good Luck, Rocky! You are worth it!! We are rooting for you!!
 
Indymom8753 said:
Food is very emotional! Loved what was said about it being fuel. Gotta rework my own brain on that thinking! Good Luck, Rocky! You are worth it!! We are rooting for you!!
Click to expand...
Thank you for your kind words Indymom! Feel free to always stop by my entry and let me know yours so I can do the same!
 
Day 1.

Calories: 1200

Today I pushed myself out there. No-more feeling sorry for myself, feeling depressed and powerless. Instead of keeping myself defenseless through analysis paralysis, I pushed myself outside of my head and started leading my life through action. I got everything I set out to do and more! This, of course led me not to properly prepare meals for the day, but it's the first day so I can't expect a smooth ride so early on. Got the free lunch (around 500kcal or less) which I fed a good bit to the pigeons. After getting shit done and going to the gym (for the first time since signing up a month ago!), I went grocery shopping then proceeded to go home to prepare (a very late dinner) as well tomorrow's meals. The only real downside to my day is caffeine. I don't drink coffee or anything remotely caffeinated, but today the tiredness set in (seem to always get tired late afternoon!) and I refused to not accomplish what I set out to do for the day. So I got a coffee and powered through what I needed to. The trade off I hear you say? intense anxiety. Coffee gives me bad anxiety, hence why I quit in the first place. But it really helped me get my shit done. So the real conundrum here is, did I only get what I wanted to get done because of the coffee to help push me through? If so, what happens if I don't have one again? Well, tomorrow will tell. I'm considering just drinking decaff and seeing how that goes. Can anyone else share their experiences with caffeine? All in all, today was a huge success! and I'm extremely proud of myself. But consistency and preparation wins the game.

To day 2.

(+800) excluding exercise.
 
Try brewing the half decaf - half regular coffee. I am addicted to my coffee, but I limit myself one cup in the am, and one in the pm. Great job getting to the gym! I decided if this is truly a lifestyle change to get to the gym, then I can start out slow as long as I make myself increase the intensity after 2-3 weeks, then repeat. I'm only 11 weeks in, so in no way an expert, but it helped me go back... not being miserable while I'm there.
 
Rocky, to me 1200 cals does not sound like enough & is possibly causing the tiredness, especially if you are going to the gym.
Here's part of an article I found-
"Dietary suggestions for fighting fatigue
Have a good look at your diet – it’s very important if you want more energy in your daily life. Suggestions include:
  • Drink plenty of water – sometimes you feel tired simply because you’re mildly dehydrated. A glass of water will help do the trick, especially after exercise.
  • Be careful with caffeine – anyone feeling tired should cut out caffeine. The best way to do this is to gradually stop having all caffeine drinks (that includes coffee, tea and cola drinks) over a three-week period. Try to stay off caffeine completely for a month to see if you feel less tired without it.
  • Eat breakfast – food boosts your metabolism and gives the body energy to burn. The brain relies on glucose for fuel, so choose carbohydrate-rich breakfast foods such as cereals or wholegrain bread.
  • Don’t skip meals – going without food for too long allows blood sugar levels to dip. Try to eat regularly to maintain your energy levels throughout the day.
  • Eat a healthy diet – increase the amount of fruit, vegetables, wholegrain foods, low-fat dairy products and lean meats in your diet. Reduce the amount of high fat, high sugar and high salt foods.
  • Don’t overeat – large meals can drain your energy. Instead of eating three big meals per day, try eating six mini-meals to spread your kilojoule intake more evenly. This will result in more constant blood sugar and insulin levels. You’ll also find it easier to lose excess body fat if you eat this way.
Eat iron-rich foods – women, in particular, are prone to iron-deficiency (anaemia), which can lead to feeling fatigued. Make sure your diet includes iron-rich foods such as lean red meat."
 
Indymom8753 said:
Try brewing the half decaf - half regular coffee. I am addicted to my coffee, but I limit myself one cup in the am, and one in the pm. Great job getting to the gym! I decided if this is truly a lifestyle change to get to the gym, then I can start out slow as long as I make myself increase the intensity after 2-3 weeks, then repeat. I'm only 11 weeks in, so in no way an expert, but it helped me go back... not being miserable while I'm there.
Click to expand...

Decaf it is for me!

As for the gym, it's better to start slow and finish with the victory of knowing you went, rather than overwhelming yourself with false expectation and scaring yourself from never going! How's it all going for you at the moment?

cate said:
Rocky, to me 1200 cals does not sound like enough & is possibly causing the tiredness, especially if you are going to the gym.
Here's part of an article I found-
"Dietary suggestions for fighting fatigue
Have a good look at your diet – it’s very important if you want more energy in your daily life. Suggestions include:
  • Drink plenty of water – sometimes you feel tired simply because you’re mildly dehydrated. A glass of water will help do the trick, especially after exercise.
  • Be careful with caffeine – anyone feeling tired should cut out caffeine. The best way to do this is to gradually stop having all caffeine drinks (that includes coffee, tea and cola drinks) over a three-week period. Try to stay off caffeine completely for a month to see if you feel less tired without it.
  • Eat breakfast – food boosts your metabolism and gives the body energy to burn. The brain relies on glucose for fuel, so choose carbohydrate-rich breakfast foods such as cereals or wholegrain bread.
  • Don’t skip meals – going without food for too long allows blood sugar levels to dip. Try to eat regularly to maintain your energy levels throughout the day.
  • Eat a healthy diet – increase the amount of fruit, vegetables, wholegrain foods, low-fat dairy products and lean meats in your diet. Reduce the amount of high fat, high sugar and high salt foods.
  • Don’t overeat – large meals can drain your energy. Instead of eating three big meals per day, try eating six mini-meals to spread your kilojoule intake more evenly. This will result in more constant blood sugar and insulin levels. You’ll also find it easier to lose excess body fat if you eat this way.
Eat iron-rich foods – women, in particular, are prone to iron-deficiency (anaemia), which can lead to feeling fatigued. Make sure your diet includes iron-rich foods such as lean red meat."
Click to expand...

I usually always hit my calorie goal or more ;) that day was really an exception to the usual, but you are right, 1200 isn't enough.

Water - Definitely not something I drink enough of.
Caffeine - Cut it out for half a year, still tired during the day.
Breakfast - Needing breakfast is a myth I'm afraid! Intermittent fasting here between 12-8.
Don't skip meals - 2 to 3 meals a day totaling 1500 kcals
Eat a healthy diet - I subscribe to what is considered the "optimum" diet for human consumption. 100% plant based.
Don't overeat - I can be a bad overeater! With the calorie restriction placed at the moment, this doesn't seem to be pose much of a problem. But I can recall times when it did...

Thank you for your input Cate! I really appreciate it :)
 
Day 2.

I'll keep this entry short and sweet (posted on the morning of day 3!). Got most of my shit sorted that needed sorted. Tomorrow is the last day of the catch up and I'll be back in the race. Gave the gym a miss because my body was aching. As important as it is to reinforce good habits, it's equally as in important to listen to my body. To me, it said rest up, so I did. But gym tomorrow for sure! As for my food intake, got the usual free meal which I calculate to be around 500kcal, give or take. Got home, had avocado, sweet chilli salad, pasta and a slice of toast. 2 icelollies around 90kcal each. So in total, give or take around 1000kcal. Another awesome day in the bag. Looking forward to day 3!

To day 3.
 
Rocky said:
Decaf it is for me!

As for the gym, it's better to start slow and finish with the victory of knowing you went, rather than overwhelming yourself with false expectation and scaring yourself from never going! How's it all going for you at the moment?



I usually always hit my calorie goal or more ;) that day was really an exception to the usual, but you are right, 1200 isn't enough.

Water - Definitely not something I drink enough of.
Caffeine - Cut it out for half a year, still tired during the day.
Breakfast - Needing breakfast is a myth I'm afraid! Intermittent fasting here between 12-8.
Don't skip meals - 2 to 3 meals a day totaling 1500 kcals
Eat a healthy diet - I subscribe to what is considered the "optimum" diet for human consumption. 100% plant based.
Don't overeat - I can be a bad overeater! With the calorie restriction placed at the moment, this doesn't seem to be pose much of a problem. But I can recall times when it did...

Thank you for your input Cate! I really appreciate it :)
Click to expand...

Going good, I think! I hear you on listening to your body, but mine is sore all the time. Not really pain (like joint or back), but my legs ache all night every night. I'm doing 4x per week, 45 min walk on 8% incline, 2.7 mph. I do two days on and then a day or two off. I take meds sometimes just to get some sleep! How much pain/soreness should one deal with? I have been treating myself to an asian foot spa (reflexology massage) every other week. They are cheap around here $30/hr so I can afford it. It helps some with the soreness. I am so nervous to switch to weights as I can't deal with "so painful you can't move the next day" pain! Probably what you're experiencing today!
 
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